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manuel_suplico2
Dragon Tamer
Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 8:07 pm Posts: 122 Location: just imagine it.
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Well this is one of the poems that I created for my up-coming fan fic: The Dragon Tales:
High above the grass ……..
And further from the sea
Years have to pass……….
To find me………………..
Not a single genius ………………..
Is one of the needs................
Or a single word……….
Is to be spoken……….
But a rare and small flute
Is to be heard…….
Then I shall……….
Be seen.………….
Edit:I took off two lines, it's not about a genius (sorry wrong spelling), i'm just not sure if I could post my Dragon Tales fanfic too scared to put it up. But anyways thanks.
_________________ I play Guitar Hero: Aerosmith. Add me and here's my FC: 4597-1845-4478 I play Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Will post my FC later.
Last edited by manuel_suplico2 on Fri Aug 17, 2007 11:40 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:02 pm |
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dunsparce
Pokemon Master
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:24 am Posts: 1152 Location: IN THE EMOTIONLESS TRAWLING FERVOR'S OF MY INSANE MIND.
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I think it's ok but a little hard to understand. What's a genious? I give it a 6-7/10 until I know what that word means.
P.S. Glad to see someone else is doing poetry .
_________________^DarkCosmos, Poems^
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Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:05 pm |
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Crimson
Pokemon Ranger
Joined: Sun May 07, 2006 2:33 pm Posts: 716 Location: USA EST
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I don't really get it...but then again I'm not that good at poetry. I think he's trying to say 'genius.'
_________________Link changed to my library.
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Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:35 pm |
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manuel_suplico2
Dragon Tamer
Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 8:07 pm Posts: 122 Location: just imagine it.
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This is one about the legendary battle of Rayquaza and Deoxys:
A crater has come
And arrives with no harm
The sky attacks
With an immense flash
Into a city
The battle continues
The Sky keeps on returning
Never to give up
The other continuously hits
With it’s psychic blasts
Searching for a copy
Of itself
One that’s real
And not a fake
The egg hatches
And the other aware
Looking for the egg
So did the other one
The fate now a truth
For the two have united
And the search over
But the battle continues
The Sky has stopped
And returned to it’s home
And the other two
Now happy
In a special place
They now call home
It's quite long sorry about that. But anyways happy reading
_________________ I play Guitar Hero: Aerosmith. Add me and here's my FC: 4597-1845-4478 I play Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Will post my FC later.
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Sat Aug 18, 2007 12:09 am |
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dunsparce
Pokemon Master
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:24 am Posts: 1152 Location: IN THE EMOTIONLESS TRAWLING FERVOR'S OF MY INSANE MIND.
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I think it's kind of weird, and a bit sketchy. What I think you need to do is to start convaying a certain emotional image, like this one might be anger. This one was harder to understand then the first one, you have good word play but not too good flow. 5-6/10 for me.
_________________^DarkCosmos, Poems^
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Sat Aug 18, 2007 5:32 am |
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manuel_suplico2
Dragon Tamer
Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 8:07 pm Posts: 122 Location: just imagine it.
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thanks for the tip though. since you keep looking at my poems and rating them maybe I'll PM you the meaning of the first poem . Ohh and here's my third poem ( I am expecting that dunsparce will rate this again):
Under the sea
And right near a coral reef
A hidden temple
Can be seen
A crown of glory
Is it’s treasure
Only the chosen may enter
For it’s secrets must not be revealed
But for those who were not chosen
The only thing to do is wait
For the prince may grant it to you
That you may go to it’s underwater castle
_________________ I play Guitar Hero: Aerosmith. Add me and here's my FC: 4597-1845-4478 I play Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Will post my FC later.
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 3:43 pm |
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dunsparce
Pokemon Master
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:24 am Posts: 1152 Location: IN THE EMOTIONLESS TRAWLING FERVOR'S OF MY INSANE MIND.
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Better, easier to understand, better flow and you stopped rhymeing. But I'm still not feeling the emotion, the zeal. Try useing more dramatic words, what I do is try to feel the feelings of the person/thing/state of being I am writing about and the words come nauturally. 7/10.
_________________^DarkCosmos, Poems^
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Mon Aug 20, 2007 9:06 am |
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magikoopa
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its like has no point to it like hikyu
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Mon Aug 20, 2007 4:56 pm |
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manuel_suplico2
Dragon Tamer
Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 8:07 pm Posts: 122 Location: just imagine it.
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thanks to all of you anyways here's my 4th poem:(hope this goes better, sorry for the very late reply had to review for our periodicals)
Lucario
It dwells with aura
Can sense a lot
Up to serve
And to help
It's trainers or
His treasured friends
_________________ I play Guitar Hero: Aerosmith. Add me and here's my FC: 4597-1845-4478 I play Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Will post my FC later.
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Wed Sep 05, 2007 5:16 am |
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Dragon Champion
Psychic Trainer
Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2007 6:47 am Posts: 62 Location: England
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These are good but they remind me of stuttering. It's like each sentence has a full stop after it and it makes it sound jumpy. It would be nicer if it was smoother and perhaps longer sentences?
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Wed Sep 05, 2007 8:13 am |
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dunsparce
Pokemon Master
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:24 am Posts: 1152 Location: IN THE EMOTIONLESS TRAWLING FERVOR'S OF MY INSANE MIND.
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This one's, ok.....It's haiku like, I don't especially like haikus. This is honestly not my field. But what from I can see it's, average.
_________________^DarkCosmos, Poems^
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Thu Sep 06, 2007 2:06 pm |
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manuel_suplico2
Dragon Tamer
Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 8:07 pm Posts: 122 Location: just imagine it.
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Anyhow. Thou shalt try again. One more has been created. And thee shall show these poems to the Lords and Mortals:
Kingdra
A mix of Water and Dragon has been created
That dwells and goes around the sea
It's objectives:To Seek and look for friends
And a trainer that would love thee
From A small but brave knight
To a giant that is favored a lot
From little and weak attacks
To it's strong armored body
It will be remembered forever
For all it's brave trainers
For the trainers strived to capture
This Pokemon we call Kingdra
_________________ I play Guitar Hero: Aerosmith. Add me and here's my FC: 4597-1845-4478 I play Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Will post my FC later.
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Sun Sep 09, 2007 1:40 am |
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