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 The Red Dwarf Saga 
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Pokemon Master
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Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:55 am
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Location: Stafford, UK
hi, kryten2x4b here, this story is based upon the RedDwarf tv series, and i will be playing kryten, the character that i based my name upon, this will be quite funny but i hope you will enjoy it.


Thu Jun 09, 2005 2:52 pm
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Gym Leader
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I don't know about this Red Dwarf series, but I'd like to (it seems to be famous around here). Where can I find something about it? (I'd like to read the fiction)

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Thu Jun 09, 2005 3:01 pm
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Pokemon Master
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go to http://www.reddwarf.com

EDIT: i have a pic of the crew starting from left: Kryten, cat, lister, rimmer http://tinypic.com/5v3ccg


Thu Jun 09, 2005 3:18 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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I can't join for 2 reasons:

1.) Because I need to be Kryten if I am to be in it
2.) I'll PM it to U

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Fri Jun 10, 2005 8:40 am
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Pokemon Master
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i'll think you'll find that its a story kryten :D


Fri Jun 10, 2005 9:03 am
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Pokemon Master
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here are the character bio's:

Dave Lister
Rank: Third Technician
Race: Human (barely)
Status: Single
Actor: Craig Charles

Dave Lister is your average bum. Found in a box under a snooker table, he was raised and then decided to join Red Dwarf. He has no sense of hygiene whatsoever. His most respectable piece of clothing is a T-shirt with only two curry stains. He smokes, he drinks, and spends all day eating sugar-puff sandwiche and curry, and drinking Lager. He is a moral man, and always has good intentions. He doesn't think he is capable of killing. He is far from an angel though, as he is envolved in a lot of criminal activitites, such as robbing cars, robbing beds from hotels, etc. The love of his life, Kristine Kochanski barely knows he exists. He never got the courage to ask her out, as he believed she was too respectable for him, and now he regrets it, and is always waiting for ways to find her (eg make her a hologram). Lister, however is not perfect. He once went into a Wine Bar. He almost started having "Relationships" instead of going out! However, he got off lightly, only having to play squash on thursdays with someone named Gerald. He is a master of pool, and once played it using planets as the balls! Lister is also the God of the Cat race. To them, though, he is known as "Cloister the Stupid". He is mainly a rebel, and he even taught Kryten to be the same. He can't stand work, and can never take orders (especially Rimmer) which probably is the reason for his low rank.
my favourite quote:
"No way are these my boxers. These bend!"

Arnold Judas Rimmer
Rank: 2nd Technician
Race: Hologrammatical Human.
Status: Dead.
Actor: Chris Barrie/Simon Gaffney

Arnold Judas Rimmer is the scum of the Earth. He is the most lowly life form that ever existed, with absolutely no sense of honour, loyalty, or even dignity. He is described by Kryten as "a piece of sputum on the toilet bowl of life". He "knows sod all" about space-travel, and he sat and failed his astro-navigation exam 13 times. He is a lonely, uncharismatic git, who delights in impressing rules and regulations (though he can never get the numbers of the Space-Corps directives right). He is despised by everyone, and his first lover was Yvonne McGruder, who thought he was someone else. Even that only lasted 12 minutes (including the time for the pizza). His nickname as a child was "Bonehead", though he wanted it to be "Ace". He knows he this much despised, and blames it all on his parents, and his upbringing. He is far less successful than his 3 brothers, John, Frank and Howard. He has no idea of self-sacrifice, and would even backstab his own crew, in one case sneaking off in an escape-pod, while Lister, Cat and Kryten are left on a collapsing ship with a human-hating simulant. He has no pity, and would "happily shoot him if he was on the job". (When about to attack someone from behind who was asking for peace, Rimmer's only regret was that he was awake). He also once tried to cheat in an exam even though it would mean the termination of another hologram. His justification were the famous words of St. Francis of Assisi... "Never give a sucker an even break". He is the type of person who, in a charity telethon or something, would phone in, but not give his own credit-card number.
He has an obsession with war, especially Napoleon. He loves to play wargames, and keeps a diary of his Risk games, keeping every detail right down to each roll of the dice. His family heirloom is a set of toy soldiers.
His ambition is to become an officer, but is doomed to remain a 2nd Technician (well now he is anyway since there is no one to promote him). A terrible coward, he would do anything to escape trouble, even desert his own crew. He would never last if he was tortured, and he would surrender to anyone who would attack their ship.
However Rimmer has got some compassion, he gave up his greatest wish (to be an officer) for his love, Nirvanah Crane. Also, he was the one who suggested an attack on their own evil, future selves, even though their ship was much inferior to their future selves' one.
my favourite quote:
"Never mess with anything with more teeth than The entire Osmond family!"

The Cat

Rank: None
Race: Cat
Status: Single
Actor: Danny John-Jules

The Cat is the most self-centred, shallow person you'll ever see. He believes he is God's gift to everything. His first and foremost thought is always what clothes he is wearing, and how they look. He loves himself so much that he is his own perfect mate (see the episode Camille). As far as he's concerned, he is the single most important entity in the Universe. So narcisistic is he that he was so appalled when he saw how bald and fat he had become in Out of Time he thought it was a worse catastrophe than Lister losing his entire body! He is also rather dim. He had two bright sparks of thought in Gunmen of the Apocalypse and thought it was amazing he had them in the same life-time. ("Twice in one life-time? When you're hot, you're hot!"). In the first two seasons, he plays little part in the stories, but in the third season on, he comes more into things. In the sixth season, he seems to inherit some kind of sense of smell, which he didn't have before then. His least favourite person on the ship is Rimmer, who he has given various nicknames such as "Goalpost-head", "Alphabet-head", and in one case "Trans-am-wheel-arch-nostrils" or "laundry-chute nostrils". He has absolutely no respect for him at all.
my favourite quote:
I'm a shallow guy, but a shallow guy with a great ass!


Kryten

Rank: Service Droid
Race: Mechanoid Series-4000
Status: In service
Likes: Ironing, Cleaning, Basically Serving.
Dislikes: ??? Can't think of anything! (PM me if you have something)
Actor: Robert Llewellyn / David Ross
When Kryten came into it first, he was a wreck. He was taking care of three dead girls for three million years and didn't notice that they were dead. The Crew adopted him, and he voluntarily became their slave. Lister tried to talk him out of it, but Kryten's philosophy was "I serve, therefore I am." He dreamt of being a gardener, and finally he rebelled against Rimmer by drawing a picture of him on the toilet. The rebellion didn't last long, as he always would make breakfast, do the ironing, and was concerned when he went into the officers mess.
However, Kryten is a genius. He has the answer for everything. He has kind of taken the place of Holly as far as technical talk and new inventions are concerned. He has saved the crew on more than one occasion. He has the entire collection of space-corps directives not to mention the all-nations agreements, and is always correcting Rimmer on them. Lister has accepted the fact that he is going to continue to serve him, and has allowed him to do the laundry, etc.
Now Kryten has learnt to lie, cheat and be offensive (something he wasn't capable of before Lister taught him). He has really come out of himself in the last two seasons. He still considers himslef expendable (as does he consider Rimmer) because he is only an electronic life form.
my favourite quote:
Sir? May I recommend I load myself into the reverse-thrust tubes and you use my body as decoy-fodder? This will, of course leave me splattered across deep space and unable to complete today's laundry, for which I apologise in advance.

Holly

Rank: Hollogrammatical Computer
Race: Ditto
Status: Functional (in a manner of speaking)
Actor: Norman Lovett/Hattie Hayridge

Holly is the ship's hollogrammatical computer, with an IQ (supposedly) of 6,000, (the same IQ as 6,000 PE teachers). In the first two seasons Holly was a man, but after he met Hilly, his counterpart in Paralell Universe, he decided to remodel his face based on hers.
For a computer, (s)he's very human-like, with all the emotions of a human. (S)he gets offended, happy and lonely like a normal computer. (S)he keeps cool and calm in all situations, never getting excited or angry, but is good for a laugh, as (s)he once played a practical joke on the crew, by pretending that another computer had taken over the ship.
There is another side to Holly's personality, and that is his/her stupidity. It is often said that computers have no intelligence, and this is definitely true with Holly. Letting the crew believe they were about to be blown up by a self destruct device, running into five black holes without noticing them, and then finding out they were actually grit on the screen... Holly was once brilliant, with an IQ of 12,000 but (s)he had a life-span of only 3 minutes.
my favourite quote:
I've collated all of my database, and I've come up with three realistic alternatives. One: Sit here and get blown up. Two: Stand here and get blown up. Three: Jump up and down, shout at me for not being able think of anything, and get blown up.


Last edited by 2x4b on Sat Jul 02, 2005 12:36 am, edited 1 time in total.



Sat Jun 11, 2005 3:35 am
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Pokemon Ranger
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this show is awsome, but i moved, and now i cant watch it.

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Sat Jun 11, 2005 10:59 am
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Dragon Tamer
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WOW! other people besides my family have actually heard of Red Dwarf. [Snicker]beermilkshakes[/snicker]

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Fri Jul 01, 2005 9:12 pm
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Ace Trainer
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Cool. I'll have to read it when you're finished :D

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Tue Jul 05, 2005 5:51 pm
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