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 rubbish jokes 
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Sun May 03, 2009 7:34 am
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Kruggeikarp wrote:
ricabrightfox wrote:

dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd equals 100
so the guy hires him.


This joke took me a couple days to get.
I kid you not.

Hmm, I think some told me this one a long time ago, but I forgot how exactly it gose... but we'll try.

Three men were watching the Super bowl when a Special Report flashed on the screen;
"Beware, there is a Land Shark on the loose and he'll try anything to get you to open the door so he can eat you."
Moments later, the men heard a knock on the door, the first guy rises, with a grunt, to see who was there.
"Who's there?" the man barked through the door.
A low-toned voice mumbled, "Um.... I'm a cable guy."
The man opened the door and......
Chomp!
A little while later, there's another knock. The second guy gets up and goes to see who's knocking.
"Who's there" he asked timidly.
"Um..... I'm a cable guy."
"Nice try, but we didn't call for a cable guy"
"Oh, then.... um... I'm a plumber."
The second man opened the door and.....
Chomp!
A couple minutes passed, and there was another knock.
The third man fearfully got up to answer the door....
With a quiver in his voice he asked, "Wh-who's there?"
"Umm... I'm a cable guy"
"We didn't call for a cable guy!"
"Then, um.... I'm a plumber"
"We didn't call for a plumber!"
"Oh then.... um... I'm a... land shark.."
The man laughed as he opened the door, "No way! I gotta' see th-"
Chomp!

Probably butchered it, but eh. Made me laugh. :D


This joke is basically a skit from SNL, and it's one of mah favorites.


Okay, here I go. Some of these might have already been said, but eh.

The mean/bad jokes

~Want to hear a joke?
Women's rights. (The sad thing is that my sister told me this)

~How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.

~What's funnier then a pile of dead babies in a dumpster?
The one that's still alive at the bottom.

Less mean ones:

~How many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1, but it takes 3 episodes.

~What do birds, social security and civil rights all have in common?
They were things all shot down by Cheney

I suppose that I'll throw in a Chuck Norris one.
~They once made Chuck Norris Toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anyone.

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Sun May 03, 2009 10:29 am
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Psychic Trainer
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Location: On a little blue marble called Earth rolling through the playground known as the Solar System.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
It was taped to the chicken

That's the only one I know that won't offend anybody, so it's evil time! :twisted:

What's red, screams, and spins around really fast?
A baby in a blender.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One's fun to hit with a hammer, and the other's a watermelon.

What's worse than ten dead babies in a trash can?
On living baby in ten trash cans.

How did Helen Keller lose her arm?
She was reading street signs at 40 mph.

How did Helen Keller's parents torture her?
They rearranged the furniture and left the plunger in the toilet.

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Sun May 03, 2009 12:04 pm
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How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only 3, the rest are all true

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
3; one to get a ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

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Wed May 06, 2009 4:09 pm
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Why did sally flunk the grammar test?
she had no comma sense.

What did the critic say about the restaurant?
They serve the best koala tea! (quality)

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Fri May 08, 2009 10:05 am
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How many eggs does a stinky chicken lay?
a phew(few :( ) !

How stupid. I can't believe that entered our school paper.

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Sat May 09, 2009 9:03 am
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Q: What is the richest fish?
A: Goldfish

Yeah, those math problems have problems with the "jokes" you are supposed to get.

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Sat May 09, 2009 3:58 pm
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Location: Hiding in that dark corner of the room, waiting for you to drop your gaurd.
My old math teacher was a fountain of youth for these.

Q:What do you get when your parrot flys away?
A:Polygon

Q:What does an acorn say when it grows up?
A:Gee-Om-a-tree(geometry)

Q:How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A:You Neek(sneek) up on it.

Yeah I know...

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Sat May 09, 2009 4:07 pm
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My tutor tells the worst jokes ever!!!!

Q.what do you call a woman standing inbetween two houses?

A. Elane (A lane)


Q.What do you call a woman with one leg?

A. Eileen (I lean)


Q.what do you call a man without a shin?

A. Tony (Toe-Knee)


Q. What do you call a chinese man with one leg?

A. Tai-won-shoo (Tie one shoe)


Have you heard about the film "Constapation" ?

It hasnt come out yet.


the following is all one joke:

Q.How many elephants can you get in a mini car?
A. Four, two in the front and two in the back.

Q. How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge?
A. there is one set of footprints in the butter.

Q. How do you know if there has been two elephants in your firdge?
A. There is two sets of footprints in the butter.

Q. How do you know if there has been three elephants in your fridge?
A. There are three sets of footprints in the butter.

Q. How do you know if there hs been four elephants in your fridge?
A. Theres a mini outside!!!!


I know, they are sooooo (not) funny. Or at least bad enough to be good.

:D 8-) :D 8-) :D 8-) :D 8-) :D 8-)

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Fri May 15, 2009 5:58 am
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Da vines go up because their divine!

oh my god, i can't believe I didn't think of that earlier. I call myself a Mother fan. *crouches in corner weeping with dark blue aura*

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Wed May 20, 2009 5:23 pm
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How did the mathematician sort out his constapation?

He worked it out with a pencil!!!!

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Thu May 21, 2009 12:12 pm
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my sister was hugging her cat... and it peed on her. i started laughing and said " CAT SQUEEZINZ!! " to this day she hates it when i say that.

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Wed Aug 19, 2009 5:28 pm
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Init?
Yes

Why do you get when you cross a pokemon with a person?
A Pokeman!

How does a Vampire sleep?
In a coffin? No. With ya mam!

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Sun Aug 23, 2009 5:36 am
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I have a Joke but its more of a perverted joke than a rubbish joke :oops: , well here goes

What did the peniz say to the condom :?:

"Cover me I'm going in :!: "

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Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:52 pm
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Good **** god this thread was/is stupid. I don't know why you people can't let it die in peace.

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Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:59 pm
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