It is currently Fri Oct 31, 2014 3:08 am
All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]
|| Page 1 of 1
|| [ 17 posts ]
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:58 pm
Location: Puerto Rico
Under One Roof is a collaboration between Deoxy Warrior and Arctic Master
It's an adventure comedy based on the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon games.
Rated PG-13 due to comic violence and language.
The plot involves the basic Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red and Blue Rescue Team plot where some humans get turned into pokemon and have to figure out what happened. An element unique to this story are shiny pokemon. In the games shinies are really rare, but here, they are not only rare, but also have several other abilities and powers.
Chapter 1: The start of a long and painful journey
The sound of rushing water was heard in the distance, as the two Pikachu, one shiny and the other normal, lied there, a few feet away from the sound. The normal Pikachu grumbles a bit, before awaking, pulling himself up, smacking his lips. His eyes were nearly shut, as he groggily tried to open them. He shook his head, trying to wake himself up. He heard the stream, a good distance away, and stumbles as he walks toward it. He rinses off his face to wake up, only to see the horror that he had become.
"GAAAAH!! WHAT THE HECK AM I?!" he shouted. He panicked and tripped over the shiny Pikachu. "D'oh! HEY! GET OUTTA MY WAY! Can't ya see I'm busy blowing my stack, here?!"
"No, in fact, I can't see at all with your freakin' stomach in my face..." the shiny Pikachu said, underneath the normal one. He shoves him off. "Get off!"
"GAH! Pokémon can talk now?!" the normal one asks.
"What are you talking about?! You're the Pokémon that can talk!"
"Now you're confusing me. Let me lay down some stuff to you. One. I'm not a Pokémon. I'm a Human. Two, you are a Pikachu. A shiny Pikachu at that. And last I checked, Shiny Pokémon don't talk."
"Okay. Then let me lay down some rules for you," The shiny Pokémon said, "One. Call me what you'd like but I'm a human. Two. I don't know what humans look like, in your little endless space you call a head, but where I'm from, Pikachu don't call themselves human. And three, who are you callin' a Pikachu, pal?!" The Shiny Pikachu was getting in his face.
"YOU, pal," the normal one said. "And sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm only calling you what you are!" the normal one turned around, crossing his arms, "So, we'll leave it at that." The shiny one was getting annoyed and yanked the normal one's tail, "OW! ****!! What the hell?!"
"Do Humans have tails?! No, I don't think so!" the normal Pikachu returns the favor and yanks his tail, "OW! GET OFF!"
"HA! Likewise!" he shouted. It was then that they both realized.
"Wait a minute..." the shiny one said, "Yellow/Orange tails... Small, inconsiderate sizes... Claims to be human..."
"Holy crap... WE TURNED INTO FREAKIN' PIKACHU!!" the normal one shouted and then started running around in circles, screaming his lungs out, "THIS SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!!!"
After the two pikachu finished yelling they found themselves being hit by a vine by their backs
"Shut up you two. Or is it that you actually like having people think you're crazy?" asked the small dinosaur like pokemon which had just whipped the two pikachu.
"I could try explaining our situation to you, or I could give you the bird at you for whipping us... I'll go with option B." suggested the shiny pikachu and there after giving the small green dinosaur the bird.
The dinosaur thing obliviously didn't take it that well and whipped the shiny pikachu again with one of her vine whips, strangely enough the pikachu didn't even flinch.
"Ouch that hurt so baddly, I can't feel my leg I swear. Ouch, someone call me an ambulance. NOT!" the shiny pikachu said in a sarcastic fashion.
"WAIT! Before you attack the idiot, I have a question. Who are you and where are we?." Asked the yellow pikachu.
Being as she was, the dinosaur answered the non-shiny pikachu's question before attacking the annoying one.
"My name is China and we're in a place called Tiny Forest." answered the green dinosaur, there after hurling the shiny pikachu into the nearby river with the vines growing out of her neck.
The yellow Pikachu stared at the green Pokémon, shocked to quite a degree at her power, after the orange one was tossed into the stream I mean.
"So... Intros... I'm... Who the hell am I?" the yellow Pikachu said.
"What? What kinda idiot can't remember his own name?" asks China, as she retracts her vines. She still appeared angry, as her red eyes glared the Pikachu down.
"Well, if you stop glaring at me, maybe I can remember! And who the hell has a name like "China?!" What, where your parents on crack or something, when they named you?"
China drew near Mike, getting up close and personal, "If you decide on insulting me again, you'll end up like your little friend over there, drowning in the river..."
"GAH!" gasped the orange Pikachu, catching his breath, and clinging onto shore, "You are one evil Chikorita."
China turned to the orange Pikachu, smiling, "I'll take that as a compliment." She turned back to Mike, "You. Name. Now."
"Mike! It's Mike, dammit! Now leave me alone!" he shouted, shoving China out of the way. "I was busy panicking, if you hadn't noticed."
Swimming his way back unto land, the shiny pikachu took a second to relax afterwards he ran up to China and jumped unto her in dramatic fashion. Punching her in the face while mid-air, landing on his feet and facing China face to face seeing as they were both close to each other.
"My name is Zero Hunter, self proclaimed king of all those that is bad at your service." Zero said with a vague smile on his face.
"Ow..." China grunted, after being punched, "Why don't you try something better than simply panicking, like a retarded buffoon, then, why not?"
"Like what?! I got nothing, now! No kick-ass name to look toward. No PS2. No cellphones."
"I think we have that..."
Mike turned to China, "Really?! Well, then take me to the stuff, so I can steal it!"
She held in her chuckle, "NOT!" she laughed, as she walked away. Mike then attacked her, while her back was turned, trying to yank off her leaf. "GYAAAH! OW! GET OFF MY LEAF, YOU BARBARIAN! OW!!"
"LIAR!!! YOU SAID THERE WAS TECHNOLOGY HERE HERE, YOU SAID THERE WAS TECHNOLOGY AND PLAYSTATION 2'S!!!" Mike yelled.
Scratching his head and sitting on the ground Zero simply watched the show, he was not going to get hurt without inflicting as much or more pain than he was going to suffer. Instead he just cheered them on.
"Go Mike! You can do it! Tame that ivy dino thing and get the leaf on her head as a trophy! GO MIKE THE CHIKORITA TAMER!!!" Zero cheered on, whistling even. Mike screamed over to Zero, who he was having trouble tackling down China.
"STOP WHISTLING AND HELP ME!!" Mike yelled, struggling to stay on China. China then began beating Mike with her vines, trying to beat him off of her back.
As the two tussled, "Hmmm... let me see... I'm a pokemon and pokemon can use moves... now if only I remembered that moves a pikachu could use... hmmm..." Zero suggested, talking to himself in a quiet voice.
"GAH! JUST COME HERE AND HELP!!!" Mike shouted again.
"Fine..." Zero responded. He tackles China to the ground, both knocking Mike off and dealing damage. As he did, though, he electrified himself, and tackled China, the aftershock hitting Mike as he rolled off.
"GAH! Ow! That smarts!" Mike shouted, holding onto his head, though, however, noticing something in his right hand. He held it up high, swinging it around, "HAHA! I PULLED IT OFF! HAHAHAHA!!!"
China, missing the one thing that threw out one of her powerful attacks, started to get very angry. "YOU PULLED OFF MY LEAF?! THAT DOES IT!!" With that shout, the little nips around her neck all unleashed a vine, as the ensnared Mike and Zero, with the intent to kill by means of constricting, "I WILL BREAK EVERY FREAKIN' BONE IN YOUR FREAKIN' BODY!! YOU WILL DIE BY MY VINES, YOU EVIL PIKACHU!!"
Just as she was about to apply pressure, someone, far away, was calling her.
"CHINA!! CHINA!!! I brokeded my leg!" shouted a rather dimwitted voice, from far away. Approaching was a rather dimwitted looking Pokémon, holding his head, while jumping up on one leg, "I brokeded my leg! I brokeded my leg!"
The monster that was China calmed down, as the vines retracted back into her nips on her neck. She hurried to her friend's side, and examined him. "It's sprained. We'll have to go see a Blissey." She quickly turned to the two Pikachu, "Though, I don't like you, I'll be back to help you, being that you two will be running around, aimlessly, if I don't..." She uses one of her vines and snatches back her snapped off leaf, "Don't move..." she uses her other vines and picks up her Duck friend, heading out to a nearby hospital.
"... Now what?" Mike asked.
Before he could answer, something appeared that stole Zero's attention. A giant panicky butterfly around Zero's Size if not bigger. But along with being panicky it was yelling something.
"Where's my baby. Where's my baby!" the butterfly yelled.
Having heard the butterfree scream a few times to many, Zero decided to reply.
"SHUT UP! You are not the only one with problems lady and I don't give a turd about your problems. So get the hell off my property. Oh and about your baby. I killed him, yeah, how you like them apples?" Zero yelled back
Butterfree feeling insulted approached Zero and Mike.
"You are a very mean pikachu that deserves nothing more than a slow and painful death. Not wanting to help a poor butterfree, claiming this area as your own and claiming you killed my baby should be a crime" Butterfree complained.
Zero turned his faced towards Mike and whispered to him something.
"On a scale of one to ten, how much do you care about her opinion. I say Zero" whispered Zero.
"Are you even listening!?" Butterfree complained.
"No lady, you can burn in hell for all I care." Zero responded.
Her face then turned red and she somehow whistled and several seconds later, a stampede of angry bull pokemon emerged from the forest. Butterfree then stuck out her tongue and flew up to watch the show. Along with that Mike, who happened to be in the area, was also caught in the crossfire.
"... Crud." Zero said with a grim expression on his face.
"Double crud..." Mike said.
They then started running for the hills, as the Bull Pokémon came running towards them, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET ME INTO THIS MESS?!"
"BIRDS OF A FEATHER, MIKE! BIRDS OF A FEATHER!" Zero shouted back.
"TO HELL WITH BIRDS OF A FEATHER!" Mike ran ahead, then stopping to trip Zero.
"D'oh! MIKE! YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU D-" Zero shouted, though was trampled, before he could finish his sentence.
"HAHAHAHA-GAAAAAH!!" Mike said, as he continued running, though tripped over a stone of some sort.
The Bull Pokémon trampled upon them and even turned around to trample on them some more. Before anyone knew it, they were trampled on, almost completely into the dirt, with a few bull hoves in their backs. "Urgh..."
"You ***********..." Zero muttered, while he was in the ground, muffled while he was underground.
"Shut the hell up..." Mike muttered back.
End of Chapter
|Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:55 pm
Joined: Wed Jun 25, 2008 8:09 am
Location: In his imagination, imaginating things.
Good start, engaging, humourous.
Watch those tenses; it seems to me that this would be better all in the present tense, but it is your choice.
olim est virgo Troiana
quae incensus cogitat grama esse bonus.
incendit per noctam,
et sic excitavit;
invenit veru magnum ano.
|Mon Mar 09, 2009 8:35 pm
Joined: Tue Aug 01, 2006 11:09 am
Location: Hiding Out Until Things Cool Down...
Again, good start, but I found it hard to read. I didn't laugh, but I saw the humor in it. No offense, but it feels forced and REALLY corny in some parts. I think it would be better if you left all swearing out, I'm not partial for it and it doesn't exactly fit in a pokemon story. In my own, for instance, it's used for character traits, reality reasons, and even then it's mild compared to some of yours. Careful.
On a high note I really likes what you've done. DISCRIPTION, DISCRIPTION, DISCRIPTION! I Can't say it enough. It's something I struggle with, and keeps me continually going back to past stories (or my completed book) to add. NEVER assume that the reader knows what you're thinking. Again, something else I struggle with.
What is a pickachu? Chikorita? A Lake? NEVER assume.
All-in-all it's good! Keep it up!
|Tue Mar 10, 2009 2:58 pm
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:58 pm
Location: Puerto Rico
I might as well reply to the comments. First off Lord Tomato since I wrote his reply last night.
Lord Tomato: Thanks for your comment. Both I and Arctic Master appretiate it.
As for the tenses... I'm gonna be honest and admit that, this story wasn't written by one guy or by two guys writting it through instant messages. We rather posted parts and Arctic Master put them together in a folder and I just, edited and cutted them into chapter sized writtings. I didn't edit alot. I'll however, try to change that habit and try to make it all have just one tense.
Comedianmasta: I know how ya mean. Aside from a few parts, I don't see this as that funny. But other people do, so I satisfy with that. And for the cussing... Trust me when I say, I've come along way from when I a teenager and was the self-proclaimed Curseword Deity. I know some people don't like it and parents think it's hellspawn or something alone those lines, even alot of folks around me think its bad. BUT I don't see the big deal, I even wrote a rant about the seven dirty words. I'll try to limit them, but that's it.
And about descriptions. Well... this is pre-written stuff. I'll see what I can do when I edit it. I won't do much since I don't want to change this stories style. And really, I believe that giving too much description isn't that necesary. Isn't it good to let the reader get a picture of the character while giving them vague hints on how they look like. I would call this, having a writting style. I dunno, I mean, I never bothered to become that much of a quality writter, I write cause I want too and I don't feel like adding paragraphs after paragraphs of descriptions, note how I exxagerated that. I'll drop the topic at this since a war, I do not want to wage. Defend my beliefs. I do.
I'd say more, but this isn't a rant and I am rather happy to get some critique after spending almost, I dunno... a YEAR barely recieving it. So yeah, thank you Psypokes for not failing like some other sites I've been to. Now here's your reward.
Chapter 2: A day in the life of an orange colored rat
After a while of resting, Zero recovered his health to the point where he got himself of the floor. But then he faced the butterfree from before.
"Will you help me find my baby or should I call the Tauros back?" asked the butterfree from before. As she floated right in front Zero and looking rather sinister at this point.
"You are one evil butterfree who needs to die. But getting trampled once per year is enough for me. So just give me a lead will ya." Zero answered.
The butterfree then pointed one of her hands towards a deeper part of the forest, there were alot of trees and mounts of dirts, a dungeon of sorts probably.
"There. Return with my baby and you shall be rewarded."
"But before that can you do me a favor?" asked Zero with a sinister thought in mind.
Mike then grimmed at the thought of Zero's revenge plan, his favor could be beneficial for both of them, or pain indusing for him.
"Depends." answered the butterfree.
"How exactly do I use moves?" Zero asked.
A few minutes later...
"And that's how you use moves. Satisfied?" butterfree answered.
"Yeah... so basically... I try do the move manually or I say the attack and play out the execution of said attack and stuff... or something like that?" Zero asked.
"Basically... but you still only paid attention to twenty percent of what I said from what I see." butterfree replied.
Mike by this point overheard everything butterfree said and as in, learned how to use moves as well, well sort off....
"Whatever butterfree, I know how to use moves and that's all that matters. Anyway... I guess I'll be leaving to rescue your baby... I'm thinking your baby is... a larva thing? A chibi-butterfree perhaps?" Zero asked.
However Butterfree didn't have a chance to answer as they heard someone coming in from the path near the river. Turning around they noticed it was the duck from before and China. Not wanting to have seen China in at least, seven more years.
"Mike... if we die... let's just say we got killed by monkeys. We were surrounded by monkeys and we had knifes, but they stole them and used them against us and killed us that way. There were over one hundredth monkeys and we were surrounded and it was all my fault for thinking that taking directions from you was a good idea." Zero suggested.
"Let's hope we don't die, then..." Mike said, as China, leaf re-attached, and her duck friend, his foot covered up in bandages, "So, let me guess. You're going to slaughter us now, aren't you?"
"Nah." China replied.
"I remember one of my anger management classes. Either way, you two are worthless losers who won't make a name for yourselves, anyway, so it's no point in making your lives happier and sending you both to hell."
"What? That doesn't make any sense at all..." Zero said.
"Yes it does. It means I can torture you guys while you live, both verbally, spiritually AND physically!"
"... You are one hundred percent pure evil..." Mike replied.
"Yes, yes, I know..." China replied, with a devilish grin on her face.
"Well, if we may continue..." Zero said, "I'd like to finish this request, so we don't get trampled on again by Tauros..."
"... What are we doing?" asks the Psyduck.
"Rescuing some worm thing..." Mike replied. "And wait a second... This is OUR mission. In short..." Mike then picks up the Psyduck, as well as China, and hurls them a few feet, "HIT THE ROAD!"
China had hit the ground, first, Psyduck ontop of her, "Well FINE! See if I care! You losers can go look for your own assets! Me and Psyduck here are going to go on BETTER missions, with BETTER rewards! Come on, Psyduck!"
"But I wanna help..." he said, tears forming at the eyes.
"They won't accept our help, unfortunately. Let's beat it, before Macho man and his compadre, sir shouts-a-lot, gives us both a lecture... or finally finds out how to use his attacks..."
"I DO NOT SHOUT A LOT!" Mike shouted.
Zero grinned when he heard China said they didn't know how to use moves. Making a rather quick Do or Die plan, he immediatly went on the move with his plan. Rushing towards China with his right fist held low. Focusing on his right hand as much as he could while moving towards China, eventually he came to punch distance and said out his move.
"Fire Punch, Uppercut edition!" yelled out Zero, releasing an uppertcut upon China which somehow got her one or two feet into the air. But as he unleashed the uppercut he noticed his first was really on fire.
After China fell on the ground, Zero moved closer to Mike and took a moment to rest. Mike however was impressed, butterfree was surprised at the feat.
"What did ya say just now? We didn't know any moves? Then would you like to explain what happened just now?" Zero said in a mockfull tone.
Psyduck was in panic.
"Ay-yai-yai-yai-yai! China just got back from healing!" he said, loudly. He picked up China and fled.
"Whoa... Remind me not to piss you off too much..." Mike said, seldomly backing away, "Err... now, where was that wood place, again? Oh yeah, over there. Well, nice knowin' ya Zero, thanks and g'bye!" Mike said, speeding up his voice, as he backed away from Zero, and turned at the g'bye, fleeing for his life, "GAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Mike stopped, having already entered the Tiny Woods dungeon, gasping for air and out of breath.
"Gah! Phew... I think I got away..."
"Oh, did you now?" Zero asked from behind.
Mike creaked his head, turning to him, "Oh crap..."
"Say bye-bye, Mike," Zero then lifted his foot and stamped on the ground, opening up a massive tremor, at the edge of his foot.
Mike suspended above the fissure caused by the Earthquake, for a mere second, "... No fair..." he said, then falling down into the fissure, "GAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!"
"So long Mike. Now about that worm Pokémon..." Zero said.
Zero dropped the green caterpillar Pokémon in front of Butterfree, after escaping the dungeon.
"I got your baby back, now about my reward..." Zero said.
"You could've handled my baby with a little more care, couldn't you have?" Butterfree asked.
"Ow... I'm okay, I think..." Caterpie said. However, as he tried to move, a yellow hand, with small yellow fingers, took hold of him, as it emerged from the ground, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
The rest of the body popped out of the ground, as he pulled himself from the plummets of the earth's crust. "FINALLY!" Mike shouted, emerging from the dirt. However, he was attacked, by one of Zero's Fire Uppercut punches, knocking him into the air, as well as Caterpie. Mike had let go of Caterpie, in mid-air, but before it could become smeared all over the ground, from a huge splat, it was rescued by a pair of vines.
"I see you're a real hazard to kids..." China said, from a distance. She had a bandage on, where Zero had uppercutted her. Mike had landed, front first, burrowing into the ground. All but his feet.
"It was an accident..." Zero said, plainly.
"Accident my butt!" China said. She put down Caterpie, "Me and Psyduck, here, are going to teach you a REAL lesson, now!"
"'We?'" Psyduck asked, "He can use Fire attacks! AND Electric attacks! I'm not fighting that!" Psyduck cowered behind a tree.
"Oh COME ONE! I can't do this alone!" China complained.
Zero sighed at the thought of having to fight China, sure he had power, but she was guts.
"China, we don't have to fight you know. I dunno how or why, but thanks to this power I cannot be defeated. I am, Invinsible. Just give up and spare me the trouble." Zero suggested, sounding like if he was a sort of god among pokemon.
"Actually you are not, shiny pokemon recieve quadruple damage from every other pokemon type except the types they are strong on. In your case... flying, water and maybe something" Butterfree pointed out, much to Zero's dismay."
Both Mike and China got the message from that. Mike who had just... SOMEHOW gotten himself off the ground, moved closer to china.
"Tag-team?" Mike suggested."
"Butterfree consider yourself on my black list." Zero pointed out.
"Not in your life, pal. Though, seeing as though we both can defeat this jerk... fine." China said, shrugging.
Zero sighed, "I suppose this is payback, for dropping you in that fissure, huh?"
"HECK YEAH! THUNDERSHOCK!" Mike said, then using thundershock, on Zero.
"TACKLE!" China charged over and tackled Zero, full body.
"Urgh... what was that move..." Zero muttered, to himself, as Mike and China were attacking him. Unfortunately, he became paralyzed, due to Mike's thundershock attacks.
"Take THAT! And THAT! HA!" Mike said, continuously using thundershock.
"Alright, now for Razor leaf, to finish the job!" China said, as she swung her leaf, firing off leaf projectiles, from it. The sharp leaves crash into Zero, knocking him down.
"Ugh..." Zero said, paralyzed and unable to move. To add insult to injury, Caterpie tackled him, "Ow, you little worm Pokémon! I saved your butt!"
"That's for the bad handling on the way out!" it said, as it crawled away, tilting back it's head in disgust.
"I guess I should finish it... Sleep powder!" Butterfree said, befalling a spore of sleeping powder on Zero. Zero quickly fell asleep, completely incapacitated.
"And that's that..." Mike said, dusting off his hands.
|Tue Mar 10, 2009 3:41 pm
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 8:03 pm
Location: Somewhere out of arm's reach.
As co-producer of this fic, I believe I have a right to comment to other people's critisizm.
As DW said the story is a collaboration between me and DW. It was, originally, an RP and the first part of the story we were lazy enough to just copy, spiff up and then throw out to get comments when it was originally turned into a story. Later after a certain part we started writing our own parts to the story and made it a half/half collab. The job of editing it was also partially my fault and I appologize for that.
Now, for the critisizm.
Lordtomato: Thanks for that. We need to edit up the tenses. I put up the tenses in past tense, while DW put them in present. As I said, this was an RP and, unfortunately, neither of us put up a rule for tense, since we really could've cared less about it. As long as we had the general idea, it didn't matter. The story was just for craps and giggles now and again.
Comedianmasta: Good crit there. I've looked around the fic forum and noticed you were a pretty good critic here and there. (And did I see a story here and there?)
I apologize that you saw the story hard to read and seems somewhat forced. As what was said, about once or twice before, the story was originally an RP and I was too lazy to actually edit some of the parts. And as I also said, it was just for a good laugh between the two of us that we TRIED to fix up and make into a story. As for the cursing, DW just explained that bit, but on my part, I try to keep it on the low (if it's not in a person's character to swear like crazy all the time) and if I have to use the heavy ones, I bleep out. It's easy to tell who wrote what, from the way the chapters are written. Though, the only reason there's so much swearing here and there is to exaggerate it for humorous purposes. Sorry if it's not in your category for humor; everyone's different, I suppose.
And description... oh GOD, description. I'm surprised everyone didn't have to deal with this problem. Description was the only large problem that shut down one of my major fan-fictions, so I can relate to this. Alright, though I tried to avoid saying this redundant statement, but... The story is completely fan-based. Yeah, sad, I know. It blows absolutely no proportion out of the water and makes little impact whatsoever, but sue us, already, we were ever so LAZY. Assumption is our only air-tight-water-tight alibi to excuse ourselves from description. And we already know, it's a HORRIBLE excuse.
Other than that, I'm glad everyone who's posted so far is enjoying it. And we'll get to work on putting in edits as soon as possible. Just remember this. Your joy is our pa-I mean joy.
|Tue Mar 10, 2009 3:58 pm
Joined: Sun May 07, 2006 2:33 pm
Location: USA EST
Comedian's covered everything that I would've said, but I'd like to reinforce a point. You can never assume that your reader knows what you are talking about. We used to have a member on here from Venezuela, and, despite the fact that his English was quite good, he would sometimes have to rely on the context to understand. Not to mention, that some people read fanfictions before seeing/reading the original. I know that I had read a fanfiction about a character before I'd ever seen him. He ended up being my favorite one from the entire show! The chances of that happening with a Pokemon story on PsyPoke are prett slim, but act like that's not the case. Act like this isn't a Pokemon forum where everyone has probably watched at least 1 episode.
I know that writing descriptively is a drag sometimes. Trust me. I still hate it to an extent, but not nearly as much as I used to, thankfully. Description will help set the mood and give the readers a more clear view of the world you're trying to create. It will make it more believable to them, and that's important. Even if the world doesn't exist, it needs to be believable or no one (but you) will want to read it.
Some people find it easier to write down the bones of what is occurring first and then add in the description later. It doesn't work for me, but go ahead and try it. Also try writing a short story with absolutely no dialogue, internally or externally. That will make you completely reliant on good description to portray character emotion and interaction.
Link changed to my library.
|Wed Mar 11, 2009 12:15 am
Joined: Tue Aug 01, 2006 11:09 am
Location: Hiding Out Until Things Cool Down...
First, allow me to aplaude. Some of my favorite authors write together (for instance, the starfist series I love) and I just don't get how. I was not at all aware this was a two person effort, and came from an RP. That changes the ball game. We aren't in basball anymore, we're in.... cricket (idk, only thing that came to my mind.)
In thats ense, I have to say this was really well done, for two people. I couldn't imagine working with someone else.... but I guess if I soully worked around one project it would work. Ok... so I have to give this a little higher rating because of that. Again, I am interested to see how this goes out, and now even more. Keep it up!
|Thu Mar 12, 2009 4:29 pm
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:58 pm
Location: Puerto Rico
*Holy Hand Grenade explodes*
That was Arctic Master's comment when he saw your comment comedian. I feel the same way.
Crimson: A venezuelan kid? Oh nice, I ain't the only guy from the carribbeans. Yep, I'm from Puerto Rico. Home of Spanglish and sons of guns.
But really, you prove a valid point. BUT... you already pointed out the biggest flaw I see. The drag and slowdown of the flow for writting descriptions is a drag and I'd love to say more. BUT as pointed out like three times, this story was a private rp. We already knew who these characters were and it was only recently that w-... well I cared about spreading it around. So at the time descriptions were not needed, we already discussed these characters and the plot through instant messages after the 'parts' were posted and from the start I demanded that we not plan ahead. I mean, there are a few things planned like, going into PMD2 and getting vengance on Wigglytuff, the start of factions among the group and all of that. But nothing too major.
So basically... we took it one step at a time, we didn't plan to post it somewhere non-pokemon related. But fine, if it'll please. I'll try harder to add these descriptions... all while attempting to learn for my own stuff.
I'd like to mention this now. If any of you have red Avon and Marcus - Not your average adventure, know that, that was another collaboration I made with Arctic Master. Only difference is that, Avon and Marcus was meant to be a story from the very beginning. The reincarnation of another story. I was just the idealist and support manager.
Since comedianmasta mentioned the relationship thing. I guess I'll mention that the reason the story works is cause Arctic and I have been friends for a long time and our friendship started out as a student-sensei sort of thing. Where I wanted to learn from Arctic but things eventually evened out and yeah. Here we are.
Wow... that was pretty long for a comment... SORRY. I made up for it by editing the chapter, which took like an hour to do.
Chapter 3: Enter the nine-tailed fox demon wanna be!
It was only a matter of seconds after Zero was knocked out cold, put to sleep and had his orange ass kicked to New Chinatown that a catastrophe came upon the area where everyone was, as a shower of meteors of varying sizes came flying down to earth from outer space and if that wasn't bad enough, dark clouds mysteriously appeared in the sky and down came thunder and lightning. Needless to say everyone was screwed as the meteors crashed into the earth and inflicted major damage into the surroundings and the pokemon in it. But it was after the meteors fell that a flashing light came upon the area caused by the dark clouds that blinded everyone who was still conscious and in a matter of seconds a fox pokemon with a red and brown pelt with six orange tails as well as orange bangs and locks across it's forehead materialized into a safer part of the area where no meteors had fallen and was pretty near to the not so deep river.
"Hey Johnny! Turn down the volume on that stupid radio! I'm trying to sleep here ya know!!!" complained fox pokemon.
Shortly after yelling, the fox pokemon tried to go back to sleep but somehow couldn't and wound up waking up as there seemed no other options. But when it did, it noticed something wasn't right and started looking at its body and after a five second delay, let out a sharp and loud scream similar to the scream of a girl. Still in a panic it turned its head towards the river to see his reflection upon the water.
"This can't be real... This must be a dream! Yes! A dream... I am... a human male, NOT a red fox... A guy with a pelvis... I'm... not... joking myself... But then why am I on all fours? Why do I have bangs on my head... and more importantly... If I am a fox... then why am I not Kyuubi from naruto?! ARGHH!!! Why did this happen to me! WHY?! WHY!!! AUGH!!! Now now... gotta calm down... people will think I'm crazy if I keep yelling... but what if I really am Kyuubi from Naruto. Will I be a giant when compared to them? Is this river just an ocean? Do I have magical powers to take over the world? But more importantly, is my girly voice part of my new nine-tail demon fox powers? Does this voice melt the brain of my enemies? Wait... GIRLY voice?! No kind of self respecting nine-tailed fox kyuubi demon from naruto would be a girl and even if I was a girl kyuubi then what could I do?! I'm gonna face male monsters out there that will murder me in seconds. Yeah... wow... I really have issues... thinking women can't be better than a guy... but they can't. I mean, no female character from Naruto is HALF as powerful as the males ones. Maybe tsunade is strongs, but that's cause of her... I got side-tracked... back to the issue... I... am a fox... and I look... ridiculous... I don't even have my body on fire nor dies my face look menacing! I look like a freaking puppy! Wait... puppy? So wait... girly voice, puppy like face, non-flaming body... bangs of hair... The only logical reasoning to my situation is that I am NOT a nine-tailed fox demon called kyuubi and this is not the world of naruto. But where else could I be? Wait... haven't I seen a creature like this before... bangs of hair, puppy like face of sorts... green eyes... wait... Vulpix... then wait... this is... the pokemon world?NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" the fox pokemon said to herself.
Back with the others...
After the attack, Mike was put in a rather awkward position, being that he had been smashed up by the meteorites.
"I can't... feel... my pelvis..." Mike said, in a resilient voice, being in much pain.
"Speak for yourself, Mike..." China said, also twisted up in a very awkward position, "Psyduck, how are you holding' out?" To China's surprise, Psyduck didn't answer. She could've sworn he had gotten hit, unless he ran as fast as lightning, to dodge the attack, "Psyduck?"
"I think one of those Meteorites are over him. And I do mean in the worst of the sense..." Zero said, having woken up by the force of his own attack.
"Psy..." Psyduck moaned, while under a rock, "Bones... broken... Can't... feel bill... May... no...t... li..." Psyduck, at that point of time, fell cold.
"PSYDUCK!!!" China shouted, realizing her friend had died. She started crying, even though she was hurting all over. The pain only made her cry harder.
"Oh god. The waterworks have started and I can't move to get out of the way..." Mike said, as the river of tears moved closer to him, "I'm so gonna drown and die, next... Zero, once I do, stay away from my funeral."
Much to China’s dismay, Zero lived and due to the impact of the meteors, was shaken up enough to gain conscious. But not the ability to move, but thanks to his knowledge of pokemon fire red, leaf green and emerald, he remembered just the move that would aid him. Recover. Thankfully this was a move he could use without moving, he just needed to focus and in a few seconds, his wounds were all healed. Almost. But he was now able to walk at least, but as he got up the meteors got his attention, but not as much as Mike about to drown thanks to him being near the river and China who was now crying ALOT.
"I won't allow you to die by the hand of anyone else but me, got it Mike? Besides, drowning is a crappy way to die" Zero pointed out as he pulled Mike away from the river of tears that came from China's eyes by Mike's ears
"Thanks... Y'know, I might just have a new found respect for you, dude..." Mike said, still in pain but alive, as he was moved out of the way.
After pulling Mike away far enough from China so that he wouldn't drown, Zero stared into the landscape and noticed a fox near the river. He had also heard someone scream before, but he didn't care then cause he was busy. Now having time to spare, he approached the fox out of curiosity.
"So what were you saying before? I was to busy healing and all." Zero asked.
"That's none of your business buddy." The fox answered.
"I'm not your buddy, guy" Zero replied
"I'm not your guy, friend" The fox answered.
"I'm not your friend, buddy" Zero replied.
"I'm not your buddy, guy" The fox answered.
"I'm not your buddy, dude. Now stop the chain and answer my questions. Who the heck are you and what species are you?" Zero asked.
"Fine... well my name is Apollo Phoenix." Apollo replied.
"Apollo Phoenix? But, aren't you a girl?" Zero asked.
"What do ya mean? I'm a guy, a masculine guy with-" Apollo was saying till..
"A girly voice and girly hair." Zero intervened.
For a moment there was silence and Apollo almost fell to tears.
"...Fine... you win you cruel pokemon god... I'm a girl..." Apollo admitted in a saddened tone.
"Then what's your name?" Zero asked once more.
"Nell... from Star Ocean, Tsuna from Tsunade from Naruto and Kyuubi from the ninetailed fox." Nell answered.
"That's not a name, that's a made up nickname." Zero complained.
"But does it work or would you rather call me Apollo?" Nell pointed out.
"...What about this. You say, henshin a la good bye to the refferences, hasta la turd box Tsuna and to a crappy movie with Kyuubi and just call yourself Nell." Zero demanded.
"Fine... I'll just call myself Nell from now on..."
"Another thing, why are you acting so okay and neutral. You just became a girl and you aren't, I dunno; Scarred for life?" Zero asked.
"I'm just hiding it." Nell answered.
"...So... you are pretending to be a stuck up guy?" Zero asked.
"The changes are kicking in, but no... I still am a bit stuck up." Nell answered.
"You're a red fox with bangs for hair, change your personality and become it. That's an order." Zero ordered.
"Why?" Nell asked.
"Cause you are not scary or manly, like at all. You're a girl, so just accept it already." Zero answered.
"...I'll see what I can do..." Nell replied.
In another part of the same area...
"Okay..." Butterfree said, who had barely evaded getting hit the meteors, "I'll just take China to get patched up..."
"Hold on a sec," Zero said, "What about my reward and what was that move that made all the meteors appear"
"Right..." Butterfree pulled out a large purse, and placed down a few gold pieces with "P"s on them, and a few berries, "It's far from enough, but it's all I have, unfortunately... as for your question. That move is called Draco Meteor, or so it's rumored. It's a rare move that few dragon types actually learn."
And, at the sight of it, it seemed as though all of Mike's injuries had disappeared. He stood up and straightened out, as if he had never been injured at all, to snatch up the gold pieces and stare at them, with envy.
"GOLD!!" Mike shouted, "I'M RICH! RICH! RICH, I TELLS YA!! RICH!!"
Butterfree fluttered back a bit, startled by Mike's sudden outburst. Even Nell and Caterpie backed off a bit as Mike greedily eyed the money.
"Mike, it's only 250 Poké. The be-"
"SHUT UP!!" Mike thundered. "YOU SHALL NEVER TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME! I WILL SPEND IT ON RICHES OF STUFF!! AND IT'S ALL MINE!!" Mike's mouth began to foam like a rabid dog, "MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!"
"Say Mike, just how much do ya think that is worth here? Sure it's 250 poke but Butterfree said it was far from enough. So wouldn't 250 poke be a low amount of money here? Really think about it. It can't be that much money." Nell suggested.
"SILENCE YOU!!!" Mike yelled. "MONEY IS MONEY, NO MATTER WHAT!!!"
"If words and logic won't shut you up, then let's try pain and suffering!" Zero suggested.
Zero then approached Mike and put alot of focus on his right hand fist till it started glowing white, it was then that he ran towards Mike and punched him right into the face and sent him flying into a tree and make matters worse for Mike, Zero remembered another move and an idea to complement it. What if he shot something outta his mouth and made it seem like he was using a rapid fire gun. So with that thought in head, Zero aimed at Mike while he was leaning against a tree and started shooting Poke out of his mouth like a machine gun while aiming at Mike and he continued shooting for three minutes straight, all while leaving quite a pile of poke beneath Mike's feet.
"Mike two things. First thing, this is MY money since I did all the rescuing. Second thing all the money I puked up just now belongs me, BUT I will divide it between Me, China, Nell and you. Everyone getting 25 percent of the money and while I may not know how much money I shut at you, I'm pretty sure I puked along two thousand or so Poke, maybe more, but I am not sure. But it doesn't matter anyway." Zero explained in a rather loud and impulsive voice.
Mike jumped up, as if retaliating from an attack, "CHINA?! Why should we pay her?! She's not affiliated with us at all, whatsoever!" Mike said. He tried to wrap his arms around the Poké, "And it's all MINE, ANYWAY! SO BUTT OUT!" Mike started to foam at the mouth again.
"Do I have to use a submission on you, to put you back in your place?"
"TRY IT, TANGERINE BOY!"
At that moment, Zero cracked his knuckles and put on his game face, "It's on now, yellow boy."
Zero jumped at Mike, and clashed, as they rolled and fumbled around as Zero was putting Mike into a submissive hold. The rolling and tussling lasted for a good 25 seconds, before Zero finally had him.
"GAAH! GET OFFA ME! I WANT MY MONEY!!"
"And now, for Substitute," Zero formed another sub-copy to keep Mike in his hold. His real being formed, in front of Mike, "Now, as I said, we split it 25% each. You, Me, Nell and China."
"Wait. So, you're just giving me free money?" Nell asked, confused.
"Yeah, but on one condition. You join us and we start... something..." Zero explained, though didn't know what to say.
"Rescue team," Butterfree finished.
"We'll start a re-" Zero then stopped. He didn't know what the hell he was about to start,
"Wait, what the hell is a Rescue team?!"
"Well, there's been a lot of disasters, lately, and rescue teams form. Rescue teams rescue Pokémon in danger, as well as fill out requests, which usually lead to rewards. And as they say, the bigger the risk, the better the reward."
"REWARDS?!" Mike asked, breaking the submission and jumping up, in excitement,
"And cool items, too!" Caterpie added.
"KICKASS! Count me in!" Mike shouted, raising his hand.
"What about you, Nell?" Zero asked.
"Well, I got nothing better to do. Why not?" Nell said.
Zero then turned to Mike, "Hold on. You're still getting a cut of the profits."
"WHY?!" Mike shouted.
"One, everyone still needs to be paid. And two, you might spend our profits on something stupid... So no. You shall not be our financial advisor."
Mike sniffled, "I hate you guys..."
"We love you too, Mike. Now, China..."
China laid near the others, idly traumatized and emotionally hurt. "Leave me alone..."
"Are you still sad over Psyducks death?" Zero asked. China nodded. "China you're joining this team either you like it or not, so cheer up and let's get a move on." Zero demanded.
"Can't you see I'm hurt and it was all your fault! You killed Psyduck! I hate you!" China yelled while she glared at Zero and stood up off the floor.
"Alot of people hate me and your hatred isn't going to change things. Accept your loss and move on.""
China's eyes filled with mixed emotions of anger and sadness, tackling Zero to the ground and then body slamming him while he was down and out. Or so she thought... for what she attacked was rather a substitute that looked exactly like Zero.
"So... do you feel better now China?" Nell asked.
In a cliff overlooking the area where the others were, Zero being a quick learner made a substitute that looked just like him and then teleported to a cliff he saw earlier while dealing with Mike. Seemingly prepared to make China join him, he quickly made up a plan. He would use some psychic powers to brainwash a psyduck, make China believe this is her psyduck and have her get over her sadness and then, teleport the psyduck as far away from him as possible. And soon enough, a rather dumb yellow colored duck with paws, a big bill and a dumb expression appeared.
"Obey, Obey, I must obey, duck."
"That you do. Now, I'm just going to teleport you somewhere and I want you to say what I say and that will be it. Got it?"
"Yes master." answer the psyduck.
Putting his plan into action, Zero teleported the psyduck behind the meteor that killed Psyduck. After which, the psyduck mind slave approached China.
"Psyduck!" China yelled when she saw Psyduck, tackling him to the ground and giving it a hug of sorts.
"China I am not alive. I came here from the pond in the sky to tell you something." Psyduck said in a stern voice.
"Why are you so serious Psyduck? You're moving, breathing and talking, how are you not alive?" China asked.
"Ever heard of the Big duck in the sky? He can do everything and anything. I cannot stay here for a lot of time China. I'm going to return to the pond soon. But before I do I want to tell you to not worry about me and simply enjoy your life instead of worrying about mine." Psyduck answered.
"Psyduck?" China asked.
Knowing his plan was a success and that China might find him out, Zero quickly teleported the psyduck mind slave several miles away from his location and then teleported himself to where his dummy was. Now getting up off the floor and staring at China.
China's eyes welled up with tears again, "Psyduck..."
"So, China, Psyduck has spoken. How's about joining our team and helping us out?" Zero asked. China paused to suppress her emotions, "China?"
"..." China turned to Zero, "I know a place we can go..." China began to walk, "Come on, everyone. Let's go. I've got nothing left for this barren wasteland..."
"I love it when a plan works." Zero said to himself.
Last edited by Deoxy Warrior on Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
|Thu Mar 12, 2009 8:04 pm
Joined: Thu Mar 12, 2009 2:42 pm
Location: United States
Interesting first chapter. One thing no one else mentioned as far as I saw was the caps. It just bothers me and makes it look rather "sloppy" for lack of a better word, I dunno about everyone else. But then again, I did see in one of your posts, DW, that you prefer to show personality through dialogue instead of description, so I guess it's alright. I prefer description, but that's just me.
The characters are great. I love a good comic conflict (or whatever you want to call it). Chikorita losing her leaf struck me as odd, but still funny. The encounter with Butterfree was funny as well. Un-noble heroes (again, lack of a better word) will be a fun read. Good job and keep it up!
|Sat Mar 14, 2009 6:11 pm
Joined: Sun May 07, 2006 2:33 pm
Location: USA EST
It's a good habit to describe a person completely once, and, then, write small reminders later. That's true for RPs too. RPs are a great way to practice being descriptive because there's another person responding to you, and, usually, that helps make writing description less of a drag. It helps if the person your RPing with is also doing their best to be descriptive. I usually find it redundant to describe EVERYTHING. For example, if someone is using a quill to write, unless it has some significance, I won't go into details about it. Three paragraphs from now, what color the quill was won't matter. Once you get more in the habit of desribing things, it can be fun...at times. It takes longer, but, in the end, what you've written will be a lot clearer to the writer. So, just keep that in mind for future reference.
Link changed to my library.
|Sat Mar 14, 2009 10:08 pm
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:58 pm
Location: Puerto Rico
I never knew house design hunting was so annoying >_<, yes, that's the only reason I haven't updated this. Cause the house needs a humanoid two floor design and descriptions were meant to be vague till I figure out the name of a house design both I and Arctic can agree on wil look good for the teams rescue team base till it gets replaced. So yeah, excuse me on the house description. I tried, I'll just keep the vague description used originally.
Chapter 4: The house of a dozen idiots
The group arrived at a large two story house, somewhat like a house you'd see in the human world. Zero became curious by the design and Mike was amazed by the size.
"Wow..." they both said, in unison.
"Psyduck was the financial advisor, believe it or not. Though, our team is fairly new, he made sure everything was in check. Now that he's out of the picture, this base is now freelance and can be owned by anyone, now."
"Wait... how did you get someone to sell you a human world house or better yet, how did it get here?" Zero asked.
"We were told some stuck-up artistic smeargle whose tastes were as I quote 'not meant for this world' it was the biggest house for the lowest buck, so we bought it." China answered.
"...A french guy pokemon? Well that just explains everything..."
"However, being that we don't own it anymore, due to his death, it'll be foreclosed and sold again. However, we can buy it back."
"Say what?! How much do we need to pay?"
"Oh, a good 1250 Poké should cover for it..."
"WHAT?!" Mike shouted, "Zero, how much do you have?!"
Zero opened up his wallet and pulled out the Poké from before, "Exactly 1250 Poké."
Mike started to cry, "Good bye, money..."
"Wait, so that means we won't get paid?" Nell asked, "Then how are we supposed to make a living, then?!"
China nudged on a mailbox, "Butterfree should've sent for a Pelipper to come right about..."
As China looked the time, on the side of the front door, which struck for 3 o'clock, on the hour, a large, white, yellow-billed Sea gull Pokémon flew in the distance, flappy it's wings and gliding to the mailbox. It lands on the post, popped open the mailbox and dropped in a case of some sort inside the mailbox. Afterward, he looked up from the mailbox, to China.
"Heya, China! Sorry about the news! Team Island Dreamers will have to disband, you know..." Pelipper said. He seemed to hold the same emotion, ignorantly blissful as he seemed, as he talked.
"Yeah, I know. However, the house stays..."
"Yeah. It appraises for 1250 Poké, right?"
"Right, but I don't know how you're going to get that, right now... Otherwise, I'll have to send the papers to Wigglytuff."
China snatched the Poké, with her vines, and handed it to Pelipper, "1250 Poké, right there."
"HEY!" Zero and Mike shouted.
"Okay. I'll hand the money to Wigglytuff and tell her that the house is still owned. Oh yeah, and before I forget, I think you might want to open that box, in there."
Nell dug into the mailbox and pulled out the case with her mouth, feeling it really inconvenient not having hands. She opened it with her nose, revealing a small tag, a poster of some sort and four badges for the new team.
"Alright! This is the stuff that's needed for the new rescue team!" China said.
"So... what do we do with it?" Mike asked.
"I'll explain. Those badges symbolize yourselves as team members. With them, you're qualified for rescuing Pokémon!" Pelipper explained, "As for the poster and tag, well that's for your Team name!"
"How about Team Candlejack!" Mike suggested.
"HELL NO!" Everyone, including Pelipper, shouted.
"Team Kindness?" China suggested.
"Too... Nostalgic..." Mike said, "No."
The group pondered what their Team Name should be.
"What about Team Gaia Force?" Zero suggested.
The others nodded and agreed.
"So it's decided then, Team Gaia Force is open for bussiness." China declared.
"So... who's going to be the leader?" Nell asked.
"Eh... Me or China I guess, not like Mike is capable of being leader without making all of into his slaves. Nell hasn't exactly shown us to much of her personality to know if she would make a good leader. China knows alot about this world and would be a good leader, as for me... I founded the clan by paying for the base and suggesting the idea after Butterfree explained, plus I owned Mike like three times this far, so that I believe makes me capable of being leader." Zero explained.
"Try becoming a girl AND a fox and then being forced to accept my fate as a girl and not just be a tomboy. I swear I've slipped like ten or twenty times already. Walking on four legs ain't easy." Nell complained.
"Becoming a girl and fox? So you're saying that you weren't a pokemon originally like these two?" China asked, feeling somewhat curious about Nell.
"Yes. I was a human male before." Nell answered.
China then stared at Nell for a moment.
"Oh... well that's awkward... hope we can get along well then. I'll even teach you on how to be a girl and walking on four legs" China offered.
"Do I have really to become more like a girl? It already sucks that I can't become a tomboy." Nell moaned.
"Yes you do, cause I don't support transvestites or yuri related things." Zero answered.
"Fine then... I'll take you up on your offer." Nell answered.
"Well getting back on track. Who's going to be the leader?" Zero asked.
"Maybe we should have a vote" China suggested.
"China's got my vote since I want girl supremacy and that's what a normal girl would say right? Either way China has my vote." Nell answered, questioning how a girl would act towards that question.
"I'll vote myself." Zero stated.
"I vote for myself..." China said, raising one of her paws.
"ANYONE, but Zero..." Mike said, with a heavy sigh. He then thumbs over to China, "China."
"Mike, you traitor." Zero said, glaring at Mike. He didn't seem the least phased.
"As I said, Zero, screw birds of a feather." Mike said, plainly. He walked into the house, preparing to clean it and make his own additions to the place, "Say, is there a place where I can buy some crap, to put in my room?"
"Oh yeah!" China said, "Let's decide on who gets what room."
"How many rooms are there?" Zero asked.
"Around nine bedrooms, four toilets, a laboratory and two kitchens. Including the living space, I'd say that's about sixteen rooms."
Zero double-took to China, "All of that just for 1250 Poké?!"
"What can I say? I'm good at negotiating for bargains," China said, with a sly smile.
Mike was posting a sign on a bedroom doors, making it his room.
"Ha! That's more like it!" Mike said, proudly claiming the room. "Remember, everyone, this is MY room! That means DON'T STEAL IT OR ANYTHING IN IT!"
No one appeared to pay him any mind. China, however, went upstairs to claim her old room. Nell claimed a room somewhere near the stairs, and Zero has yet to claim a room, yet. He appeared to be waiting for something.
"Zero! Keep your distance!" Mike snarled.
"Like anyone wants your room, anyway..."
"It's only the best room in the house." Mike said, proudly. Zero didn't look phased. Instead, he kept moving through the house, to check things out. "STAY AWAY FROM MY ROOM, YOU BASTARD!!" Mike shouted.
"The best room you say? Hmmm. Give me a second to change that." Zero whispered to himself.
Using the power of teleportation. Zero teleported a whole bunch of water from the river into Mike's room and then blocked off the windows and the door so the water didn't leak out till Mike entered it.
Soon after Zero left Mike downstairs and continued to look for his room, he didn’t take that much time to find his room though cause just when he went up stairs he found a room near a fence thing that overlooked the living room. So basically, he could watch TV from upstairs in the corridor where the fence was. The only negatives to that room was that China has a room near his, but that wasn’t a heavy price to pay for easy access to the living room and the TV in it. So after entering the room the first thing Zero did was make a substitute and have it hold a sign saying “Zero’s Room. Self destruct sequence will begin in 3, 2, 1, YOU SUCK!”.
In Nell’s room, Nell was just talking to herself about how what she should do, how she should act and how she would live and how the hell she’d be able to sleep like a human when she had four legs. That’s all she did and I do mean that quite literally.
Later that day and somewhere in a secret underground base run by Shiny Kanto region pokemon…
“Sir we have information on a new shiny pokemon appearing near Tiny Forest.”
“Is he with us or against us?”
“He hasn’t picked sides yet Sir.”
“Hmmm… so are there any details on this shiny pokemon?”
“Actually there are, truth is that it is believed that there are two shinnies instead of one. But we can’t be certain. But if that’s the case then there are two shiny pikachu’s. Currently, both of them are in a rescue team base with two other pokemon, they are not shiny so we don’t care about them Sir.”
“Two shinnies? That’s retardedly lucky. We both know the odds of a shiny pokemon appearing, it’s obscene to think there are two shinnies let alone both of them being near each other. But whatever, just proceed with the usual plan.”
“You mean kidnapping the shiny pikachu right sir?”
At the same time in a secret base on the ruins of an old castle on a floating island over the ocean…
“Leader we just got news from our scouts about a new shiny pokemon appearing near Tiny Woods.”
“I thought I told you to call me Brian, just cause I am your leader there is no need to not be formal, really. Near Tiny Woods? So wait, another human? For the love of god, don’t the gods get tired of bringing in more humans. Sheesh Louis… So, what are the details?” Brian asked.
“Well apparently there are two shinnies, though one of them is an odd case as he looks like a normal pokemon except for a patch of for that’s colored like if he was a shiny. The two of them materialized around the same time and they were later joined by a pokemon that was apparently a guy but turned into a girl. Unlike some of the other humans, a Chikorita by the name of China came to their aid and after some events they made a rescue team.”
“That’s the overview Joan, I want the details! Like what species are these pokemon at and what scout found them and ya know, the details.” Brian then demanded.
“Sorry Brian. Well the scout was actually the one who made them into a rescue team, well sort off. The scouts name was Marry and her little son Stu. Though the meeting was highly coincidental since the whole reason she met these shinies was cause she lost her son and was asking for help. As for the species. The shinies are Pikachu and the guy turned into a boy is a Vulpix. Their names are Zero, Mike and Nell in that order. As for their power. Well according to Marry, this Zero fellow seemingly mastered his shiny powers quite easily and was even capable of using Draco Meteor, though he only used it due to Sleep Talk. Though according to what she overheard, he’s only familiar with pokemon and moves from Kanto pokemon whatever that means. As for Mike, he’s the one with the patch of shiny fur and it seemingly stupid and money grubbing, he got his ass handed to him a few times needless to say. As for Nell, well, she talks to herself a lot needless to say.” Joan explained.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about Joan, thanks. Now on to bussiness. It is obvious that the Military Operation Force Off Shinies will try to kidnap the shinies and turn them into their soldiers and our enemies. So our plan is to protect them and make these shinies into our allies against the MOFOS. Go tell our troops to watch over the area where these humans are and to attack any MOFOS that appear.” Brian ordered.
Meanwhile in Team Gaia Force’s backyard Zero is training. I should mention that the backyard is pretty big and even has a river running through it, though it seems to have been turned into a koi pond sort o thing, being so that there is Japanese koi pond plants in the river and even a wooden bridge forming an arc to the other side. Also there is a fence at each end of the river to prevent the koi fish to escape from the backyard. Zero’s across the river if details do matter.
“Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility. Agility.” Zero uttered while buffing himself up with Agility.
In an attempt to stop time Zero had tried to go fast enough that time would slow down. But just before he could accomplish his goal, his body failed to handle the kind of speed he wanted and he passed out.
Meanwhile in Mike’s room…
“Curse that Zero for filling my room with water.” Mike complained while doing something in his room.
But then, like four sets of vines broke through the window and grabbed Mike all of the sudden and pulled him outside where he was carried above a large green plant thing with a flower bud on his back and a smart-alecky psych human like pokemon who teleported all three of them into a top secret underground base. There the green plant pokemon put Mike into even more constraint with even more vines, but he moved Mike to the ground while still holding him. But just as Mike thought it couldn’t get any worse a Mewtwo came out of nowhere.
“So is this the shiny pikachu?” the mewtwoo asked..
“Yes commander.” the Venusaur answered.
“Very good work then you two. Now, let the interrogation begin.” the mewtwoo said with a grin on his face.
“Wait. WHAT?!” Mike yelled.
“We’re going to ask you a few questions. Get them right and you can go. Get them wrong and the vines will constrict you until your eyeballs pop out.” Mike gulped. “So, no pressure.”
|Wed Mar 18, 2009 4:18 pm
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:58 pm
Location: Puerto Rico
Mind the lack of description, I just didn't know how to describe the pokemon... I'll edit the issue later.
Chapter 5: Shiny Bussiness
Meanwhile, with China, she noticed that neither Mike nor Zero was around, and decided to look.
"Hey, Mike! Zero! Where are you guys?" China asked. She then saw Zero passed out on the lawn and rolls her eyes. She tapped him a bit with her foot to wake him up.
"Ugh... Agility... Agility..." Zero mumbled to himself. China wrapped a vine around Zero and then dragged him to the front door of his room. With the fear that the substitute he set up would blow up if she got to close, she dropped Zero near the substitute and continued her search for Mike.
Meanwhile, Mike was being strangled by the vines that were ensnaring him.
"GAACK!" Mike gagged
"You're making this harder than it already is. Just answer the question with what we want to hear. Are you, or are you not, human?"
"AAAUGH!! YEAH! ALRIGHT! I'M HUMAN!!!" Mike shouted.
"Heh, I knew you couldn't hold out too long..." the Mewtwo signaled for the Venusaur to stop. Mike gasped for air and his breathing was rapid. "Now, one last question."
"But, if you answer with the wrong answer..." he slit his throat with his finger, making a hoarse sound as he did. Mike swallowed hard again. "Now then... Do you... want to join our team?"
"Do I... want to join your team?!" Mike asked.
"I'd watch what you’d say. Remember, you only get one shot to answer. Just say what we want to hear and you'll be okay. Do. You. Want. To. Join. Our. Team?"
"..." Mike stood quiet. If he refused, he'd be terminated. If he answered and "no" came out, he'd be also screwed. He definitely didn't want to join ranks with the same guys that tried to strangle him to death; so saying "yes" was definitely out. Though, he could tell these guys wanted a straight answer.
"Answer, dammit..." Mewtwo raises a fist, which started to burn with fire. "Now, or you get hit with a Fire Punch..."
Before Mike gave off his scared "No", something interesting happened. The alarm went off and scattering of all types of Pokémon was heard in the halls. One of them stopped at the doorway to give them the message.
"Sir! It's those blasted Freedom Fighters! They’ve invaded again!"
"Stupid Freedom Fighters!" Mewtwo swung his arm, "Put him away. Once we're done with these pussies, we want our answer..."
However, before Venusaur could act, an explosion knocked him and Mewtwo back, both dazzling them and freeing Mike. A large bone was thrown at Mewtwo, clonking him on the head, as well as Venusaur as it made it's round trip back. The bone was caught again, back in the hands of a shiny Marowak.
"Come with me if you want to LIIIVE OR I‘LL EAT YOU!!" he shouted, with an accent somewhat like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"You don’t have to tell me twice!" Mike shouted, jumping from the table he was bound to and hurrying out the open wall as fast as his legs could take him. He was freed and temporarily out of hot water. Things couldn't possibly get any better for Mike.
China searched the entire house, except her room, Zero's room and Nell's room (knowing well enough that Mike wouldn't want to go in either one, in fear of eating any one of their attacks). She scratched her head, wondering where the hell he could be. Though, as she stepped outside to look around the house, she heard the sound of whipping wings. A shadow of a sort overtook the house a bit, a when she looked, she recognized the Pokémon to be Staraptor. However it was shiny.
China blinked, not quite at the sight of the bird, but who happened to be on the back. Mike waved back at her, then thumbing his nose at her and sticking out his tongue.
"HA-HA! I get to flyyyy! And yooou don’t!" Mike sang in a sing-song voice. He then spoke to the Staraptor giving him a ride, "Thanks for the ride, Erma!"
"Anytime, Mike," the Staraptor replied. "Just watch your step, you might fall off."
"Oh pee-shaw!" Mike said, "I think I can keep my bal-AAAANCE!!" Mike overbalanced off the bird, taking a tumble down to ground zero, landing face first. "... Ouch..."
China nodded. "What happened to you this time?"
"The leader will explain, when he arrives." she looks towards the road, "Oh! Here he comes now!"
The Staraptor, Erma, landed and waited for the leader to arrive. The leader, a blue Mew, slowly walked toward the house, and the Pikachu recovering from his 20 feet fall. He was accompanied by two Marowak, one that recently saved Mike’s ass.
"Hello, Team Gaia, I suppose?" the blue Mew asked.
"Umm... Yeah, I'm their leader, China." China explained.
"Hello, I'm Brian, the leader of Team Freedom Fighters. Your teammate, Mike, had been captured by the evil Team MOFOS."
"'MOFOS'?" Mike asked, recovering from the fall, "I know they are mofos, but still..."
"No, no! It’s a codename. It stands for Military Operation Force Of Shinies. They recruit Shiny Pokémon and train them to fight us, so that once we’re out of the way, they can take over the world. Because we're the only thing standing in their way. They're harsh to their fellow Pokémon and their only wish is that they could obtain ultimate power from the shiny Pokémon and use it to, as I said, take over the world."
"Wait. If you’re a Mew, why aren’t you floating?"
"Do I have to float?"
"Look, that’s not important. What is important is for you to watch your backs with that Team. They want World Domination and nothing else."
"Done, and done!" Mike looked around, "Now, anyone mind telling me where the closest utility store is? I need to pick up some stuff..."
"Mike... You're broke..." China added.
"..." Mike looked to the Shiny Mew for support, "Can I have a few dollars?"
"Sorry, we need all our money for our organization."
"Crap. So how do we get money around here?!"
"You’re a rescue team, are you not? Do some rescue missions!" Brian blinked.
"Forgive him. He’s a newbie at this whole Rescue team thing... And an idiot..."
"Hey!" Mike snapped back. "I can kick your ass from here to Idaho!"
China scoffed. "Riiiight... And you can also use fire attacks, like Zero can..."
Brian blinked. "Wait... How is he a shiny Pokémon and he can't use fire attacks?"
"Say what?" Mike shifted his attention to Brian.
|Sun Mar 22, 2009 2:55 pm
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:58 pm
Location: Puerto Rico
Been a while since I've updated this here, time to change that.
Warning: This chapter has head-exploding-comical type violence. If you don't like that kind of stuff, STAY AWAY from this chapter.
Chapter 5: To fight or to run away, that is the question
"You're a shiny Pokémon. Why else would Team MOFOS would set their sights on you?"
Mike looked at himself, and as much as he could. He saw not a single bit of shiny fur on him at all. "How am I shiny?! I don't look ANYTHING like Zero!"
Brian noticed the small patch on his back, that was shiny. "Ah, I see... You are Shiny. Partially shiny, at least."
"WHERE?!" Mike wanted to look, but he couldn't find any sign of Shiny on him anywhere.
"It's on your very back! You might not be able to see it, but you are partially shiny."
Mike blinked. "I can't believe it..." Mike started to smirk, then he jumped up, clicking his heels. "Yahoo! I'm shiny!"
"Ah crap, he's Shiny..."
"However, he doesn't have all the abilities of a True shiny, or a full shiny. Heck, even semi-shiny Pokémon are stronger."
Mike stopped. "Wait, but I still can use some moves, right? And my power is increased?"
"Of course! You're just not as strong as us full shinies, though."
Mike groaned, but got over it. He looked at China, creepily. His fist started to burn with fiery rage. China tried to flee but Mike sped up to her, with Quick attack, and smashed his fiery fist into China's face.
As Mike began beating the snot out of China, the others formed beads of sweat on their heads and gave each other looks.
"Let's get outta here..." said one of the Marowak.
"Seconded on that..." Erma said.
"Third..." Brian said. Erma took wing, while the others backed away enough from the brawl. Once they were far enough, they turned around and walked away without a word.
Shortly after China left Zero in his room, he managed to recover enough to use Recover and heal himself. But after he did he heard something outside and left outside to check it out. But just when he opened the door he saw China getting her ass handed down to her by Mike.
“Yeah… not gonna happen.” Zero said, closing the door just as soon as he opened it and then walking away.
But sadly, that wasn’t gonna happen as China was sent flying at the door, breaking it and putting her in an unconscious state. Zero turned around and grimaced as he saw China in an unconscious state.
“You’re next.” Mike said as he pointed his fingers at Zero and then came flying towards him while leaving a line of white light behind him
“TELEPORT!!!” Zero replied.
Acting in the nick of time Mike's attack was foiled as Zero seemingly teleported a wall of steel to his front to act as a shield. Having hit himself with great force, Mike became unconscious. Zero however, did not and so decided to simply relax and go watch tv, but not before teleporting the wall of steel to the backyard and as well as teleporting China to her room and Mike to an empty one.
In Team MOFOS’s base.
Having already fixed all the damage done the base looked at it did before the attack, all except Commander Seymour whose pride was challenged and whose state was foul. Being a pokemon of a species deemed by many to be ungodly, it isn't a surprise.
“Curse those freedom fighters. They will rue the day they messed with the god that is me.” Seymour complained as he floating around the base.
“Then go kill them then. No one is stopping you. That is, nothing except your incompetence and inferior troop line up.”
“Your words are like that of an magikarp, useless, horrid and unseeked. Now do as a magikarp and splash yourself away from me." Seymour replied.
Standing behind a wall, a red colored armored metal bug who walked on two legs and had crab-like claws for hands and metal wings on its back who were similiar to that of a butterfly but smaller, as they only covered half of it's body.
“I'll take being a magikarp anyday over spending one second as you. After all, the weakest magikarp alive would be ten times stronger than you."
“Do you seek death or do you love being hurt? Cause you are bound to suffer death or pain if you continue your way with words, Aaron” Seymour warned.
"How can you offer if you can't supply?" Aaron responded.
"How can tell if you haven't tasted my power? Now tell me what you seek before I give you a taste and send you to sleep."
"What do I want? Well, a favor off course. I'll cover for you while you go get your vengeance on that pikachu character, sure he isn't one of the freedom fighters, but he's weak enough for you to kill." Aaron answered.
Seymour was just about to attack Aaron, but rather decided dwell on either accept or not accept his favor.
"You live for now." Seymour said before snapping his finger and teleporting to Team Gaia Force's base.
"Well he was easier to manipulate than I thought. To think he would have so many bad traits and for him to expose them all in a matter of seconds. Thankfully he should be dead in a matter of minutes. One way or another. It's going to be enjoyable to know how he died, I can't wait" Aaron said to himself.
Back with Team Gaia Force
Having recovered from his wounds Mike decided to repair his room rather than inflict more pain upon himself by provoking Zero. So through the use of Agility to make himself faster he cleaned out his room and to fix the holes in his room, he used String Shot to shoot spider webbing from his mouth to seal up the holes, having remember string shot after being remembered of Caterpie. But saddly, the room was still a bit drafty, but Mike decided to procrastinate and go to bed, but just as he was going to bed a wall in his room suddenly blew up and a mostly white floating humanoid cat thing with a long, thick purple tail.
"MY ROOOOOOOOOOM!!" Mike screamed.
"Not the stars nor the moon or the heavens will save you. You shall die or you shall join me. Pick now or die" Seymour said calmly, seemingly preparing a ball of darkness in his hand.
"Oh hell no, not again!" Mike grunted afterward, but then remembered that he was partially shiny. "Wait! I'm part Shiny! I can take this fool!" Mike then charged for Seymour, "I will have your soul!"
Five seconds later...
Mike was thrown on the ground, after receiving a merciless whipping from Seymour.
"Who's the weak one now Aaron? The god who stands here isn't, that's fore sure" Seymour said, then surging himself with power.
However, before Seymour could launch another attack, a thunderbolt whizzed past him.
"Glad to see I got your attention" Zero said, approaching from the door of Mike's previously existing room, "I can tell from the looks of this place that you aren't gonna negotiate your terms, but. I'm gonna put this simple, get the off my property or feel my wrath."
Seymour laughed. "A single rodent against a god? Oh how... retarded, don't you see that I'm invincible!"
"Butt out, Zero! I can take this punk!" Mike protested.
"Oh really? You're the one on your knees, not me."
"Hey! I can save my own butt, thank you very mu-" Seymour threw a shadow ball at Mike, missing, but causing Mike to jump into Zero's arms, afraid, "The floor's all yours, Zero!"
Zero threw Mike behind him and then stepped up to face off Seymour. His fist took an electric charge. "Rapid spin thunderpunch, uppercut edition!"
Zero spun at rapid speed at Seymour, both confounding him with his twirling and then stunning him with a powerful uppercut full of thunderpunch. Seymour backed away, having flinched from sustaining a heavy hit, wincing from the pain.
"Why you... Ice Bolt!"
Seymour thrusted a hand toward Zero, firing an icy beam. Zero strafed to the side, dodging it but letting Mike take the hit. Mike, once taking the hit, was both electrocuted and frozen at the same time. Once the ice broke, however, he was knocked unconscious.
"Hey!" Zero then got angry, "That almost hit me! No more Mr. niceguy!"
Zero then summoned a small army of Psyduck, using teleport, and then putting them at his full command with Hypnosis; thus making the Psyduck his mind-controlled armada. "Attack, my Psyduck horde, attack with..." Zero had to think for a second, "Confusion."
Being a True Shiny, Seymour was greatly affected by the incoming confusions. He screamed in agony and pain until his mind couldn't take anymore. With a loud bang that shattered three sound barriers, Seymour's head exploded, the pieces flying all around the premises. The Psyduck, at the sight of seeing the gore, snapped out of their hypnosis and panicked, running around the place like mindless buffoons. They soon despersed and all was well, but part of their house was destroyed and there was shiny blood leaking all over the lawn.
"Crud. I went a bit to far this time, gonna learn to go for pain but not death... and I must also learn how to call a cleaning crew tomorrow... " Zero said. He went back in the house from when he came in, leaving Mike on the floor of his destroyed room, until he eventually woke up.
Later that night night; a beam of light dropped two more Pokémon in Tiny Woods. One looked somewhat like a penguin, while the other looked like somewhat of a little girl wearing a dress with a green helmet with a red horn on her head. There appeared to be a scream as they acknowledged what they were and then flipped out. In search of refuge from the cold night, they found their way into a small building, feeling as though they could have shelter there.
Back in Team MOFOS's headquares we now join Aaron who's in the big boss's room. The lights were out so everything was almost pitch black, but among the darkness was a big tv that lit some of the room up. On the tv screen, an olive colored bat was talking.
"My lord we have just recieved word from an unknown source that Seymour Kcirp has been killed. The killer is supposedly the shiny pikachu who escaped yesterday. We speculate that this pikachu is a rather skilled shiny seeing as how he defeated Seymour"
"Or it could be that Seymour was too weak." Aaron suggested.
"Don't take me for a fool or ignorant Aaron, I already noticed that Seymour was cocky. But this... pikachu, he is also skilled." the boss pointed out.
"Please forgive me my lord.”
“Now for the matter of this pikachu, I want Cliff and Kinoc to go pay this pikachu a visit. If he once again fails to comply to our wishes, then I want him terminated and his head added to my collection." The boss ordered "But without Seymour we lack a commander for his troop line."
“May I suggest Ciel Gemstone” Aaron suggested.
“And who is this Ciel Gemstone?” The boss asked.
“A new recruit we found recently, she may not be shiny, but she is powerful and smart. Needless to say I have high hopes for her. If you would, I would like to have her be named Commander.” Aaron answered.
“I hope you are right Aaron. Well do as the man said. I now name Ciel Gemstone commander.” Big Boss ordered.
“Yes my lord. I’ll have your orders be accomplished as soon as possible." the bat said, the tv then turning black.
In Team MOFOS headquarters
Audio Only! Camera Malfunction in Prison Area section F1
“Congratulations Ciel. You’ve been appointed Commander by the Big Boss.”
“That’s Lady Ciel you inconsiderate meat bag.”
“Whatever. Just go to Area 51 and read the tutorial left for you.”
“Actually I’ll take over from here.”
“Commander Aaron! What are you doing here?”
“Watching over Lady Ciel so she doesn’t kill you like she should.”
“I feel we are going to get along well Aaron. So can I kill him?”
“No. Maybe, but only after Kinoc meets his maker later.”
“How dare you speak so badly of Master Kinoc. I’ll let you know that Master Ki-”
“I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself, or else my claws might slip.”
“*gulps* Whatever you say Commander Aaron.”
“I take it back. We are going to get along great at this pace.”
“Please, spare me. I don’t want to die. I DON’T WANNA DIE!”
“Those who fear death die first while those who don't live on longer. So do you fear death?”
“*gulps* No! No sir no!”
“Good, now, return to your position and hope I don’t see you again.”
“I… I LOVE YOU AARON!”
“And you killed over twenty of our men? Oh the irony..."
Later that day in Team MOFOS briefing room
Audio Only, Camera Malfunction in briefing room
“Kinoc Trairod, species: Slaking, shiny level: Semi, position: Commander, troop types: normal”
“What do ya want hot stuff? Oh wait, you want me. Oh yes, now just go to my room and we’ll make more little Kinocs.”
“Cliff, species: Carnivine, shiny level: True, position: Commander, Troop types: dark and rock”
“Yes, that‘s me.”
“I have orders for you from the boss.”
“But I have orders from my reproduction thing to make more me’s in you.”
“Your orders are to recruit a shiny pikachu known as Mike from a specified location. If he fails to do as we want, then your orders are to terminate him and bring back his head.”
“I am serious babe. Come to my room ASAP and I’ll show you a real man.”
“Do I really have to do this mission with Kinoc? Can’t I be partnered with anyone else?”
“Sorry Cliff, but orders are orders.”
“Are you ignoring me babe? Come on! I’m only the manliest man here. Just come to my room and I’ll make you REALLY satisfied.”
“…How did he become a commander again?”
Inside Team Gaia’s Rescue Team base
Having entered the rundown building they found it to be bigger and more decent than they thought, not wanting to bother the owners the penguin and bride duo made themselfs at home in the living room.
“Are you feeling okay Marcus?” the penguin asked.
“I got called a lady and I feel like a little bride. I feel… I feel!.” Marcus answered.
"Wait, you got called a Lady? I didn't hear anyone tell you that" the penguin asked.
"Heh? I could have sworn a pikachu told me to make myself ourselfs home in this place while reffering to me as a lady. I thought you heard it Avon." Marcus answered.
"I didn't see anything nor hear anything, it's too dark outside to even see that far."
"Well that answers my earlier question..."
“Say do you even have a set eyes? I always wondered if ralts even had them.” Avon asked.
“Oddly enough I do, but thanks to this helmet I call hair, I can’t exactly see alot. But... I seem to have another set of eyes, I dunno. It's random but basically, it's like I have a second set of eyes that lets me see stuff around me that my eyes can't. It's pretty freaky but awesome stuff." Marcus answered.
“So that's how ralts see with that helmet, nice.” Avon replied.
|Sat Apr 04, 2009 10:52 pm
Joined: Tue Aug 01, 2006 11:09 am
Location: Hiding Out Until Things Cool Down...
I just have to say, I've noticed alot of improvement in the writing style of you guys. I believe, not only are you guys learning how to better tell a story, but I believe you guys have learned how to edit your RPs to stories much better. It's really begining to formulate.
But you still need to lose the RP feel of the story in order for it to survive and hold the readers attention longer then a few minutes. Again, not an exactly big deal (not proper english, I 'spose).
LOL, good job guys!
|Sat Apr 11, 2009 7:52 am
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:58 pm
Location: Puerto Rico
Eh? I dunno what you mean, BUT I have a comment. I have SSD. Subconscious Sidetrack Disorder. I'll try to edit the story to make it more awesome though. Oh and, I'm going to add something I left out. It's a bit of a side-story in the collab involving another set of charaters. I'll call these segments, Shiny Chapters.
Oh and for the chapter, for the witty comebacks. I honestly will try to add them another time, possibly as a Shiny Chapter. It's GREAT material and I refuse to skip out on it.
Chapter 6: Mission notgonnahappenwithoutforce
The next morning, Mike awoke after being senselessly knocked silly by one of Mewtwo's attacks. All he remember was being frozen and then shocked to his concussion. With a scowl, he tried to find a better place to sleep, and tried to sleep on the couch. The first thing he noticed was that the couch felt unusually lumpy that evening. However, noticed he wasn't on the couch anymore when he looked down. He started to flail about aimlessly trying to get to the floor, however the thing that looked like it was in a bridal dress wouldn't let him down; or rather more... didn't know how to.
"GAAAH! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE, YOU CRAZY THING!!" Mike shouted.
"I'M TRYING! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" the Pokémon replied. Suddenly, Mike stopped floating and fell flat on his head.
Mike flinched hard and long, not moving from his upside-down position, only managing to shake from time to time to hope for the pain to pass.
"You okay, dude?" a penguin Pokémon asked.
"Get. Away. From me..." Mike muttered.
China appeared, coming down the steps. She was, by far, awake and was in dire need of her cappicino. She had some automatically set up last night to set her up a cup of the stuff as soon as it hit seven fifteen on the clock. The time was seven fiftynine, almost eight o' clock. The coffee was already set for her. All she had to do was add milk and sugar. She ignored the situation, the only want being her cappicino. After pouring her cup of joe and taking a sip, she automatically had her eyes open.
And when her eyes were open, she saw everyone. She blinked at the ludicrousy and then... well laughed her ass off. Mike still hadn't moved, only managing to vow vengance for this.
"Ugh..." Nell groaned, coming out of her room, "What's up with all the noise this morning?"
The penguin blinked, "How many Pokémon live in this house?!"
"Well, there's me, Zero, China (who's laughing her ass off), Mike (who you just flipped, Ralts), and... that's about it... Just the four of us."
"Oh... It seems like there should be more. This is a big house, right?"
"Bigger than it looks on the outside."
"Anyway, when everyone's back to their senses and/or awake, we'll go through the introductions."
"Okay, so now, intros..." China said, after recovering from laughing. Zero, Nell and Mike were sitting on one of the couches, across from the newcomers. "My name's China and I lead Team Gaia."
"The name was my idea," Zero said, thumbing to himself, "Name's Zero. Don't mess with me and you're fine. I'm not known as the true king of all bastards for nothing."
"The king of losers is more like it." Mike scoffed. Zero stood on the top of the couch and then hammered him on his head with the front of his knuckles.
"Mike, the money fiend. Throw him even a few pieces of Poké a mile away and he'll find it." China said.
"I'm Apo-I mean Nell! Yes, Nell!" Nell introduced, but then corrected herself. She forgot she had lost her male pride and thus, was officially a girl.
"Avon Lorain. I used to be a Trainer, but apparently, I'm a Pokémon now..." the penguin said, sheepish.
"Marcus Lamech," the Ralts introduced, "Same situation with Avon."
"So wait, you're human too?" Mike asked, still cringing from the blow to the head.
"Yeah, or was..." Avon blinked, "Wait a sec. What do you mean "too"? You mean to tell me that..."
"Yep," Zero kicked back, "Join the Humans turned Pokémon club, we got jackets."
"Hold on, China's not a human! She's a Pokémon! So, as rules state, we have to kick her out!" Mike said, China not even flinching.
"Before you needlessly kick me out, I have a bit of a confession to make myself..." China said, calmly, "I'm not, originally, a Pokémon."
"YOU LIE!!" Mike shouted, soon after, being whipped back with one of China's vines.
"Shut the mareep up..." China said, a bit enraged, "Sure this whole "human turning Pokémon" thing is getting out of whack. However, I never actually told you guys I was human, so hush now. It took me a while to bring this out so accept the truth. This is no lie, I used to be a trainer myself."
"Okay then, smartalec, what IS a trainer?" Mike asked.
"A trainer is a person who catches Pokémon and battles them to strengthen them up. Trainers work their way up the ranks in hopes of one day becoming the greatest trainer of them all. Need I say more, or are you convinced?"
Mike's accusation was shot down and all he could manage was a dumb look on his face. "... I'll shut up now..."
"Wise choice..." China smirked. "Anyways, I hate to inform everyone that the income for this house is severely lacking. We can't simply stay here for as long as we can."
"Then get a job and do something to get an income, you dead beat!" Mike complained.
"I'm not going to be doing all the work around here. And if you expect to even SEE another Poké again, you'll work!"
"HA! Like tha-"
"If you don't do any work, expect your ass out of here. And I can bribe Zero enough to become my enforcer."
Mike swallowed so hard, the lump of air he swallowed could be heard going down into his stomach. "Okay, where do we start?"
"Where logic starts. Hello! I can use Payday to puke out money!" Zero pointed out.
"...And?" China asked.
"You just want to make us suffer don't you?"
"Not us, I just want to make Mike suffer for being such an idiot."
"...Fine... but this is the last time I'm going unless I have a good reason to do so."
China directed everyone's attention to the mailbox, where China pulled out an envelope of a sort. "Everyone is assigned to do a rescue request. That way, everyone's doing an equal share and the bill can be split evenly. A cut of the profits will be taken for each full week of work, to pay for the house and it's utilities."
"WHAT?!" Mike shouted, "NO BLOODY WAY, I'M KEEPING ALL MY MONEY!"
"And Mike, if you hoarde any of your earnings and we find out, we'll all mass pummel you into the ground."
"You mean ten feet under right?"
Mike choked a bit.
"But wait, that's only one rescue request, right?" Nell asked, "How are we all to obtain a rescue request each if there's only one in the mailbox?"
"A very good question. Follow me." China then headed off to the Pokémon square.
China made a small introduction about all the things around the square, all whilst Mike made witty comebacks about them Mike ended up eating the right end of an attack here and there and was glad to leave the Square, if only temporarily. T group kept on going until they reached the Pelipper office. In front of the large bird-like building was a message board, filled with requests of all kinds.
"Here we are, the Pelipper office building. Here, at the message board, you guys can accept rescue requests to help other Pokémon in need."
"What the hell?!" Mike complained, reading some of the missions, "Give me a Heal Seed! Save me! Help such-and-such! What a bunch of whiners! And all for-" Mike double-takes to the requests, "-MONEY!"
"Wait, so you expect everyone to each take a mission and try to pull it off single-handedly?"
"Not exactly everyone..." China said, "You two are to stay back and train your abilities; as well as guard the house, while we're away."
"You're trusting us to guard your house and you just met us?" Marcus asked.
"Oh come on, no one actually spends the time to try to plan a robbery or anything. And plus, you guys aren't even all that experienced to use most of your moves anyway to go on real missions. So, that would be the logical choice."
Avon and Marcus sighed. "Fine, I suppose, since we're living here..."
"Just stay out of my and Zero's rooms. Trust me, dead men tell no tales for those who go into either Zero or my room..." China gestured over to Zero, who clashes his fist into his hand a couple of times, warning the two. Avon and Marcus jumped a bit, startled by the threat.
"Deal!" Avon said, without hesitating.
"Okay, now the teams. Mike. Zero. You two are going separate. You guys are shinies and can easily boot the crud out of any wild Pokémon that come your way."
"Right..." Zero said.
"WHAT?! BUT WHAT ABOUT TEAM MOFOS AND WHATNOT?! WHO'S GONNA SAVE MY YELLOW ASS WHEN THEY ATTACK ME?!"
"Well, if they do attack..." China shrugged, "It's been nice knowin' ya. My advice, take an easy mission. They wouldn't think to look there..." Mike groaned. "Nell, you and me are taking the tour through Mt. Steel. There, you can train a bit with your attacks and get some strength on those muscles of yours."
"Right..." Nell then sighed. "Just got used to walking and now I have to try to use attacks... oh the joys of being a kyuubi..."
"Trust me, it's not all that hard as it looks. Just do as I say and you should be fine." China then turned back to everyone, "Everyone okay with the details?"
"Yes." said Zero.
"Yes, ma'am," said Avon and Marcus at the same time.
"Yes, China," Nell said.
"NO! I'M GONNA DIE!!" Mike said.
"... Well, let's go then." China said, ending the list of assigned tasks for everyone to do.
The group headed out, leaving Zero and Mike to look at the board. However, Mike's still flipping out at the moment.
"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die," Mike repeated to himself, while pacing around Zero.
"Mike... Shut the **** up..." Zero said, then taking his mission and heading out to Thunderwave Cave. However, he couldn't take twelve steps before being weighed down by something clinging to his leg for support. "Mike. Let go of my leg..."
"Save me, Zero. If not, at least let me use you as a human shield!" Mike begged. Zero glared at Mike and then sent a thundershock down his spine. At that very instant, Mike was fried and was forced to let go. "Okay... I get the picture..." Mike mumbled, dazed.
Shiny Chapter 1: Team Shiny
Somewhere else in the world of pokemon, there exists another group of shiny. They are known as Team Shiny, a rescue team made off several shiny pokemon. While their skill is not legendary, their attitude and behaviour is what make them legendary. That and them having the cursed pokemon of the pokemon world.
We join them as they finished eating italian food over at their dinner table. As the plates layed so did the members; a yellow colored obese pokemon with a big tongue sticking out of it's mouth and lines of white skin coloration on it's front; a mass of blue goop taking a human like shape; a green colored chameleon like creature with a blue zigzag line going across it's torso, standing on its hind legs a curled up tail is noticed on it's back, aside from which lines of yellow appear on the head, going from the ends of the ears, circling around the eyes and finishing at the lips where the color scheme applies to the other side of its head; the last of the creatures around the table being an elegant fox-like creatured covered with a thick, luxurious golden-white fur, as well as having nine tails, each them being tipped with orange. The creature also having a fluffy crest atop of its heads and a similar ruff around it's neck
“Like always you did an excellent job Marty, your cooking skills really are admirable even if your fat.” the human like goop creature said.
“You gotta know food to cook it and you gotta crave it to master it. That’s an old saying we had in Itali” Marty replied.
“Though couldn’t you have added a bit more spice? You know I like spicy food.” the fox suggested.
“And for the last time Marty, stop serving me these god forsaken crickets! I know I’m supposed to be a Kecleon and a chameleon and all but I DO NOT like BUGS!!! So for the love of your dead italian heritage, GIVE ME CHICKEN NUGGETS!!!” the chameleon creature complained.
“If you don't like what I cook, then you just go eat a bowl of droppings with a side-sauce of urine. Cause if you don't, I WILL force it upon you.”
“I ain’t saying I can cook better than you. I just don’t wanna eat bugs.”
“Oh is that all? Alright then, I’ll make sure to serve ya more bugs next time. I'll also give you one of my 'special' brownies” Marty suggested.
“You wanna fight fatass?”
“Bring it on lizard boy.”
“Guys, please shut up. Marty, just give him something else to eat next time. No bugs. Alex, please stop being a picky son of an Iguana and a sissy. This sort of discussion isn't needed and you are both acting like little kids” the human goop creature exclaimed.
“Yes sir…” Alex and Marty said in unison.
“What did you say?”
“Shut up you three! Can't a gal just relax after eating dinner?! But nooooo you two just have to act like you're going to fight each other. I’m the leader here and I'll decide when you will fight, or else I'll fight and turn you all into a pair of Dittos. Just like I did to Lenny, Samson and Ken" the fox pokemon ordered.
“Yes Cristina…” the three males replied, stopping their bickering.
|Tue Apr 14, 2009 7:49 pm
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:58 pm
Location: Puerto Rico
Chapter 7: The ladies man, Kinoc the Slaking
Having walked for over an hour the pikachu duo finally reached Thunderwave cave, standing in front of the cave was a black cothe entrance to Thunderwave cave, Mike and Zero faced the last guy they wanted to see. A fat gorilla with black fur with a lazy expression on its face, simply laying on the ground as if resting.
“Hmph, two shiny rats well what are the odds.” the ape thing said to himself.
"And who might you be?“
“The name's Kinoc, the ladies man, but that ain't important. What is is knowing which one of you is Mike? I got orders from HQ to either recruit him or kill him and take his head back to HQ for the boss to put up on one of his walls like a trophy.” the ape asked.
Mike fearing death pointed his fingers towards Zero.
“He’s Mike.” Mike answered.
“A true shiny eh? No wonder you are so respected now a days in HQ. Heck, a few of my troops actually said they wanted to marry this so called Mike, really attractive female pikachus, ya know the type that doesn‘t like to nag and has them lady parts. I even heard the boss say that if this ike fellow joined us, we‘d make him a commander and pay him a high salary for doing nothing. So I‘ll ask you again, do you want to join Team MOFOS or not?”
“Wait! I’m Mike and I accept your offer.” Mike replied, feeling tempted beyond all belief for the promises he was hearing.
"Wait... if you knew he was mike then why bother tempting him?" Zero asked.
"Partial Shinies are much easier to kill than true shinies." Kinoc answered.
"Just don't mess with me and we won't have any problems."
"Well I changed my mind, I'm bringing you both to HQ so the boss gives me a pass that will let me make love with any woman, any time any where
Kinoc then showed his true power as he charged towards so fast that it seemed like he was using teleport and then unleashed a massive barrage of different elemental punches on him. The barrage almost leaving him lifeless if he didn’t abusively heal himself with Recover. Mike however in the end could not abuse recover long enough to remain conscious and so the barrage ended once his eyes closed.
“Well… he lasted longer than I thought…” Kinoc said to himself. “Wait… what the”
It was then that Kinoc noticed that he was surrounded as a whole crowd of mind controlled digglets, seduces and go ducks surrounded the three pokemon.
“Any last words?” Zero asked,
“Only one, Berserker’s Dance!” Kinoc replied.
Teleporting to Zero’s front Kinoc started pummeling him like he did with Mike, except this time… he seemed stronger, his body blowing red showed that, but nonetheless the mass thunder punch pummeling continued for several minutes as Zero did his best to avoid the attacks while Kinoc went more berserk with his attacks. Eventually sending him into the air, where Zero took the small break given to him to teleport himself away from Kinoc.
“No… more… mister… nice guy!” Zero said as he was breathing heavily due to his wounds.
Doing as he had promised he used Teleport to bring the kecleon brothers from town to the area they were while teleporting all of their merchandise to Kinocs hands. Seeing Kinoc with their stuff they charged at him and mercilessly attacked him for ten whole minutes when they felt it was enough and left with their merchandise. However, Zero was not satisfied with the beating and teleport back to the ground where he gave his mind slaves a simple comand.
“Bury him thirty under the ground while he lives”
Obeying their masters command the mind controlled pokemon put all their efforts into digging a hole which they then put Kinoc in and closed using the very earth they dug up.
“No one will ever know about this and my record will stay spot on… now… to get rid of the witnesses. I command all of you to have a fight to the death, the winner will then have the glory of joining my team. Any objections will result in teleportation to wherever.”
Later that day…
Having set things straight and gotten their mission done our mall behaved heroes walked to their homes with lots of pain and exhaustion on their back, yet to be illfated to meet a big Venus flytrap pokemon with tenticles and leaves making up its body.
“Which one of you is Mike?” the stranger asked.
The two pikachu then stared at each other for a moment…
“…Teleport…” They both said, teleporting the probably MOFOS related stranger into the nearest volcano in the area.
Earlier that day in Team Gaia Force’s base…
“So… Avon, do you remember any of Ralt’s moves?” Marcus asked.
“Well, let’s see… there’s teleport, confusion and-”
Before Avon could finish his sentence the two previous encountered MOFOS members just teleported themselves to the penguin and little brides front.
“Oh look Cliff, a little penguin and a little bride guarding this big old base. Do you think they are actually a wedded couple or something? Now that’d be pretty funny, right Cliff? How low can a penguin sink when he can‘t find a bride within his own species” Kinoc asked in a mocking tone.
“WE ARE NOT A COUPLE!” Avon and Marcus yelled in unison.
“AND I AM NOT A BRIDE! I AM A MAN!!!” Marcus added.
“Oh how cute, they think they can be intimidating I feel like just giving them a piece of candy for making me wanna laugh so hard.” Kinoc continued.
Cliff by this point got sick of his companions comments and so teleported him somewhere else.
“Ignoring that idiot, so can you two tell me where I can find Mike?” Cliff asked.
“Mike? Well eh…”
“He’ll be right back. You can just wait for him around here.” Marcus answered.
“I’ll take your word for it little missy. But if Mike doesn’t show up here before dusk, you and this penguin aren’t going make it through the night alive.”
Having finally reached their home Mike and Zero headed inside for their well-earned rest. They didn't care what Avon or Marcus had to tell them, they just went to their separate rooms and lied down (except for Mike, who then realized that Zero had blown his room all the way to kingdom come.) However, being exhausted, Mike exited his once proud room, into another one of the room, upstairs. Somewhere next to China's room, Mike took refuge in there, claiming it to be his own... at least until he got someone to fix his original room...
Sometime later, China and Nell came back, Nell looking somewhat stronger than from when she left. She was standing up much more properly and not stumbling every other step she took. Avon appeared to have noticed.
"Ah, I see you're not stumbling all over, like before!" Avon commented.
"Thanks. All that training really paid off for me," Nell replied.
"So, how did Mike and Zero do? And did they get in yet?"
"They came in," Marcus started, "but then plopped down and locked themselves in their rooms. Mike moved upstairs by the way..."
China sighed. "I'll bug them about the rent tomorrow, I suppose. Anyways, did you guys manage to remember some moves?"
"A few. I know Peck, Pound and Bubble, but that's about it..." Avon said.
"Teleport, Confusion and... Double team, I think..." Marcus said.
"... It's a start, I suppose. Anyway, since you guys are low in experience, tomorrow you two should probably go for lower leveled dungeons like Tiny Woods and Thunderwave cave, just to get your experience up. Any money you find is for you to keep... for now..."
"Alright." They both said, then heading off to bed.
"Well, we put in a rough day of training so I suppose we should hit the sack too..."
"Right... Good night, China." Nell told China, heading to her room.
Mike rolled over, not wanting to wake up so early.
"Hello!!" The three mole Pokémon shouted, thus waking Mike up.
"WHAT?! QUIET YOU CRAZY KIDS, I'M TRYIN' TA SLEEP!!"
"LOOK WHO'S TALKIN' YA WHIPPERSNAPPER!" the three moles shouted back, "WE'RE THE ONES TRYING TO REQUEST A MISSION!"
"QUIET, YA MOLE THING!"
"SHUT UP YA YELLOW RAT!"
"BE QUIET YA THREE-HEADED HOLE DIGGER!"
"HUSH YOUR MOUTH, YOU RED-CHEEKED RODENT!"
"BOTH OF YOU!" Zero shouted, blowing straight through the door and pelting both noise breakers with Pay day. "SHUT THE HELL UUUUP!!" Zero then slammed the door, leaving the two KOed Pokémon in somewhat of a concussion.
Later that morning…
“Well let’s start this discussion by hearing what Mike and Zero did yesterday. Surely their story will give us the morning chuckles and give us the energy to beat Mike up later for doing something stupid.” China suggested.
“Oh shut up… but fine… putting this short, we encountered some trouble and dealt with it by sending the troublemakers into a volcano and burying them alive. We got one thousand poke from the mission and that’s it.”
Everyone outside of Mike showed a sign of grimace when the words ‘burying them alive’ were spoken
“Bury him alive?” Nell asked.
“I wasn‘t in a good mood alright.” Zero replied.
“Dude… that’s still harsh.”
“…Anyway… is that all?” China asked.
“Yep.” Zero answered.
In Team MOFOS headquarters…
In the Big Boss’s room
“Boss we have some bad news.”
“Let me guess, the troops sent were eliminated?”
“Yes Boss, Kinoc and Cliff have been eliminated by this Mike fellow.”
“Just how tough is this Mike fellow?! How could he have killed three of our finest men in just a matter of hours and days!”
“Ain’t dead yet”
“We underestimated the opponent.”
“They were cheap also.”
“We both barely survived.”
“They were? So there is another one, aside from Mike? I order you to explain yourselfs!”
“This Mike guy. Well he’s only an incompetent and stupid partial shiny weakling”
“But he is accompanied by a True Shiny.”
“Zero Hunter be his name, cheap as hell is his game.”
“He was so cheap, he framed me and had some Kecleon massacre me and to add pain to insult, he also buried me alive.”
“And they teleported me into a volcano.”
“We were both lucky to have survived.”
“Agreed. For my case, I was just barely able to teleport myself somewhere else. Though I still lost some of my lower body thanks to the lava.”
“And I was lucky enough to remember that I could use dig to escape the hole I was in. Though given the stupid situation, I am now technically a zombie.”
“Two Shiny Pikachu? Interesting and you say one of them is a True Shiny?”
“Yep. A sore loser I’ll add.”
“Cheap. As. Bitter. Heck.”
“Fine, you two are dismissed. For now we shall take a break from attempting their capture or demise, in three days however you are meant to go after them again but this time
|Fri May 01, 2009 7:11 pm
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:58 pm
Location: Puerto Rico
Chapter 8: The phone of sealing fates
"Anyway, I'm going to get this out of the way..." Mike said, proceeding with his business proposition. "As Zero may already know, I had obtained an upfront visit by this guy..." The triplet Mole Pokémon emerges from the ground. "Everyone, this is Dugtrio and he woke me up this morning to tell us about a new rescue request, personally from him. He said he'd pay well and if he didn't, he'd get a nice foot straight up his-"
"ASS I was about to say!" Dugtrio interrupted. "My son has been kidnapped by that vile Skarmory, who lives on top of Mt. Steel."
"Mt. Steel?" China asked, "Me and Nell were there yesterday. We didn't see any Skarmory there."
"Well he was busy stealing my son! The ruffian! Okay, he's on top of Mt. Steel. Go rescue him okay? Hello, good bye!" Dugtrio burrowed under, leaving all of the other members feeling confused how he quickly said what he had to say and left just to make sure he didn't hear the "no", if any.
"... Well..." China said, an eyebrow raised.
Later that day, the group assembled in front of the base.
"Okay, guys. We need to have a tally. Who's going and who's not?"
"Skarmory's a bird, right?" Mike asked.
"Yeah, why? You vouching to go?"
Mike grinned. "Yeah, I want to fry that bird into a Christmas goose."
"When you do, bring back the fried bird, will ya?"
"What?! You too, Zero?!" China jumped, surprised to hear that come from Zero. Then again, Zero was the king of bastards. Of course he'd want that.
"Yeah. I'd go but two electric mice might fry the bird into a charred pile of ash. Plus, I need to protect the base, in case those Team MOFOS come back. It's better for one of us than both of us, in case of the numbers. It'll keep too many of them from coming in, when they track us."
China sighed. "This is retarded..." She muttered, out of earshot of the group.
"Anyway, Mike, I want you to fry that bird into the next century then bring back the chicken meat. God knows how much stuff we can get from his corpse. We could craft weapons outta it's feathers and we could sell them for money and the meat inside, if it's eatable it might as well be tasty."
"If you can break the exterior..."
Zero raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't Brick Break destroy armor?"
China sighed again. "Walls, like Reflect and Light screen."
"It's body is a wall of steel. Taken the shape if it's feather. So it should work."
China gave one final sigh, outstretching her vines to Avon and Marcus. "Fine, but take Avon and Marcus with you. This should be their first mission and they need the experience."
"We get to watch a bird fry up?" Avon asked. "SWEET!"
"Just watch it. There's a lot of steel types on Mt. Steel. Hence why I took Nell there to train."
"... Well, I suppose that is glaringly obvious, since it's called "Mt. Steel."
"Nell, you going?"
"Count me out. I'm still sore from that Tackle that Aron gave me. Amazing how such a little thing can hit so hard..." Nell said, wincing to where she had been tackled.
"So, I guess it's just you, Avon and Marcus, Mike. Make sure you don’t lose anybody..."
"Yeah, I won't. Now there's one itsy-bitsy problem..." Mike said.
"... Where the hell is Mt. Steel?"
China slapped her head, having forgotten that they don't know their way around yet. "Fine. Follow me."
China lead the group up to the entrance to Mt. Steel.
"Here we are. Mt. Steel. Now, then, you guys know the way back, right?" China asked.
"Not really..." Mike said. China slapped her forehead again, this time in disgust.
"Figure it out, Mike. I'll find Dugtrio and tell them that you three are getting the job done... On second thought, maybe not..." China grunted. "You guys just get on with the request. I'm going back..."
China headed back to the base, leaving the three to scale the heights of Mt. Steel. Whatever happened to Mike at that point was what China could care less about. Maybe not to Avon and Marcus but yeah, definitely to Mike.
While China lead Mike’s group to Mt. Steel, Zero did… something productive actually. He spent all his time puking out money in his room till he passed out, but Zero was a smart one. He knew he would eventually pass out and so put a sticky note on himself and puked money into his now ‘sealed’ room from the hallway so anyone that came upstairs would notice him passed out and hopefully read the sticky note on him saying “If I’m unconscious, wake me up. It‘s time I do something productive.”
By now China just returned from Mt. Steel woke Zero up after going upstairs to take a leak.
“So, what’s this productive thing you’re talking about?” China asked as she fed Zero a Oran Berry.
“Get me a phone book and a phone.” Zero replied.
“Why?” China asked.
“It’s time we get Gecko and stop being cavemen.” Zero answered.
Well after Zero stopped evading the point and got into the atmosphere he wanted, he started discussing his suggestion with China. The atmosphere he wanted, being both of them sitting at the living room with a phone book and telephone nearby.
“So, what is it that you want Zero?” China asked.
“I want you to answer some questions. Firstly, do video game consoles exist in this world?” Zero asked.
“Yes.” China answered.
“Then why did you tell Mike they didn’t exist here?” Zero asked.
“Cause you two were making me mad and I wanted to make you two mad as well.” China answered.
“Second question, why is our base well… like it is? I mean, It‘s human like, and yet this is the pokemon world. You can’t say it was pure coincidence.” Zero asked.
“It was the cheapest house Psyduck could find, I personally didn’t see anything wrong with it and it had some luxuries so I said, okay and the rest is history. Though I guess most people were turned down by the stale look of the house from outside. Just shows to not judge by looks, unless your dealing with Mike.” China answered.
“Good answer. Now for my third question, do you know of any good construction workers, maid services and people who can set up a good defense system?” Zero asked for the third time.
“No, I won’t answer that question, I’ll ask my own! Just what do you want?!” China asked.
“I want to spend the money I puked on stuff to make my life easier.” Zero answered.
“And you needed to ask me all those technology based questions to know how you can make your life easier?” China asked.
“I was just messing around the bush. Now for my point. Look, we’ve been getting allot of misery, agony and loss from Team MOFOS and our own issues and I’m tired of it. So I say, screw this, let’s upgrade this joint.” Zero replied.
“…I am not going to pay the bills for this you know. And if you force me to pay them; I will have your head!” China replied, sighing afterwards.
“I know, but you know more stuff than I do. Like, the address of this house and stuff.” Zero replied.
Zero: Ah yes, Hello is this the Crappy Musicians guild?
???: Yes sir, now do you wanna buck?!
Zero: …Can you please pass the phone to someone that is not high?
???: Sure thing little man.
Zero: I’m in need of some self-defense and I acknowledge the power of music. So…
????: So you want me to send some of our guild over to guard your place?
????: The price is three-hundredth-and-fifty poke per member
Zero: Well that’s sorta cheap.
????: Trust me, we have our reasons
Zero: These members won’t ‘kill’ us by accident right?
????: No, we know where to aim and when.
Zero: Oh… well whatever. Just send me… hmm… you know what… I change my mind. You probably wouldn’t be much good for a defense mechanism. I’d like to recruit one of your members my good sir.
????: Whatever. Just name your species.
Zero: Eh… dude, I only played Pokemon firered and a little bit Diamond. Can you give me some hints?
????: Well what do you want?
Zero: A member that can stall people that want to murder me and yet still be a good addition to the guild.
????: …I’m just going to send a Whismur over
????: The bill will be 500 poke, now just tell me the name of your rescue team
Zero: Team Gaia Force.
????: Glad doing bussiness with ya.
Zero: Hello, is this the craftsmans guild?
???: Yes and who may I be speaking to?
Zero: Zero, Zero Hunter. The king of all bastards. And you?
???: Bob, Bob the builder and yes, yes we can build it now shut up.
Zero: I wasn’t even going to say that.
Bob: Well a lot of folks do.
Zero: Just what rank are you in the crafstman guild?
Bob: I’m pretty sure you are an idiot, so I’ll put it simply. I’m two ranks down from being leader.
Zero: And do you enjoy your work?
Bob: Sorta, but this rank gives ya to much work. It’s tiring and the bob joke, I swear, next guy I see that says that bob the builder joke, I am going to give them a little taste of heck.
Zero: Hmmm… what about your pay?
Bob: Eh… 800poke monthly.
Zero: That’s… not a lot
Bob: There are A LOT of members here kid.
Zero: How many?
Bob: Over nine thousand.
Zero: …Alright Bob I have a deal for you. I want you to join Team Gaia Force and I’ll pay you more than your guild pays you and you’ll have less work. Sure, you’ll have to build stuff and rebuild stuff but I’ll hire other workers to help with it, so you’ll have less work than you have now. And better of all, you won’t be dealing with complete retards. You’ll be dealing with some mofos though.
Bob: How much money are we talking about?
Zero: Hmm… does 1000 poke per two weeks sound fair?
Bob: It does.
Zero: So, will you be joining us?
Bob: Hmmm… yes, I think I will.
Zero: Great to have you aboard. Now I just have a question and a request to ask of you.
Bob: If it’s about the name, I’ll f***ing kill you.
Zero: Eh… I wanted to ask you what species you are.
Zero: Cool. Now for my request. Well Bob, you see… our base came under attack and we need to have it upgraded. Namely, the rebuilding of a room into a safe room, some home security added and some more rooms added and even two more smaller houses near ours, a shack even.
Bob: And you know, that’s going to cost you a lot of money.
Zero: Name the price.
Bob: 5000 poke.
In Mt. Steel…
“Did you guys hear something?” Avon asked.
“Little help? Guys?” Mike asked, as he was mercilessly beaten by a digglet.
Back with the phone conversation.
Bob: Something wrong?
Zero: …I now know how Mike feels…
Bob: What does that mean, smart guy?
Zero: It means… that… I’m okay with it… but… do I have to pay it all now?
Bob: You have three days and if you don’t pay it in time, I’ll kill ya.
Zero: …If I die, I’m telling the ruler of whatever place I go to, to bring ya down with me…
Bob: A job’s a job, pay the price or get out.
Zero: …I’ll pay it… but I hope the security systems you add are strong enough to deal with a True Shiny… If they aren’t, I want a refund.
Bob: Off course, that’s why it’s to expensive. Cause it’s quality like ya know. It’s true shiny proof, and even idiot proof.
Zero: I hope you’re right… Well, I got nothing more to say. Get the job done and I’ll see what I can do about the bill…
Bob: The bill is ten-thousand poke and you still need to pay me one thousand poke every two weeks for my employment in your clan.
Somewhere in Temporal Tower…
Back in Team Gaia Force’s base…
“Are you okay?” China asked.
Zero’s answer, was no yet he was so shocked by the large quantities of money he was going to have to pay for some improvements. He should have been sucking his thumb when he hanged up the phone, but yet he wasn’t for some odd miracle. What was more amazing was that he was willing to call one more person…
Zero: Is this the maid service thing?
???: Yes my good sir or madam, you’re talking to Lady Joselyn
Zero: Whatever. I just want a maid to clean the house up and stuff. If it’s cheaper, just send me a recruit and some other crap.
Lady Joselyn: A recruit? You mean, to sell one of our younger maids to you?
Zero: Well yes. The Crappy musicians guild and craftsman guild do it, so why can’t you?
Lady Joselyn: But… but…
Zero: Look lady, I’m on the verge of having a mental breakdown. Just give me a yes or a no.
Lady Joselyn: But everyone here is like a big family. We can’t simply sell one of our own.
Zero: Sell? You are just giving her a new home and gaining some benefit out of it.
Lady Joselyn: …
Zero: …Just how do you get money to pay the bills?
Lady Joselyn: We train the young ones here and the older ones do the work for a fee.
Zero: Yeah well, I don’t wanna spend that much money, so I’ll take what I can get.
Lady Joselyn: Hmmm…
The sound of glass breaking was then heard in the background, on lady joselyn’s side…
Lady Joselyn: Oh great… there goes another expensive item…
Zero: Sounds like you have a flawed maid. Care to send her to me?
Lady Joselyn: Hmmm?! Why would you be interested in Lady Layla?
Zero: Cause you don’t want to cooperate with me, so I’ll take what I can and this ‘Layla’ seems to be what I can take.
Lady Joselyn: …
Zero: Alright fine. Send her to me and I’ll add a bonus. This bonus is that well… hmm… how do I explain it. The rescue team I belong too has a ralts in it and if I know your kind, then you just love to nag and make people better, and all that stuff. You like to be strict, yell and improve when you are training someone. So how about I force him over there for your enjoyment every Saturday till he evolves?
Lady Joselyn: That’s a deal I cannot refuse my good sir.
Zero: Now… just send me this Layla over and I’ll what I can do about the sacrifice. A question though. How bad will these sessions be and for how long?
Lady Joselyn: Five star horror for five hours of wishing he was never born. She’ll become the greatest bride/maid she can be.
Zero: Wait, maid? But this is a male ralts.
Lady Joselyn: Didn’t you know? While ralts can evolve into a male third form, the stone needed to allow such evolution is so rare, it makes finding the holy grail easy.
Zero: So basically… male ralts are… fubar and might as well call themselves girls?
Lady Joselyn: Pretty much.
Zero: Marcus is going to be SOOOOOOOO mad when he hears that…
Lady Joselyn: Well shall we go over the contract?
Zero: Wait a contract? Come on lady, don’t go overboard.
Lady Joselyn: But I must.
Zero: If so, then I MUST demand you send me another maid aside from this Layla.
Lady Joselyn: Six hours with the boy and done.
Lady Joselyn: Now for the contract. You…
Zero: Zero, Zero Hunter of Team Gaia Force. Otherwise known as the king of all bastards.
Lady Joselyn: Ah. Well you Zero Hunter agree to send me this ralts every Saturday of every week for a year for six hours of strict training in return, I Lady Joselyn shall send over maid-in-training, Layla and official maid, April to live in your house and.
Zero: Change that to Join our clan or rescue team.
Lady Joselyn: Seven hours.
Zero: No… I gotta not be selfish with this… I’ll go with Marcus and tolerate you for half an hour.
Lady Joselyn: Deal. Now let’s try you again. Well you Zero Hunter agree to send me this ralts every Saturday of every week for a year for six hours of strict training along with you yourself coming with him and taking the same training as him for half an hour and in return, I Lady Joselyn shall send over maid-in-training, Layla and official maid, April to live in your house and join your rescue team.
Zero: Yes, that’s right.
Lady Joselyn: Then we have a deal. I’ll be sure to have April send over the papers you need to sign and after that, it will all be official.
Zero: For any reason, are there any shinies in your organization.
Lady Joselyn: No, why ask my good sir?
Zero: Just checking…
|Thu May 28, 2009 12:14 pm
|| Page 1 of 1
|| [ 17 posts ]
All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests
||You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum