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 rubbish jokes 
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Ace Trainer
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My joke isn't all that great but...
There is a man drowning in the water. A boat comes and asks, "Do you need help?". The man says, "No thanks, God will help me.". Then another boat comes and asks the same thing. He says, "No thanks God will help me". Then the man dies and goes to heaven and asks God, "Why didn't you help me?". God said, "I sent you two boats you dumb@$$!


Thu Nov 20, 2008 8:22 am
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pokemon ranger, you don't want to know how many times I've heard that joke, I actually screamed when I read it, and when everyone tells it to me, they're so proud of them selves, like they're so clever, even the teachers.
I also heard it in the pursuit of happiness.


Thu Nov 20, 2008 9:54 am
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Really? I heard it from a friend. I told you it wasn't all that great :lol:


Thu Nov 20, 2008 6:26 pm
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{bulbasaur}

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Sun Nov 23, 2008 6:25 pm
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I see what you did there.

On topic:
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

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ryan_dan wrote:
(S)ome dumb kids looked at Mewtwo and thought "Hey he can clone things and move objects with his mind and be weak to Ghost attacks, why can't I?" Because it is a freaking game!!! Not something you should actaully practice in real life!!!


Sun Nov 23, 2008 10:17 pm
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Why shouldn't you let a Pokémon use the bathroom while you shower?



Because he'll Pikachu.


Thu Dec 04, 2008 1:03 am
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^ Epic

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 OH GOD HERE HE COMES HE'S GOT AN ANGRY BADGER

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ryan_dan wrote:
(S)ome dumb kids looked at Mewtwo and thought "Hey he can clone things and move objects with his mind and be weak to Ghost attacks, why can't I?" Because it is a freaking game!!! Not something you should actaully practice in real life!!!


Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:28 am
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Why shouldn't you let a Pokémon use the bathroom while you shower?



Because he'll Pikachu.

:lol: Ahhh. First of the morning humor. Seriously...this kept me laughing for about 3 minutes straight. Indeed epic. You get a bonus point.


Thu Dec 04, 2008 7:56 am
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My dad is the king of terrible jokes.
"Did you know that a hummingbird dosen't know the words?"
Oh yeah, he said that.

Ok, here's my favorite joke:
So little Timmy is sitting in class, daydreaming, when Mrs. So-'n-so points to him and says, "Timmy! If there are three ducks on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many ducks would be left?"
Little Timmy answered, "Well, Mrs. So-'n-so, if I shoot one of the ducks, the sound of the gunshot would make the others would fly away"
Mrs. So-'n-so shook her head,"No, Timmy, there would be two ducks left; but I like the way you're thinking."
So Timmy asked, "Mrs. So-'n-so, three woman walk out of an ice cream store; one's sucking her cone, one's licking her cone, and one's biting her cone. Which one's married?"
Mrs. So-'n-so replied with reluctance, "I don't know Timmy.... the woman sucking her cone?"
Timmy smiled and said, "No, Mrs. So-'n-so, it's the woman with the ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Oh and you gotta' tray this one on your friends:
You: "I have a great Knock-Knock joke, wanna' hear?"
Them: "Sure."
You: "Ok, you start"
Them: "Ok, Knock-knock."
You: "Who's there?"
Them: ".....................................................?"

Get it? :o
It's a gas! I love that one!

Oh, and just for fun:

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar and the priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Hey, did you hear the one about us?"

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Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:28 pm
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what do you call two birds relaxing in the midday sun?

Baskin' Robins

what happens when the smog clears over Los Angelos, CA?

UCLA

this one is a bit long

There were three friars who went into the floral business. One day, some kids went into their greenhouse and were eaten by a man-eating plant. The parents demanded that the plant be destroyed, but the friars refused. Then enraged parents went to Hugh, the local blacksmith, and got him to chase the friars of town.

The moral:

Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars

what do you think

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Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:26 pm
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Hah! I liked it. :D

And my dad dropped another gold nugget today:
"A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, and the bartender ask, 'Hey, man, what's the with paper towel' and the pirate says, 'Arrr, there's a bounty on me head.'"

:?

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Fri Dec 05, 2008 7:02 pm
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Kruggeikarp wrote:
Hah! I liked it. :D

And my dad dropped another gold nugget today:
"A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, and the bartender ask, 'Hey, man, what's the with paper towel' and the pirate says, 'Arrr, there's a bounty on me head.'"

:?

Hah, that one made me laugh :lol:


Fri Dec 05, 2008 7:31 pm
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A pirate walks into a bar with a small ship's wheel peeking over his waistband. The barkeep asks, "What's it for? Isn't it uncomfortable?" The pirate replies, "Yar, 'tis drivin' me nuts!"

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ryan_dan wrote:
(S)ome dumb kids looked at Mewtwo and thought "Hey he can clone things and move objects with his mind and be weak to Ghost attacks, why can't I?" Because it is a freaking game!!! Not something you should actaully practice in real life!!!


Fri Dec 05, 2008 7:48 pm
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Nida wrote:
A pirate walks into a bar with a small ship's wheel peeking over his waistband. The barkeep asks, "What's it for? Isn't it uncomfortable?" The pirate replies, "Yar, 'tis drivin' me nuts!"

:shock: Wow, when one reads that in the wrong way it's...um...interesting :lol:


Fri Dec 05, 2008 10:25 pm
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ok, a guy was interviewing for a job, and the other man asks him,
"ok, MR. so-and-so, i want you to represent the number 9 without actually stating the number."

"ok." says MR.so-and-so and he draws three trees.

"why did you draw those trees?" asked the interviewer.

"tree plus tree plus tree equals nine." he replied.

"okay, now i want you to represent 99."

he shades in the trees.

now why did you do that? he asks

dirty tree plus dirty tree plus dirty tree equals 99

okay, now i want you to represent 100

he places a small mark beside each tree

now what was that for?

dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd equals 100
so the guy hires him.

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Mon Dec 08, 2008 6:26 pm
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^ lol.

Nida wrote:
Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 OH GOD HERE HE COMES HE'S GOT AN ANGRY BADGER

When I was at that post, the answer wasn't there, and I thought it was going to be the actual answer. :P

Why don't lobsters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.

;P

And Kruggeikarp, I loved the knock-knock joke one!

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Sun Dec 14, 2008 1:10 pm
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ricabrightfox wrote:

dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd equals 100
so the guy hires him.


This joke took me a couple days to get.
I kid you not.

Hmm, I think some told me this one a long time ago, but I forgot how exactly it gose... but we'll try.

Three men were watching the Super bowl when a Special Report flashed on the screen;
"Beware, there is a Land Shark on the loose and he'll try anything to get you to open the door so he can eat you."
Moments later, the men heard a knock on the door, the first guy rises, with a grunt, to see who was there.
"Who's there?" the man barked through the door.
A low-toned voice mumbled, "Um.... I'm a cable guy."
The man opened the door and......
Chomp!
A little while later, there's another knock. The second guy gets up and goes to see who's knocking.
"Who's there" he asked timidly.
"Um..... I'm a cable guy."
"Nice try, but we didn't call for a cable guy"
"Oh, then.... um... I'm a plumber."
The second man opened the door and.....
Chomp!
A couple minutes passed, and there was another knock.
The third man fearfully got up to answer the door....
With a quiver in his voice he asked, "Wh-who's there?"
"Umm... I'm a cable guy"
"We didn't call for a cable guy!"
"Then, um.... I'm a plumber"
"We didn't call for a plumber!"
"Oh then.... um... I'm a... land shark.."
The man laughed as he opened the door, "No way! I gotta' see th-"
Chomp!

Probably butchered it, but eh. Made me laugh. :D

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Sun Dec 14, 2008 11:17 pm
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Tue Dec 16, 2008 10:56 pm
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in a classroom a teacher was reading to her 2nd grade students the story of chicken little. She was at the point where chicken little told the farmer that the sky was falling. She paused and asked her students, "And what do you think the farmer said?" a boy raised his hands and the teacher called on him. the boy exclaimed, "OH MY F****ING GOD!!!!! A TALKING CHICKEN!!!!! The teacher was unable to teach for the next 5 minuites.

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Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:35 pm
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Why don't zebras play poker? There are cheetahs in the forest, you know.

EEEEEEEEWWWW.

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Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:23 am
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Eh, this is an old one...
What type of bra does a smart mermaid wear?
An algebra/algae-bra
dur...lol

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Fri Jan 09, 2009 12:03 pm
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Ur mum.

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Sat Jan 10, 2009 1:31 am
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Kruggeikarp wrote:
ricabrightfox wrote:

dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd equals 100
so the guy hires him.


This joke took me a couple days to get.
I kid you not.

Hmm, I think some told me this one a long time ago, but I forgot how exactly it gose... but we'll try.

Three men were watching the Super bowl when a Special Report flashed on the screen;
"Beware, there is a Land Shark on the loose and he'll try anything to get you to open the door so he can eat you."
Moments later, the men heard a knock on the door, the first guy rises, with a grunt, to see who was there.
"Who's there?" the man barked through the door.
A low-toned voice mumbled, "Um.... I'm a cable guy."
The man opened the door and......
Chomp!
A little while later, there's another knock. The second guy gets up and goes to see who's knocking.
"Who's there" he asked timidly.
"Um..... I'm a cable guy."
"Nice try, but we didn't call for a cable guy"
"Oh, then.... um... I'm a plumber."
The second man opened the door and.....
Chomp!
A couple minutes passed, and there was another knock.
The third man fearfully got up to answer the door....
With a quiver in his voice he asked, "Wh-who's there?"
"Umm... I'm a cable guy"
"We didn't call for a cable guy!"
"Then, um.... I'm a plumber"
"We didn't call for a plumber!"
"Oh then.... um... I'm a... land shark.."
The man laughed as he opened the door, "No way! I gotta' see th-"
Chomp!

Probably butchered it, but eh. Made me laugh. :D


just from this, i got gory images that you probably don't want me to describe......but when i saw the term land shark, gible came to mind.

i know i am obsessed with these guys {gible} {gabite} {garchomp}

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Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:47 pm
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drakonez, look at my post in the your most frightning forum.

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Wed Jan 14, 2009 5:06 pm
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh! Lol, i remember my junior high principal saying that one.

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Sat Jan 17, 2009 7:54 pm
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