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 Wouldn't You <3 to Know 2? 
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Pokemon Ranger
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Writer's Corner: So, here's another perspective story between the same two characters from this. If you haven't read the first one, then I suggest that you do. As ambiguous as I purposely made it, I feel that this one will make some semblance of sense. This is taking place years after the character's first meeting. Oh, and this will have some gore that may not be appropriate for some readers. You have been warned. And in case anyone was wondering, no I haven't figured out what storyline I want them in.

Oh, and "daemon" (in this context) is pronounced "dA-mon" not "dE-mon." There's a reason, but that would spoil so many surprises wouldn't it? No, I don't care if that's how a dictionary would show the pronunciation either. >.<

Now that I think about it, I probably didn't write this the best as I could. I don't hate it, but I know it'd be a lot easier to have written if I just came out with their genders, but, like I said, I dunno what I want to do with them yet. When I make that decision, I may have to do some character altering.

"Untitled 2"


The snake was anxious. They were speeding far more than was legal, over 100 mph at least. There were police cars behind them, speeding just as much, sirens blaring, but they weren't there to pull the daemon and its companion over. No, they were following on the companion's orders. The child, that was no longer a child, had run off again.

A tanned hand clenched in the daemon's lap. Not long after their first meeting, the child and daemon had met again in the woods. The child had been asleep despite its nearness, the snake couldn't say if it was because of ignorance or a complete disregard for the threat that it posed to the child's health at the time. The little human had intrigued the daemon upon their first meeting, but now it found that it wanted to know more than sleep off its latest meal. So, it changed its form to that of a human and had stayed by the child's side since. The child let it, not having enough energy to care about the snake's presence.

The car barely screeched to a stop before it slammed into the trees on the outer edges of the forest. The daemon threw itself out of the car, nearly getting hit in the process by the other cars. It was uncaring of the pain it had avoided. That smell. The child was here! The snake ran as fast as it could, and its inhuman species allowed it to be faster than the humans "jogging" behind. The feeling of running, walking even, had been bizarre, but it got the snake closer to the child. That was what mattered, having its curiosity satisfied.

The child. The daemon pictured the object of its thoughts in its mind. The child, was no longer a child. To be honest, its mind had never been of one, only its body. Now, its body had grown. They were at least fifteen years now and had grown up well. The child had grown into their skin and moved unnaturally graceful. In a few more years, the transformation from an awkward duckling to an elegant crane would be complete.

There! Up ahead was the old, abandoned warehouse. Its eyes widened: blood. The snake pushed its legs faster and burst into the building. It took no time at all for its eyes to adjust to the minimal light that crept through cracks in the walls. Air was caught in its throat as it stared at the object of its thoughts.

The child was crying and was choking on its own breath. Blood leaked from the corners of its mouth, but went unnoticed as it stare ahead, unseeing. The organ in its bloodied hand fell unceremoniously to the dirty, concrete floor. The snake's eyes watched as it rolled a little after hitting before its eyes snapped back up to the child. Their other hand, still its normal pale pristine self, hovered over the gaping hole in the left side of its owners chest.

The snake's eyes widened considerably as it watched through the separated fingers of the hand blocking its view. Behind the hand, it could see tendrils of blood, bone, muscle, flesh twine together like vines and slowly reform the lost organ. Soon, even the shattered ribs and tattered skin had been "repaired." If it were not for the tear in the child's shirt, then the snake never would have known.

Shaking hands brought themselves to their owner's head. The child took in a deep breath, and its nails dug into their skin as a horrifying scream was torn out of their throat. The voice that came out was hoarse, from lack of use and crying. The child's anguish brought the snake out of its shock, and the daemon rushed to their side.

Its tanned hands tore the child's hands off of their face, but could do nothing about the bloodied trail left behind. It wrapped its arms around the child and held them in a vice grip, wanting to squeeze the heartache out of the young teen. The child wailed into its shoulder and dug its nails into the snake's shoulders. The snake ignored the pain and only tightened its grip. It could hear the other humans outside, but he was consumed by one thought.

Cry. Cry, and let me take the pain away.

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Sun Nov 02, 2008 9:47 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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The first paragraph confused me. My thought it that the snake was at the side of the road, the daemon was chasing the "child", and police were chasing them. Maybe the snake was in the car with the daemon? I'm confused.

The second paragraph gave me the idea that the snake WAS the daemon, but I'm still confused. So it was a daemon all along, but usually took the form of a snake?

Quote:
The child was crying and was choking on its own breath. Blood leaked from the corners of its mouth, but went unnoticed as it stare ahead, unseeing. The organ in its bloodied hand fell unceremoniously to the dirty, concrete floor. The snake's eyes watched as it rolled a little after hitting before its eyes snapped back up to the child. Their other hand, still its normal pale pristine self, hovered over the gaping hole in the left side of its owners chest.


This confused me. If the said organ was the heart, as I suspect, the child would be dead. If it was some random non vital organ, I'm pretty sure something would have gotten broken and the child would be dead.

I think that you have some good potential with this piece. There are just some things that need some cleaning up.

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Mon Nov 03, 2008 6:27 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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From the first story, you can tell that the daemon and the snake are the same being.

And yes, the child should be dead. That's what they're so upset over, not being dead. That's why I talked about the organ being "replaced." And before you say it, yes I realize just how close to being a Sue/Stu the child is, assuming they aren't in that aspect.

This was rather hard to write because I decided to keep their gender's a secret. It's very hard to write about more than one character's actions individually without something differentiating them, for me at least especially since I know their genders. Try it some time with a character of yours. If you don't have to go back and get rid of all the "he" and "she" that come out without thinking, then I envy you.

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Mon Nov 03, 2008 7:52 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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I definetly respect the ability to mask genders, whether you haven't made up your mind or just don't want us to know.

Oh, by the way:

Quote:
The child*no comma here* was no longer a child.


I thought the piece, as a whole, was a smidge confusing. There's a bit too much unexplained to understand what's going on, and the pacing is a bit fast.

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Mon Nov 03, 2008 9:01 pm
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