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 PMD Tale: Thorough Seekers [PG-13] 
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Pokemon Ranger
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Writer's Corner: As you may see, this is one novelty fiction of mine -- my third fanfiction... this time there is this abnormal story in 'The World of PMD'... Pokémon Mystery Dungeon is one of my favourite games around, I couldn't hold myself to write something on it.

As you might know already, you know that my style is way far from being conventional, and read this: NO, THIS STORY IS NOT THE CONVENTIONAL 'ZOMG I WOKE UP ONE DAY AND I FOUND I WUZ A POGAIMOONZ!!1' TYPE OF PMD FICTION. I am more creative than that, thank you.

With that said, we can proceed... but, I'd like to tell you, that if you don't consider Oracle of Legends a PG-13 story, you shall do it with this one... indeed...


Quote:
This is but one of the legends of which are spoken amidst us…


Once upon a time, the world as we know it was way different from what it is today. There were many more huge jungles, active volcanoes and few creatures lived upon the dry land. It was known as the “Dawn of the Era”.

It surely was one sweet and mellow creation of Them, vast savannas, deep oceans, clean beaches, silent forests… a world where the unbreakable balance between prey and hunter, time and space, life and death was preserved thoroughly.

Verily, a closed universe like this one was right and good to an extent, but They wanted more about it to become… thus, Him, our father, gave birth to the first thinking individual different to us… a “Human” child.

A child of that sort did not show off any special ability, any talent, any strength, any big trait, it was just a lonesome baby in a world where the ravaging Nature is the one who takes care of everyone, having no unnecessary mercy on whoever didn’t ‘deserve’ it.

Legend has it, that when this newborn gave it’s first steps out of its egg, the land began to crumble, volcanoes began erupting like no tomorrow, acid rains cascaded from the skies and a falling star was directed to our world, crashing against the peace of the land into an obscure oblivion that seized the country away from its beauty and growing diversity.

But even so, the child kept walking as if no big thing had happened the day of yesterday, as if it wasn’t affected at all. No atrocity like this one would ever been thought of, and that is the main reason why we don’t consider it as a relative, it nearly caused our extinction even few time after the world was created.

But luckily enough, He saw what this atrocity have caused upon our land and without thinking it twice, He vanished this monster from the face of our world, only to hope it to heal its deep wounds caused by an ‘accident’ such as this one.

Maybe this world would have been a paradise by now if that monster didn’t ever exist. But we have no idea of why He gave birth to such thing.

Perhaps it was a mistake… if Our Father can make any…


If you haven't gotten used to my type of prologues that tells nothing and leaves you in the air, well... you should... it will make things easier.

You guys must know that next intallment will obviously not start from this point, if you read carefully, the prologue opened saying this was a legend. So next time we'll see the actual plot rolling.

So, I'm testing this project out, what do you guys think of it?

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Last edited by AABM on Mon Apr 28, 2008 12:43 am, edited 3 times in total.



Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:08 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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The legend was interesting. Was the "child" actually a human? Or do you simply intend to reveal that later? The egg definetly(That IS a word, spell check) could throw people off and confuse people.

I am also assuming that, because pronouns referring to the one person are capitalized, he is basically their God. Arceus, perhaps?

Well, other then what I said in the 1st chapter, this was very good. Can't wait to read more!

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Fri Feb 08, 2008 5:44 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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What, what was that? Could that be... a... COMMENT!? :o

Well T_D, I'm glad you found this prologue interesting rather than finding it confusing or anything. I thought it was obvious, but the child that is spoken of in the Legend refers to... well... never mind... you're better off not knowing it.

And yes, the "He" in this legend is indeed Arceus and I'm sure you'll find the plot interesting, so stick around, I'm typing next installment as I type here.

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Sat Feb 09, 2008 4:33 pm
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Sweetness!

Drawing natural disasters...Could it be...No, I still don't have a clue. Can't wait till the next chapter.

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Sat Feb 09, 2008 7:13 pm
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Ahh, long, smooth-flowing, plenty of capitalized pronouns, profound-sounding, cool words...

A great prologue and start :lol:

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Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:15 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Writer's Corner: So, that one was a 'great' prologue, really? *shrugs*

Anyway, we're about to see what's AABM done to keep this awkward plot going, so let's learn, it may look lengthy but what can I tell you? I even had to cut some scenes for the sake of space, so yeah...

Read carefully and... Enjoy what you can!


Quote:
Not the gloomy and scary appearance of the forest made him falter, the long cream-coloured body of the rushing creature darted through the dark passage framed by gnarled trees and bramble bushes with the dim silver glow of the moon that seeped from the dry branches and the feel of sandy earth under his claws.

Good for the Rushing creature the trail was more of a straight line, he was known by his friends, and unfortunately by his foes as well, that he had to completely stop when the trail pronounced a curve – but he didn’t want to slow down with this monster following him near.

Suddenly, a black silhouette flashed on the corner of his eye – attempting to pierce a weak flank.

The creature, cloaked with the impervious veil of the shadows, lunged from the lower branches of a tree trying to pounce the running Linoone.

The cream-coloured lightning succeeded at parrying the other monster’s stomp and stopped his march a few miles away as the trail grew sinuous, delaying him in this speed trap.

The nervous Linoone swung around and found his adversary, with it’s long ears and large claws, standing still on the other side of the trail of dirt – when suddenly, it swung it’s arms as if it threw something.

The Linoone saw the subtle flash of the two small metallic objects with wide eyes, only to let them pierce his left arm and his belly deeply and letting out a shriek of pain – blood welling outside the wounds.

A cat-ferret hungry for blood moved his arms like tugging strongly and – to the cream-coloured mammal’s surprise – two invisible strings tensed from his wounds, sending him flying towards the opponent like a living rocket.

One unprepared Linoone let another shout of pain as he was tugged towards it’s attacker – only to meet the vicious claws being raked at his very face.

Streaks of fur and droplets of blood flew to the air like scared doves after the blow’s punching noise filled the forest and the Linoone fell on the ground half-conscious – feeling how the earth under his thrown body grew wet, how his head began to flutter around out of hard disorientation and the pain he felt as if his face was on fire.

The soft sound of Zangoose’s steps on the fallen, rotted leaves neared the knocked Linoone with an evil giggle as the poor whining creature began struggling to get on his feet.

Trying not to collapse, the cream-coloured one got on his forelegs and turned slowly, almost regretfully, to his incoming attacker; revealing a growling bleeding face with his serious wound’s toll – the attack had left two deep slashes in half his face, one of them scratching across his eye, unfortunately.

The evil giggling evolved progressively into a maniac cackling as the silver moonlight showered lightly the Zangoose, revealing his awkward small pupils, staring coldly at the bleeding Linoone who kept the most spiteful expression at him.

The Zangoose slowed and stopped laughing, keeping a maniac smile in his face, the monster enquired with his low-pitched voice “You didn’t expect those two stringed Iron Thorns, did you?”.

The Linoone couldn’t bear it any longer, he crashed on the ground head-on and quickly covered his face with his paws, only to force more pain out of it as sobs began to spell rage, “H… h-how could… you…” came his sad, frustrated voice between sobs from behind those trembling paws, just then, he attacked the cat-ferret verbally.

Not moving a muscle, the cat-ferret just lowered his brows as his wicked smile disappeared from his teeth and began walking slowly towards the Linoone – right claw prepared for striking.

He got his feet next to the motionless victim, “You’ll regret your words…” he whispered as he raised his claw for the attack – “In hell!” he uttered as he delivered the chop.

“Hold it!” suddenly came a high-pitched voice from somewhere behind the bushes, stopping the claw cold from seizing the life from Linoone. In a moment full of angst and rush a walking flower with leaves for arms tumbled out of the bramble bushes as she removed the last one out of her way.

Sunflora was the leader of this threesome, wearing a pink Pecha Scarf wrapped around her neck and dark-blue polka dot handbag under her shoulder, she kept a furious face at Zangoose and yelled at him some stern words about what he’s done.

But the Zangoose, on his own side, didn’t show himself afflicted in any way, he just gave his back to the fuming flower and crossed his arms laughing “You’re not my boss, and I’m not guilty if that piss-poor Linoone is victim of the situation”.

“What?” Sunflora’s face seemed to become red from utter anger, “You’ve gone too far this time, Zangoose!” she fumed again and got one of her leaves against her lips.

Then, the flower began blowing tenderly from her lips for a Grass Whistle attack performance, emitting a soothing melody that reminded of that of the sweet, fine sounds of a palm tree’s leaves dancing to the wind. The Zangoose, and also the Linoone himself, felt how their bodies and eyelids became heavier and fell quickly into a deep sleep.

Once the sunflower finished the demonstration, she got her leaves into the handbag and picked a small deep blue-coloured sphere and raised it in her right leaf to the sky shouting “Escape Orb!”.

After summoning the power of the sphere, the orb began to shine loudly and crumble away in the flower’s leaf, subsequently, the bodies of the threesome began to glow in psychedelic light blue and then they disappeared from the forest, leaving the blood on the sand and everything untouched, as if they’ve never been there.

- - -


For those who might not be familiar with this, the Wigglytuff Guild, founded and leaded by Wigglytuff, has been the best Exploration Club around for more than twenty years, with brave and clever integrants who might be backed up by veteran pokémon like Sunflora or Crawdaunt in long and dangerous journeys across new and unexplored lands in small groups of three called “Tankentai”.

Such an interesting and demanding job is for little else than just learning about the different countries and about their beauty and majesty, for little else than being able to produce maps for newcomers and tourists, for little else than just feeling the joy and mirth of travelling and helping others in the way.


Instance #0: Just off Duty – Part I


But at this rate; the sun was getting to it’s uppermost, now on the next day. Zangoose and Linoone, with wounds wrapped tenderly in silk bandages, found themselves inside the fresh facilities of the brick-walled underground office of the Wigglytuff Guild, being yelled at by the pink balloon chief for yesterday’s failure as veteran Infernape and Empoleon watched the action from the bottom of the room with crossed arms and quiet mouths.

“You two guys make a pair of pathetic suckers that know nothing about team work! And you know even less about following simple instructions!” the Wigglytuff fumed at the twosome exuding a rage so warm that not even the two torches at the bottom of the room could ever imitate.

The balloon turned around and walked over to her brown wooden desk and picked a yellow apple off it, she turned to the clawed ones and began addressing them furiously, commencing by yelling at the cat-ferret. “Zangoose!”.

A serious air began to whirl around the office as the balloon neared the cat-ferret, “Let’s be frank, okay? I’m fed up with you and your terrible team skills, and I know you are fed up with me as well” she continued with a calmer tone of voice.

A bite on the yellow fruit resulted in a wet crunch sound that even helped create that bossy air she wanted and after swallowing the piece, “Have you not pondered the reasons of why your skilful and almost-excellent Tankentai left you rot in that volcano a year ago?” she enquired a cat-ferret looking at her expectantly.

“Of course you don’t, because you think you’re better off without them, don’t you?” she raised the volume of her voice and watched Zangoose smirking gleefully, with his unavoidably evil expression, at the balloon’s comment.

She turned around and walked a few steps, after swallowing another piece of the apple, “Well, guess what…? Wigglytuff Guild needs not a member like you” she spat the last word.

“Infernape” she called the fire-type monkey, he walked over to the balloon and said no words expecting an order, “Please, show Zangoose how we treat those who ignore orders from their superiors, would you?” she smiled calmly at the monkey, who looked over to a now nervous cat-ferret with a smirk.

The Flame pokémon walked over to the cat-ferret – narrow eye contact between the two of them. Suddenly, the monkey delivered a quick kick to the cat-ferret’s face, who let out a sudden gasp of pain and he strongly knocked his head against the near wall from the attack’s strength.

Then, the monkey began beating up the unprepared Zangoose with punches to the face and chops to the limbs, filling the closed atmosphere with a rush of flat-on blows that spelt sheer nervousness in Linoone himself.

Not eight blows from the Flame pokémon and the Zangoose was already lumped unconscious on the green carpet, Wigglytuff peeked from behind Infernape’s shoulder and said “Well done, my friend, now he’s is done with for now”.

The balloon pokémon bit again at the apple, almost finishing it and suddenly whirled to the Linoone, who gulped a bunch of saliva with a wide eye out of intimidation.

“Don’t worry, Linoone… your case is even worse” she said spitefully with narrow big eyes that created the perfect scene.

“First, I thought you were just a good kid, obeying your Tankentai leaders, picking up random stuff, doing your part of the job… you’ve been playing nice” she smiled tenderly as she walked over to her desk again, this time she picked a piece of paper with a bunch of notes and sketches on it.

“Until I found this!” she yelled snapping the piece of paper in her hand as she whirled to Linoone behind her.

“Empoleon found these plans of yours in your room a week ago, don’t be hiding things away from us, Linoone… and even less things like this” the pink one frowned and put the paper again on the desk.

She began rub the firm wood of the desk as she directed words at Linoone, “I’m not going to fire you because you tried to bring Wigglytuff Guild down, no… such thing is impossible at this rate, so there is no point of firing you for that… what I didn’t like was the plan itself” she raised her gaze up to a jumpy Linoone on the other side of the room.

“Forming your own headquarters on the other side of the country, behind the mountains? Come on! Such a sad little plan would’ve never been pulled off, this country and it’s nearest islands ARE to be explored by my Guild”.

“That’s why I wanted to propose you this…” she lifted her brows into a calmer face now.

The balloon continued with the same pitch of her voice stating “Since you’re so willing to actually run your own group I won’t stop you, but don’t be foolish like Zangoose’s former group was, ‘Team Shredders’ was revoked from their Tankentai Badges when they started to act on their own” As her voice filled the wounded Linoone with a mixture of feelings, Empoleon walked over to him without saying a word. Just letting Wigglytuff continue, “So, I wondered… what if you run your own Exploration Team elsewhere?... Out of my Guild’s jurisdiction…” with a trace of sadness or regret in the last part her voice came.

The navy blue penguin stood in front of the wrapped-in-silk creature and then, Wigglytuff’s last sentence came with joined brows and watery eyes, “I’m still pretty much attached to all my good students, Linoone, so consider this as a test… or a ‘see you’ rather than a ‘good bye’, my friend…”.

The Linoone peeked from Empoleon’s side and his eyes met a sobbing pink balloon leader with shut watery eyes “Wigglytuff, wha--” his comment was interrupted when he felt a blow in his head, turning his world into an obscure void.

It looked like if nothing had changed ever, but when the Rushing pokémon was starting to regain his senses, he felt the warm sand in his face, his body was all wet and cold as the sunset’s stars began to flash in the darkening yonder.

He overheard some small pebbles falling down from the near cliff -- someone was coming.


As you could see, this story is not treating you like if everything is beginning right before your eyes nor as if you knew nothing, it's rather treating you as if you knew what has happened up until now, but don't worry, I know you don't.

What do you say? You don't like it that way? Well, I'm afraid you'll lose it. But hey, don't drop that hope, you'll be catching on soon, just wait until the plot develops further.

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· Say, Orange looks better than gray, doesn't it?


Mon Feb 11, 2008 7:10 pm
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Quote:
Not the gloomy and scary appearance of the forest made him falter, the long cream-coloured body of the rushing creature darted through the dark passage framed by gnarled trees and bramble bushes with the dim silver glow of the moon that seeped from the dry branches and the feel of sandy earth under his claws.


That sentence/paragraph was a tad akward. Consider:

Quote:
The gloomy and scary appearence of the forest did not cause the long, cream colored creature to falter, and he proceeded to dart through the dark passage framed by gnarled trees...


Some of the other sentences also have strange formatting and should be adjusted, like this part of another sentence.

Quote:
Good for the Rushing creature the trail was more of a straight line, he was known...


Other then that, this was very good.

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Tue Feb 12, 2008 3:23 pm
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Are you serious, T_D? Did you consider last chap very good? I, myself, didn't like it very much, I had to cut many scenes, and I like it even less if you tell me my sentences didn't work. I guess I'm still not as good in english as I thought, writing in a second language is quite a challenge, but I like challenges so I just have to master some issues.

Now, to the story itself, expect next installment by tomorrow, I'm typing it as I type here :P. If it's not here by tomorrow night, then I don't know when will it be.

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· Say, Orange looks better than gray, doesn't it?


Wed Feb 13, 2008 8:43 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Writer's Corner: W00T! DUBL POZT!

I hope I get feedback again, I'm starting to forget what was it about receiving a reply here, but meh. *UPDATE*

Before proceeding, I want you to know that what happens in this installment is chorologically (spell issue...?) linked with the first part... the one about the Linoone, the Wigglytuff Guild and whatnot.

If you can, enjoy...


Quote:
Gazing at the night sky, the Ant Pit lowered his lids while staring at the shiny stars that dotted the cloud-less sky above his tent as a grin shone in his teeth.

Mt. Steel didn’t look ugly at all with all the scattered rocks, dust and rubble under the veil of the night, and even the pine trees, surrounding the area, were nowhere to be seen in this world of penumbra.

The Trapinch, at the side of a sleeping Gible, found himself inside his cream-coloured leather tent lying back-to-floor in his niche of streaks and dust with a dreamy smile in his face out of the feeling of intense joy, however, this holy bliss wasn’t product of the beauty of the sky only, but also from a letter he received a while ago.

A letter from an old, dear friend…

‘Dear Alex.

Well, I’m not good at writing letters, so… here goes nothing…!

How have you been, my friend? It’s been quite a while since we last saw each other. Mainly because I’ve let my work take over most of my daily schedule and now I have to close the shop later. But tomorrow will be an exception, I’ll close before dusk.

There is so much I’d like to tell you, we have a lot to talk about. I’m mostly interested in joining the ACT Academy and train alongside with you, because… I think I’ve kind of been slowing things down pretty much lately.

“How so?” You ask? Well… you know me since ten years by now, so yeah, I guess I’m starting to change my vision of the world around me. Things are bound to change a lot around here in my shop, because I’ve decided to give it up, not because the lack of merchandise, no. But because we’ve been apart from each other for two years now, I don’t know about you, but since we broke up that noon… It feels like things aren’t working very much… I guess we should give it a try and meet each other once more.

I surmise you’ve been doing good, I’ve heard that the ACT Academy is gaining strong popularity, so the idea of joining you came to me just yesterday. It’s because thinking of a unique Academy that consists in no actual building is very appealing, even more if all the lessons are life-involving and are out in the wild a hundred percent, be it under the rain or under the stars, it’s out there.

By the by, how is it exactly? I know it sounds good and that it’s a constant survivability test, but having Alakazam, Charizard and Tyranitar for teachers must be a pain… ain’t I right? I guess the ACT Academy isn’t named like that out of nowhere, looking at them as in how much luck and success there was from starting as a rookie Rescue Team, then being internationally famous as Gold Rank Team ACT, and now… there they are, teaching their skills to newcomers… heh, I’m even getting excited from thinking of joining them now!

Well, it’s time for me to start doing my inventory, so I have to finish quickly, please, make an effort and drop by tomorrow dusk… so, take good care you Ant Pit! I’ll be waiting for you.

Your friend, Sabah.’

- - -


There are still some who know little about this land, and the mysteries behind all the natural disasters that once caused chaos and misfortune to many families. However, as a matter of fact, such things aren’t common today, it’s been some time since the last time we faced an earthquake or anything like it… but even if so, there are still some who actually want to make a “Rescue Team” or “Kyujotai” and get ready for incoming calamities and emergencies, like the day-dreaming Trapinch, Alex.

As for what it is of today, little is to be known in this land, almost everything has been seen by now, as well as all the feats Team ACT did, and used to do, in the past… And now they are an academy for teaching the likes of Alex how to manage themselves in the wild and how to run a Kyujotai, even if such thing is not too much of a necessity right now, the fear of natural disasters still linger in this country.


Instance #0: Just Off Duty – Part II.


Many, here in Mt. Steel, knew how hot it could get when the sun strikes this rough terrain without clouds interfering at very noon, but even this kind of conditions are useful for teaching, as Alakazam himself believes.

Standing on a huge boulder over the rest of the integrants, the yellow fox with many decades in his body and moustache, addressed the group of countless newcomers with his low-pitched aged voice, crossed arms behind his back, and with the green giant monster and the winged red lizard standing at his sides.

With sharp eyes comprehending the entire area, he cleared his throat and then his strong voice came “I’ll be brief this time, my students” his first comment appeared to strike the rest of under-schools a bit uneasy.

A serious face and crossed arms reigned in the other two beasts beside the yellow aged fox, and he continued “As you all know, the World Trip is drawing near after each moon, so we shall put you all to this last test before that day arrives…” producing shifting heads, whispers and mutters in the crowd below the ACT threesome.

“The crew and I have decided to train you no more, for you all have proved you’re ready for a challenge this big” his last sentence lifted the whole group of all kinds of pokémon in an air of intense cliff-hanger as the Flame and the Armour creatures walked to the edge of the cliff.

Not even two seconds passed and both big monsters leapt into the sky, one of them beating it’s wings, the other preparing a fist to strike the land below – “Find the three before that sun comes!” the old fox shouted erecting his arms to the sky with spoons in hands as the Charizard let loose a stream of fire towards the small students on the shaking earth.

The rest of the small creatures flew, dug or ran away – avoiding the attacks and disappearing into the open field in a blink of an eye or faster, this was exactly what this wicked threesome of teachers wanted, and now is up to the students to fins the answer to this easy riddle.

- - -


The Trapinch found himself running straight east through a group of trees and rocks with the sun setting behind him now.

The soft sound of very quick light steps on the dirt filled the woods as obstacles and obstacles in his way streamed backwards at an amazing speed because he maintained a long Quick Attack to dash into the east like a tanned orange jet, into his goal, into the shore.

As he darted through this rough terrain – his mind rushed as well, “Wonder what did ACT want to do now?” he though.

A smirk appeared in his face as he schemed further in his head “They always do this kind of things, letting one in the air to figure what the test is, and when you least expect it, BAM! There it was and you didn’t get it on time before someone else did it first”.

But his smirk of enjoyment didn’t survive the sheer activity of his brain trying to figure this out as he gathered “I think Alakazam said it already, it’s unmistakably about the World Trip, the most important tournament held in this country”. Then, he added “The time when all the Rescue Teams gather and initiate a massive caravan around the world, and the team that arrives first with all its members alive, they get the blessing of the Gods”.

May be this happens only once every hundred years, but there sure are a lot of people willing to go to a trip this big. Though I, myself, haven’t seen such blessing… I think that’s just a lame legend”.

The feel of the small rubble under his feet has gradually replaced with that of soft sand with scattered small wild grass as he blinked in realisation of what Alakazam wanted to say, “That’s it!” he thought, wide smile in his face, goal in eyes.

As he darted his way into the shop, the trail of dirt became more vertical by the second whilst the hill pronounced itself upper, farther from the crashing waves at the Ant Pit’s right. And before he knew it, the shape of the tree-like structure of the shop cleared in the shortening distance.

He began puffing and gasping for air, began to wish for a stop, began to imagine how Sabah looked like after these two long years whilst a passionate smile flashed in his teeth… Sabah, the Ledyba, was right in front of her shop, waiting for Alex to arrive as she waved four white hands to him.

Suddenly, when the Trapinch slowed his march, the Ladybug stopped waving short and lost her colour when she turned to her lower left and saw with wide eyes the body of an unconscious Linoone lumped on the shore down the cliff, inches from her.


Sabah wrote:
Your friend, Sabah'


^I aimed to put that on the right, but I know not what code is it.

I repeat myself, what is happening here is chonologically linked with the first part, if you noticed, both started with the night time, then jumped to the midday and ended with the dusk, see?

Anyway, I hope that this tedious rollercoaster of multiple parts ends quickly, or the plot will not start soonly enough before the good taste is lost, but let's see what can I do now... just yet another part of this and the plot CAN START, doesn't it sound exciting?!

*Is off to type the next part*

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· Say, Orange looks better than gray, doesn't it?


Sun Feb 24, 2008 8:00 pm
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*Claps*

This is brilliant, I was worried when you posted in my topic saying you had a PMD fic, but this has dispelled said fears of it being a 'zomg, i iz a POKEYMANZ!?'

I especially like the way you've done this, bringing them all in at the same time, but seperately. When most people do this, they have a chapter introducing every single character all at once, so fast that you can't keep up with who everyone is. So yeah, this is cool.

Thunder_Dude has already outlined the only problem I see with it, such as awkwardness in sentence structure sometimes, but a) you've already explained why (which makes it even more comendable that you're writing this) and b) it actually works. Sometimes, phrasing a thing differently gives a fresh outlook on something that people usually describe.

I evny your ability at description, too. It's elevated while producing the right images in my head.

And most impressive was 'ACT.' That acronym is brilliant, Alakazam, Charizard, and Tyranitar. Wicked. :)

Oh, and as for the legend at the beginning...it's a brilliant hook, and it's put my thoughts going...natural disasters lead me to beleive it's Absol (highlight to read, in case I'm right and spoil it) but that's only because of what said Pokemon's pokedex entry says.

However, the legend-esque way of writing it leads me to beleive it could be a Legendary, like Mewtwo...either way, I'm not sure, and the only way to find out is to continue reading! So I look forward to the next chapter. :)

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Last edited by The Obsidian Wolf on Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:05 am, edited 1 time in total.



Mon Feb 25, 2008 1:25 am
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The Obsidian Wolf wrote:
*Claps*

This is brilliant, I was worried when you posted in my topic saying you had a PMD fic, but this has dispelled said fears of it being a 'zomg, i iz a POKEYMANZ!?'


See? AABM is not conventional at all, I hate it when people misjudge you or something of yours without even knowing a thing of it. But now you know that this story is not what it seemed to be.

Quote:
I especially like the way you've done this, bringing them all in at the same time, but seperately. When most people do this, they have a chapter introducing every single character all at once, so fast that you can't keep up with who everyone is. So yeah, this is cool.


The trio of Instances # 0 include a brief information about the main three integrants and how they get to meet one another, along with a glimpse of their personal traits and such.

I thought myself that I needed to do this all in one chapter, but then, I thought it again and this was born... the only problem with it is that it delays the main story quite a lot.


Quote:
Thunder_Dude has already outlined the only problem I see with it, such as awkwardness in sentence structure sometimes, but a) you've already explained why (which makes it even more comendable that you're writing this) and b) it actually works. Sometimes, phrasing a thing differently gives a fresh outlook on something that people usually describe.

I evny your ability at description, too. It's elevated while producing the right images in my head.

And most impressive was 'ACT.' That acronym is brilliant, Alakazam, Charizard, and Tyranitar. Wicked. :)


And you say you 'envy' my descriptions when partially the rest of the chap is written awkwardly... I think I've never seen anything like this before. :?

By the by, that wicked acronym... it actually exists, in PMD Red/Blue, there is an actual Team ACT, but this is yesterday's newpaper in relation to my fic, now they are an academy rather than a Team.


Quote:
Oh, and as for the legend at the beginning...it's a brilliant hook, and it's put my thoughts going...natural disasters lead me to beleive it's Absol (highlight to read, in case I'm right and spoil it) but that's only because of what said Pokemon's pokedex entry says.

However, the legend-esque way of writing it leads me to beleive it could be a Legendary, like Mewtwo...either way, I'm not sure, and the only way to find out is to continue reading! So I look forward to the next chapter. :)


Brilliant hook? Incoming Natural disasters? Absol? Mewtwo? Man, you have no idea! :D

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Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:42 am
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Not bad, the sentences have improved to where they make much more sense, though some still have minor problems. Other then that, you've done very well. I'm going to have to try and do better *begins to revise next chapter of The Elements, hoping he gets a comment* *hint*

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Tue Feb 26, 2008 3:42 pm
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Writer's Corner: Isn't it exciting? The 3-part bundle set is completely done with this last installment!

Remember, what's happening here is at the same time than with Trapinch and Linoone, remember, remember, REMEMBER.

Now, let's see what is the last main character up to...?

ENJOY.


Quote:
Inside the narrow wooden room, with a small window at the left and a colourful mat on the earth, Sabah, the ever-busy Ledyba, found herself with a load of closed box in a hidden corner behind the same-wooden counter.

With a pair of delicate but firm right hands, the ladybug held a box at a time as she wrote some tips and special info in white chalk on a small blackboard on the wall at her side. A thing like this would’ve been found very tedious and dull for many, but Sabah was quite the worker and she never left anything at random when it was about business.

As she ended one of the last row of prices, she lifted her gaze out the square window and plunged her eyes deep into the full moon with a dreamy smile, tomorrow will be one long day indeed, because sale prices will draw customers, customers and yet more customers from every corner of the Pokémon Square, quite some miles away.

She sighed heavily with her sweet, light high-pitched voice whilst getting herself back to the shop and end the job, then… in a moment full of silence, she whispered “I hope I see you tomorrow, my dear…”.

- - -


Few miles from the Pelipper Post Centre, distanced from the main plaza of the Pokémon Square by a sole trail of dirt, you can find Sabah’s itsy tree-shop called “Cliffhanger”, which was the excellent nick for her home-made items shop, considering the almost inexistent distance separating the tree and the deep cliff beside it.

One rough and well-known cliff that just had a small patch of sand on low tide and crashing waves, down there, when the tide rose. But such a condition was not considered any dangerous because the impervious roots that sternly anchor the tree’s structure to the very earth; believe me, it won’t fall.

However, what worries the little Ladybug is not her shop’s safety, but rather, how will tomorrow’s clientele be like with this forty percent discount on every item, knowing that her home-made Pecha Scarves, Zinc Bands, Iron Thorns, Persim Scarves, Power Bands, Gummies and many rare Orbs all cost a pretty penny.


Instance #0: Just Off Duty – Part III.


A powerful sun shone brightly above the town, but this wasn’t nearly as hot as the tight ambience inside the small stand, all kinds of creatures fiercely asked for discounted items like a hungry flock of Swellow about to swoop on a school of Magikarp in a cloudy winter noon.

“Give me fifty Iron Thorns!” “I want those three Persim Scarves for me and my children!” “A Zink Band for me, please!” “Give me a Lob Orb set of five!” – Coins in hand, counter to chest, box in bag. Pretty much action inside Cliffhanger, much more than the Ledyba has seen in a year or so, but even this raging crowd of payers didn’t make Sabah falter her quiet smile, which grew into a wide grin every time she received the money.

Such a tight situation, that kept Sabah’s blood pressure to race, didn’t survive more than few hours; and neither did a big part of the merchandise… there was an astonishing row of four shelves completely cleaned up! The ladybug had a hard time believing this, provided there were just five.

After the rush hour ended, an air of calmness and sanity was felt throughout the entire surroundings. Sabah sat on her chair comfortably on the other side of the counter sighing heavily as she enjoyed a brief, yet much-needed, break.

When suddenly, a low-pitched voice came from outside, “Don’t you worry. I think there’s still plenty of stuff there”, followed quickly by a higher-pitched voice interjecting “You think so? I doubt it”.

The bug-type raised her gaze, listening to the voices carefully, and whispered “Those two are Otto and Milk for sure” readying herself to attend more customers.

And, after the conversation grew near, the two of them entered the shop. Sabah was right yet again, she produced a warm smile that went “Welcome, you two!” as a handsome Floatzel and one good-looking Lopunny stepped on the colourful mat of the shop.

After they looked around at the scarce yet significant traces of a previous rumbling crowd, the bipedal rabbit sprang quickly into the counter with a jolly smile and slapped her hands on the wooden desk in an energetic fashion and squealed “How have you been, Sabah? I knew your shop’d be this empty by now, my friend” ending with a wink.

Sabah backed up a bit in her chair from Milk’s joy and smiled back “Heh. Why, thank you. But I hope I’m not ran out of what you want” as a sweat drop appeared in her forehead.

Then, the ladybug eyed the Floatzel that stood with crossed arms at the entrance and her voice came “Hey, come along. Don’t be shy, Otto” – and she watched the Sea Weasel whirl to her, as if he didn’t know she was even in the room.

The ladybug produced a warm smile at the absent-minded proud water-type and then asked “Well, what will it be? White Gummies and Blast Seeds?” whilst turning to the Rabbit and to the Sea Weasel respectively.

“Nah” both of the mammals answered in unison, “Since you’re closing tonight, I’ll buy you something big, something special” the Lopunny added.

“I want a Pecha Scarf!” the happy Rabbit squealed with a big smile in her teeth.

“Oh, we feel retro today, huh? That was the most IN some years ago” the Ledyba answered as she took one pink, square piece of soft cloth from a box behind her and placed it on the counter in front of the smiling Lopunny.

After paying the according amount of coins, Milk got the scarf in her furry hands and said “Thank you, Sabah. You always have what one needs”. She then turned to her right and asked “Otto, don’t be slow. Do you want anything?”.

“Power Band for me, please?” Otto finally answered with his serious pitch of voice.

“What’s that in your ear?” came the ladybug’s question.

Quickly, Sabah floated in front of the Sea Weasel and with a swift hand movement she grabbed his left ear and snapped the brown Band from the unsuspecting Otto, squealing “Right on!” – showing the piece of silk in her hand to a wide-eyed customer.

A shining red blush appeared in his shocked face as he faltered to ask how, but female laughers filled the air for a moment, and he paid.

Surely, a jolly good time like this was bound to be missed by Sabah, and she grew more certain about it as she watched her friends walking out the front doorway.

The once happy air surrounding the shop turned into a quiet, shallow ambience yet again. The ladybug sighed heavily as she turned to her high left into the window, and the orange dye of the sky told her it was time to close the shop, to call it a day, to say good-bye to an old life style and to say hello to someone she’s been expecting.

She then, took a dusty small box in a hidden corner of her counter and proceeded to lock the front doors with a smile in her face that certainly spelt hope and melancholy at the same time; and before she knew it, when she turned behind her, there was him, the Ant Pit she’s been waiting for was coming at a high speed with a Quick Attack.

At so long last, I get to see you again!” the blissful bug thought as she began waving crazily at the incoming Trapinch.

When suddenly, a slight light cream-coloured spot flashed on the corner of her eye, the turned to her lower left and gazed down the cliff, her waving hands stopped and she felt a cold breeze whilst the figure of an unconscious Linoone appeared on the sand, poor thing.


Up to this point, this has been the shortest Instance # 0, but that's fine to me, I made a shop look interesting, didn't I!? xD.

When you see next installment in this story, you'll know it will begin with the very *Gasp* Chapter # 1 of Thorough Seekers, and... basically... you'll learn why is the fic named like it.

But, up to this point, do you guys have any theories? I dounbt it can be too hard...

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Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:04 am
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Woo, that was cool. I have the theory that the three of them are going to form a Rescue Team. :P

I like how the three of them meet in each different circumstance, as I said, it's an effective way of bringing in characters without boring the reader. It also gives way to knew personalities.

Talking of that, I loved Ledyba's personality, it's something I seem to lack in my own fics. I'll have to work on that, thanks AABM. ;)

As always, I look forward to the next chapter.

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Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:30 pm
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Obs wrote:
I have the theory that the three of them are going to form a Rescue Team. :P


Wow, did you arrive to that conclusion ALL BY YOURSELF!? :lol: . Sorry dude, I had to say that. :D

Writer's Corner: Okay, listen up everybody, I'll be short to this corner now.

This is the very first chapter of this story! It ended far too different from what I expected, because the actual idea made this chapter long, boring, and incipid.

So yeah, enjoy at will.


Quote:
Instance #1: To Seek Thoroughly.


“Hey, look” echoed a high-pitched voice in the world of shadows. Something began to crinkle somewhere inside his head as the same voice came again “He is regaining his senses!” spelling excitement in each word.

Subsequently, a differently pitched high voice went something like “Heh, really? At last!” whilst a small flash of shining white light shimmered in the distance.

The small ball of shimmering bright light shone as if it had a dancing candle ember inside it; it grew progressively by the second, doubling and tripling its size until it took over the old dark world, and before he knew it, the fogy, vague sight of a brown, wet and chapped ceiling was revealed before him.


It was then when he began to feel the actual fresh and soft condition of the leafy bed he found himself on as he emitted a quiet groan when he felt the soft pillow made of straw below his fluttering head. The first voice came again triumphantly saying “The Aromatherapy and Soft Boiled never fail to heal you”.

He felt again his furry body being softly warmed up as he rolled his head slowly over his left shoulder, feeling his check and ear sinking into the itchy ball of thin streaks, and then is when his eyes met these two pink egg-like creatures trying to heal him… surely, two Chansey’s Soft Boiled and Aromatherapy was just something beautiful to feel, for it was like being born once again.

The long, four-legged, cream-coloured creature felt how his grogginess was being cast away by the two soothing moves and he slowly pushed up his shoulders and neck to have a seat on the edge of the bed, still half-asleep.

With heavy eyelids and shaky neck, he took cognisance of the small wet and wooden room. Provided of a wide big window on the other side of it, the itsy lodge was similar to anything he had seen up until now; and perhaps he was inside a huge tree, being taken care of by the two nurses in front of him.

Snapping the last lapse of sleepiness, he blinked in a split second and his face turned confused and surprised, “Why hello there, sweetie” smiled kindly one of the two Chansey in front of him.

The surprise that reigned in his face was replaced quickly by a frowned shifting face, he saw a short table on his right, it had some small and weird metal instruments he had never seen, they seemed to be somewhat bloody and the two Iron Thorns were there just as well.

He turned to the nurses, “Where am I?” asked he with his very characteristic tender, low-pitched voice.

“You're in the Gardin Hospital, and you've been here for quite some time now” one of them answered, and then the other one added right away “You and your infected deep wounds did give us fight to work on, it's been two long days of operation on you”

The Linoone's face seemed to widen somewhat in sheer disbelief as the nurses began to thoroughly describe him the horrid situation he was in. According to them, not only could he die in the way to here, but also during the operation, which seems quite easy at first… just a simple extraction of two sharp items that alienate the structure and kinetic integrity of the left shoulder and chest… but it turns difficult when your heart stops working and your lungs are half full of fluid.

“By the by, where are you from, little one?” the kind nurse enquired with an endearing look at one lucky case.

“And what happened to your right eye? Lucky you I know how to treat eyes” added the other one with an air of disgust around her face.

* * *


Meanwhile, behind the wall and at the side of the curtain-covered entrance of the room, the Trapinch and the Ledyba found themselves sitting there, waiting expectantly the time when they can get to see this incognito casualty, whom they found one night on the beach, again.

“Do you think the nurses are done?” asked the Trapinch to a ladybug lying on his head, “I can't wait to see him healthy” he added with a smile in his tanned orange, toothy face.

“I'm not certain, Alex” she answered, “But…”.

“Doesn't it seem weird that we randomly found him washed away on the beach?” she enquired with a wondering look at the rusty, wooden ceiling, “I wonder where does he come from, what's his name, or what happened to him”.

He crossed his arms, closed his eyes and nodded a smiling “I may suppose we now have a theme to meet him through a conversation, ain't I right?” ending with a wink at the winged red one on his head.

“What do you mean?” retorted a blushed ladybug, who got no response.

She turned away and asked another doubt of her, “Whatever, umm… Now that the ACT Academy is taking a break, how will we form a Rescue Team? In that case, we’ll need one more member, no?”. When suddenly, the calming sound similar to that of clear sea waves on the fresh shore filled the couple's ears, it wasn't normal at all, the sound didn't seem to come from anywhere.

The both of them shifted their heads to try figuring what could that be, but it was futile, all they saw was an incoming nurse Chansey carrying a wounded, unconscious Zangoose in a stretcherbed rather in a hurry, which reminded of them the night they took the Linoone in here.

Before they knew it, the sound of calm waves had already disappeared, and to their surprise “Did I just overhear you want to form a Rescue Team?” said the Linoone to them, standing proudly in front of the entrance of his room with a certain look to his eyes, with no actual smile in his mouth and with crossed arms.

Both bugs turned to each other and to the Linoone again, who stated “You’ve met the right veteran”.


Well, how didcha like it? Wasn't it the way you expected it? what? it wasn't? Well, I'm sorry.

Advice: Remember the part of the sound of the waves and the Zangoose, it will help you lots.

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Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:09 pm
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Kudos, kudos, and more kudos!

To begin with, this is the first PMD fanfic I haven't had to reluctantly read. No sir; this was rather enjoyable. This looks to be all nice and fresh; no obvious rehashes seem visible.

I too have developed some theories... but I'll keep them to myself for now. :P

I anxiously await your next addition! Keep on typing!

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Tue Apr 01, 2008 9:27 pm
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OMIGOSHERZ!!!

I went away from the site for a little while, came back, and you've made a new fanfic!!!

*deep breath* Okay, I'm better now.

This story is really good from what I've read, only having a few grammatical errors here and there. But noone really cares about that :D

I can't wait for the next chapter AABM, it sounds like it's going to be epic.

Also *huggles AABM*

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^^^spongedude made this. He is AWESOME!!


Mon Apr 07, 2008 6:45 pm
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Writer's Corner: YAY! *Hugs Youkou back*

It's good to see that this story is bound to grow big, strong and healthy thanks to you'all, my beloved readers. So let's see this next addition!

Oh, and, by the by, yes... *UPDATE!*

And also... Enjoy!


Quote:
Instance #2: The mission of Staying Still.


There was nothing but silence at this unknown hour of the night out here in a lonesome sector on the western outskirts of the Square, but this tranquil ambience was just ripped apart by the deaf sound of claws scouring forcefully against the bare ground.

Surrounded by a group of trees, neighboured by a lake and open to the skies themselves were the characteristics of these grand, unutilised common lands. But this hard-working Linoone had already schemed a plan involving the formation of his own groupette and the construction of the base in a place just like this one, so everything was doing perfectly for this individual who likes to do things according to a previous plan.

As he slowed his digging, he rubbed his forehead and whispered “That couple is really going to love this” with a somewhat evil smile as he took a paper at his side with sketchy drawings on it.

If everything goes according to the plan, we’ll be set for dusk”.

* * *


The next day, the sun was powerfully striking from it’s cloudless, highest cerulean throne upon the moist ambience of the ‘Mist-rise Forest’, which is easily described as a nice place to live in if you like the sun, being in contact with nature, the wind and your flapping wings; for this environment is well up on the south-eastern mountain range.

Known by winged insects and inhabited mostly by them, the pine trees and fog are never missing, not in a place as warm and rough as this one, which looked good overall with the green beams of light seeping from the tall, broad canopies and the countless bug-types crawling or flying around, just passing by at their own tempo on their own businesses.

Gasping and panting for air, the pushy Alex, equipped with a small pouch wrapped around his loin with a sash, slowed the march he’s been keeping, from his home the desert up to here, and started calling “Sabah!” with his loud voice hovering over miles and miles of thick trees, cold rocks, poison mushrooms and rotten leaves, even producing echo at the distance.

Not daunted by the lack of response, he was about to call for his friend again; but when he caught breath inside his mouth for shouting again, he saw this small, buzzing, red ladybug coming at a steady speed, with a big smile in her face and a greenish, full-looking purse in hand.

He still had breath in his lungs, so he used it for something constructive by saying a rather quick “Hey, we’ll be late, let’s get going” right before watching the little insect landing friendly on his head, “I was just looking for something in my room, but I’m ready” her sweet voice came alongside the silk-soft purse, not bigger than a handful of berries.

“You know the desert is far from here, don’t you?” the ant pit replied between gasps for air. Her smile was swiftly replaced by a frown and she interjected “I know, I’m sorry, but I cannot be early for them all” ending with a shrug.

“If you want, we can get some rest before going” the Ledyba advised her stubborn friend, but said orange, tanned Trapinch retorted “If I get some rest we won’t be on time, remember that Token expects us to be there before dusk, so we’re off now”.

“Okay, whatever you say, but don’t go around saying I didn’t warn you” she shrugged again, and without a second thought, the Ground-type lunged itself across the trail he came from, but turning the corner with a tree for a straight route towards the north-western plains.

* * *


Meanwhile, back at the common land, the cream-coloured mammal, with a scar in his right eye, found himself pounding forcefully a white and yellow post box, which was given to him by a postbird Pelliper, with a stone right beside two white short fences, which had a lonesome gap between them.

This specific design is courtesy of the ‘Pelliper Post Office’ and from that moment onwards, he’d receive his correspondence daily, which is very important… and even more for a new Rescue Team. “Now we’re done with this” he thought as he gave the box the last pound.

He threw the stone away behind his shoulder and shook the dust off his paws with a victorious air around his beaming face, just before thinking back “Though, I need a bath now” as he realised he was covered in sand and sweat, so without waiting for another second to get past him and his dirty fur, he ran in a straight line across the grassy field and jumped into the lake with his tummy.

The produced splash didn’t really affect anyone inside there, because it wasn’t really that big, nor it was that deep either. So he got his head looking to the slowly-moving smooth clouds floating happily adrift on the sky and crossed his forelegs behind his nape, just to breathe in deeply and turn his body into a cream-coloured, full-of-berries perpetual flotation sack just for him and his joyous, free afternoon; it was then when his thoughts confirmed his smile “Mission accomplished” before he closed his blue left eye.

He really had a reason to feel this good; his plan was marching on wheels to say the least, and he also had a reason to feel this tired; he’s been working non-stop since last night so it was reasonable that he closed his eyes, at the sight of the calm skies, and fallen into a free express to the world of dreams.

It didn’t really look like it at all for our favourite candidate for the worker of the year, but what he felt like a few minutes of sleep, was actually some quiet, generous five hours of slumber. And he really came to realise this when he felt something poking his forehead, as if trying to dunk his nose into the water for a more shocking waking effect.

He cracked his eyes open and his face met that of Sabah’s, the innocent Ledyba who greeted him by kindly saying “Hey there, we’re here!” with her red face against the orange skies, causing the Linoone to topple over from the shock.

Watching the Linoone splashing around out of shock, the bug said “Oh, I’m sorry to wake you up, but--” she was caught short by the unsuspecting mammal, who just retorted with a quick “Okay, okay, it’s alright. Worry not”.

* * *


“What are we doing here?” the ladybug enquired the normal-type as the three of them stood in the gap between the two white, short fences, looking at the ground for some reason she couldn’t get.

Not three seconds passed and the Trapinch already got the point of it, smirking right before watching Token sticking his claw to the earth, as if trying to latch his fingers on something, “A burrow” he thought.

As the normal-type moved his claw, Sabah noticed a round patch of dust shaking and stared at the scene in disbelief as the Rushing pokémon lifted a sizable round piece of wood, which revealed a secret passage underneath it, “Get in” he invited the couple of bugs kindly before letting them walk inside the path, when they entered, he lunged himself in too by letting the door fall shut behind them.

“Mmm, it looks quite a lot like my home, Token” Alex’s voice came to their ears in the middle of the dark, they walked a few steps down the sandy, yet somewhat solid, stairs as the dark path opened itself into a huge underground living room.

The two insects, although used to underground spaces, watched in sheer disbelief at the grand size of this one. It was then when the normal-type turned to them and said “Welcome to our new base, kids. And most importantly… Welcome to Team Seekers”, with a four-clawed pawprint-shaped silver badge in each claw.

The two of them grew wide smiles with happiness as they took them respectfully from the veteran’s hands, “From now onwards, we’re not just a team, but also a family. And our tasks start tomorrow”.


Wrapped things up! Plot Rolling! Next Installment will hopefully get action packed! Nothing could possibly go wrong!

...Well, only a lack of feedback could spoil all this jubilistic evidence... but meh, that's just unlikely! Isn't it? :P

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Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:56 pm
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Woohoo! Finally got a chance to review the chapter.

Saw some good character development. In addition, like you said yourself, you got the plot going now. That's the most important part, is it not?

Hm... next chapter to be action packed, eh? I can't wait now! =P

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Tue Apr 15, 2008 5:54 am
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AABM wrote:
Well, only a lack of feedback could spoil all this jubilistic evidence... but meh, that's just unlikely! :P


I am so naive...

Heh, I appreciate your connection with this fic, it's kinda refreshing to see some sure-fire reviews when posting a new chapter, ain't I right, R_R? ;) seeing as I do the same with your earthbound fic

Anyways, this post is not promoting an *Update!*, it's just a lolbumper to tell you that I'm, right now, writing next addition, so it'll probably be up for tonight or tomorrow, be patient!

This next installment is hopefully the last non-serious chapter there is to see in this fic, becuase according to my official chart of Thorough Seekers, the real gore and gnarliness start with chapter 4, so yeah... This story is kinda for 'kids' up to next chapter... not further.

But let's see if I don't have to exagerate...

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"I'm perhaps the least typical Ledian user you'll ever get to see in the whole OU" - AABM.


· Say, Orange looks better than gray, doesn't it?


Mon Apr 21, 2008 9:50 am
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Pokemon Ranger
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Writer's Corner: Double post... but *UPDATE!*

This chapter packs quite some action, some drama and a little bit of a sad/moving ending... yes, pretty much like a movie, lol.

Enjoy.


Quote:
Instance #3: Dare not Slip your Joy.


Yes, it’s so early that it’s not even dawn time and most of the Seekers are already upstairs, on the grassland, practicing some important lessons everybody should know about managing a Kyujotai… but this practice looks more like a battle to me.

“Light Screen!” the ladybug uttered frantically as she clapped her three pairs of white hands once, before extending them forward as she braced her face for the impact.

Countless small transparent square yellow plates appeared in front of her and they blocked the incoming discharge of electricity successfully.

She cracked her eyes open after the sound of sparks had filled her ears and saw the Linoone below her, “Hey, when you use your moves, don’t go ‘screaming them off’ because I’ll laugh hard next time you do it” the mammal growled before dashing behind the flying ladybug.

She whirled her body around to have the running thing in front of her – the Linoone stopped cold and swung his arm to throw something small at her.

Sabah’s face grew wide as she saw the incoming Blast Seed attempting to zoom into her, but she knew how to address this one without making it explode, she extended a palm and moved it backwards to catch it lightly – she then swung around to the left and threw the same projectile back at the Linoone.

The cream-coloured mammal jumped away and rolled to evade the seed just on time before it collided with the ground, making a sizeable explosion that sent sand, pebbles and shattered seed-flesh flying.

Grinning and panting in exhaustion, Token admitted “Very clever, Sabah!” looking up at her smiling back.

Suddenly, her six white palms began shining – she flailed at her hands violently as countless shining, star-shaped things zoomed into the mammal.

He leapt forcefully with all his might into the gust of stars – head stuck out, – and, to the Ledyba’s surprise, collided dead on her tummy, taking her down for a crash landing into the rough earth.

Token had perfectly landed on his four legs and saw the ladybug lumped there, behind the cloud of dust; he smiled “Now you’d had enough, huh?” between gasps and pants for air while keeping the evil smile despite his scarred right eye.

The cloud of dust had already dispelled, but the Ledyba was still motionlessly lying there, “Sabah?” the Linoone asked her as he walked slowly towards her.

“Sabah?! Are you alright?” he shouted with wide eyes at the potentially injured insect as he shook her shoulder with one paw. She whined slightly, and her voice came whispering “I’m okay, I’m okay, I just blacked out there”, which was the sign for Token to sigh heavily in relief.

* * *


The once worried Linoone had given the still-disoriented Ledyba a piggyback ride into the burrow again, but when they got past the narrow entrance, the Linoone felt as if his heart was about to stop in sheer astonishment.

He felt how his pupils shrunk as a 120volt shock travelled down his spine in mere disbelief, at the same time he fought for not dropping the ladybug off his back, when he saw that the grand room was totally messed up! The mats were shred, the plants were toppled over, there was this gigantic hole in a corner and, on top of all this, Sabah’s green pouch was missing!

Token could have sworn he concealed the Seekers’ properties and locked them away in a safe place, and he was about to see red when he realised somebody entered, or was already in, the burrow with no permission and stole the ladybug’s purse.

As Sabah was shaking the grogginess off her head, she began hearing a soft, yet menacing, growl from her carrier, who whispered “Alex…” with nothing but grudge and rage in his voice.

After comprehending the situation of the place and that her bag was missing, she grew a scared face and told the furious Linoone “Token, it’s impossible that Alex could have done this, don’t blame this on him! Please”.

The mammal, completely seeing red, swung around and jutted an angry retort “Why do you think he’s not here! He pretended to be asleep and waited for us to go outside so he could do all this!”.

He then, turned his red gaze to the scene of chaos, stating “He’s just betrayed Seekers; he’s just betrayed his family! As Arceus is my witness, I swear he’s not getting away with this…!”.

A frown full of sorrow grew in Sabah’s face as she thought “Perhaps that’s why he was acting so suspicious last night, he didn’t seem to enjoy himself with this whole Seekers thing… perhaps… no, he couldn’t!” a Ledyba in love chose to believe.

Token could not be angrier and Sabah knew it well, so well that she wanted to contradict him no more, and the two of them leapt into the dark hole. A brief fall into the darkness awaited them in there.

After landing with a rough thud on his hind legs, the angry Linoone growled “Oh, I can’t see a thing!” at the big mishap, the impervious dark passage, through which they could hear his voice bouncing around further inside.

“I can help…” Sabah’s soft and smiling voice came soothingly, trying to calm him down, as her six palms began shining again, this time with a big Flash, which was nothing but Token’s green light for a fast dash into the dungeon.

It seemed like sinuous miles, miles and yet more miles of dust, rocks and sand streaming backwards in a world where you could not see few feet away from you, but after a moment of narrow-path crossing… there was this fork in the road, extending two alternate ways, one going up towards left and the other one running down the right.

“Left or right?” asked a weary Linoone to an even less oriented fellow on his back, she hesitated a bit, given to her the decision that would mean the way of finding Alex or the other of idling around for ever, so after thinking it avidly, she finally said “Go Left”.

The toughest one, eh?… okay, it may lead to the surface” the mammal thought to himself involuntarily before lunging himself into the unknown with four claws willing to climb on.

The ladybug, along with the struggling mammal, saw the light at the end of the tunnel, so her hands quitted glowing in white whilst the exit rushed at them, opening itself into a sunny sandland, a world were the whistling sound of the wind in an impervious sand storm was the only thing there was to enjoy.

The two of them covered their faces with their hands away from the sand as they heard a familiar voice calling furiously amidst the wind “You give that pouch back now!”, which triggered the insect's thoughts “Alex!?”.

“Hehe, try and take it back from me, you wimp!” retorted a shout from a very low-pitched voice as a big silhouette rose at the distance… it was long, bulky and had a horn on its head.

It charged its head and slammed it into the earth; the ground even shook from the mighty impact. But after moments of a loud scuffle shrouded in a non-helpful sand storm, the weather seemed to cool down, just when there was one final heavy blow to the ground after a morbid roar that filled everyone with fear.

The skies glowed again, the sand flew no longer and there was a huge Onix knocked out, sprawled motionlessly in front of a battered Alex about to collapse, but at least he manage to crawl towards the rock snake’s mouth and snatch his beloved one’s greenish purse.

A beautiful and moving sight indeed; and the twosome grew smiles of relief and happiness when the ant pit spotted them at the distance, before letting his body loose and falling onto his tummy.

He dropped the bag from exhaustion, which untied open and a nice, grey scarf with a brownish polka dot design on it that fell to the sand… “Yes, that is you present for being so nice to me, Alex… A Joy Scarf…” the ladybug thought, tears welling outside her eyes.


I may remember that this is the last chapter that can be qualified as for non-matures, so now you know that next installment will be gnarly or cruel... gnarly would be a more appropiate adjective for a [spoiler]Yaoi Scene[/spoiler], though...

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"I'm perhaps the least typical Ledian user you'll ever get to see in the whole OU" - AABM.


· Say, Orange looks better than gray, doesn't it?


Tue Apr 22, 2008 9:51 pm
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Gym Leader
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Location: Wisconsin
Um... you're going to have "gnarly" stuff in a PMD fanfic? o.O 'kay...

Kudos to the max. The story just keeps getting better with each update. I'm liking the darker themes and overtones a lot. =P

I look forward to seeing cruel stuff... but "gnarly"? I'm still a bit wowed by that one.

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Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:27 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
Pokemon Ranger
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Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2006 10:12 am
Posts: 510
Location: Where you MOST expect it.
Writer's Corner: Well, almost a full month of inactivity, but this story is now back! (I hope so) and we have a new *Update!* here.

As I said before, this is the infamous (gnarly) chapter four of this story, which sports a not-so-shining furry scene, but I must tell you: Please, do not think of AABM as a furry, he is not such.

I tell you I just wanted to try something new and if you ask me... no, I did not enjoy this at all.

But well, let's say something different about this... umm... do you remember that in Instance #0: Just off Duty - Part III, Sabah was running her shop for one last day, right? If you remember correctly (or have a look back) Milk and Otto (The female Lopunny and male Floatzel, respectively) entered there, well, they're coming back for another chapter!

Anyways, enjoy this if you want.


Quote:
Instance #4: One Nocturne Separation.


He was entirely lost.

The rushing sea weasel panted and gasped for air as he moved away all the foliage arresting his track. The exhaustion, the desperation for being lost in the jungle this late at night, he was beginning to doubt he’d make it after this.

Not a thought was scribbled in his mind as his pupils shrunk more and more as he darted through one last clear passage of fallen rotten leaves in a grand chunk of earth and this sizable tree trunk in the middle of it.

Once the Floatzel got past the soft-looking roots of this big tree, he stopped cold his feet and looked back at this apparently comfortable wooden root, which even seemed to invite him to have a seat.

He panted for air and arched an eyebrow at the idea, as if having a seat and resting there didn’t seem like a bad move at all. So he got his rear on this actually very smooth-based tree, got his back against the trunk and crossed his arms for a few deep breaths.

With closed eyes and a relaxing inner tube, he began hearing the calm yet unbearable silence of the night… he expected to hear a myriad of different sounds and distant cries, but the surroundings were as quiet as quiet might be. Though, he did not wonder why, actually he did little else than breathing deeply over and over again, hardly ever thinking, as if he expected something to happen in any second.

Suddenly a mysterious sound, which apparently came from nowhere, filled the air – the orange-coated mammal jumped briskly from his seat with his guard on and a deflated rubber raft. He shifted around as he interpreted the sound, and it seemed like calm waves drifting to a sunset shore. He could not decipher how or where did the sound come from, but these mellow waves were really nice to the ear, and the water-type did not fail to feel somewhat drowsy.

He felt how his shoulders, legs and lids became heavier by the second and the just let his tired body fall on the smooth root of the tree’s base, which now felt unexplainably softer and more comfortable than before, for an eye-shut.

But as he shot himself into the dreamland, he didn’t notice he was being craned up by this thick ‘Unexplainably comfy Root’ of a purple colour into the branches.

* * *


Meanwhile, inside the Seekers’ Grand Room, the dark and quiet ambience was but mellow and the three integrants were sound asleep – when suddenly, somebody knocked the door with might and hurry.

“Seekers! Seekers! Help me, please!” a high-pitched voice came from behind the door, which didn’t fail to wake up Alex and Sabah. The ant-pit took his pouch quickly, handed Sabah a red-and-green Pass Scarf and rolled the giant wooden plate to his right and saw a very frightened Lopunny, knelt at the entrance.

“Oh Alex! I’m scared, I don’t know what to do now!” she screamed between sobs and tears as she embraced the Trapinch’s head in desperation. “M-Milk! Easy now, what’s going on?!” he exclaimed as a slight blush appeared in his cheeks. Sabah came out of the burrow flying and she crossed her arms at the uncomfortable sight of Milk hugging Alex and sneered “Milk, let him go, breath in and tell us what is wrong with you…”.

The rabbit got her arms off the ant before rubbing some tears off her eyes as she breathed in calm, then, she looked up at Sabah and exclaimed “It’s… It’s Otto! He got lost in the Sinister Woods!”. Both insects grew somewhat wide eyes, for it wasn’t good for a water-type to get lost there.

“It’s an emergency! I haven’t seen him since dawn!” the Lopunny exclaimed. Sabah tried to dunk her small body in the burrow and wake Token, the leader, but Alex stopped her cold by jutting “Hey, where are you going? Token’s Resting, he won’t wake up any time soon, and even less after this long day of training”. Sabah gave reason to Alex and she closed the Base’s entrance quietly, “Alright, let’s get going!” she said with low brows.

Their trip to the Sinister Woods didn’t take long, for the miles and miles of dirt, grass and rocks was spelt short by Milk’s rush and angst, which made the pair of bugs push their way behind her. And before they noticed it, they were standing expectantly in front of this huge group of giant, dark trees. The ladybug gulped at the gloomy and horrendous sight of all these trees at the moon-less twilight, and the ant pit whispered “Our first mission, and we don’t have our leader… well, let’s do this”, and the three of them were given green light to enter the dungeon briskly.

* * *


Meanwhile, Otto didn’t feel anything. He was sound asleep in this purple, soft, scaly hammock-like bed, and to be honest, he was enjoying this quite a lot, perhaps because it rocked on it’s own and was broad enough for him to suit himself.

However, he got this bitter feeling inside himself every now and then… as if something was wrong, as if there was danger lurking around. So he fought his own drowsiness and struggled to shake the sleepiness off his head. Even though his whole body was rather shut down.

After a few seconds, he finally shook his head, almost unwillingly, to be honest. But the even the slight strength of his head could knock him over and he fell off this strange scaly hammock and on his tummy, almost hitting his nose against the rough bark of the tree branch.

He cracked his eyes open and rushed on his feet all shocked. To him, the last thing he remembered was this sound of waves and the next thing he saw were his feet standing still on a tree branch with the distant ground down below, almost twenty-three feet from there.

You just had to seed the expression in his face, he was but astonished at all this, “H-h-how did I… get up he-here?!” he faltered inside his head. He had the right to feel that way, he even suspected it was a dream so he slapped his face gently to see if that was it… but it was no dream.

Suddenly, a deep voice came from behind him saying “Good evening, guest”. The Floatzel whipped around and directed his gaze to the upper branches and to his sour surprise, craning down the darkness above, there was this giant, purple cobra’s face, grinning at him.

He could not believe the size of the serpent in front of him, but he managed to keep his cool there and backed up just one step before projecting a question “Wh-who are you?” with his most nervous voice.

It looked like the reptile’s body had no end, for it was still stretching down, “The name’s Deus, pleased to meet you” the scary snake smiled with his low-pitched deep voice, showing the mammal his tail for a shake. But with all the nervousness in the world, the sea weasel lost his cool and slapped the reptile’s scaly tail away as he growled “Why did you take me here?” showing him he was not pleased in the least to be there.

The long scaly mass slithered and slowly wrapped around the bark in front of Otto and Deus sneered “Oh, you didn’t know your life was at risk down there, did you?”. The Floatzel did not know what to think, he didn’t know a thing he was being told, so he let the reptile continue. The Arbok slithered and crept near the sea weasel with a sly air to it, “Don’t you know? They say there is a huge monster wandering around this part of the jungle, it is said that it eats its prey whole and nothing is left from the victim” ending with a pair of naughty eyes to the mammal’s back.

Otto did not move a muscle, nor did he look over his shoulder, he felt his heart pounding as he imagined how horribly he would have been eaten if this serpent hadn’t craned him up here. He gulped in his angst, for some reason, he didn’t feel safe here either, and when he was about to turn around, he was interrupted by Deus’ slow voice coming with an incomplete sentence “Besides-- oh”.

“What?” Otto asked before trying to look over his shoulder, but he didn’t do a thing when he felt a soft flickering to his backside, then the serpent’s cunning tone whispered to his ear “Never have I smelled something so delicious” ending with a flickering tongue to the sea weasel’s shoulder, who could not help to feel aroused.

It all happened so fast, the next thing Otto felt was three thick coils around all of his body, however, he didn’t have time to realise they didn’t want to kill him, he wanted to bite free, but before he could dig his fangs on these fleshy coils, his snout was wrapped by Deus’ tail, then the snake whispered “Easy”.

What did they do next? Well, let’s say they just let themselves go and… umm… offered themselves to the other… eww…

* * *


Meanwhile, back to the scouting threesome, they have spent the entire while looking for foot prints, streaks of fur, noises, anything that would lead them to Otto. Milk was starting to lose her hope, given she knew how incautious her partner was, but Alex and Sabah just knew they were on the right way to finding Otto, because seriously, if you were an absent-minded, ego-maniac sea weasel, how far would you go?

Once they found a track of fresh footprints on the moist ground, their hopes were reaffirmed and the threesome darted its way towards it. After they got a myriad of foliage out of their way, they found this huge tree trunk in the middle of a sole patch of fallen rotted leaves on the sand, and this tree had a long, thick purple tail hanging loosely off the heights.

It was a subtle sound indeed; but for Milk, who had the best ears in this group, there were heavy respirations, moans and kisses coming from the tree. She felt her heart was about to snap loose in utter indignation, whilst she muttered “Otto is up there” to the group with a finger pointing up.

Sabah did not lose any other second and gathered the group to plot the rescue; fighting would be foolish against a snake this big in a field where he has total advantage, negotiating would cause more troubles, so they thought that seizing the weasel from him at low guard would be their best and only choice. And so they did, Alex hid on the other side of the tree trunk, prepared for climbing and Sabah pulled this thick tail a couple of times.

There was an uncomfortable two-second silence before the serpent’s head craned down and met the two girls with a blunt “Yes?”. Sabah and Milk, both cute little ladies had their most innocent faces and then, the ladybug bowed respectfully and said “Oh, h-hi, good evening to you sir, we’re sorry to disturb you at this time, but you see… umm…” she was interrupted by the bipedal rabbit, who continued “We’ve been looking for Floatzel named Otto, have you seen any around here? He's tall, ”.

Whilst the other two were trying to gain some time, Alex had crept up the tree and when he made it to the top, there was him; a half-awaken half-fainted sea weasel wrapped in a bulging mass of purple coils, so the ant pit carefully got Otto between it’s two big jaws and pulled him out, and he did his last move, the insect jumped off the ledge to the ground, preparing himself to Dig upon impact.

There was a big thud when the ant pit disappeared in a hole on the ground, and in the right instant the snake turned, the Lopunny gave him a Dizzy Punch across the face, stunning the reptile.

“Run!” she screamed as they dashed towards the way they came, Alex eventually emerged from the earth and joined them; he still had Otto in his jaws and he didn’t fail to think “He tastes like sweat, adrenaline and guilt. Gross!”.


Eww, this morbidly gnarly chapter got longer than needed, WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME!? WHYYYY?!

At least I made the last scene a bit... funny? w/e, I think that is not enough. I have to make future chapters better than this one to make up for that, because if my story is going to be back in these forums... I have to make it look descent! Not creepy or disgusting! I promise that fewer and fewer chapters will involve two characters mating, I swear.

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"Team Seekers"

"I'm perhaps the least typical Ledian user you'll ever get to see in the whole OU" - AABM.


· Say, Orange looks better than gray, doesn't it?


Fri Jun 20, 2008 8:32 pm
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