Ghosty you're too right about this. The forum had been doing so well too; what a pity. The only other person who would think this is good is another n00b. And even then I doubt it and I think they would just be increasing their post count. So, after following that logic, that would mean no one could like this.
Now, I'll freely express my...distaste for your story, but that doesn't mean I'm trying to "run you out of the forum" like another n00b recently thought. Okay now...how to begin.
Your first post is a waste of my time, and everyone else's. If you can't attract users with your title then there's no point in trying something as cliche and annoying as what you've done.
The second post...Pokemon is capitalized. If you're going to make a list at least do it properly, and I don't think I should have to explain that. You can emphasize words and create a feeling without using all caps. Infact, it's preferred that you
don't unless the situation calls for it. Your attempt to reinforce the significance of the "Gotoo region" fails miserably and the reader is horribly aware that that's what you're trying to do.
Out of curiosity, if the Pikachu (which should also be capitalized) is lost then why do the reader's know where it is? If it's lost, then make the readers a little lost too...in the good way.
Here's your paragraph fixed
grammatically.
"Where am I?" the confused Pikachu asked. "Hey, this isn't Sinnoh." He stood up and walked around. He noticed a red cap with an "M" on it. Someone came running towards him.
"Give me that it-a-mine," the person said and then left. Pikachu stood there confused...What was he going to do?
Alright, when our mystery character comes running and tells Pikachu to give the hat back he just runs off. In fact, he shows up and leaves without taking the hat. Oh, sure we can
infer that he took the hat, but we shouldn't have to. A new paragraph begins everytime a different character speaks.
And I know this is going to raise a few questions, yes it's fine that I didn't capitalize the first letter after "Where am I?" it's one of those weird rules. Elipses are
three periods
not seven. Your last sentence is a question so end it in a question mark.
Onto your...Chapter 1. Out of curiosity, how does Pikachu know who Mario is? After all, they're not from the same world. And, again, don't capitalize to emphasize. Actually...the plot is terrible that it would take more effort than I'm willing to give to explain what's wrong and poorly written.
So, for my remaining sanity, I'm only going to tell you to go read some
decent stories that are on here, preferably ones by Psyches, Ghost Writer, Obsidian Wolf, or AABM.
_________________Link changed to my library.