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 manuel_suplico2's poems 

Are my poem(s) good ?
Poll ended at Sun Sep 16, 2007 11:40 pm
yes 25%  25%  [ 1 ]
no 75%  75%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 4

 manuel_suplico2's poems 
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Dragon Tamer
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Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 8:07 pm
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Location: just imagine it.
Well this is one of the poems that I created for my up-coming fan fic: The Dragon Tales:
High above the grass ……..
And further from the sea
Years have to pass……….
To find me………………..
Not a single genius ………………..
Is one of the needs................
Or a single word……….
Is to be spoken……….
But a rare and small flute
Is to be heard…….
Then I shall……….
Be seen.………….

Edit:I took off two lines, it's not about a genius (sorry wrong spelling), i'm just not sure if I could post my Dragon Tales fanfic too scared to put it up. But anyways thanks.

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Last edited by manuel_suplico2 on Fri Aug 17, 2007 11:40 pm, edited 4 times in total.



Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:02 pm
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Pokemon Master
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I think it's ok but a little hard to understand. What's a genious? I give it a 6-7/10 until I know what that word means.

P.S. Glad to see someone else is doing poetry :) .

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Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:05 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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I don't really get it...but then again I'm not that good at poetry. I think he's trying to say 'genius.'

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Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:35 pm
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This is one about the legendary battle of Rayquaza and Deoxys:
A crater has come
And arrives with no harm
The sky attacks
With an immense flash

Into a city
The battle continues
The Sky keeps on returning
Never to give up

The other continuously hits
With it’s psychic blasts
Searching for a copy
Of itself
One that’s real
And not a fake

The egg hatches
And the other aware
Looking for the egg
So did the other one

The fate now a truth
For the two have united
And the search over
But the battle continues

The Sky has stopped
And returned to it’s home
And the other two
Now happy
In a special place
They now call home

It's quite long sorry about that. But anyways happy reading

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Sat Aug 18, 2007 12:09 am
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I think it's kind of weird, and a bit sketchy. What I think you need to do is to start convaying a certain emotional image, like this one might be anger. This one was harder to understand then the first one, you have good word play but not too good flow. 5-6/10 for me.

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Sat Aug 18, 2007 5:32 am
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Dragon Tamer
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thanks for the tip though. since you keep looking at my poems and rating them maybe I'll PM you the meaning of the first poem :D. Ohh and here's my third poem ( I am expecting that dunsparce will rate this again):
Under the sea
And right near a coral reef
A hidden temple
Can be seen

A crown of glory
Is it’s treasure
Only the chosen may enter
For it’s secrets must not be revealed

But for those who were not chosen
The only thing to do is wait
For the prince may grant it to you
That you may go to it’s underwater castle

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Sun Aug 19, 2007 3:43 pm
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Better, easier to understand, better flow and you stopped rhymeing. But I'm still not feeling the emotion, the zeal. Try useing more dramatic words, what I do is try to feel the feelings of the person/thing/state of being I am writing about and the words come nauturally. 7/10.

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Mon Aug 20, 2007 9:06 am
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its like has no point to it like hikyu


Mon Aug 20, 2007 4:56 pm
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thanks to all of you anyways here's my 4th poem:(hope this goes better, sorry for the very late reply had to review for our periodicals)

Lucario

It dwells with aura
Can sense a lot
Up to serve
And to help
It's trainers or
His treasured friends

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Wed Sep 05, 2007 5:16 am
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These are good but they remind me of stuttering. It's like each sentence has a full stop after it and it makes it sound jumpy. It would be nicer if it was smoother and perhaps longer sentences?


Wed Sep 05, 2007 8:13 am
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This one's, ok.....It's haiku like, I don't especially like haikus. This is honestly not my field. But what from I can see it's, average.

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Thu Sep 06, 2007 2:06 pm
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Anyhow. Thou shalt try again. One more has been created. And thee shall show these poems to the Lords and Mortals:

Kingdra

A mix of Water and Dragon has been created
That dwells and goes around the sea
It's objectives:To Seek and look for friends
And a trainer that would love thee

From A small but brave knight
To a giant that is favored a lot
From little and weak attacks
To it's strong armored body

It will be remembered forever
For all it's brave trainers
For the trainers strived to capture
This Pokemon we call Kingdra

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I play Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Will post my FC later.


Sun Sep 09, 2007 1:40 am
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