Ok i might give up the egg MIGHT is the key word. But i had this idea for a while and have gotten a boost of confidence i decided to post so enjoy Arrested development


PROLOGUE

300 years ago a meteor shower erupted all over the earth unleashing many unknown creatures that has odd powers. Human kind was devestated. 50 years later human kind learned to harvest these 'odd powers' for themselves unleashing a change in their cellular structure. 40 years later many people were burned alive for this knowledge. They were called witches and were tormented and crucified. 100 years later mankind became more understanding. There knowledge of science grew exponentially, understanding became easyer. 110 year later....

"Mom I'm home!" The seventeen year old girl said as she entered the baby blue house.
"Honey i told you to watch Jordan for me, you know he can't be on his own" Her mother said as she was craddling the new born in her arms.
"Jeez mom stop it, i'm not a child, and i DO have a life y'know. Not only that why can't Gabriel do it, after all he has the most experiance with kids?" Ariel said as she made an apple peel itself from the basket left by her next door neighbor.
"Because Gabriel works, unlike you, the only work you get done is on your nails so i don't want to hear it, your babysitting. And don't forget to walk Mime Jr." Mom added.


You guessed it, i'm telekenetic, well not just that either I can also talk to psychic pokemon. My names ariel. My brother also has a power. He can ocasionally, and i mean ocasionally see the future. But what he see are nothing important. Ya'know address numbers that we pass before we pass kind of thing y'know, useless. I have two pokemon, a Mime Jr. Named michael and a smoochum named aurora. They are my little sweethearts. My brother bred them for me from his jynx and mr.mime. He hates to name them but I think it's fun. We also have a little brother Jordan who's and i mean it ANOYING i mean he cry's all the time. I sure hope he doesn't have any powers. HONEY YOU BETTER NOT BE TALKING TO THE READERS YOU KNOW IT MESSES UP THE STORY, SO LET THE NARATER DO HIS JOB
OKAY MOM, okay got to go babysit my little brother bye.

To tell you the truth, it is pretty funny. Making it seem that your main character can talk to your readers...My favorite line so far is "Don't forget to walk Mime Jr." You say that as if he is a dog.

Other than some frequent grammar mistakes, I might read it some more. 7/10 for now...

Okay this is chapter two enjoy. No wait it's chapter one isn't it. Yeah cause the last one was a prologue ok let me start over: okay here's chapter one (got it YES!)

CHAPTER ONE
It was a beautiful day in the hundred acre woods as pooh- oops sorry wrong story. Umm lets start over.

"Ariel wake up, wake up,...WAKE UP!!!" Ok thats it...time...for...the...fuzzy mwahahaha
"Oh no haha not hahaha the fuzzy hahahaha stop it haha..stop it hahaha STOP IT i'm up I'm up haha. You know I hate the fuzzy Michael."
Ariel yelled to the small pokemon as she threw her pillow knocking the small pokemon of her bed.
"I'm hungry fix me something to eat.". The small mime ordered as he picked himself off the floor.
Get it yourself, you know where the food is, she stated back.
OW don't kick me." Areil yelled.
I'M HUNGRY!! Michael yelled.
"FINE I'll get you sonething to eat!" She yelled. "Finelly" michael sneered.
"*vile humans, always so mean to me, one day i will rule them all*" michael said under his breath while walking to kitchen imagining all the terrible things he would do to everybody on the planet while he was the world leader.
"Aurora come here, time for breakfest." Ariel called.
"Umm i'm here." Aurora stammered.
"Hey whats wrong aurora?"
"The tyrogue and i were across the the street playing and we were playing and we were playing and we were pl-
" Aurora" ariel enterupted. Your going around in circles again just take a deep breath say it again.
"Ok sorry" she muttered.
"Umm well, we were in the sand box and he, he... Kissed me."
There was a moment of quiet before michael bursted out laughing.
"BAHAHA thats it? Thats your big secret? I laugh at your pitiful feelings bahahah bwahahaha."
"MICHAEL!!! thats not funny. Ariel stated as she swatted the mime in the head.
" Thats so sweet aurora. Your first kiss thats so adorable. And at such a young age aurora you little hottie. Ariel joked. Aurora blushed. ...moving on...

"Hey Ariel there you are, i was looking all over for you. Josh was looking for you."Ariel's freind said with evil glint in her eyes.
"Wow really?" Ariel said now intrested.
STOP
Okay you readers are probably wondering whats going on okay hmm where to start umm ok today were getting ready for spring festival it's a time were we decorate the entire school with, well, decorations.
The chatty girl that sticks her nose in everybodys bussiness is rachel my best freind since third grade.
And josh is a hottie that i've had a huge crush since ever. And the fuzzy is when michael puts his hat thing on my belly it anoys me so.
Okay now that you guys are clued in I'll let the narater continue. Go now. Seriously mr. narater we don't pay you for breaks. GO!
Huh oh yes sorry! Time for a commercial break.

Hillarious! You have spelling and grammer issues but you really found your style. You need to remember, names and I have capital letters.

P.S. Mods don 't like swear words.

Thanx but where did i swear?

Here, h3ll is swearing due to younger ages on the site and it's in your poll.

Okay then i have no idea how to changeit if possible but I didn't think that it's a swear word because it's not anything obcene or nasty or slang and it's not in the goerge carlins seven words or in the other six so i didn't think it was wrong but i'l trust you and apolligize but seriousness aside here's the second chapter of arrested development:

CHAPTER TWO
"Wow really" Ariel said now intrested (wow deja vu i feel like Gabriel). Well he said- RIIINNNGGG- oop looks like we have to wait till after class. Rachel said jokingly as she ran to class.
"Wait why not now?" Ariel asks.
"Well then I won't see you squirm will I?"

Class is now almost over, the temperture is I think 75 degree's ferenheit and the leaves are a beautifu-HURRY UP MR. NARATER! Ok ok hrhrum.
" of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms. The entire team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500.06 gravities. A 250-pound Santa (a wee bit of an underestimate) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. The my conclusion to the above: "If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now." The professer finished as he started to clean up his chalk board a note was passed. As Ariel looked to see who passed the note she saw Josh's face looking at her waving, the only thing going through her mind was much too graphic to post on this kid freindly site. After a minute of daydreaming she actually remembered the note and and dared to open it but saddly the proffesser noticed the note passing and took it from her. Then it was when she realized that the only way to get the note was to use her power. STOP
"Ok see no one knows that I have a power except my brother and useing it in public is normally out of the question but saddly this is an EMERGENCY but like I always say...do I even have a saying hmmm thats not write, i have my own narater but I don't have a saying? Hmm how 'bout get over it it could always be worse? No, don't get me wrong it's a very good saying but it doesn't help me none. Hmm keep it cool? No too cheesey. Cowabunga? No its already taken. I got it how 'bout chillax everythings gunna be alright. Yes perfect Mr. Narater take it away
"Okay" *kill me now, my boss is a freaking 17 year old girl with a hyperactive disorder*
Yes commercail THANK YOU OH MERCIFUL HEAVENS!!!

.....OK then....

I should probibly spend more time's on these. Making these longer wouldn't hurt too. Hmm sighs sorry this chapter sucked but don't worry it will be better (sparky cries out as he's beat mecilessly with a wet noodle by treeckomaster and some guy named cuddles).
Seriously i promise that it will be longer and more to the story sorry treeckoguy i just had that joke and i was dieing to use it

This is already a tv show....

:roll: Did you even read this? Why did you post that if you didn't read that there was Pokemon in it? Or was there an episode about that? I forgot what that show was about, but I'm pretty sure they are not the same...

Well, Razor has already shown his great intelligence. We have his other thread as proof. It is trully thrilling to have such an intellectual amongst us. I for one am honored to even read his monumental posts, it's probably the most productive thing I do all day.

By the way, I love the signature with the wrestler who's just killed his family. It's a great touch.

That post gave me a laugh.

Even though it does have spelling errors, it has more potential then your others. Just keep at it. This one is looking up for me.


Oh, BTW, Chris Benoit is totally sick. And I agree with Crimson's sarcasm.

Aressted development(i believe) has something to do with brain damage or brain trauma and if it is a tv show i doubt it has pokemon and if it is i just hope it's not copywrited -sparky says in emberressment for not have said anything better

Oh Im sorry. Me and my stupid dyslexic(seriously) self

Okay when i wrote the last version i was mentaly and psysiclly exosted we were moving and we had to load three budget moving truck full of junk and we weren't sure if everything would fit and mother being the cheap person she is she "no lets not hire someone to work no lets go and do it our selves" any way i asure you that the next chapter won't be so retarded so the next chapter will be out shortly

Okay I received word that nobody likes my stories (this isn't a feel sorry for sparky day just telling it like it is) and I have been advised not to continue my stories because they ''suck'' aperrintlly so I've decided to discontinue arrested development and the egg. Ifd a mod could clean up my mess it's appriciated. Sparky out

Whoa, hold on one damn minute. May I point out, to whomever it is, that everyone 'sucks' at some point. And then, after that we get better and better and better. Last I checked, it was extremely discouraged that a writer be told to stop writing. Sparky do not quit just because some immature idiot feels the need to say something like that. You are human, and you are learning. You will get better as time goes on, for now you are just beginning. No, you're not as good as some people out there, but you certainly are not the worst. There have been worse on the forum.

Whomever said that, shame on you. You aparanetly don't know the meaning of practise. I bet you'd quit anything if you weren' t amazing on the first try. Guess what, the world doesn't work like that. Most people have to practice a lot just to get better.

Omg this is so funny, don't quit. I wouldn't listen to them plus then I wouldn't have anything to read.

Wow ummm. Its okay as it turn out I have gained more confidence (thanks crimson). Plus I'm not the only one in this forum. Try reading some others like,(I don't want to start stuff so I'll just name some i read) like stuff from crimsons library or the epic of torchick, (and its prequel) by sorcererDNA the last pokemon war, (and its sequel) by psyches, get real(seriously),again by psyches, deoxys the true story by blazekendude, and other stuff. You know whatevers looks interesting. Now I'm not saying that those authers are the only ones worth reading, quite the contrary. Those are just off the tops of my head.
I'm just saying I'm not all there is. Altho I like the idea i have a fan. And by all means keep reading the stuff I put out. Just Don't make it that I'm all you read.