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Fails at life
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Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2007 12:10 pm
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Ok hear are the rules
i'm depressed if you can make me laugh the hardest i will grant you 50psybucks
If the jokes are rude or nasty or anything psypoke will not allow in there forums your disqualified
This will go on for 3 weeks
Any one can put more than one joke out as long as your willing to make your last joke null and void
I'm waiting with antisipation
Go for it


Last edited by sparky the wonder monkey on Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:08 am, edited 1 time in total.



Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:54 pm
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Here are some George W. Bush quotes that made me laugh:







"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
...Governor George W. Bush, 12/6/93

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
...Governor George W. Bush, 11/30/96

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
...Governor George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow."
...Governor George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/21/97

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
...Governor George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
...Governor George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy."
...Governor George W. Bush to reporters

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
...Governor George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
...Governor George W. Bush

"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
...George W. Bush

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
...Governor George W. Bush 5/20/96

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/22/97

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/5/93

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
...Governor George W. Bush , 9/18/95

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
...Governor George W. Bush

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
...Governor George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
...Governor George W. Bush

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
...Governor George W. Bush

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Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:35 pm
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Fails at life
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Dont get me wrong its funny but it's not something i would laugh at but don't give up you have just as much of a chance to win as anyone. Good luck

On a different note i like your pachirisu sig very nice


Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:58 pm
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a saleman walks to the door and a 5 year of awnsers it. he has a smoking jacket on, a wisky in one hand and a cigar in the other. the salesman say "are you Mum or dad home home" the 5 year onld repiles "What the hell do you think!"

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Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:38 pm
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I'm sorry I dont get it. Im not saying its not funny just it'll be funnier when i get it
Try again and don't worry have fun trying out different jokes


Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:49 pm
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How about these-

Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.

Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."


Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: You pick it up pull the pin & throw it back.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: Why don't blonds play frisbee?
A: It hurts their teeth.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
A: She tried to drown it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.


A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.

A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself." "You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe.


There was a blonde, a brunette, a red-head and a bald woman stuck on a desert island.
The brunette decided to swim home, but got 1/3 of the way there and drowned, The red-had decided to try, but drowned 1/4 of the way there. The blonde decide that she had to risk it, so she swam 1/2 of the way there when she stopped and swam back.
"why did you come all the way back, when you were half way home?" screamed the bald woman. "well", said the blonde "I was going to carry on, but I got tired and thought I'd rest first".

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Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:25 am
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<center>Announcement!</center>
Okay, in keeping with the frequently young ages of the users of this site, I will be moderating this thread very strictly. All jokes using innuendo of an adult nature will be removed, without warning or notice. All jokes that I and the rest of the moderating staff deem offensive for any other reason will also be removed, without warning or notice. Please keep this in mind when making your submissions. And if anyone wants to complain about this, keep in mind that I chose to leave this thread open, instead of deleting it outright.

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Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:25 am
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Ok JsXtm. I was about to post some mildly offensive jokes but since you said that and looking at his first post.....

5 year old jokes that arent remotly funny.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why didnt the skeleton laugh? Becuase he didnt have a funny bone.
Why did the hat cross the road? To get a head.

A little joke that got a giggle out of me.

A kid goes to a store one day all alone. He goes to the manager and asks where everything is. The kid goes and says " Can you tell me where everything is?" "sure kid. What ya' look'n for?" Well these are the things on my moms list: Milk, Eggs, cheese, juice, cereal, water, steak, and ham.
"OK anything else?" " My mom put one more thing at the bottom. It's: Common sence."

Several jokes that were pretty funny:

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says 'What the heck was that about?'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah hadn’t been to church lately, so her minister thought he’d go pay her a visit and see how the 85 year old church matriarch was doing. He knocked on her door and after a time he heard her spirited voice holler

“Hello, who is it?”
“It’s Reverend Dave”, he answered.

“OH Hi-Come in, Come in, how’s the church doing?” She said.

“Great! The Smith’s had their little baby girl, and Mary and Tom got married- Everything is wonderful. But I just wanted to see how you are doing. We’ve missed you.”

“Well, I haven’t been feeling too well lately. I had quite the root canal last week- they are trying to save the few survivors.”

Just then the phone rang and she excused herself to get it. The minister sat near a table with an old reader’s digest and a bowl of peanuts. After a few minutes passed,he started flipping through the magazine. After anotehr ten minutes or so, he heard his stomach growl and began to get restless,so he started in on the bowl of peanut while he read. After a while,he suddenly realized that he had eaten the whole bowl of peanuts.

Just then Sarah returned and said, “Oh I sure am sorry, that was my sister from Pittsburgh. She only calls once per month so when she does we have to catch up on everything.” The minister, feeling a little embarrassed, said “I must also apologize. While you were gone I got hungry and ate all the peanuts in your little bowl there.

Mrs. Jones replied, “Oh that’s ok. Since the root canal, the best I can do is suck all the chocolate off of ‘em!”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope those made you luagh!


Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:05 am
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LOL at the Bush quotes. That guy cracks me up.
I have some pretty funny jokes, but most are pretty dirty.


Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:00 pm
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Ok guys that was close i can't stress enuff if you don't know what the joke means or you know that it's dirty please don't post common sense says that kids are on this forum. Thank you

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Thu Jun 21, 2007 6:25 pm
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Some extremely bad knock knock jokes. :P

- Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Amos
- Amos who?
- Amosquito just bit me

- Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Andy
- Andy who?
- Andy bit me again!



- Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Banana
- Banana who?
- Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Banana
- Banana who?
- Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Banana
- Banana who?
- Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Banana
- Banana who?
- Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Orange
- Orange who?
- Orange you glad I didn't say 'banana'?



- Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Boo!
- Boo who?
- There's no need to cry, it's only a joke!

- Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Lettuce
- Lettuce who?
- Lettuce in, and you'll find out!


- Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Little old lady
- Littleoldlady-who?
- Wow, I didn't know you could yodel!


Fri Jun 22, 2007 2:23 am
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Okay sorry but i have to put this on here it's fricking funny

This is called the chili taster
Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas: "Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, about the same as usual, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event:Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Holy smokes, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These hicks are crazy.Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line.Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. FRANK: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest.Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn't have to dash over to see her.Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally.Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress. FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good! At autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful, and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

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Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:02 pm
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Awesome, I love jokes. I'll edit in more later.

For now...

Blonde Jokes
---------------
Q-How do you tell if someone is blonde or not?
A-Take them into a circular room and tell them to sit in a corner

I told the next one to somebody, and he said you could do it by color, which was pretty stupid to me.
Q-What's another way to tell if someone is blonde?
A-Tell them to alphabitize M&M's

I don't know about this one, since it was just told to me.

One day, a blonde was walking to the local mall, when she spotted someone standing in the middle of the straight. The person was in the middle of the traffic, and saying "Eight, Eight, Eight" over and over again.

The Blonde thought that was weird, and walked over to her, and said,"Why are you saying eight over and over again?" Then, the Blonde was hit by a car. The person standing in the street looked around, and began saying "nine" over and over again.

Other jokes

This one is pretty long, but funny.

One day, a normal man was sitting in his cubical at work, when he heard a ghostly voice say "Quit your job, sell your house, and go to Vegas."

The man looked around, thinking this was weird. He shrugged it off, and went back to typing. Again, he heard the voice. "Quit your job, sell your house, and go to Vegas."

This made the man nervous, and he looked around nervously. This continued all throughout the day, until he had had enough. He stood up, and yelled "Okay! I quit!" He went home, and put his house on the market. It was sold that day for three hundred thousand dollars. He took all the money, and got onto the first available flight to Vegas.

When his plane landed, he shook his fist at the sky and yelled,"Hah! What now, voice? Can't do anything now, can you!"

Surprisingly, the voice answered. "Take all the money, and go to the nearest casino."

The man obeyed, and walked to into the first casino he saw.

The voice then said,"Go to the Roulette table, and put everything on red."

The man obeyed, and headed to the roulette table, and put all of his money on red. The roulette started up, and began spinning the ball inside. The man grew excited; this may be his lucky break; he was about to double his life savings!

The ball slowed, and the man's pulse quickened. It looked like it was going to land on red...

Slowly, the ball stopped on... Black!

The man heard the voice say "Dang it!"

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Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:25 pm
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Let me try! Let me try!

Okay, so man is about to mow his lawn and starts up his lawn-mower. "Vrooo! Vroo...... pf!" It stops. "What? My lawn mower won't work!" His wife comes in and says "I bet I can start it up!" His wife goes to the string and pulls it. "Vroom! Vroom! Vro.... PFT!" It stops working AGAIN! "What? It just doesn't work!" Their 17 year old son comes up and says. "I bet I can do it!" He pulls the string. "Vro.. Vro... PFT!" It stopped. "WORK ALREADY!" HE pulls it again. "Vro.. Vroo.. PFT!" I think the mower is broken! WE need a new one!" The man speaks. "Wiat, first let's call our neighbor, he's always baan Mister Fix it!" He calls his neighbor. A few seconds later their harives. "So you need me to fix it? Sure!" He pulls the cord. "Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!" The mower starts. The wife says "Thanks! It worked I guess alls it took was a big jerk!"

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Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:25 pm
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I don't know, I was just bored so that filled in while I waited for inspration. But I got a good one this time... I think.

A 14-year old girl takes a guided tour of a creepy old castle in New England.
"How did you enjoy your tour?" her guide asked after the tour.
"It was fine except I was allways worried that I'd meet a ghost down one of those hallways." came her reply.
"Oh don't worry. I've never seen a ghost in this place ever since I came." he replied joavliy.
"How long has that been?" the girl asks.
"Oh, about 300 years."


Sun Jun 24, 2007 1:31 pm
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Ok this again will not decide the outcome of this compitition but its funny and its something to think about. Here it is it's santa statistics:

No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are roughly 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified. While most of these are insects and germs, this does not rule out flying reindeer - though Santa and my uncle Ralph, in his drinking days, are the only people who've ever seen one. There are two billion children (small people under the age of 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear to) handle most non-Christian children, that reduces the workload to about 15 per cent of the total (roughly 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau). At a rate of say, 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good kid in each. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. That's 822.6 visits per second. For each eligible household, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, put presents under the tree, eat any snacks, kiss mommy when available, get back up the chimney, hop in the sleigh and move on. Assuming each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth, we're now talking about 0.78 miles per household - a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to let Santa and the reindeer do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours. This means Santa's sleigh moves at 650 miles per second, or 3,000 times the speed of sound. The fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles a second (a conventional reindeer, by the way, can run 15 miles per hour, tops). Assuming each child gets nothing more that a medium-sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting overweight Santa. Conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting flying reindeer could pull 10 times the normal amount, Santa would need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload (not counting the sleigh) to 353,430 tons, or four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth II. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles a second creates enormous air resistance, which would heat the reindeer to incandescence in the same fashion as spacecraft or meteors entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms. The entire team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500.06 gravities. A 250-pound Santa (a wee bit of an underestimate) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. The Internet originator's conclusion to the above: "If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now."

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Thu Jun 28, 2007 1:32 am
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Two drums and a symbal fall off a cliff. *ba-duum-TSH!*

(note: The noise is supposedly the classic sitcom sound after a joke, like with two drums and a symbal...)

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Thu Jun 28, 2007 3:36 pm
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Okay i know your getting tired of my posts but heres one more it's hillarious enjoy


The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.The FBI goes in.After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.The LAPD goes in.They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

I am a funny man yay!!! (A quote from my sister). :o

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Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:11 am
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Arcanelord wrote:
Two drums and a symbal fall off a cliff. *ba-duum-TSH!*

(note: The noise is supposedly the classic sitcom sound after a joke, like with two drums and a symbal...)


Noooooooooo. When I read the stuff up the top, I was gonna say that. You had to say it first, didn't you :( :evil: Oh well, I have another joke:

A man walks into a fast food restaurant and asks "How much for a burger?" The girl at the counter replies "$5" So the man thinks for a bit then says "I haven't got enough money, so how about this. I show you a miracle, and get a free burger as a reward?" The girl agreed, so the man clicks his fingers, and a frog climbs out of his pocket and starts playing the nearby piano. "Wow, that's amazing" exclaims the girl, and gives the man a free burger. The man eats his burger and says "That was delicious" He cried "I'll show you another miracle if you give me another burger" The girl agreed, and the man pulled a hamster out of his pocket, and put in on top of the piano, and it starts singing beautifully, in tune with the frogs music. The girl, amazed gives the man another burger. Meanwhile, a rich man sitting in the back of the restaurant hears the singing and falls in love with it. He gets up and walks over to the other man and says "I will give you $500 for that hamster" and the other man says "Ok" The second man gives the first man $500, then takes the hamster away. "What did you do that for?" asked the girl. "You could get more than $500 for a singing hamster" "I could" Agreed the man "But the hamster can't sing, the frog is a ventriloquist!!!"

Sorry that it's so long...

Here are some politician things:

What do you do if you run over a Politician in you car?
Reverse!!!

What is Black and Brown and looks good on a Politician?
A Doberman!!!

The devil appears in front of a Politician and says "I will make you win every election you're in, make you the best guy at your job, and make you worshipped by your whole country. But you must give me your soul, your wife's soul, you parent's and brother's and sisters soul's, your children's souls and your grand children's souls" The Politician thinks for a while, then says "What's the catch?"

I have a lot more funnier jokes, but they're very dirty. Can't we put an age restriction on the topic?

Also, another George Bush thing:
We receive all our exports from other countries.

And, as way too many Comedians say after they try to be funny...
...but seriously!!!

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Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:09 am
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Alrite, don't say I warned ya....

Chuck Norris is the only person that can roundhouse someone in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity......twice

Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless telephone

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris beard, just another fist.

Chuck Norris dosen't read books, he stares them down till he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors....


That's all folks!

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Thu Jul 05, 2007 6:05 am
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Chuck Norris asked for a Big Mac at Burger King, and he got one.

When Chuck Norris jumps into a lake, he doesn't get wet. The lake gets Chuck Norrised.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' urine has so much energy that it's bottled and sold under the disguise of an energy drink, known as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris made a deal with the devil, and traded his soul for all the strength and fighting abilities he has today. Chuck Norris then Roundhouse kicked the devil and took his soul back. None of this got between Chuck Norris and the devils friendship, and the still play poker every Saturday night together.

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Thu Jul 05, 2007 6:46 am
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I would post my Meichal Jackson jokes but they're a bit inappropriate except for this one.....

What do Playstation and Meichal Jackson have in common? They're both made out of plastic! hahahaha that was dumb


Thu Jul 05, 2007 8:48 am
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Ok, sorry for stealing your idea rambo but here some I just thought of.

Chuck Norris doesn't walk, he makes the world turn.

If Chuck Norris met atlas he would say "oh is that all?".

Chuck Norris created the big bang with a roud house kick, into the face of god during a freindly spar, that is why god had to take Sunday off.

Chuck Norris never needed a Holoween costume, he just showed his fist.

And finally, for the most funny one liner EVER!

Who is Chuck Norris?

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Mon Jul 09, 2007 8:22 am
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Okay the eleventh is the dead mark so post your jokes and the winner will receive Bum BUm BUM fifty psybucks. So post away my minniuns. Okay arcanelord your turn (bah-duum-tsh) sorry but I liked that little number *don't hurt me*

But seriously if you do have bad jokes not allowed pm me we can swap though you won't get psybuck but we can have hours of laughs together. Cheesy choice of words I know. Ask me my myspace url we can chat. Post on party people post on.

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Mon Jul 09, 2007 9:40 pm
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Might as well as try...Here is another Chuck Norris one:

Chuck Norris wanted to save Abraham Lincoln from dieing, so he invented the time machine. He went back in time and stopped the bullet with his chin. Sadly, Abraham Lincoln's head exploded out of amazement.

Is that a bad joke? I don't think it's innappropriate...I think it's hilarious!


Tue Jul 10, 2007 6:48 am
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