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 Guessing Game [PG-13] All of Ch. 9-Oct 24 

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 Guessing Game [PG-13] All of Ch. 9-Oct 24 
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Pokemon Ranger
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Yeah, double posting...don't care. I'll be triple posting as soon as I finish the latest chapter [it's glaring at me]. I just wanted to make sure people knew I made a few edits to previous chapters. Uh, I've made edits to the end of Chapter 4, Chapter 5, and at some point during Chapter 8.

And I'm curious as to how people view Thorn. To be honest, I've no idea. She's kinda taken her own life into her own hands...so has Jeremy. But, Jeremy is still similar to the way he was at the beginning. I feel like this is slowly turning darker and darker than the way I began writing it...I had not intended for this to be a dark story, oh well.

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Sun Jul 08, 2007 2:30 pm
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OMGoodness, Crimson makes dark stories without any intention :o

I say Crimson, I just liked Thorn´s personality in the 8th Chapter, she is just so very "Don´t do what I tell you if you don´t want, but if I tell you if for something"

Albeit, when I see the flow of the stoy up to this point, no great things have happened with Jeremy, I mean, his developement as character is kind of nule, we know about him the same (to a degree) as the first chapters of the story.

Either way, you said you´ll come with a better 9th installment, I hope it comes soon.

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Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:06 pm
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My Corner: I'm not sure about 'better' I had said it'd be more 'action-packed' though...

AMBy wrote:
OMGoodness, Crimson makes dark stories without any intention

It would seem that way...

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Last edited by Crimson on Wed Oct 24, 2007 4:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:15 pm
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Umm this may sound creepy but I think thorn sounds hot. Not in a physical sense but all the quiet kept to your self girl just sound s3xy to me. Back in third grade there was this girl that i had a huge crush on that is alot like thorn but more of a innocent attitude. All in all this is my fave story (not one shot) but story. medication is still my fave one shot. H

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Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:23 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Sparky, that's so cute. But, I think Thorn would tear you apart, you're too sweet it'd drive her insane [homicidal insane].

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Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:33 pm
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I have a morbid fear of being in Gyardoses mouths. Who wouldn't? Anyhow I beleive that you have a good story going.


Mon Jul 09, 2007 12:36 pm
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My Corner: I've finally finished Chapter 9! It's only taken how long? Don't answer that. Anyway, there's an action scene in this chapter (and we all know how I love action scenes *rolls eyes*) so some advice wouldn't hurt. Not that it's ever bad.

It's not too long...actually it's rather short. Regardless of its lenght, I hope you enjoy!

<p align="center"><i>Chapter 9</i></p>
Somberly, Jeremy walked to the lake. He was finally going to be training to battle, but he didn’t feel happy. He didn’t feel as though everything was surreal either. Jeremy felt, morose. He couldn’t explain why, after all, this is the day he’d waited for all year. But, the idea of finally training made his stomach churn unpleasantly.

The red head broke into the clearing that encompassed the lake, Thorn stood by the water’s edge looking across its expanse. The early morning sun shimmered on her dark hair and suddenly he realized exactly why he didn’t want to be here.

He didn’t want to be near her, it was those eyes. He hated what they could do, he hated the way they bore into his soul and saw everything. He hated the sick delight that would flash, he hated the way they would calculate everything around them while no one was aware. He hated the way they took in everything and the way they could make a person feel insignificant with a single glance. But most of all, Jeremy hated the compassion that would radiate through the pale irises at Pokemon and on that single occasion Adam.

His eyes narrowed, Adam had saved her life, and in return she thanked him and smiled. There had to be something else a person could do to get that smile, there had to be.

She turned to him and the red head forced a smile. If she noticed, she didn’t say anything about it. “Do you know what type of Pokemon Gyarados is?”

He blinked, “Yeah, it’s a water type.” Did she really think he was that dumb?

“And,” the question hung in the air. Her face and eyes belied nothing; he had no idea what she was thinking.

Jeremy faltered, his gaze snapped to the Gyarados looming behind the girl. In an unsure voice he said, “Dragon?”

His eyes scanned her face for any sign, unfortunately it was in vain. Her calm voice only heightened his anxiety, “No, but I can see where you thought that. Gyarados is both a water type and a flying type.”

His shoulders slumped, he hated being wrong. He hated it especially when he was around her; she always acted like she anticipated it. It was like, she expected him to be wrong, how twisted is that?

“Do you know what moves most newly evolved Gyarados know?” She was giving him a chance, but they both knew the answer. He shook his head.

Thorn, like always, didn’t seem affected. “They know tackle, bite, and thrash. They learn the last two after evolving and learn tackle at some point as a Magikarp.” His eyes widened, but before he could interject she continued, “It’s nearly impossible to tell when.”

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. He looked over at Gyarados, it met his eyes head on. “So, what next,” Jeremy asked impatiently?

The mask broke, an eyebrow rose. “Why don’t you ask Gyarados?”

Jeremy stared at her. What was she going on about? As he thought, previous conversations resounded in his mind. Realization suddenly dawned on him; mentally he hit himself on the head. Of course he didn’t do it in reality, no need to amuse Thorn further. Jeremy needed Gyarados’s cooperation.

He turned his attention to his Pokemon and walked around Thorn towards it, “So, are we ready to kick some people’s butts?” It roared its decision and leaned down near its trainer. Jeremy laughed, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Well, would you like to battle now?” Thorn’s voice distracted him.

The red head turned towards her, her arms were crossed and she looked at him expectantly. He gave her a toothy grin, “You bet.”

She uncrossed her arms and removed Houndour’s Poke Ball from her belt. The teen threw the ball up and the lightning bolt of red light flashed. Her Houndour appeared on the ground, alert and ready. Thorn turned her back and began walking away from the lake. She stopped near the edge of the clearing and turned towards them again.

He ran over to her, not really knowing where else to stand away from the fighting. Good naturedly, Thorn asked, “Shall we?” He nodded and glanced at her. She was watching him out of the corner of her eyes. They were partially lidded but he could see something swirling within their depths. He couldn’t name it, but he didn’t have a good feeling about it. “Good,” was all she said. Her gaze averted to the Pokemon before them. In a whisper, so low he could barely hear it despite being only a few feet away from her, Thorn began the battle, “Howl.”

Her Houndour leapt away from the water’s edge and lifted its head to howl. He widened his eyes, he needed to attack! But it only knew three moves, what was he going to do? Houndour was a fire type so…Jeremy blurted out, “Gyarados, use thrash to splash it with water!”

The large Pokemon lifted its mighty tail and whipped it across the water; a wave of water came at Houndour who dodged the worst of it. Enough water still hit it to make it thoroughly wet. The hound shook for merely a moment before Thorn gave the next order, “Odor sleuth and the roar.”

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, how was odor sleuth going to help her? His attention was brought back to the battle when a terrifying sound ripped itself from Houndour’s throat. It didn’t sound Earthly, the sound was meant to only be heard in nightmares. Luckily, Gyarados didn’t flee; it was not entirely unfazed either. Even though Gyarados loomed over Houndour, the water Pokemon visibly trembled.

“Use smog!” A poisonous gas rolled out of Houndour’s mouth. The smog surrounded the Gyarados and hovered above the water.

The water Pokemon was too high to breath in any of the noxious fumes. It’s head was well above the dark cloud around its slender body. It was a poison attack that wasn’t able to take affect thanks to Gyarados’ height. Jeremy glanced at her again, and this time his breath caught in his throat. Her eyes seemed to glow, almost as if they were lit by a…

His eyes widened as the spell broke. He opened his mouth to tell Gyarados to duck under water; to take a chance with breathing in the smog, but Thorn beat him to it.

“Ember,” it was a whisper, as if she felt no need for urgency.

Jeremy watched the scene play out in slow motion. Embers shot out of the fire Pokemon’s mouth and straight into the smog surrounding the water Pokemon. The poison literally erupted into flames, small explosions causing more and in turn critically harming Gyarados. A pain filled roar broke Jeremy’s stupor and time seemed to speed up, to try to catch up for what was lost. When time regained its normal speed, Gyarados was falling into the water, badly injured and probably unconscious. The disturbed water putting out the fire.

“Gyarados,” he shouted! He ran towards the water’s edge, where his Pokemon’s large head rested on the bank. It was unfit to battle, he had lost. But, he didn’t care at the moment. His mind was racing so fast that he couldn’t grasp any coherent thoughts. The red head whirled around to look at his former opponent.

She was calm as could be, the fire in her eyes was gone. Thorn answered his unspoken question. “Recall it, and take it to the Center.”

Jeremy fumbled with his PokeBall, his hands shaking. Eventually, he managed to recall the hurt creature and ran straight past Thorn towards the center. He never looked back. If he had, he would have seen a sight that would have left him in awe. After he ran past her, Thorn had dropped to her knees and held Houndour close to her. She made a rather pitiful sight, it was too bad he didn’t see it; it may’ve helped him find a way to make her mask fall.

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Wed Oct 24, 2007 4:05 pm
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Just as if I was forced to reply, I went here and travelled through your last installment.

Up until now, I´m getting Thorn disarmingly Marry Sue, as though she was the perfect character who can beat them all and torments Jeremy with her eyes, although I know she´s kind of barriered from having friends because the way she is.

About the battle...:|, I admit I wasn´t expecting anything like it, albeit I also might say it was not the big deal at all to be the day Jeremy was waiting for. Crimson, you seem to get the experience pkmn gain pretty oddly, as if the Gyarados was JUST OFF it´s Magikarp stage and Jeremy wouldn´t have any time to train it at all when Thorn, on her side, did train her Houndour somehow.

You could have made the battle less one-sided by making Gyarados´ knowing some other move, like Surf or anything, as well as having Houndour Bite it´s opponent in the neck or Fire Fang for that matter. There was so much you could do. Meh, now I really know how you like Action scenes with that <.<;

But as the saying goes, Every story has two sides, and yours is, for that matter, pretty well structured, the words you use and the concepts they form give way to a good description, as well as having the feeling of the character and his/her mood in one go, but I know you´re good to that already.

Keep up the story if you like it, and... if I may give you an advise, roam around some other Pokémon stories *coughTheDarknessWithinHimcough* to catch the feeling of good epic battle scenes, they´d help you a lot next time you write about them by yourself.

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Wed Oct 24, 2007 4:52 pm
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My word, I'm actually getting advice! Yay! Anywho, Gyarados has just evolved, and Jeremy was training Magikarp by having it swim a lot and up fake waterfalls (if you recall the part about the school pool moving around). Since Jeremy is our viewpoint character, the reader only really gets to see his side of things (except at the end of this chapter where I decided I didn't feel like writing about the Pokemon Center but didn't want to end it with him just running off). So, it's inferred that during the times that they weren't together, Thorn was training on her own. I tried to make them all around the same level. Adam's Ariados was around level 22, so I made Houndour be at level 22 also. I suppose I could have had Gyarados know Dragon Rage and still be around the others.

And yes, now you know how much I hate action scenes. As for Thorn's character...I'm hoping more of her will become apparent. When the project ends I'm thinking of making a huge change in her current personality, so we'll see. Because other than that...I have no idea as to what's going on with her.

I'll force myself to just get over it and read some more action scenes, no matter how much I don't like them.

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Wed Oct 24, 2007 5:29 pm
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*applaudes* Good job crimson! The story may not have much action, but it really pulls you in. Keep it up!

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Sat Oct 27, 2007 1:35 pm
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the holeshoit is what i went thru ent i was sitting ona sandslash, i gave up wen u gots the hammeroidz,
i decided to sit of a linoone, but i fell offs.
then i sat on a persian, until it tossed me of,
then i rode a snorlax and lost, is waht i got in his fattt.
im awesum, and u r too.
the perfectest one was the electrode i ran on, and the shedinja i sat on and the deoxys i got piggybacked by.
and i won the race of pwnage.
although a rattata tackled my shedinja to kill me after i won, and i failz

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Sat Dec 08, 2007 7:55 pm
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I highly suggest you never post here again if you plan on doing that 2x4n4.

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Sun Dec 09, 2007 11:18 am
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Ralts walked by the towering Mansion that he had missed so much. He trembled as he sat on the doorstep contemplating a rap-a-tapping upon the door. His guilt tore him apart as he stroked his owners door with the palm of his tiny, soft hand. He could feel the dry, down, depressed solidity of the mansion. He glided by...

Ralts climbed through Hearthome, the white fences felt like the Geodude in winter. He searched of those delicious, sour poffins his master would pay for, he could recollect the first time his master had bought him a poff, it's negative, spicy energy would burn his heart with it's mere presence.
"slam"
Ralts tripped and found him self spinning, his thoughts seemed to be deteriorating as he clenched his head in blind pain he could just, but barely hear a mysterious voice over his own thoughts.
"Daar.."

the voice sent out vibrations that penetrated Ralts' thoughts but he could rememeber his master, and the emotional dependance he had felt toward Ralts, and he fought the nightmare which was consuming all that he knew.
Ralts got up to his feet, he couldnt see, hear or know of anything around him but his duty to his master and the pathetic stone pavement he stood upon as he raised himself to height not known before, his legs lengthened, his hair grew, he felt as is his mass was penetrating the space around him. An image more lucid than any thought he had ever had appeared before him, it was black as black could be and contrasted with the merry town of Hearthome.
He knew this was his opponent, an embodiment of all that pain and guilt he had suffered. Kirlia (If u didnt know already um, he evolved) knew exactly what to do as his mind synchronised with that of the Darkrai and he knew of the power to develop nightmares jsut as the Darkrai had done to him. His memory came back to him, the significant events he had ever experienced filled his head at the speed of light as he saw that Darkrai was concentrating he teleported behind the foe as he transferred a confusion wave to the foes head...
The Darkrai ignored this and the mere signal seemed to be overwhelmed by that mere power of the Darkrai's brain.
Kirlia was shocked, his newly found and embraced abilities seemed to be ineffective against this large foe. The Darkrai turned to Kirlia and kncoked him to the ground with a mere thought, The Darkrai's psychic power was much too strong for Kirlia to even begin to understand. So he fled, teleporting through space and defying the laws of physics in order to find his master. Althought he could feel the aggravated Darkrai not far behind him...

Kirlia found his speed overwhelming him as he fled through space searching for the mansion. He had known it off by heart for his whole life he could even recollect his father of a family of ghosts, the cheeky grin he would portray as he attempted to entertain the young psych...
The Darkrai's presence was growing nearer and Kirlia had to contemplate a plan.
He could feel a cold void forming a vacuum around him and he became drowsy. He concentrated hard and attempted to portray an attack of that same, mischievous, deceptive nature as he felt his eyes fill with rage, an undecided purple filled the skies around him as he focussed all energy upon the Darkrai, present in the space.
He concentrated harder and harder on the pain and suffering and that Enormous GRUDGE he felt against that invasive predator. In that instant he glared the negative energy against the pathetic Darkrai that seemed to resemble a rag of a car angineer. At that moment a Dark pulse filled the skies, corrupting the mind of Kirlia, causing him to fall from the skies and the space.
He did not know what he was
where his feet had gone,
he was


d
e

t a

tc
h
e d


All he knew was that the Darkrai was the type of Pokemon to be controlled, not to roam the city of Hearthome, or Sinnoh at all...
Kirlia was lost, as he fell upon some strangely warm and familiar tiles,
his rag doll like body drooped and fell into the garden,
when he was awoken by a porygon, and his ungrateful master staring curiously upon the foreign organism invading his garden.
"Kirr..."
He attempted to call to his master, forgetting his own mental powers as his mind was corrupted my the haunting past of the Darkrai attack...
The Darkrai's enormous power had consumed half the thoughts of young Kirlia who thought his master had rejected him...

Kirlia was prodded and poked by numerous Pikachu, Mime Jr. and Porygon until he fled the garden in annoyance and tripped into a gaping hole left in the ground by an incompetent trainer searching for their pathetic scales and rocks.

He stumbled upon a Sitrus plant and consumed the berries that clung to leaf liek he once did to his master. His past came back to him and he accidentally ripped the plant from the ground...
It was at tha moment he saw and felt a glint, it was clinging to the roots of the plant, an attractive stone that sparkled like the eyes of a Sableye.
Kirlia stroked the illuminating orb of a stone to see his fingers consume it.

The cold, rock hard personality of the stone became one with Kirlia, his arms grew into razor sharp blades and the sheer strength of his calves penetrated the earth.
Gallade's yearning to challenge his obstacles grew and he leapt to the surface of the underground...
He was yet to confront his master for real this time, and Darkrai was no longer an obstacle...

by Thomas the 2X4n4

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Wed Dec 12, 2007 4:59 am
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What is your issue?! Stop spaming my thread and go away.

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Wed Dec 12, 2007 1:22 pm
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