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 Pokemon Fire X 
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Pokemon Ranger
Pokemon Ranger
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Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2005 4:24 pm
Posts: 571
Location: #alpha
Name:Pokemon Fire X
Rated:PG or PG 13
Prochapter

In the new Island called Johhen the starters are Magby,Munchlax,and Arron.Are hero Ryo starts his jorney to be the Fire Master.
The new Teams called Team Fire,and Team X.Their Mission are to destroy all Pokemon in the Pokemon World or all Pokemon in Johhen.

Chapter 1:Ryo finds a new friend.
"Mom are we almost to Johhen"said Ryo. "No honey were at the Port."said Ryo's Mom.
(Ryo's family moved to Johhen after Team X destroyed Island 1-9.)
All people going to Johhen must go on the 4:30 plane.
"So were only on half of Island 9 huh."said Ryo. "Yeah we are."said Ryo brother. "I heard that they have some lendendary pokemon here"said Ryo. "Do you know that just a rumor."said Ryo's Brother.
Ryo ran to the Theme Park.
"If I want to be a Pokemon Chapion I must find a lendendary pokemon."said Ryo in his head.
Ryo saw some people in Team X.
"So now let's bomb this place right now!"said a Person from Team X.
"Ahhhh!"said Ryo.
Ryo wakes up
"Were am I"said Ryo. (Ryo saw a pokemon he was kida like a Pokemon he never saw.)
The Pokemon left.
Someone went in the room.
"Who are you and were is my family!!!"said Ryo. "I am Prof. Willow and me and my deoxys saved you."said Frof Willow.
"But were is my family!!!"said Ryo. "I'm sorry to say this but you was the only one who survied that blast when my deoxys flew to the island he saved you.."said Prof Willow. "Were am I!!."said Ryo a little sad. "You are at Johhen."said Prof Willow.
"Were would I live."said Ryo. "You could live with me and my wife."said Prof.Willow. "Okay I could your Deoxys saved my life."said Ryo.
This Day Forward Ryo starts his Jorney.


Sat Oct 08, 2005 8:35 am
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Pokemon Master
Pokemon Master

Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2005 2:58 pm
Posts: 1014
Location: New York, United States
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Quite odd. Puncuation, grammar and stuff needs a lot of work. You dialogue is REALLY cheesy, I'd re-do that persoanlly.

BAD! wrote:
"If I want to be a Pokemon Chapion I must find a lendendary pokemon."said Ryo in his head.
Ryo saw some people in Team X.
"So now let's bomb this place right now!"said a Person from Team X.
"Ahhhh!"said Ryo.
Ryo wakes up


GOOD! wrote:
-Ryo pondered for a minute, Champions have legendary Pokemon, so so must I. Where and how do I get one?
-Ryo caught something in the corner of his eye. Team X! What are they doing here!?
-Ryo overheard the villains, "Let's bomb this place!" they shouted, laughing evilly.
-Ryo shouted, but slumped to the floor, only to wake up hours later.


Notice the difference? Try working on that, but it's nice! Don't worry, I'm just offering my advice.

<center>~OFFICIAL STORY RATER RATING~
~2/5~
</center>


Sat Oct 08, 2005 8:49 am
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