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 My Fanfic: Rebirth of the Shadow pokemon (PG13) 
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This is my fanfic. My writing skills may not be up to scratch as I haven't been to school in around 5 months.
Andrew was just a regular trainer, in Pyrite town, full of outlaws, bandits and whatnot. He only had a Solrock, but double battles were the norm in Orre, and He had always wanted a Vaporeon like his father, who had apssed away the year before. His pokemon were stolen, and Andrew had seen the thief, a man with a huge coloured afro. He later found this man was named Miror B, an ex admin of Cipher, a criminal Syndicate founded by Evice Es-Cade 10 years before.

They had created pokemon that had no bond with their trainers, and maybe attack them even, and these were the shadow pokemon. There were 48 the first time around, snagged and puified by a boy called Seth, an ex- team snagem member. The second time around, a boy called Tom, with a Vaporeon, had stopped Cipher, who was commanded by Deathgold. Since then all the admins of Cipher had either become thieves, gone to other egions to take part in leagues, except one. Ein, the best admin with pokemon, secretly stayed on, unbeknownst to Tom and Seth.Well 51 actually, The other 3 trainers with the pokemon had left the region with their pokemon: A Togepi, A Mareep and a Scizor (Andrew lost to this Scizor, this opened his eyes to the pokemon, and how it was different, he had a type weakness anyway).

He was hanging around in Pyrite Square (his favourite hangout- He was mixing with the wrong crowd though) when a woman in a pink suit and a visor covering her face netered the square, and challenged him. He accepted, but he didn't have to, considering there was nobody to govern trainers in Orre at that moment in time (hehe).

Andrew sent out his Solrock, and the woman in the weird outfit sent out a Vaporeon. He thought it looked familiar, then he noticed something. Something that shocked him to the deepest regions of his mind.
End of part 1. I have added some things in and made corrections.
How was it?

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Last edited by Eswin on Sun Sep 18, 2005 9:02 am, edited 1 time in total.



Sun Sep 18, 2005 6:22 am
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really good!

since its the first

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Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:25 am
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The Vaporeon had a scar below it's right eye! This meant he had finally found out where his Father's pokemon had gone. Many thoughts went through his mind (I'd have to censor most of them, bloody family friendly rule). "YOU COW!!!" he thought, telling his Solrock to use Earthquake on the Vaporeon. As the ground rumbled, he looked at the pokemon, in quite a bit of pain from the Earthquake, proceeded to Use Acid Armour. Andrew, filled with rage, told his Solrock to use Double Edge. The Solrock, rotated speedily, then flew at the Vaporeon, knocking it into a building. As it hit the building, Andrew thought "I knew the effort training would come in handy sometime" The Vaporeon KO'ed, the strange woman sent out a Mareep. Andrew was thinking "What the hell? Mareep are pushovers". He was proved wrong when it used Thunderbolt and instantly KO'ed Andrew's Solrock.
It was on the ground, it looked very singed, and one of it's spikes was slightly burnt. He returned it to his pokeball, and asked the woman "Where did you get those pokemon? They seem pretty good".
The woman answered "Get lost. They're MINE," and stormed off. She seemed pretty intent on keeping where she got her pokemon from a secret.
He then ran to the police station (he'd never normally do this, the other kids would call him a grass) and asked for Police Chief Andre. (Sherles had retired after the second Cipher escapade, as he had way too much on his hands). The officer told him Andre was investigating some weird pokemon seen around the Town. "Same reason I'm here" Andrew replied. "I saw... my Dad's Vaporeon, and it... It didn't recognise me, it didn't even notice me, but then again, it was battling my pokemon, so It may not of had time," Andrew stuttered, the officer listening with all ears.
"Listen," the officer replied. "Prof. Krane knows a lot about this sort of thing, ask him about it. He's normally around the pokemon HQ Lab, ask him."
He never told anyone where he went, well, as he never knew either of his parents, and was in care. He was supposed to, but he NEVER did.
When he arived at the Shadow pokemon lab, there were a lot of Scientists goin around the corridors, security guards outside and in, and Prof. Krane. He went up to the receptionist and asked "Is Professor Krane available?"
The receptionist Replied in a rather tired voice "Upstairs, 3rd floor, door on the end, he does go out sometimes testing equipment".
He went up the staircase, wondering whether the professor could help him, and what the man in the weird black suit with a visor covering his face was doing with some goggles was doing in there. He decided to leave it there, and go up to Professor Krane. He went up the stairs, running slowly towards the door, then running into it, as he didn't keep track of how close it was. "Oww sh*t," he thought as he got up. A man opened the door. "Why are you here?"
End of Part two. Pretty quickly done, and not so good imo. (actually, i think the idea of writing a fanfic is rather retarded. Please delete this thread kind mods :()

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Sun Sep 18, 2005 9:55 am
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Wait a minute.I thought {solrock} is a rock and psychic pokemon and electric attacks can't harm it. :?

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Mon Sep 19, 2005 2:06 am
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uuh, Electric can hit rocks. It can't hit grounds.

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Mon Sep 19, 2005 2:36 am
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I like it.Especially since it's based on Pokemon Colosseum.Although I wish you would add a second character, but that's just me.Also, Electric CAN'T hit Rocks.Believe me, I found that out the hard way.


Mon Sep 19, 2005 7:39 pm
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Rock can most definitely be affected by electric attacks. I know because I've been playing the games since red and blue first came out, and all the stadium games too. Most people think rock Pokemon are resistant to electric attacks because most rock Pokemon are also ground. Just try using thunder next time you fight an Omastar.

Still don't believe me? Look here.


Mon Sep 19, 2005 7:59 pm
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Oh no!I'm sorry.I was thinking about all the times I've try to take out Rocks with Thunderpunch... & almost lost.Oops! :oops:


Mon Sep 19, 2005 8:20 pm
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Although I hate all the new fanfics being Pokemon related, this one caught my eye, but beware, I almost quit reading.

Your spelling for the most part was fine, but puncuation needs work. Also, you need to pay attention to the laws of the English language.

Every time dialogue comes up, start a new paragraph. This is the correct way to do it.

Wrong---> "YOU COW!!!" he thought, telling his Solrock to use Earthquake on the Vaporeon. As the ground rumbled, he looked at the pokemon, in quite a bit of pain from the Earthquake, proceeded to Use Acid Armour. Andrew, filled with rage, told his Solrock to use Double Edge. The Solrock, rotated speedily, then flew at the Vaporeon, knocking it into a building. As it hit the building, Andrew thought "I knew the effort training would come in handy sometime" The Vaporeon KO'ed, the strange woman sent out a Mareep.

Right way---> "YOU COW!!!" he thought, telling his Solrock to use Earthquake on the Vaporeon.
As the ground rumbled, he looked at the pokemon, in quite a bit of pain from the Earthquake, proceeded to Use Acid Armour. Andrew, filled with rage, told his Solrock to use Double Edge. The Solrock, rotated speedily, then flew at the Vaporeon, knocking it into a building.
As it hit the building, Andrew thought "I knew the effort training would come in handy sometime"
The Vaporeon KO'ed, the strange woman sent out a Mareep.

Also, when your character is thinking something, put it italics.

Wrong---> Andrew was thinking "What the hell? Mareep are pushovers". He was proved wrong when it used Thunderbolt and instantly KO'ed Andrew's Solrock.

Right---> Andrew was thinking What the hell? Mareep are pushovers. He was proved wrong when it used Thunderbolt and instantly KO'ed Andrew's Solrock.

I'll edit in anything else that bugs me, but I'd like this to keep going, keep it up!


P.S. Avoid capital letters, underline or italicize.


Tue Sep 20, 2005 6:50 pm
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Despite FW telling me on IRC the idea was rather retarded, and TS telling me everything he learnt on his English literature phD (I'm joking, you were rather strenuous in your criticism however), I will do another part of meh Fanfic (or 10).
"Third person this week mistaking the door for a wall," The man in the lab coat said. "My name is Professor Krane. What brings you here child?" He asked Andrew. "Well, uh, I've.. sort of seen... weird pokemon around. Really strong, but they had absolutely no remorse, no empathy for the pokemon they were fighting, I just knew it. Normally, the pokemon will feel sorry for the enemy whilst battling, as it is hurting one of it's own... species in a way, but this one didn't care. It was... you got this feeling telling you that," Andrew stuttered. It was hard for Andrew to say this, after he'd just seen the new owner of one of his father's most prized pokemon, in the hands of some weird chick who's face you couldn't see.
"Well, I have a lot to tell you then," Krane told Andrew in a very discerning tone. "Have you ever, in your life heard the term shadow pokemon?"
"Yes. I remember some kid going on about one that one of his foster fathers had owned. a Salamence I think it was." Andrew told Krane slowly.
"You know Eldes' son?" Krane enquired. "Who on the Earth is Eldes?" Andrew asked, his insatiable curiosity demanding to know more about what he had seen.
"Before I tell you about Eldes, I must tell you about Cipher. They are pure evil. They created pokemon with no remorse for their fellow pokemon, and humans as well in the less docile pokemon... They were started up by the former Phenac mayor, Evice Es-Cade. he was stopped by a boy called Seth and the legendary pokemon Ho-oh, who destroyed his helicopter. That Helicopter can be seen in the Phenac museum of Orre.
Andrew thought "boring. Who wants to hear about some retarded exhibit that nerds look at all day?
"Well, they created the Shadow pokemon, and were defeated. They rose up with a new leader, Deathgold, five years later, this is where Eldes comes in. he was one of 5 semi-commanders or administators of Cipher, with some of the strongest Shadow pokemon. Also, they had a following from fellow criminals, who were given some of the shadow pokemon, and some were given to bystanders, as prizes in Colosseum challenges. They are on an uprise, seeing as next week, Evice will be released from his prison. This, is an organised act. They are going to try and put shadow pokemon all over the world, not just Orre. I have been keeping tabs, with help from other trainers, some extremely strong, some, new to the cause. Ever heard of Ein?" Krane said to Andrew.
"Have I!" Andrew shouted with glee. Ein was one of Andrew's heroes, even though he did not know what he had done, what plans he had commanded 10 years before, he knew Ein was a very strong Trainer, the last ever Orre league Champion. Andrew got to meet him on his tenth birthday, which was what he regarded as the best day of his life.
"He was actually responsible for creating Shadow pokemon in the first place, and got house arrest for 10 years or something, I'm not sure. What I do know is, he is on parole at the moment, and as one of the terms for his release, he must help us. Do you want to take up that cause as well Andrew? Want to do something good, so evil shall not prevail?" Krane whispered, quite loudly, to Andrew.
"Depends what I have to do. Hope it isn't too hard," Andrew thought. He nearly said his thought out loud, but managed to restrain himself.
"Well, take this then, oh, and these," Krane muttered as he gave a glove with a clock and a spherical groove in it, that looked like it could fit a pokeball in it, a pair of weird goggles, 5 Ultra Balls, and a pokeball.
"What on the bleedin' Earth are these?" Andrew asked the professor.
"The glove, a Snag glove, used to turn pokeballs into Snag balls, originally developed by the now disbanded Team Snagem, used for stealing pokemon from their trainers. I know what you're thinking, but only steal shadows, then battle with them, and purify them, making them normal, and making them happy again. To tell if a pokemon is shadow, the goggles, or an Aura scanner as the are actually called, scan a pokemon for a dark aura if it has one, it is a shadow pokemon. Snag it, by using the glove to change the ball, then throw it at the pokemon after weakening it like a normal pokemon. The pokeball is a pokemon I purified myself. A Clefable. Quite good actually, effort trained too. Take it, I don't need it," Krane told Andrew as he ushered the pokeball into Andrew's hands.
End of Part 3. That was utter sh*te, it'll get better next time though.

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Last edited by Eswin on Thu Sep 22, 2005 12:37 am, edited 1 time in total.



Wed Sep 21, 2005 2:21 am
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Eswin wrote:
Truestar telling me everything he learnt on his English literature phD (I'm joking, you were rather strenuous in your criticism however)


Wouldn't you want strenuous replies? Even though they may seem weird, they are actually very productive. :) Your story is good, I'm just helping make it better.
:P

By the way, about the paragraphing, I noticed message boards don't comprehend paragraphing. :roll: So don't worry too much about it, just try to start a new line. :)


Wed Sep 21, 2005 4:52 pm
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Suddenly, the Crazy Frog was playing, and Krane picked up his phone.
"Yes... oh hello Ein, found anything else? Nothing... rather weird. A boy has just told me about a Shadow Vaporeon he saw in Pyrite Square. Go there. Now Ein. You really want to be cooped up in your own home for around 9 more months, unable to leave without fear of prosecution? Go there then," Krane told Ein over his mobile (cell for you crazy yanks) phone.
Andrew was thinking " If I hear that tone one more bloody time, I will throttle the owner of the phone, and change the tone on it."
"Run along child, do your part," Krane said to Andrew as he was ushered out of the building. Andrew spent the next hour or so battling in Pyrite Square, trying out his Clefable. Suddenly, A tough looking Rider who was well known for being brutal, Klemp, approached him.
"I heard you got one of those... awesome pokemon. Give it here. NOW you little b*tch. I don't hurt little kids. Or would you rather... battle for it?" Klemp murmured in a harsh tone.
"I'll take the latter option," Andrew replied wittily, exploiting Klemp's one flaw. The fact he was stupider than a Rhyhorn with half of it's brain. He was a very good battler though, devising new strategies all the time, and testing them out on his gang, the Orre Blood Furies, who had worked with Cipher every time they tried to take over the world with Shadow pokemon.
"Very well. Battle it is. Go, Aggron!!" Klemp shouted, as he threw his pokeball, and blue light erupted form the center, and an Aggron appeared, very angry looking indeed.
"Go, Solrock!" Andrew bellowed, sending out his Solrock, which he had since healed. "Solrock, Earthquake!" he shouted, as the ground shook forcefully, Klemp even stumbling a bit, and Aggron fainting. His Solrock had the strength to pull off 7.0 on the Richter Scale, but that would destroy a lot, so it toned down the power of it's attack.
"Return Aggron!" Klemp shouted as he returned his fainted Aggron to it's ball. "Go, Weezing!" He shouted again as a Weezing appeared in a blue flash.
"Sh****t" Andrew thought. He had a good idea of what his Clefable knew, so he had an idea.
"Return, Solrock!" he screamed, his Solrock dissipating into a stream of light, which then went back into it's ball. He then sent out his Clefable. He knew this used to be a shadow pokemon, but what he didn't realise before hand, was that it was actually shiny. People asked him why the tips of it's ears were green, and why it had a slightly lighter shade of pink on it's skin.
He squinted at it for a second. It was shiny!
"Clefable, psychic!" Andrew shouted, but before he could, Klemp switched into a Blissey, which sucked the attack in. Everyone around Klemp was laughing their heads off when they saw the Blissey.
"You bloody girl!" one of them shouted.
"Bugger off!" Klemp shouted in reply to his gang. As Andrew was doing an aura scan of this pokemon, he noticed something. Just small at first. it got bigger though. A dark cloud, like a puff of smoke was emanating from it's head.

"This is what Krane is talking about," Andrew thought.He switched his Solrock in, and Blissey used Ice Beam, doing not that much damage to the solrock.
"Solrock, Rock Slide!" He shouted and some rocks weirdly appeared out of nowhere and landed on the Blissey.After the rocks had fell, it looked hurt, and was curling up, flinching away. He got an ultra ball, and put it on his snag glove. He looked at the timer, seeing it would take a minute to charge the glove.
"Attack, Moron!" Klemp was shouting, enraged that the battle was taking longer than he thought it should have.
Andrew threw the ultra ball, as it flew through the air, then opened up, and yellow light emanated from it, sucking in the Blissey, and then the ball lay motionless on the gorund. Then it started twitching slowly, then after orund 20 seconds, it stopped twitching, and he grabbed the ball from the floor.
Klemp was shouting "Give it back, sh*t eater!!"
Then the battle continued, Klemp sending out his last pokemon, his Weezing.
"Weezing, Will-o-the-Wisp" he said in a quieter tone, still angry at the snagging of his shadow Blissey. It burnt the Solrock quite badly, so he did the logical thing.
"Return, Solrock, go, Clefable!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.
His Clefable proceeded to use Psychic on Klemp's Weezing, which sent it flying into the mart, then it released a lot of toxic gas, then it slumped to the ground. Klemp returned his weezing, and Shouted "There's a lot you don't know about me retard!" and ran off towards Pyrite Colosseum.

End of Part 4. I am having a grammar problem, I'm not sure if I made a mistake anywhere. Please point out any mistakes I have made.

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Last edited by Eswin on Fri Sep 23, 2005 1:50 am, edited 1 time in total.



Thu Sep 22, 2005 3:04 am
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The only problem I had was how many * you put in.It took my mind off the story.


Thu Sep 22, 2005 7:37 pm
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Part 5 :0
Andrew, pretty exhilerated by his battle with O.B.F Leader Klemp, he went into the newly built pokemon center where 10 years before, a hideout built for Cipher Admin Miror B, or the disco thief as he was now known, used to be. It was also one of the only ways to access The Under, an old miner town that was evacuated around 7 years before.
Andrew was thinking about what the Shadow Blissey could do, apart from sucking in special attacks, and looking annoyingly cute. It appeared that the Shadow pokemon now had 1 shadow attack and all it's others from the start, meaning Cipher had made better pokemon. this particular Blissey was quite a good pokemon, knowing Shadow Rave, Softboiled, Heal Bell and Ice Beam. Andrew had a more offensive battle style, so he didn't actually like the Blissey that much, and he didn't even KNOW what Heal Bell did, he just knew what it was from a recorded battle between Ein and Steven Stone of Hoenn, the match being a draw after Steven's Metagross exploded, knocking out Steven's Metagross (well duh) and Ein's Mantine.
He went back to Krane, seeing as he didn't have a mobile to call him with, asking how the pokemon were purified.
"well, there are purification chambers in this very building... 9 in fact, or the Celebi shrine. Celebi has the power to help these pokemon. You must spend time with it, battle with it, to be able to purify it. It is a sort of long process, but you're up to it. I have another shadow for you, introducing a shadow Cacturne!" as he gave a timer ball to Andrew. He wasn't sure whether to take it, but he knew he needed to do it.
"We've recruited 10 more trainers to snag shadows. Soon, we'll have a freakin' army of shadow snaggers,. I must be off now, I have a break to procrastinate in," and Krane walked over to his pool table.
Andrew went down the corridor, then he heard something. A muffled scream from downstairs, and then a man in a white suit appeared.
"Bit of variation" Andrew thought.
"You the kid that beat Addien's bodyguard?" The man growled at him.
"Addien? who the hell?" Andrew replied.
"Don't play bloody games with me!" He spat at Andrew, even angrier the kid was trying to be clever with him.
"NOW!" he shouted, and another man, in the same suit sent out a Exeggutor.
"Sleep powder" he whispered to the Exeggutor, and Andrew slumped to the floor.
Meanwhilst Ketore, a boy also snagging shadows, saw what was going on.
"STOP! I know who you work for, and what you do! You're Cipher!"
"You have no idea of what the hell you're talking about. I might have to teach you a lesson. Go, Ursaring!" The Cipher peon shouted, as his Ursaring appeared by his side.
"Go, Kingdra!" Ketore shouted, his purple Kingdra came out of it's ball, raring to fight.
"Kingdra, Surf!" Ketore shouted, A wave of water hitting the Ursaring to the ground. Ursarig looked as if he was trying to focus, raising power every second.
"Kingdra, Dragonbreath!" he bellowed, Kingdra releasing a amazing burst of gold breath, which the Ursaring really didn't like the smell of, and paralysed it. unable to move, the Cipher peon returned the Ursaring and sending out the Exeggutor.
"Ice Beam!" Ketore gasped, as a Icy beam hit the Exeggutor.
"Exeggutor, Giga Drain" The peon mumrured softly, his Exeggutor only just about able to hear, began draining the Kingdra.
"Return, Kingdra, go, Smeargle!" Ketore said, A Smeargle by his side, now painting the wall green whilst his trainer was thinking of an attack.
"Smeargle, Spore!" Ketore shouted, as Smeargle sedated the Exeggutor with spores.
"Sh*t" The Cipher Peon growled. He couldn't send out a frail ursaring, and he had a sleeping Exeggutor.
"Smeargle, Nightmare" Ketore told Smeargle firmly, and Exeggutor was rolling around, until it stopped twitching. The Cipher peon returned his Ursaring with a blue flash of light, then an Ursaring reappeared.
"Smeargle, Spider web!" he shouted, and Smeargle fired a web from it's tail, which did seem odd to the Cipher peon,as he wondered how a smeargle pulled off all these moves.
"Ursaring, Return!" The Cipher Peon shouted, as it hit the Smeargle repeatedly. Smeargle was thrown halfway across the Corridor, where it fainted, and Ketore returned it.
"Go, Grumpig!" Ketore screamed, as a Purple looking happy Grumpig appeared.
"Grumpig, Extrasensory!" Ketore shouted, as The pearls on Grumpig's head and body started to glow, throwing the ursaring into his trainer.
"Someone's quite the breeder!" The peon shouted, stuck under a 270lbs bear pokemon incapable of getting up.

What will happen next? :0
Read this thread tomorrow to find out!
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Fri Sep 23, 2005 2:38 am
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