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 The Loss ~Plz lock~ 
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Dragon Tamer
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Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2005 2:36 am
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Location: stealing food from your fridge... OMG PIE!!!
Srry guys i just really can't continue doing this Fanfic anymore.... nobody thinks its good anymore if you really want it back go ask the forum master of Fanfics thank you... Random Admin or Mod plz lock this topic!!!



Doing in third person (i'm doing this based on the real anime ok???)
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"Chapter 1 - What happened?"

Long a ago when Pokemon were new two crazed scientist desided to make an Ultimate Pokeball even better than the master balls we have today... it took them so long to complite it that they had to pass the job of compliteing the pokeball down their sons and grandsons and great great grandsons it was never complited and when it is it will be called the Lostball......

Today Oceandude has awakened from his sleep to find that Today is the day he bacame a pokemon trainer but he would have to get to Prof. Birch's Lab first he dashed out and changed as he did. As he approched the lab he noticed that there were pokemon trainers puting out the fire at Prof. Birch's lab he dashed towards lab concerned about what just happened. He asked one of the pokemon trainers what had happened, "What happened here?" one of the trainers turned his head to reply "Prof. Birch was doing top secret research when someone set fire to his lab, unfortunely..umm...Prof. Birch was in the fire... he's in the hospital now the only things that survived was his research and his bag of pokeballs" At this very moment Oceandude headed for the hospital bringing Prof. bag and his files of research and to a journey of a life time...

Did you like it??? plz comment on it if you like i can make more!!!!

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Last edited by pokemondude9000 on Fri Dec 02, 2005 6:03 am, edited 7 times in total.



Sat Sep 03, 2005 12:07 am
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Pokemon Master
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Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2005 2:58 pm
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Seeing as story rating will be brought back up shortly, why not start ahead?

In all honestly I think it needs some work. I think a kid waking up ready to be a trainer is the wrong approach. Lostball? Well, ok, I don't see what features are better than the Master Ball, it catches any Pokemon, that should be enough. You can always later raise it's happiness or whatnot. I don't see the point.

You also had quite a bit of grammar and spelling problems, you sentences are........so overall I think this should be rewritten and some changes be made, however you don't have to. The concept is ok, but I'm not feeling it.

<center>~RATING~
1.5/5
</center>


Sat Sep 03, 2005 7:38 am
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Psychic Trainer
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The word is completed,complete,completing and journey.I suggest you use the edit button to correct it.

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Sun Sep 04, 2005 12:49 am
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Dragon Tamer
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Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2005 2:36 am
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Location: stealing food from your fridge... OMG PIE!!!
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Thanks for the rating and stuff (i dun think its harsh what you said i think what you said was just *sigh* telling the plain truth, but i do feel like i need some thought or time about what you said but anyway ill carry on the story) Think you can get more people to see this??? By the way The Lostball: if you want to find out what it does or why its better than a master ball.... READ ON!!!!!
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"Chapter 2 - sitting beside Disaster"

As Oceandude approched the hospital with all of Prof. Birch's remaining items he had a strange feeling that he was being watched and followed by a pokemon... He turned his head quickly to what was watching him but he found nothing, he took it as his imagination and continued to walk, but there was much he didn't know about that thing lucking in the trees...

When he saw Prof Birch he was shocked!!! he had black crisp hands and legs, his face was extreame red (when he saw he had a red face he couldn't help making a small giggle) but his body unharmed. As Oceandude crouched beside the bed without saying hello or even a soft mutter Prof. Birch snached the folder out of Oceandude and took out a box that Oceandude had never seen before and as he opened it to show Oceandude.... The legend he had always heard about had come true...
_____________________________________________________________
Did you like it??????

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Sun Sep 04, 2005 12:52 am
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Psychic Trainer
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Well,it isn't that bad.Could you make the story a bit longer?Not too long please because long ones always give me a terrible migrain. :D

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Fri Sep 09, 2005 8:21 pm
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And you still need to work on Grammer and Punctuation. Your sentences are still way too long. Good concept, but needs work


Sat Sep 10, 2005 3:30 am
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Dragon Tamer
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Location: stealing food from your fridge... OMG PIE!!!
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Sorry i didn't reply fer a while but here goes!!!!!
_____________________________________________________________
Chapter3 - OMG REALLY?????

He opened the box to Oceandude's amazment he saw the lengendary ball.....

THE LOSTBALL... Prof Birch said weakly: Take it and...*wheeze cough*...complete it...The instuctions are in the bag*cough cough*... And your first...pokemon is in there too.....*wheezzzzzeeee*(died) Oceandude: OMG PROF!!!!

_____________________________________________________________
Sorry gotta go to dinner will come back and complte see you later!!!!!!

Ok Continueing now!!!!
_____________________________________________________________
Continuation-Chapter3 "OMG really????"

NOOOOOOO!!!!!....>__<wahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!... sob sob OMG really?!?!?!?!? i get to keep the lostball?!?!?!?!?? He's dead..........oh well! *whistles and walks out of ward*

Ok i have to complete the Lostball *one side of his voice* Hurry finish it you dumbutt!!! *Other voice* No go to his dam funeral!!! *loudest voice* Get some Pizza settle your hunger Stupid!!!! "hummmmm..... I think ill settle my hunger... HHHmmmm Pizza (5 hours later on the phone with the Pizzaman decideing wut to eat) Ahhhh finally i can get back to work with the lostball *thoughts* Hummmm wonder wut Pokemon Prof left me. *opens Prof's bag* Takes pokeball and throws it "Go Whatever you are!!!!!" *Pokemon comes out of pokeball* Oceandude Gasps: "OMG!!!"

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Sun Sep 18, 2005 1:44 am
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