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 Dark Nostalgia: Biohazard (PG-13) 
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Pokemon Trainer
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Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:30 am
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Location: Wisconsin, USA
The Crusade of Dark Nostalgia
Book 2: Biohazard

______________________________________________________________________________
Rating: PG-13 for some language, moderate violence, occasional adult humor and insinuation, implied death via soft/hard vore, and dark themes throughout
Genres: Dark Fantasy, Science Fiction, and Horror
Bases: Pokémon Mystery Dungeon-Blue Rescue Team, Explorers of Time, and Explorers of Sky; Original Characters; and the History Channel docudrama “Life After People”

Chapter List
p. Relic (here)
1. Archangel
2. Deliverance?
3. Temptation’s Woes
4. Tribunal
5. Soothsayer
6. Signs of Infection
7. Voyage of Dreams
______________________________________________________________________________


Prologue: Relic


The question is, as it always has been, what does it take to survive? During the time of Man, it was easy enough for one to merely feast off the scraps of humanity or, furthermore, take refuge within the confines of a Poké Ball. But in the world after people, will primal savagery take hold once again? …And what about those never born into the wild? Those unholy few for whom God was no Creator…
~Speculations of Otulp, the Judge-Sovereign

Doxisite slunk silently through the air ducts, contracting his long snakelike body just slightly with each movement. Years of rust scraped harshly against the leech’s skin but did little to hinder him as he focused below. To his eyes, the thermal signatures of two Pokémon ambling through the lower corridor stuck out plain as day.

Directly beneath him, the first creature he recognized as a hearty dragon. He gauged that the bluish-white reptile stood upright at an approximate height of two meters with his muscular wings spread out to only three, though he knew the hallway was much wider. Unlike the Fire Pokémon he’d consumed long ago, this creature looked unusually bottom-heavy. Even so, the beast would make a more fitting meal than his partner.

Utterly the contrast of the dragon, the meter-and-a-half-tall hominid up ahead appeared horribly weak. This entity’s abnormally stout body, including his foreshortened arms and stocky legs, was clearly deprived of proper blood flow because of its unhealthy magenta hue. How he could even be alive defied all reasoning! Only his oversized star-shaped cranium seemed remotely appetizing due to the vivid yellowish hue it exuded.

Acidic froth seeped through the numerous daggers in the predator’s maw as he hungered. They’d been on the island for days, no doubt to plunder the derelict city of whatever artifacts they found. If only they knew just what relics awaited them here…

Several moments passed before the twosome unexpectedly stopped. Perturbed, the leech retracted his body into a thick conical shape, leaving only his stumpy head out to watch. Momentarily angered, the notched spines in his back ejected and pierced the metal overhead.

The humanoid suddenly gazed upward, its squinty eye sockets flaring white. Burning waves of energy successively spread throughout Doxisite’s cells. The pain ended quickly enough but he had to fight all instinct not to scream. Agonizingly, the parasite squirmed his way forward while his targets quibbled amongst themselves. Once he came upon an open vent, the monster screeched into it at as high of frequency he could muster.

His physiology constituted itself to neutralize psychokinesis, but he didn’t know of anything else that would hurt him the way that attack just did. Until now, he’d been certain they were nothing more than the same types of Pokémon he consumed in eras past. Natural selection by itself could never produce something to counter his species no matter how long he and his kin had been dormant. But then, how in the hell did this atrocity occur?

Looming over the outlet, Doxisite waited for his prey. Within seconds, they passed underneath him. Froth formed around his maw again, and more rabidly this time once the dragon went past; the venom even dripped onto the floor because it was so thick.

“Yuck! What the…?” a deep voice grumbled as a faint pair of russet eyes suddenly glared directly at him.

Fearfully the leech retracted his head from the hole. Of all things, this group possessed a third member. Obviously the creature wasn’t organic-based, otherwise Doxisite would have seen him beforehand. As such, this situation just became far more complicated…

“Tyranitar!” the beast’s allies called. The building quaked as the behemoth lumbered after his comrades. Once the tremors stopped, Doxisite exhaled a sigh of relief that the structure didn’t collapse altogether, then stretched his neck through the vent, and continued down the hall after them.

Honing in, the leech noticed something intriguing. His targets had taken up a new formation exactly where he knew the passage diverged. The humanoid stood dominantly at the center of the corridor, while the dragon positioned himself off to the right with the Tyranitar presumably off to the left.

‘Mother…’ Doxisite thought to himself, knowing they were no doubt awestruck by the festering ooze that had long since settled in the fork ahead.

“Gross… What is that stuff?” Tyranitar asked disgustedly.

“A microbial colony,” the hominid commented, his voice mellow, “It should be easily dispatched with Psychic.”

Mixture of dread and pleasure overtook Doxisite as he heard those last words. Lunging boldly, the leech bit hard into what he presumed was Tyranitar’s abdomen. Managing to just break the creature’s skin, he injected his neurotoxins and quickly withdrew his teeth from the Pokémon’s rock-hard hide. But upon doing so, his victim bellowed out in horrific pain.

“What happened?” the others shouted, whipping their bodies around.

The dragon immediately spotted Doxisite, but before he could even react, the leech clamped onto the reptile’s throat and forcefully yanked him back down the corridor. During the haul, Doxisite shot narrow tubes into the beast’s jugular vein and headed straight for his heart. Once inside the organ, he breached its chamber walls and began draining his victim’s blood with tornado-like suction.

“Charizard!” the humanoid yelled.

It took mere seconds for the parasite to bring his meal back to the vent. When they arrived, Doxisite set the beast down and then dropped the rest of his body through the opening. Finally he constricted himself tightly around the creature’s neck, left arm, chest, and abdomen.

“Get…off!” Charizard choked, shaking wildly to get loose. With his free hand, the dragon clawed Doxisite’s head simply to have his talons slip right off. Adrenaline released into his bloodstream as a result, and likewise the leech finished draining the remaining bodily fluids in one powerful suck.

Bloated from his feast, the leech relaxed his bind and laid himself out on the floor around his prey’s corpse. Now he felt sated enough to rest. The last biochemical fusion inebriated him in a way that he hadn’t felt in generations…it was nothing less than his liquor!

Suddenly the burning sensation overwhelmed his cells again, making Doxisite cry out horrifically. However, this time it controlled his form wholly. Then he found himself forced back into his conical form and flying through the air back towards the hallway’s fork.

“Just who the hell do you think you are?” the Tyranitar managed to bark while gasping for air.

“Conserve your strength, Tyranitar. We don’t know why he attacked yet,” his leader ordered.

“Pretty obvious, I’d say, Alakazam!”

While being pulled towards the remaining twosome, Doxisite sensed something awry about his captor. There couldn’t be any mistaking the genetic frequency this Pokémon possessed; though the enhanced traits had become hybrid with his ancestors’ bloodline, they were still very much detectable. Surely that was the reason why his telekinesis harmed him…

“Alright!” Alakazam finally demanded, “Who are you, and why did you kill Charizard?” In virtual response, a shrill voice angrily wailed all throughout the building.

Something immediately grappled firmly onto Tyranitar’s lagging tail. The entity then towed the craggy beast forcefully away down the left-branching hall before he could even scream.

“Tyranitar!” Alakazam shouted, cocking his head slightly and unwittingly releasing Doxisite.

Flopping on the floor, the leech snapped at his enemy’s chest, just scraping it with two fangs. Instantly paralyzed by his poison, the Psychic Pokémon could do nothing but stare as the monster rose like a cobra to meet him eye to blood-red eye.

“I never thought I’d see the day when your kind would return…” Doxisite clicked as he eyed over each of the Pokémon’s shoulders, “Mother is going to want a long word with you, my friend.” On that note, the parasite turned back down the corridor and slunk away, knowing well what awaited this poor soul.

<End Prologue>


Last edited by Golbania on Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Thu Jul 23, 2009 7:44 am
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*sighs* Nobody ever likes Biohazard anymore...
Chapter One
<Lust knows no boundaries; neither does pain.>

Three years… Seraph thought as she sat alone, high in an oak tree.

The moon was full as it rose with the last moments of twilight. There was a great hush over the land this evening; it was evident with the lack of wind. Nights like this reminded her of when she left the Furlong Wood.

At a meter tall, the Skunanne resembled the silhouette of a human child, save for her slight maw and the large silken tail dropping down from her seat. Her figure was overall slim for her size and fur meticulously well groomed. She had lovely sapphires for eyes that simply glowed in the looming darkness and thin white stripes behind them that rose up her temples until vanishing under her locks. The thick tresses were combed tightly between her semi-ellipse ears and twisted into three delicate braids that dangled over halfway down her backside. At her shoulders, her markings reappeared and coursed her back in twin cascades of inch-long outward slants until they reached her tail; there, they merged into a solid streak that flowed down the middle of the appendage and finally spread out across its tip as a glossy fan.

The skunk girl clutched a crude knife in her right paw that was made from a long arrowhead fitted into the tip of a stick. She dug the blade shallowly into her branch’s bark and peeled some of it away as she thought.

To believe it had already been this long since she abandoned her luxurious tribal life in Treeshroud Forest. But considering the ordeals she’d been through since that fateful eve, she couldn’t help but agonize over the fatal decision. She was an exile now, and there was nothing that she could do about it.

She scratched under her left ear, nearly catching the twine-bound opal dangling from her earring. This place seemed so alien, even with the friendly fall foliage that sprawled out before her. The sight was as vivid now as it had been all day with her adaptive vision.

In the distance, she heard the harmonious tunes of xylophones and violins. No doubt a group of Kricketot and Kricketune were appreciating the night air. If only she and her comrades could do the same…

“Good grief, Kit, grow up already! I’ve been hauling your sorry butt all over the place since the day you set foot in the Guild! Learn to walk on your own feet for a change!” a gruff voice barked from below.

Damn it… She sighed.

Seraph stood slowly. Then, she dropped to the lower branches, landing delicately on a limb several feet off the ground. From that perch, she watched silently as two Pokémon readied to fight.

Closer to the tree was a three-and-a-half-foot tall wolf with a mostly tan pelt. He was an odd creature with a copper plate covering his forehead and eyes. Weirder still was the fact that the mask had a white oval across its midsection that, in turn, had an amber iris at its center. The lupine fiend had a large black paw mark tattooed on the back of his head and a thick ring around his collar that matched it. There were three blood-red scars down his back, extending from his shoulders to near his cocoa-brown tail. From what she could see, the beast also had silver anklets on his hind legs that glistened with a slight violet luster as he slowly circled his victim.

His prey was a dingy brown mammal that stood about one-foot-ten. He had a mostly rounded head with large trapezoidal ears, the right of which had a small bite out of its top. The scrawny critter had a long, slightly narrow mouth with a lower jaw that appeared to be hinged about halfway out; his incisors seemed to be missing from both jaws. His arms were bony and their paws had three stumpy fingers apiece but with long, pointed claws that more than made up for the fact. Because his skin was so tight to his body, the creature’s ribcage and pelvis were distinctly visible, and his abdomen looked incredibly thin. Lastly, the opossum’s long tail was made purely of vertebrae, and his legs were so feeble it surprised her that they could even support his corpse.

He focused the little dots in the middles of his large white eyes on her quickly, and immediately returned them to the wolf. Then Seraph moved down the branch a bit and jumped onto the canine’s back.

“Isn’t this very mature of you, Cairo?” she whispered into his left ear, her voice a sweet soprano, as she held her knife to his throat, “A twenty-nine-year-old Caniclops bullying a nineteen-week-old Oposease…”

“Get off!” the mutt barked.

“Yeah. You’re not exactly in a position to make that kind of demand,” she replied with a smirk, pushing the knife’s point into his skin.

“Stop, Seraph!” the Oposease yelped as loudly as his meager voice would allow.

“Hey, Kit, he has no right treating you like that, so stop defending him.”

Cairo’s pupil slowly dilated as she leaned forward. Her pelt instantly started to change, stripes turning black as the rest turned white. She then smacked him alongside the head and her coat returned to normal.

“Do you really think I’m that stupid, to let you use Inverted Flux on me? It’s crap like that that got us expelled from the Guild.”

“Right. It was all my fault,” he replied sarcastically.

Seraph went to whack him again, when Kit again barked, “Stop it, both of you!”

“Fine. Have it your way, then, Kit.” The skunk girl slid off her partner’s back and returned to the tree’s base.

On the ground near its trunk, there were two bags set neatly aside one another. The one off to the right was a small leafy satchel, while the other was a large brown sack with the Exploration Federation’s insignia embroiled on its flap. She sat between them and looked at her friends with a somber stare.

The members of Team Feral Fang had known each other since their days at the Guild in Treasure Town. They were once a group with so much promise, but that ended a month ago when they finally got axed.

Seraph first met Cairo about two and a half years ago. He was a senior crewmember and formerly the association’s recruit trainer. In the time since, they became close in spite of their regular skirmishes.

Kit, on the other hand, was a real oddball if nothing else. His kind was infamous throughout their home continent for their obscenely short life spans and extremely quirky natures. And, judging by what she’s learned in the four months they’d known each other, the latter was especially true.

“So what’s the plan, Seraph?” Kit asked.

“Well, it isn’t Treasure Town, that’s for sure,” she sighed opening her pouch.

She grabbed several stones from inside and positioned them in a crude rectangular figure, save for one at the lowest portion and one at the farthest right part of the formation. The rocks had a fair spacing between them, leaving her more than enough room to divide them into quadrants.

Kit waddled over to her, while Cairo turned to the design slowly. Both watched as Seraph circled three of the stones. The first was one at the left end of the diagram, the second a few down from it and just under her horizontal line, and the last one in the upper right corner near where the lines crossed.

She stood up with her dagger pointed at the first and said, “This shop had some pretty good stuff. But, like back home, it’s run by the Kecleon Brothers. So, any suggestions?”

“Gouge their throats while they sleep. They’re just Kecleon.”

“Cairo!” Kit yipped.

Seraph lifted her tail so it rested against her back and closed her eyes for a moment. Considering their rough history with the twosome and their relatives, it might not be such a bad idea. But to add murder to an already long list of thefts and con jobs wasn’t exactly her idea of an evening well spent.

“No,” she finally said.

“Can’t you just keep them occupied with Nightmare and Mind Lock, Cairo?” Kit added.

“Bite you tongue, herbivore! I can only keep one under with those moves at a time; you know that! Besides, I’ve put up with tasteless fruit at the Guild and on the way here, so tonight I’m getting some real food in my stomach, one way or another!” the wolf retorted, focusing his iris sharply on the Oposease and revealing his knifelike fore-fangs.

“As tantalizing as meat sounds, Cairo, Kit’s right. Go and kill someone in town, it’ll just cause more problems than we need. If you want to hunt, do it once we’re away from here.”

“Fine, then.”

Seraph shrugged. Then they turned their attention back to the figure, and she pointed at the next rock.

“If you two can handle that place, I think I can break into this storage hut here. The Kangaskhan who owns it closed it up well before sundown.”

“No,” Cairo interrupted, “She’s really uptight when it comes to security. If you get caught, she won’t hesitate.”

“Anything else I should know before I go and get myself killed?”

“You didn’t let her see you earlier, did you? She’s probably pretty old now, but she’s tough and never forgets a face. Worse comes to worse, just run.”

“And, what about the bank over here?” she continued, pointing at the final stone.

“Persian still there? Despite his looks, he’s really jumpy.”

“No, it was a Meowth minding the stand.”

“His daughter, most likely.”

“Cairo, how do you know all this stuff?” Kit finally asked, miffed by exchange.

The Caniclops rolled his eye and stated, “I used to live nearby, remember?”

“Oh, right…”

“Which reminds me… Why did you leave in the first place?” she asked.

“My father was a totalitarian brute who dedicated himself strictly to pack dominance. Not unlike your tribal elders, correct? In his eyes, I’m no more a traitor than you, which is why we have to be as decisive now as ever.”

“Right.”

Seraph turned back to their large bag and opened it. She took out a black money pouch from the sack and tossed it to Kit. He caught it and slung its strap around his body. Like the one it just came out of, there was nothing inside.

Cairo came closer to Seraph so she could put the other one’s strap around his neck, and then reposition it so that it rested on his back. Afterwards, she slung the leafy bag over her right shoulder and across her body so the satchel rested under her left arm.

“I’ll meet you at the bank,” she said as she turned back to the tree and climbed up to the nearest westward branch.

Walking leisurely across it, she watched as Kit started for the path towards town. Cairo followed closely behind him, until finally letting the sluggish opossum get on him. Then he took off.

Alone now, she sprung to the higher limb of the next tree, landing on it nimbly. She quickly started across it, jumping to another branch as she headed for the village. Her foot speed was good on the ground, but it was always a lot more efficient for her to travel in the trees when she could. This way, she could spot and eliminate trouble before it got to her cohorts. But, tonight she was lucky; no one was anywhere nearby, so her flight only took about ten minutes compared to the twenty she knew it was going to take Cairo.

When she finally got to the east riverfront of town, she waited in a birch tree to catch her breath. This village reminded her much of home, a community perched atop a lush precipice. The chosen building style was distinctly earthen dome-huts as opposed to the tents so many back in Treasure Town preferred; the only ones that really stood out amongst these were the one on the cliff face that looked vaguely like a Pelipper and a few large structures on this end of town. Unlike their hometown, this place was fairly spread out and far less congested, even in the daylight hours.

Seraph was done admiring the townscape when her left ear twitched. Leaves rustled in one of the trees at her rear. Someone was here, two…maybe three meters directly behind her.

“Well, well, well… Look who we have here,” a voice then spoke in a weasel-like tone, “You’re up kind of late, aren’t ya, little girl?”

“Leave me alone, if you know what’s good for you,” she commented, gripping her knife tightly.

“Ho-ho! Feisty, aren’t ya? Well…” She lifted her tail and hunched over slightly.

“Wait a second!” A thick cloud of sticky musk was discharged from her buttocks, forcing her to leap from the branch.

“Ah! My eyes! My…my…eyes…” he yawned.

Landing on all fours, Seraph quickly pivoted to watch the silhouette of a small biped stagger in the tree that was behind her and then fall face first into the bushes. Then, she went over to see whom this joker was.

Pulling him out of the vegetation, she saw immediately that he was just a scrawny imp no bigger than she was. The gremlin had blackened skin a few shades off nocturne and a gaudy red frill that was spread out across the top of his pointed crown. His arms were thin but not really bony, while his grayish hands were formed so that his sharp claws were in generally fixed one spot; no doubt so he could rake at another creature’s flesh with ease. She noted how unusually long his red ears were, much more than the last member of his kind she met. And, if her memory served well, he had twin feathers on his rear end that were more-or-less his tails.

Weavile weren’t exactly her idea of mates. The thought that this one just tried to hit on her was absolutely degrading! At least she got him with Sleep Musk before he had a chance to actually make moves on her. With that sedative in his nostrils, nothing short of a deathblow could wake him up for the next day.

Grabbing him by the right arm, she took him away from the main road and into the underbrush. There was no way she was just going to leave him where someone could find him. Several meters into the timberland would more than suffice, so long as he was out of sight.

As soon as she found a patch of thick bushes, the skunk girl flung him into the plants and started covering him up as well as she could by breaking off fully-leafed branches and laying them on top of him. When the body was finally concealed, she went back to the outskirts of town.

Crossing the bridge into the village, Seraph darted from hut to hut in the southeastern neighborhood, making sure to hide in areas with the most shadow. Even if someone was looking right at her, there was no way for them to discern her body from the rest of the shade.

When she finally got to the largest building, she stopped and examined it for a moment. The design was a bit more intricate than the rest of the shacks around it, modeled roughly after the Pokémon who owned it. It was strange, though; the exterior was clearly made of the same thatch and clay mixture that her tribe used to reinforce their shelters. But then, this would also make it that much easier to climb.

After double-checking to make certain that the Kangaskhan wasn’t nearby, Seraph gripped her pads against the wall and began her ascent. Within seconds she was on the roof, right next to the closest window resembling the creature’s left eye. She used her knife to cut the twine holding the crossed window bars together and then broke them inward with a quick thrust. Finally, she jumped inside.

Landing silently, she allowed a second for her eyes to adjust and then looked around. She’d hit the mother lode! Boxes upon boxes chock-full of supplies were stacked all around her. By the scent, most of them were filled with berries, apples, and other food stocks. This was probably the easiest heist she’d ever pulled?

Seraph immediately climbed to the top of the closest stack and started filling her sack with as many Pecha, Oran, and Rawst berries as she could from it. Then, she jumped on top of another and crammed several apples into her bag, stretching it out to near busting. Once she was done, she spotted a third box containing several bandanas right next to her, and so, started trying a couple on.

First she grabbed a pink one and tied it around her neck. Dissatisfied, she tossed it on the floor and put on a brown headband. Again, she chucked it and tried on a blue ribbon.

“Don’t these hicks have any fashion sense at all?” she whined, throwing that one away and searching for an accessory she liked.

Several minutes passed until she finally found something agreeable, a thick boa of silvery down. Chastity Boas were rare, in fact, almost unheard of outside of her tribe. They were known to have once made by nomadic humans who worshiped a Pokémon called Beyi-geyi. Though the creature’s identity had been lost to the annals of time, her consciousness was believed to endure in the object she had blessed. And when her clan’s high priestesses wore them, they claimed to have been capable of breaching the most intimate memories of even resilient minds. True or not, this one was hers now.

Seraph wrapped it around her neck so that the ends rested on her back. Then she dug her claws into the wall and started climbing it. It took a little bit of effort, but she finally got to the window where she’d come in.

After she was outside again, the skunk girl immediately jumped from the roof and headed for the main road several houses over. There, she took to the bushes and headed towards the heart of town. Knowing Cairo and Kit, it wasn’t going to take them too long to get to the Kecleons’ shop and finished their raid.

When she got to the crossroads, Seraph climbed up a nearby birch tree and waited. A half hour went by and several Pokémon passed overhead. Murkrow, Hoothoot, an occasional Noctowl… Birds she’d seldom seen back home, but still her friends were nowhere in sight.

“Thieves! Help!” an elderly woman cried from where she’d just came.

“Son of a…” she slurred, dropping to the ground.

No sooner did she step onto the roadside than torches started to light and voices emanate from the houses nearby. This was just like Treasure Town all over again the night after they were expelled. And, if memory served, this was only going to get worse from here on out.

“Kanga! What’s the matter?” she heard the strict voice of some man speak from across the way.

“I’ve just been robbed! I heard something weird and went to investigate to find this mess!”

“His scent’s not local. He shouldn’t be too hard to find.”

As soon as she heard that, Seraph dashed headlong down the eastern thoroughfare. Halfway down it, her cohorts met her with clearly perturbed faces. She saw that Cairo’s sack was full just like hers, though Kit’s was still empty. With no time to argue, the threesome headed back into the forest with the utmost worry.

After awhile of following the main path, Seraph led them northeast into the underbrush. Though it wasn’t thick, the shrubbery was far more than enough to slow any pursuers.

They eventually came upon a small clearing that seemed virtually isolated from the rest of the woods. It was near a small creek and had a small cliff-face in the direction of Pokémon Square, which obscured views from behind and overhead. Each of them knew they couldn’t stay long, but at least it was a place they could rest for the moment.

Cairo lied down near the bank and let Kit get off his back. Then, the canine took several laps of water, parched from the run.

“So how’d we do?” Seraph bluntly asked as she sat her satchel down near the earthen semi-shelter.

“Fine until you got caught!” Cairo snorted.

“Oh, really? In case you didn’t pay notice, my bag’s almost bursting with all the food I got.”

“That’s it! No tools? Seeds? Bandanas? What good is it if you can’t get real necessities like we did?” he choked, turning to her.

“Calm down, Cairo! We need something to live on besides meat,” Kit interjected.

“Bullcrap!” he barked and headed for Seraph.

She held her knife at the ready. Of all times, he just had to start in now.

“You think you’re smart, Seraph?” he snarled, “Tell me something. When we left Treasure Town, who got us away from our pursuers? Sure as hell wasn’t you! If I weren’t here, you two wouldn’t know how to survive the life of the outcasts. Being decisive is the only way to you will live, and if you make even one vain decision, you’re signing your own death warrant.”

“Uh… Guys…” Kit uttered.

“Shut up!” both replied as they approached one another.

“I know a lot more about that than you ever would, Cairo. After all, wasn’t it you who provoked Chatot and Magnezone in the first place?”

Cairo barked something inaudibly at her, as her ears folded back. He always blamed everything that went wrong on either her or Kit, but this time she was really going to give it to him.

“Guys! Look!” Kit screamed, hobbling away from the waterfront over to them.

“Oh, my god…” Seraph uttered, dropped her knife.

When Cairo turned, he found himself somewhat confused at first. For a moment, he could only detect an emerging presence, like something was approaching…but from where or, furthermore, when?

To Seraph and Kit’s eyes, however, the anomaly was clear as day. A single point just a few meters over the stream was shimmering like a white gem. It was the oddest thing that they’d ever seen.

After a couple seconds, Cairo stated, “We have to leave.”

“Why?” Kit asked.

“That singularity is the emergence point of a wormhole. The one whom created it is immensely powerful and I don’t want to be here when he comes through.”

“Singularity?” Seraph asked.

“Know you nothing of cosmological phenomena? This is the event horizon of a white hole! The energy it’ll spew will be devastating, even for a localized one such as this. Only a handful of entities can travel through such things, and none of them take well to interlopers.”

“What kind of entity? You had more than enough time to analyze it, right?”

He shook his head and continued, “I can’t tell what’s coming, just that it is.”

“Get the gear and let’s go!” Kit screamed.

Just then, a terrible rasping noise started to resonate from the object. It was so shrill that all three of them dropped to the ground trying to cover their ears. But, it was to no avail; the sound raked at their minds like nails on a chalkboard.

Several moments later, a blinding light filled the area. Following it, Seraph felt like some force was yanking, pulling, twisting, and utterly contorting her body. The pain was so excruciating that she was almost wishing for death. After it stopped, the radiance dimmed and started fluctuating, pulsing with energies that sent indescribable sensations through her, both good and bad. Finally, the light completely faded in a fantastic implosion, which released shockwaves that blasted the threesome away from each other.

Hitting her head against the ridge, Seraph landed facing the creek, barely conscious. In her daze, she just managed to make out what was emerging.

A bird... A long-necked bird?

Then, everything went fuzzy. And, slowly, black…

<End Chapter One>


Fri Jul 24, 2009 8:39 pm
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Since you seem to be basing this off of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, I feel inclined to mention that I haven't played any of those games. Despite this, your vivid descriptions helped the plot run understandably in my mind. Your originally created Pokemon blended into the story nicely, thanks to the descriptions.

The characterization seems to be a little off. Cairo seems to be particularly one-dimensioned, one-layered. The Pokemon are given so many human characteristics (something from Mystery Dungeon I'm guessing?) but Cairo, Seraph, and Kit are not utilizing those traits to make them seem believable as human-like creatures. The three main characters seem to be so dissimilar and I can't really see a reason why they are in a group; nothing seems to unite them to be traveling together.

Overall, the story seems to leave an unusually mediocre imprint in my mind. Your language, or quite even mastery over language, is quite impressive. However, I just can't get into believing your characters as “real”, granted Pokemon are hardly real. If they are modeled after human behavior, though, then the comparison of them to humans has to be made. The plot is organized and going in a direction rather than being disjointed, the scenes and events are described exceedingly well, but the characters just seem to fall flat. Well, my opinion has been stated. I certainly hope you continue writing this, though :)


Sun Aug 09, 2009 2:58 pm
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Pokemon Trainer
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Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:30 am
Posts: 46
Location: Wisconsin, USA
I can't reprimand you for something you don't know, but the 'humanization' of Pokemon is pretty much a staple of the PMD games, SanFe, because it kind of deals in the idea of what would life be like for these creatures after people (in this case, some form human-like societies).


Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:11 pm
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