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 A life as a Grunt lol.. 
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Psychic Trainer
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Suddenly a giratina was being traped by the stupid team Galatic (which everyone thinks they are annyoing) and giratina was freed because the team galatic's boss was sooo cheap he bought 2$ fishing nets to trap Giratina.Heres the story of those poor 2 little grunts about to be OWNED by girtina. Sad little derek was a nerd his whole life and got picked on alot okay yes i know what you are thinking right now... he will turn evil when he grows up and blablabla :evil: well when Derek was 12 he was introduced to skateboarding and landed on his face and got scrapped up after he healed somehow he turned evil and wicked and twisted.... so on his 13th birthday derek was introduced to team galactic and joined the team. Derek was a hard little boy to train at his age... he was hitting puberty and he was soooo lazzy he did not do anything he failed all his mission and just sucked... when he was 20 (still a virgin lol.. :|) he tried hitting on the girl grunts but he got smacked in his face becuase he was but ugly... lol and then he got a importent mission and the leader of team galatic said this "hey derek i got a importent mission for u and u better not screw this up) and thats when he had to get his ASS WOOPED BY GIRITINA. Now for the other boy named Jerry. Jerry was a very unique child he was the prettyest boy in class. All of the girls loved him and wanted to date him. on his first date his pursinality was HORRIBLE so he got dumped after 1 day. He went out with a girl named Rose and they were dating for about 3 years and Rose liked his perssonallity. After the 3 years Rose all of a suddon didnt like Jerry and ignored him for about 10 days.After the 10 days she broke up with him and he became REALLY ANGRY.Sooo he joined Team Galactic TO END ALL MAN KIND. He was the best out of all the grunts he attracted all of the lady's and he got ranked S because he was the best. Once he got the secret mission with Derek it went all down hill......



Thanks for reading!! :D rate my story 1-10 :) took me a while to write =P

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Sun Jun 14, 2009 6:11 pm
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nice. I liked it. 9/10

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Sat Jun 27, 2009 5:54 pm
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It might be helpful for you to read the decent fic guide. Stickies are up there for a reason and generally shouldn't be ignored.

Your "story" was quite bad, even for a 12-year-old. Avoid using smilies within the text, and for the love of God, use paragraphs... and sentences.

Using the 1 to 10 rating scale that you asked for, I would have to give this a 1. Cleaning up your story by using paragraphs, correct punctuation, etc. could really help out this story. Also, having an actual plot instead of a few lines of rambling would be beneficial. I apologize if I'm being excessively harsh. Please read the decent fic guide.

Remember though, you are human and do have the ability to improve over time. If you enjoy writing then don't ever quit, just strive to become better.

...Somehow I feel like I've fallen into an elaborate joke :?

Meh.


Sat Jun 27, 2009 8:11 pm
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Agreed. It wouldn't be too bad, if there was a bit more effort put into it. Really, this is the stuff that people flame on other sites (especially for the virtual block of text format), and it'd be really harsh ones too.


Sun Jun 28, 2009 9:11 am
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Pokemon Ranger
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Back in the day, when there were a plethora of these sort of stories in the forum, I would've gone through and extensively told you why this wasn't a good story and how to improve it. I don't like the 1-10 rating system because it gives little reasons as to why your story is good or bad. All in all, I've never seen it be that helpful.

Now, I'm just going to tell you to start a new draft. Even if you can salvage your idea, this isn't a draft that you can work with. It'd be less of a headache for you to just write a new one. Read the stickies, read other stories (there's a list of recommended writers in one of the stickies) and just read books in general! Look at the way they're formatted and the way they're written. Don't copy the writers' styles, though.

Do some sort of pre-writing. Think and write down things about your characters, the plot, the world, etc. Have a plan of action, either written or unwritten, of where you want the story and each chapter to go.

Don't use emoticons in a story unless it's during an instant messaging portion or something like that. It's highly unprofessional which is important to the reader regardless of whether writing is just a hobby to you or not. Emoticons, chatspeak and a lack of care about spelling or grammar is disrespectful to the other writers (however few) in the forum. You'll never improve as a writer if you don't learn how to use the written language in the first place. Which, in turn, means that the people who read your stories will never be able to enjoy them to the fullest extent and in a few months time you won't be able to be proud of the difference in your writing ability.

Also, remember that this is a pokemon forum meaning that there are younger children on this site. Remember to watch the language and content of your story. Place a warning in your title and above your story if it's going to contain subject matter that may not be appropriate for young kids. The highest rating you're allowed to have is PG-13. There's a guide to ratings in one of the stickies.

Keep writing, but please don't blow anyone off. Everything that's been said has been for a reason. I know that I'm willing to help you improve as time allows for me, but you're going to have to be willing to do the work regardless of how much time I have.

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Sun Jun 28, 2009 6:34 pm
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mkay sorry O.o i guess i have bad riting skills :o

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Tue Jun 30, 2009 6:42 pm
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buizel77 wrote:
mkay sorry O.o i guess i have bad riting skills :o


It's not necessarily that you're a bad writer, but more of the fact that you are not putting any effort into writing. Not bothering to use correct spelling and grammar outside of school is rather lazy. Using IM chat language is discouraged throughout the whole Psypoke forum now, thanks to the section of Swift's "Project Make It Better" that regards posting etiquette.

Put some effort into your writing and it will be better than what you've posted thus far. Pre-writing and using proper English would be beneficial to you. So please don't pass it off as having bad writing skills when it's evident you're not even making an effort.

If you're not satisfied with your writing after you've made the effort, I'm sure people would be willing to help you if you ask :)


Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:03 am
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Pokemon Master
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yuna wrote:
nice. I liked it. 9/10


... I sincerely hope you are joking. Now, onto feedback. I'm not one to be gentle when it comes to bad writers so let me just begin by saying this was probably one of the worst things I have read in a while. Remember, things such as grammar, punctuation and proper spelling are essential if you want to write. Learn to do these things properly before you even attempt writing again.


Mon Aug 03, 2009 5:02 pm
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Crimson wrote:
Back in the day, when there were a plethora of these sort of stories in the forum, I would've gone through and extensively told you why this wasn't a good story and how to improve it. I don't like the 1-10 rating system because it gives little reasons as to why your story is good or bad. All in all, I've never seen it be that helpful.

Now, I'm just going to tell you to start a new draft. Even if you can salvage your idea, this isn't a draft that you can work with. It'd be less of a headache for you to just write a new one. Read the stickies, read other stories (there's a list of recommended writers in one of the stickies) and just read books in general! Look at the way they're formatted and the way they're written. Don't copy the writers' styles, though.

Do some sort of pre-writing. Think and write down things about your characters, the plot, the world, etc. Have a plan of action, either written or unwritten, of where you want the story and each chapter to go.

Don't use emoticons in a story unless it's during an instant messaging portion or something like that. It's highly unprofessional which is important to the reader regardless of whether writing is just a hobby to you or not. Emoticons, chatspeak and a lack of care about spelling or grammar is disrespectful to the other writers (however few) in the forum. You'll never improve as a writer if you don't learn how to use the written language in the first place. Which, in turn, means that the people who read your stories will never be able to enjoy them to the fullest extent and in a few months time you won't be able to be proud of the difference in your writing ability.

Also, remember that this is a pokemon forum meaning that there are younger children on this site. Remember to watch the language and content of your story. Place a warning in your title and above your story if it's going to contain subject matter that may not be appropriate for young kids. The highest rating you're allowed to have is PG-13. There's a guide to ratings in one of the stickies.

Keep writing, but please don't blow anyone off. Everything that's been said has been for a reason. I know that I'm willing to help you improve as time allows for me, but you're going to have to be willing to do the work regardless of how much time I have.


If I would've said anything it would have been identical to this, I agree with Crimson.


Tue Aug 04, 2009 12:17 pm
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well i really liked it!

the story was great it sounded a little childish but funny in a some strage way

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Sun Aug 09, 2009 10:23 am
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well, you made me laugh.... well im immature though.. 8/10

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Thu Oct 15, 2009 11:01 am
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It's not bad! lol!
I just laugh and laugh from the beginning wherein team Galactic just buy a
Fishing net for only 2$ just to TRAP Giratina!
LoL! :lol: :lol: :lol:

good though! :D :D :D

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Wed Nov 09, 2011 9:32 am
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-Sir Draco's story card-
STATS:
Story:9/10
Ending:2/10
Spelling:1/10
OVERALL:6/10

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Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:06 am
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