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 Lance,the story of a pokemon trainer. 
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Bug Catcher
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Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 7:33 am
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ok...this is the story of lance...a pokemon trainer.....i hope you injoy. :D




chapter 1:the beggining.


on a warm,summer day...lance awoke on his 13th birthday being promised a chance to get his first pokemon. he runs down the steps,as he picks up his backpack and runs out of the house he yells,"bye mom c'ya when i get back!!" "Wait!...you...forgot your...breakfast..." as she slowly lowers her voice.."well...kids these days..always in a hurry" lance arrives at professor rowan's lab...and goes in. there are many other young trainers waiting to get their first pokemon.."welcome!',profressor rowan announces,"to the pokemon,free giveaway! for all you young trainers..ill give you a chance to get ur very own pokemon!" the kids run over lance..as he falls to the ground...the kids take the pokeballs....there is only one left....lance pick it up and opens it.....there is no pokemon in it. "what?" "i guess that ones emptey..." "how can i be a trainer with this??" "catch one...i suggest a bidoof.." he leaves and goes into the forest...waiting for a pokemon to appear.


ok...its my first story so dont get mad..

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Sun Apr 12, 2009 3:28 pm
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Dragon Tamer
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Interesting. Could use better grammar, but I like the "plot" so far. You gonna write more?

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Sun Apr 12, 2009 4:28 pm
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Bug Catcher
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Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 3:23 pm
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You could definitely make more use of the "enter" button, and break up your paragraph.


Also, every time someone different speaks, you need to hit the "Enter" button.


Grammar definitely needs more work, so go over your basic English please.


There is very little plot, if at all, and you seem to start out pretty cliche, so maybe you could introduce something new and different?


I understand since it's your first fiction though, no worries. It takes a couple times before you get it right. ;D


Good luck with the next chapter.


Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:23 pm
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Bug Catcher
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yea. ;) thanks 4 the tips...i dont care about grammer...XD i only use that in school. XD



chapter 2:pokedex.

Lance walks along a trail with his "pokeball".......
"*sigh*its gonna be hard to catch anything with this...all i could catch is a..leaf..or a twig..or grass..something like that, but no pokemon."he says,
"buneary! buneary!" he sees a buneary running his way,"yes! this could be it! my chance to get a pokemon!",he thinks as he is ready to throw the pokeball.
"STOP!" a girl runs into him and knocks him over. she catches the buneary in her arm."thank you for stalling my buneray...what is your name?" lance gets up,dazed and confused. "um? lance." "Lance? thats a good name. are you a pokemon trainer?" "well...all i have is a pokeball..empttey" "no pokedex??" "whats a pokedex?",he asks "here..as a thanks..ill let you have one." she hands him a pokedex.
he opens it up. he adds buneary to the pokedex. "wow.",he says. "yes..once again,thanks for saving my buneary. by the way,my names Maria."
she runs off..."maria?",he says under his breath..then he gets up and enters the eterna forest.

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Mon Apr 13, 2009 1:49 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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yea. :wink: thanks 4 the tips...i dont care about grammer...XD i only use that in school. XD


Then stop writing. It's that simple. If you're not going to care about grammar, then no one here should bother to care about you or your writing. Just because the school bell rings doesn't give you some magical exclusive right to "write" and expect people's opinion when you can't do something as basic as following grammatical rules. You're not some demigod last I checked, and that means you're being rude to the other writers in this forum by not following grammar. So, either get with the program and up your professionalism or stop posting. I would go as far as to say that you should stop writing. It's not like your laziness is doing your work any good, and it most certainly won't help you improve.

Normally, I wouldn't say for you to simply stop writing, but I'm sick of kids who think the same way you do and telling them to shape up. Chat-speak is not English. "4" is not "for." 2 is not "to" or "too." "U" is not "you." How can you even bother to think it's okay to write a story without grammar? Isn't there something in your head that says, "Wait, shouldn't this be in English and not my own garbled gibberish?" If you're thinking, "It'll take too much time to try to write to the best of my ability AND use proper grammar at the same time," then get over it. Writing takes time. Doing a good job with anything will take time. People would rather you do something to the best of your ability than not, and you should feel the same way. It's more rewarding, personally, to look back on something that took you a fair amount of effort to do. Be proud of what you do when it's worth it. What you've been "writing" so far does not.

If, by some happen-stance, the reason you're leary of grammar isn't out of sheer laziness alone and more out of the fact that you're not sure of the rules or how to even apply them, then that's a different story. You're still not entirely off the hook, though. I and the other writers are more than willing to help you when schedules allow. We don't expect perfect grammatical skills. However, we do expect that an obvious and honest effort was made.

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Mon Apr 13, 2009 6:26 pm
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Dragon Tamer
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everything crimson said (u rock, crimson!) is true, 100%. If you're not going to use grammar, then WHY BOTHER WRITING THE STORY? i know i'm just reiterating what she said, but she's right. you're better off just locking up and calling it quits until you learn proper english

DISCLAIMER: i am 100% non-Crimson

If you want a story that has proper english, come check out To Be A Master.


Tue Apr 14, 2009 6:52 am
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