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 Twilight FF - the story of Keaton. Rated approx. T. PG-13 
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I need to shut the **** up
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First of all, this is my first FF. Please try to be nice, and use "constructive criticism". However I do not mind if you do criticize me. I'll take it graciously, promise. :D
Some things you should know: Keaton is an elf, and here is a little description of what elves are like (in my opinion):

There are 3 types of elf: Blood elf, Dark elf, and forest elf. (Keaton is a forest elf.)
Forest elves are immortal, first of all. Secondly, they are flawless., in looks, personality and other things. Elves are positively, irresistibly beautiful. More beautiful than any vampire could ever wish to be (including Rosalie Hale, for those who have read the books.). They have incredible bodies, lithe and graceful and perfectly toned. They also have great personalities (they are caring, kind and generally extremely likable, and to top it all off, they are extremely intelligent). As well as this, they have the ability to channel magic, however this over time wears them out. Being one with nature is also a great thing.. They are able to empathize perfectly - they feel other people's feelings (a bit like Jasper Hale, except much less potent) and if they concentrate intensely, they can "taste" the atmosphere around them. This too, however, wears them out. Also their feelings are 10 times more potent than vampires or humans. They have different feelings and different symptoms, if you wish, such as a red haze (intense anger) or everything being bright and sharp (intense happiness). These intense feelings also make them give off smells - when happy, anyone who passes by smells their favourite things, (excuse the British spellings) when sad, they give off a fresh, minty smell, a spicy smell when angry, and a collection of the sweetest smells imaginable when in love. Ahhh. Elves also smell succulent to vampires - BIG TROUBLE!!!
Keaton channels the elements (this and the next thing are exclusive to him) and his hair crackles and sparks with magic when he is angry.
Phew! That's all. P.s, this FF is set in the first book, twilight.

Chapter One.

I sighed as I got up. First day at school. In Forks. The rainiest town in Washington.
Ahhh, Forks. The bane of my life. The grey clouds that coated the sky every day made me feel very gloomy – and other people felt it if they annoyed me. Elves are well known for the unusual acuteness they have when they're feeling something. An example is yesterday: I only just arrived and people were already making fun of me! Ugh!
The fact that I had recently lost all of my elvin family to a load of blood elves really didn't help me control my temper. By the time I'd finished my tongue-lashing, at least ten people had come to see what all of the commotion was about, and the looks of pure venom that I shot at them scattered them as if I was a fox and they were a load of rabbits.
As I said before, I had recently lost my family to a load of filthy blood elves. They are like forest elves, however they feel an inexplicable craving for completely and utterly savaging things and leaving the thing in question lying in a pool of it's own blood.
Oh yes. Blood elves love that. And that's what happened to my family. Slaughtered like a load of pigs. They tried to get me then.
That's when I discovered my power.
Controlling the elements is very difficult, you know. You have to learn how blend with them – the magic of Quintessence, the fluidity of water, the fury of fire, the strength of earth, and of course, the grace of air.
The way I got my back on those piles of troll dung is not nice.
Let's just say it contained icicles.
Yeah.
The thing is, with immortal creatures, they can only be killed by other immortal creatures. The magic of elves, the strength of vampires, the savagery of werewolves. So yes, I killed the blood elves, then what do I get?
I get shipped from sunny Ojai, California, to rainy Forks, Washington.
Fun, fun, fun. I'm an orphaned elf, living on my own (“He's extremely capable and will be fine by himself.” says Mr. Tyler, my lawyer) and now, thanks to my extraordinary intelligence, they've plonked me with a load of 17 year-olds. Ugh. Being flawless has it's bad points, y'know.
So, there you go. My mini elvin history. Now you know why I'm here and why I'm in a class full of 17 year-olds. And why, right now, I'm flying through the air at high speeds to get to school on time (all thanks to Quintessence!).
As I land in front of the car park and enter it, a red Chevy truck that looks utterly funky passes me, and a girl with brown hair, brown eyes and pale skin glances at me. The wind suddenly changes, violently blowing my vivid, flaming hair into crazy shapes, but thankfully not revealing my pointed ears.
And then I saw them.
The perfect, marble bodies.
The pale face.
The golden eyes.
Every nerve in my body screamed.
Loudly.
Disturbingly.
Vampire.

To be continued......
If there are any fans of The Twilight series who see this, tell me how you like it, OK?
{dragonite} Chingling {chingling}

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Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:45 am
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Pokemon Master
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Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:55 am
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Is it not enough that Stephanie Meyer has forever polluted literature with her adolescent bile, now she's inspired people to right fan fiction about it? Anyway. Rant over. From the moment I read the words 'Secondly, they are flawless' I knew this could only get worse. The back story to the main character reads like it was taken straight from Captain Cliche's Guide to Totally Unoriginal Character Origins. The main character is quite clearly a Gary Stu, a sin against writing I think should be punishable by frontal lobotomy. But other than that I like your writing style. It has a nice charm to it. My suggestions would be to rethink Keaton's back story a bit, in fact you might wish to strip him down and try all over again. Remove the Gary Stu from him. But I can't fully blame you. I blame Stephanie Meyer and her masturbatory aids she calls 'books'.


Sun Jan 25, 2009 5:07 pm
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Ace Trainer
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OMG! Twilight... wow. I'm surprised you would actually FF that. This seems to be the kinda thing to be on a Twilight FF cite. It's ok, I had some good and bad moments in it but then again I'm parcial to all orriginal work rather then crude re-dos.
Well, it was good, keep up the writing and do some orriginal work and it should be good.


Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:55 pm
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I need to shut the **** up
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Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 7:18 am
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Location: A random Place in Wales
WOOOOOW...2x4b, you really know how to scare a guy......you terrified me with the first line. And you obviously have extremely strong views on Stephenie Meyer, which isn't that bad. Yeah.......scary.
I was thinking of abandoning this anyways, as controlling a flawless character is never really fun, plus I had forgotten about it too. I am thinking of starting something else.

Nothing else to see, people ~

~ {dragonite} Chingling {chingling} ~

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Maybe, just maybe, you'll find me there, waiting......
Well, conman2k8 has done it again. Find him at Fusions Market!!
Image
OMG! Ender at the End Shop is AMAZING!!! Visit it now: End Shop!!


Sun Feb 15, 2009 8:51 am
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Psychic Trainer
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2x4b wrote:
Quote:
Is it not enough that Stephanie Meyer has forever polluted literature with her adolescent bile, now she's inspired people to right fan fiction about it?


I totally agree! Meyer sucks! Now, your story is not that bad, but the topic is overused.


Sat Feb 21, 2009 4:23 pm
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I need to shut the **** up
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Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 7:18 am
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~Could someone lock this, please?~

~ {dragonite} Chingling {chingling} ~

_________________
Maybe, just maybe, you'll find me there, waiting......
Well, conman2k8 has done it again. Find him at Fusions Market!!
Image
OMG! Ender at the End Shop is AMAZING!!! Visit it now: End Shop!!


Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:24 am
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Pokemon Ranger
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Don't let them get to you Chingling. Regardless of how they feel about the author of Twilight and their right to feel that way, all they're doing is spamming your story. There is a books discussion forum for the topic of whether or not she's a horrible writer. You can PM Galar if you really want this locked, though.

It looks fine to me. Keep in mind I usually stay concerned with technical issues (and I've never read the series). All I have to say is add an extra space between paragraphs. On forums, extra spaces and tabs don't work, so adding an extra return between the paragraphs prevents from making blobs of text.

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Sat Feb 28, 2009 11:48 pm
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I need to shut the **** up
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Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 7:18 am
Posts: 254
Location: A random Place in Wales
Thanks for the kind words, Crimson, but it's not them. Seriously, I'd like to thank 2x4b for bringing me back down to Earth. But I've started a new RP and I am NOT going to continue this. So pleeeeeeease let it die. :)

~ {dragonite} Chingling {chingling} ~

_________________
Maybe, just maybe, you'll find me there, waiting......
Well, conman2k8 has done it again. Find him at Fusions Market!!
Image
OMG! Ender at the End Shop is AMAZING!!! Visit it now: End Shop!!


Sun Mar 01, 2009 9:51 am
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