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 A dream for a story 
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Pokemon Trainer
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Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:31 pm
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Location: Thank you pokemonrox96 for the avatar.
I had this dream that I need some honest opinions for. I know it is kind of weird to tell people my ideas that come to me at night, but I need sincere honest advice on this story.

The Deathgivers

Summary: Arron Walker is in a rough spot. His mother is unattentave and his brother drinks heavily. His father recently died in a car wreck and Arron was especially concerned about how it affected his grades in school. One night his brother came home drunk and shoved Arron in his room. Arron then hears all of his brothers high school friends come in the house. Arron's brother cranks up the tunes, and everyone dances and drinks. Everyone, exept the "Crayons" as they're called in school. They all seem to wear their own special color and is weird in their own way. Tanya, the leader, wears a light blue scarf and light blue everything else. Sheila, the brains, wears green glasses with white clothing. Maya, the looks, wear a pure red jacket over her yellow top. People say that the Crayons are so obseesed with those colors that some of the dye rubs off on their skin. Judging by how much they wear those, that could be the case. The entire party consists of jocks and cheerleaders saying,"Go home" or, "Leave the crayola factory." Most of the bullying came from Arron's brother. The girls devised a plan to gain vengence on him. They ran upstairs and took the rubbing alchohal from the bathroom and poured it into his wine. He soon passes out and Arron watches them creep twords him. Arron backs into the wall and all the girls do is touch him square on the nose. Arron then suffocates and passes out while he listens to the girls laugh and fade into the background.
Tell me what you think so far. :D


Tue Jan 20, 2009 7:09 pm
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Ace Trainer
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Location: In his imagination, imaginating things.
Is this your dream? are you Arron?

Wel, assuming this is, and you are, I'd say...
Arron wants to hang out with the jocks and the cheerleaders etc, but feels bad about how they're always mean, and doesn't want to be like his brother. But then he also likes the smarter clichy girls. But he's deathly afraid of them. Of what they are capable of. So this dream is probably a message saying : look me, i need to choose. i can't just keep living in limbo like this.

Course that's just first glance and stuff. I don't know you, nor your life so i can't really extrapolate on things. Perhaps Crayons had some sort of significance to you? maybe a friend who was a girl who you used to draw pictures with?


Storywise, I think it's very well told, and starts and wraps up nicely.
I like it. fast, short, and good.

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Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:21 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Using your dreams as inspiration for stories isn't all that bizarre. Lots of people do it. I know that PoP and other longer stories of mine were originally dreams. So long as you continue to develop it and smooth out the kinks that are inevitable in dreams, then I think that you could turn this into a real treat of a story. Dreams are great for getting the ball rolling, but don't become pre-occupied with trying to keep it so true to the dream that it doesn't make any sense to readers. However, I don't think that you'll do that. :wink:

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Tue Jan 20, 2009 10:05 pm
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Pokemon Trainer
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Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:31 pm
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Location: Thank you pokemonrox96 for the avatar.
Thanks for all of the advice. I actually have a statewide test where we have a freewrighting part. Do you think I could use it or impress my L.A. teacher with it?
lordtomato, in a way, I am Arron. My brother actually drank a cap full of Mike's Hard Lemonade in school and sipped wine at our latest Thanksgiving dinner. My parents are split up, like Arrons (not in the same house), and my brother isn't exactly a saint twords me.
Crimson, I'll be sure to not go over the top.
I may edit it and revise it, but until then, thanks for all the advice, both of you. I hope people will continue to rate
Thanks again! 8-)


Wed Jan 21, 2009 5:21 pm
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