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 The Voyage of Ghasryk 

So, how was it? (1-5)
1, it stunk 50%  50%  [ 4 ]
2, needs some work 25%  25%  [ 2 ]
3, eh, it was alright 13%  13%  [ 1 ]
4, not bad, not bad at all 13%  13%  [ 1 ]
5, amazing 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 8

 The Voyage of Ghasryk 
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This is a book that I am writing. I figured I would try it out here, and get some more ideas. I would like to eventualy try to get this published, so I need as much help as I can get.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some strange words-
Shybi-pronounced SHEE-BEE- a small ape, more inteligent than humans. They have arms that apper to be longer than they should be. The tallest Shybi stood only 4 feet tall.

Ghasryk-pronounced GAS-RICK- captin Sthann's ship. Lokk s huge, considering he's only 3 feet tall.

I will add more words as they come up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHARACTERS

Arther Fitzgibon-Arther loves to make money. He'd probly set his house on fire, if he was paid enough.

Gregory L. Goldman- Arther's partner. Often gets over excited.

Doctor Edgar G. Roxynhead-pronounced ROCKS-IN HEAD- A very bright Shybien sientist. Perhaps even smarter than Einstine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prolog
The End of the Shybis

December 8, 1451

"SHHHHHHHHHH!! Do you want to wake the entier village?" said Arther in a loud wisper.
"Sorry Art," replyed Gregory ", I get so excited before a big pay."
"Well just try to contain theeself, eh"
"Will do, Art"
They continued through the silent village. It was a cold night, and the men just wanted to get their gold and go home.

With in an hour, Arther and Gregory arrived at the castle. Arther knocked on the gate. The gate slowly rose, and the men steped inside. They walked down the hall to a large, red door. The door opened and the men steped inside. They walked over to a table, an old man leaned across.
"Is it done?" he asked.
Yes", replyed Arther", The Shybis are gone."

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Last edited by Eragon on Wed Apr 27, 2005 6:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Tue Apr 26, 2005 3:18 pm
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First off, I think it's too short and second, I think it still needs work, Third, I think this more like a part of a chapter not a prolouge. Other than that it's okay. I give it a 2 That's my official rating.


Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:26 pm
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ShadowFlygon wrote:
First off, I think it's too short and second, I think it still needs work, Third, I think this more like a part of a chapter not a prolouge. Other than that it's okay. I give it a 2 That's my official rating.


you should always put 2 out of what...10 or a 100, or 5!

anyway i give it a 2/10....mate it needs mayor work....same reasons as here my partner SF....

~BF

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Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:44 pm
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Oops! It's 2 out of 10 silly me! :P


Tue Apr 26, 2005 6:11 pm
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It could really turn out to be good, very interesting. 8)


Wed Apr 27, 2005 9:11 am
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looks interesting,but post more of it :wink:


5/10

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Wed Apr 27, 2005 3:22 pm
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I relize that it is too short. What would you like to know? What kinds of things do you want explained more?

By chapter 2 you will see why the prolog was writen as the prolog.

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Wed Apr 27, 2005 5:57 pm
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[quote=eragon]
I relize that it is too short. What would you like to know? What kinds of things do you want explained more?
[/quote]

umm,everything!!what r they talkin about?

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Thu Apr 28, 2005 8:24 pm
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Well, I believe Eragon's technique is to get people to come back for more, due to lack of information. If you don't know a lot, and you hear there's more, more than likely you'll go back.

Interesting method, but does need more.
6/10


Fri Apr 29, 2005 3:52 am
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Truestar wrote:
Well, I believe Eragon's technique is to get people to come back for more, due to lack of information. If you don't know a lot, and you hear there's more, more than likely you'll go back.

Interesting method, but does need more.
6/10


Erm... Yeah!!

The actuel story takes place in 2053. The prologe is what the humans think happend to the Shybis. The rest of the story is about the Shybis, and their trip to find the humans.

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Sat Apr 30, 2005 5:02 pm
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are u gonna do more of it?i want to find out what was up with the people!

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Sun May 01, 2005 6:39 pm
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I can't really rate that because it's a bit too short. But if you really want one i'd give it a

{starmie} {starmie} {staryu}

2.5/5. Since rubypoke is using Staryu i shall use starmie, and occasionally a staryu for half-points.

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Mon May 02, 2005 10:40 pm
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Sounds Suspensfull
But I do agree that it's to short to rate.
It still sounds good though :)


Sat May 14, 2005 6:48 pm
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Hmm...at first your story was kind of "eh"...but it became better in the end. I suppose your story hasn't advanced to the good part yet, right? :wink: So far I give it a 5/10.

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Tue Jul 05, 2005 6:00 pm
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well i kinda understand it cause Eragon told me bout it it dodes sound intersesting but Eragon can ya put in chapter 1 already :D
Yeah i would give it a ohh 5/10 I thinks that it is a well but short writen prologe(bad spelling). :)


Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:45 am
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