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 Olympe and the Funeral 
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Pokemon Master
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hiii guys~

I finally did one of those timed writing thingies. I had ten minutes to write this one, and the prompt was to write a story with a girl under 18 as the main character and with a paper umbrella.

I also tried to stay away from using dialogue, but I was at a loss at the end.

Summary (highlight to view): A young girl is poisoned by her mother and trapped in her room after being tricked into thinking there was a funeral that day.

----

Olympe set the glass back down on the table, brushing her silken brown hair out of her eyes. It was unusually warm today, so everyone she knew was at the pool nearby, having a good time while she sat on her patio and pretended to be there as well with a cup decorated with a slice of a pineapple and a tiny pink paper umbrella that her mother had offered to her.

How she wished she could have gone as well! But, a death in the family had taken place recently, and as such she had to stay home and prepare for the funeral, which would begin in a matter of hours. She already had her clothes picked out – a white dress, odd for the occasion...but it was just so hot, Olympe refused to attend in dark clothing. With it she would wear a tiny Claddagh ring her friend had given to her, and pearl earrings. Her mother had chided her, saying her daughter looked like she was going to attend a wedding, and made a point that Olympe's attire was 'offensive' and that she would be sure that she would never wear something like that in public again.

Frankly, Olympe actually hadn't been told of the funeral until this morning – apparently her great uncle had died of heart failure a week ago. Her mother also told her that the whole home had been abuzz with chat about the funeral, and yelled at her once more for 'not paying attention'. The thing is, there hadn't actually been any talk of Olympe's great uncle, nor had there been any of a funeral.


Hours later, Olympe put on her fine clothing and jewelery. Stepping out of the doorway, she called to her mother that she was ready, then asked when they were leaving. Her mother said that they were going to have to leave later than expected, as there was traffic, and told Olympe to keep her dress on and take a quick rest in her room. The brunette complied, stalking back into her bedroom and shutting the door, muttering to wake her when it was time to leave.

As soon as her daughter disappeared behind the door, Olympe's mother dashed up and locked it, proceeding to take her bags and walk out the front door.

“Well, that's that.”

----

lul, after looking at this, it looks like I didn't write much. Maybe I'm a slow writer or something. :C

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Last edited by Valentine on Sun May 11, 2008 12:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.



Sun May 11, 2008 11:13 am
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Pokemon Ranger
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Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 2:56 pm
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DID OLVIE DIE?!?!?



eh, it was short. and kinda didn't make sense at the end, but w/e i liked it. ;o

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afk


Sun May 11, 2008 11:48 am
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Ace Trainer
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Joined: Sun Aug 06, 2006 1:38 pm
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Agh, what a place to leave it! I actually think you have the makings of a really intruiging story, if you were to continue it. It works fine as a one shot, but it really feels like part of something bigger.
I did like the detail about the paper umbrella, that was a nice touch. Also, not using dialogue is fun, I think you pulled it off. I don't think it matters you ended up using a little.

Maybe I ought to try writing something timed..

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Tue May 13, 2008 5:01 pm
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Dragon Tamer
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i agree with all the above posters. I also think that leaving it where u left it gives it up to the reader a lot, which always makes stories a little more interesting when not every little detail is stated. for ten minutes, its damn good. i probably couldnt come up with such a good story in a oneshot, especially in only ten minutes. u could be a great writer if you keep practicing and letting that imagination out.

{umbreon} {salamence} {dragonite}


Tue May 13, 2008 9:35 pm
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Pokemon Master
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Wow. That was a cool story; it took five minutes to read, but it was still cool. I like how it has so much detail in it, but at the same time, it's not the boring kind like

Quote:
The girl with the red hair put on her dress which was green and looked at it and said omfg it's gorgeous


It gives it in a kind of way that you kinda get the information without realising.

Quote:
The brunette complied


Like it would have been boring if it was just

Quote:
she complied and brushed back her brown hair
or something like that.

I don't really know why, but I loved it. O_o

EDIT: lol, I really should have proof-read that before I posted it. ;o

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Mon May 19, 2008 1:54 pm
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