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Ace Trainer
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Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2007 11:00 am
Posts: 262
Location: Buckinghamshire, England
Again, I'd like to stress the warning in the title. It's not THAT explicit... I did this for an English homework. My teacher really liked it, so I decided to post it here. In case you're wandering, the homework was "write a short story about suicide".

Once again, Rio is not happy with the story he edited at midnight. The problem with insomnia is I spend 8 hours not thinking at all. I've lost the actual story i.e. it's on display at school, but I shall try and get the proper thing when I go back to school.


Last edited by rio_uk on Wed Apr 16, 2008 2:10 am, edited 2 times in total.



Tue Apr 15, 2008 2:25 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 2:56 pm
Posts: 658
Location: Georgia, US
That wasn't that disturbing. I mean, if you actually described anything in the story besides the sweat on her face, then it would be more 'disturbing.'

That lacked a lot, it felt to me like the same old 'IM GONNA KILL MYSELF CUZ IM GHEY!!1' sort of thing, and that gets old fast. There was no description, again besides the sweat. I don't understand what the point of 'I'd left them for dust... er.... mud.' was.. :

Also, what's the definition of a short story? That was about 5 lines of dialogue and one paragraph of description. Not really my definition of a short story, I'm not saying go write a novella or anything, but at least make it /longer/ than that. Describe what the situation was at hand that made her do that, why they said that, who all of these characters are, and more stuff like that to enhance your story, I barely recollected anything except for 'some lesbian goes and kills herself with gas because she's gay'... a really typical storyline imo.

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Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:03 pm
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