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 Whisper of the Shadows [Doctor Who][K+] 
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Pokemon Ranger
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To celebrate the fact doctor who is coming back 5th April, I thought I'd make a doctor who FanFic (Also I've had this idea in my head for ages and ages). I've rated it K+, but I dunno how it's going to turn out completely yet (I know the plot, just not how scary I'll write it).

Notes: The TARDIS crew is currently Martha and the tenth doctor.
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Prologue
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Frank Price placed his book on the bedside table, then he took of his reading glasses. He reached out a hand towards the switch of the reading light, when something that sounded like a voice seemed to speak. Frank couldn't quite hear it, it was too quiet, but it was definately there, and it was getting louder. He began to slightly panick, someone was in his house.
"H-h-who's d-there?" He stammered, sitting up in his bed.
Then a high pitch voice responded, "We are the shaaddooowwss,". Frank glanced around. What did it mean, the shadows?
"Aandd we're coming, coming to find yoouu!" Frank began to sweat. He glanced over at the wall, and saw not only his own shadow, but a second person. He turned round, but no one was there. He gasped, and then turned back to see the second shadow was still there. And then he noticed it was holding an object that looked like a knife. And then the shadow began to bring it towards the chest of his own shadow.
Then there was a scream, and a corpse of a man tumbled of the bed and onto the floor.

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Chapter One
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"Nononononono!" The doctor exclaimed after having a quick glance at the TARDIS console. "Martha press that big green button to your left, quickly!" He cried out, whilst rushing to the right. He grabed a lever and pulled it, then rushed over to the over side of the console and began to flick dozens of switches. "Now the vortex loop!" He yelled, over the noisy alarm.
Suddenly, the room shifted sideways. Martha reached out and grabbed a hook on the console, but the doctor wasn't so lucky. He flew into the wall, and tumbled to the floor. The TARDIS began to make a whirling noise, which Martha recognised as the landing sound, and she ran over to the doctor. He opened his eyes and jumped up, then he ran back over to the console.
"Where are we?" Martha asked.
"We're in Glasgow, mid-August 2007, apparently. Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear."
"What?"
"We didn't shut it in time, a few of them got through."
"A few of what got through what?"
"I don't know what, but something was trying to get through the space-time rift in Glasgow, and something that the TARDIS considers potentially more dangerous than daleks."
"So we've got to go find them and stop them?"
"Right."
"How long could they have been here?"
"According to the TARDIS, the rift opened a week ago."
"Let's go then."

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Tue Mar 25, 2008 6:28 am
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Pokemon Ranger
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first off, roflmao Doctor Who.

second off, your whole first chapter is extremely short. If you've had this idea in your head for so long, then why didn't you flesh it out more?

In summary: needs moar shaptur. >:O

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Tue Mar 25, 2008 8:09 am
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Pokemon Ranger
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I didn't finish chapter one, or even get close to finishing it, I just got a bit stuck one the next part so I decided to leave it while I thought about it. I always struggle with the start of stories, it's the middle and end I generally find easy.
Also if you don't like dr. who, go read someone else's FanFic.
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Chapter One (Continued)
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Martha stepped outside of the TARDIS. They were on a narrow road, and according to the sign, it was called Mavell Lane. The doctor came out just behind her, holding his sonic screwdriver which was beeping and flashing at what seemed like random. The doctor paused, then began to walk left at a quick pace, and Martha had to jog to keep up with him.
"So what are you doing?" She asked, as the screwdriver started to beep slightly louder.
"Tracing anything that's made contact with anything that has recently made contact with the rift."

Arianna walked up the stairs. Her dad had told her that he'd be in all day, so she was puzzled on why he hadn't answered the door.
"Dad? Are you up here?" She shouted, then listened for a response. He must of forgotten she was visiting. Typical. She walked into his room, where he kept his phone, so she could phone his mobile. Then she saw the body, lying on the floor clutching his chest.

"This way!" The doctor led Martha along another road. This one was called Mavell Lane. They'd been aimlessly running about for ages. "We're close n..." The doctor was interupted by a loud scream.
"That way?" Martha asked, pointing towards the house the scream had come from. The doctor nodded in response, and they both ran over there, A woman came out of the house, tears pouring down her face. "Some... someone's murdered my father." Martha went over to comfort the woman.
"Can we see?" Asked the doctor, who managed to make a murder seem more like a theme park ride. The doctor got out his psychic paper, and showed it to the woman. "We're what is says there. I'm the doctor and this is Martha."
"I guess so, I'll show... show you." sobbed the woman. "I'm Arianna."

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Wed Mar 26, 2008 4:00 am
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Pokemon Master
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I'll try and be nice about this... You have castrated one of the greatest science fiction series of all time. For one, the chapters are way too short. Two, always have a capital on 'Doctor'. It makes it easier to pick out of a sentence, and doesn't get confusing if you bring in another doctor. Third... Jesus wept. You haven't captured the Doctor's personality in the slightest, where's the cheeky and playful exterior? Where's the very serious, surreal attitude? Fourth. Do your research. The TARDIS has a railing going nearly all the way around the walkway, how on Earth would he fly into a wall? And I may be nitpicking here, but this sentence bugged me.

"I don't know what, but something was trying to get through the space-time rift in Glasgow, and something that the TARDIS considers potentially more dangerous than daleks."

A capital on Daleks. Second... Glasgow? Try Cardiff for a space-time rift. I mean... Just try watching a few more episodes before you start this again.


Wed Mar 26, 2008 4:17 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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In the first episode of Torchwood, Everything Changes, Jack tells Gwen that Torchwood two is in Glasgow, and I'm pretty sure he mentions there's a Space-Time rift there.
You have a point on capitilizing the Doctor. *Edits*

I'm not convinced the TARDIS has a railing all the way around the console room:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Tinterior1.jpg
If you look to behind the console, I can't see a railing. Also, it was a large shift, he could have been thrown over the railing.
More dangerous than Daleks, it's probably my opinion. The Daleks never really scared me, and if you just hide behind the sofa or under the bed, they can't zap you, so your safe... I personally think evil-murderous shadows arre much scarier.
As for not doing enough research, I've read all the new series doctor who books (except peacemaker and made of steel), I've watched all the new series episodes, and most of them twice or three times, I've watched all of Sarah-Jane Adventures three times, and I've watched all the second series of torchwood and most of the first. And I've watched about two thirds of the fifth doctors episodes and a third of theI've also done alot of research on wikipedia about doctor who (and checked the sources, too, not just believed everything).
And the chapter length, I haven't even finished one chapter, so how can you say they're too short yet? Also, the chapters in Revenge of the Juddon are only about 2-3 pages long, and the text is about this size. So I wouldn't agree they are to short.

Quote:
one of the greatest science fiction series of all time

I'm glad we agree on one thing ;)

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Thu Mar 27, 2008 3:41 am
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Pokemon Master
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Huh... I thought the railing went all the way around. I obviously haven't been paying attention ^^; And Jack didn't say anything about there being another rift in Glasgow. Another tip if you want to do more research, I've found when I'm writing Doctor Who based stories, this is more accurate than Wikipedia :wink: : Doctor Who Wiki


Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:00 am
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