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 Kurakari's Poem Library 
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A poem I wrote for about a week, not keeping my mind off it. Hope it's good:

Never say I love you,
If you don't really care.
Never talk about feelings,
If they aren't really there.
Never hold my hand,
If you are going to break my heart.
Never say your going to,
If you don't plan to start.
Never look into my eyes,
If all you do is lie.
Never say hi,
If you really mean goodbye.
If you really mean forever,
Then say you will try.
Never say forever,
because forever makes me cry...


If you like this I can think up some more. :) Feedback is more than welcome.

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Last edited by Kurakari on Tue Jan 01, 2008 9:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Tue Jan 01, 2008 12:03 am
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Beautiful. The last sentence made me cry....10/10! You should make more!
(Did you recently break up with someone?)

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 12:51 am
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Ouchie!!! The words stabbed through my heart!!! It's really good..
I remember the saddest moment with my first love :cry:

Rating:
10-10-10-10-10 :wink:

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Last edited by Flygon1992 on Sun Jan 06, 2008 6:10 am, edited 1 time in total.



Tue Jan 01, 2008 5:57 am
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Very nice, it's not exactly my style but: very good.

There's a bit of shakiness in the flow with "If all you do is lie. Never say hi," a bit too few syllables in the latter line. To fix it you could add some more lines in between that gradually descend to that many syllables or you could just figure out a different way of phrasing it.

Other than that it's excellent, I hope you write some more (we need more poets) ;).

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 9:24 am
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Thank you! Yeah, I did recently break up with someone, but Im over it now. Here is an old one I did :

The day will come when you'll be mine,
but I'll just wait until that time.
If I have to wait forever, that's what I'll do.
Because I can't live my live without you.

Although you may not love me, although you may not care,
If you should ever need me, you'll know that I'll be there.
Your heart may not be broken. Your heart may not be free,
But if you shall ever need someone you know you can count on me.

If I tell you my true feelings, will you care?
If I tell you I can't live without you, will you tell me the same?
If I walk away will you run after me?

Loved you yesterday, love you still, always have, always will.

The spaces between his fingers were meant to be filled with mine. Too bad that they were filled with hers...

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 3:47 pm
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Kurakari wrote:
The spaces between his fingers were meant to be filled with mine. Too bad that they were filled with hers...

Is that part of the poem?
It's quite depressing but good all the same.

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 3:57 pm
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Its sort of like the ending to it but, yes I guess so :)

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 4:02 pm
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Wow !! Really touched me ... you remind me of a friend that I had ... That I can't see now because I had to move.
But anyways :P 10/10


Tue Jan 01, 2008 4:03 pm
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OMG! Its so sad, but also a really nice love poem at the same time...you really have a knack for this! Please keep updating! 400000/10 :D

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 4:21 pm
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Hello again, Psypokians! I am officially making my poems into a library!
Here are a couple more I did some time ago in the 7th grade:

Real Happiness


If there was real happiness, then I never knew
Until I opened my eyes -- and there was you.

My days were all filled with confusion and dread
I fought and I struggled with the demons in my head.
I longed for a lover to share it all that I do.
One day I opened my eyes -- and there was you.

I cried and I pleaded with the sweet Lord above,
To bless me just once and introduce me to love.
I prayed for an Angel and for all of my dreams to come true.
I just opened my eyes -- and there was you.

I waited and ached for some loving arms,
and for someone to ease my pain and help me feel calm.
For these blessings I wondered what I had to do,
I just opened my eyes -- and there was you.

I never believed in those fairy tale things,
Hearts and flowers and Cupid huntings.
If there was true romance then I never knew.
Until I opened my eyes -- and there was you.

Somehow my life changed and it spun me around,
I was given a chance to enjoy the love I had found.
I finally felt happy and had pure love sweet and true.
And all this is mine -- because there was you.

Hope you like it! Feedback is welcome!

P.S. how do I change the topic name? Answers will be appreciated!

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 8:16 pm
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You change the topic name by editing the subject line of your first post.

For your most recent poem: Good, I like the steady beat. The flow is a bit shaky in the beginning but it smooths out.

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 8:54 pm
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I like it a lot; very good although again it depressed me.
I think the last line should be in the present tense though as that verse is.

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 8:59 pm
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I'll try and think of some more happier ones, but Im personally are better at sad poems.

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Last edited by Kurakari on Tue Jan 01, 2008 10:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Tue Jan 01, 2008 9:54 pm
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Actually, I found it happy and that's why it depressed me.

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 9:58 pm
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Oh, uh, so you want them sadder? :|

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 10:05 pm
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Lol. No, no, just do what you do and write however you want to write; whatever you want to say.

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 10:10 pm
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Oh, :lol: Here is another poem to be added to the library, and probaly the closest I can get to happy.

Peace

Everyday I look around,
I'm looking up, I'm looking down.
So much hate is in this world.
Why don't we sit down and make it right?
Instead we sit down and watch them fight.
So much hate is in this world,
If only we had another chance,
to not fight but sing and dance.
And rejoice that we are still alive.
Instead of watching people cry,
we can right wrongs,
we can sing more songs,
maybe even laugh along,
With the people we love.
With the people we hate,
with the people we discriminate.
So much joy is in this world,
If only we can show it!


My first happy poem. Ya like?

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Last edited by Kurakari on Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Tue Jan 01, 2008 10:43 pm
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Kurakari wrote:

So much hate is in ths world,

My first happy poem. Ya like?


Typo ;).
I do like it but, although it's like hopeful/cheery, I don't know if it's a happy poem because we can't actually be like that as humans suck. Nice anyway.

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Wed Jan 02, 2008 8:41 am
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Now this is more my style, I wouldn't call it happy though :P.

This doesn't have quite as much emotion as the other ones, and it has a few grammatical errors. The flow got a wee-bit shaky at the end, maybe it's because of the change in tempo and rhyme scheme (AAB to AABB), but it still ended well.

I like it, you still have that constant beat that I like. And your subject matter is always well-expressed and kind of grabs the reader's attention. Keep it up. :)

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Wed Jan 02, 2008 9:27 am
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Like I said, I tried. :) My last attempt for a happy poem:

Be Happy

Be with one who makes you happy,
The one that makes you smile.
The one that makes you laugh,
And every day worth while.
Live life for the moment,
Try hard to make it last.
Because life is so short,
It goes by so fast.
So when you find love,
Don't let it slip away.
Hold it forever,
And cherish it each day.
As long as you are happy,
That is what you should do.
Love someone and let them know,
Before your life is through.

My LAST attempt for a happy poem.
P.S. Sorry for typos :wink:

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Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:43 pm
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Please don't do any more happy poems, (don't listen to me - do what you want really), I almost cried. *Kills myself* Ha...

Good work though.

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Wed Jan 02, 2008 4:25 pm
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whew....no more happy poems! :D Here are 2 more that aren't happy:

Confusion

The feeling of confusion,
is overwhelmed with pain.
I gave into this dillusion,
with nothing there but shame.
You try to heal my burning wounds,
with salt instead of care.
I'm thinking maybe It's too soon,
because I know your never there.
I close my eyes and replay,
those memories that I kept.
If only I had let you stay,
and not let you take that step.
I decide I'm way too old,
to run around like this.

Here is the next one:

Lies Hurt

You say you love me when you speak,
it hurts and makes my stomach weak.
I want the words to mean the truth,
how can you love and hold on to this youth?
I should feel happy but my body shakes,
because everytime you talk my heart breaks.
I want you to be happy and not wait on me,
and always be the same that you said you'd be.
I know you miss me, I see it in your eyes.
But just let go of the past and say our goodbyes.

I think the second one was a little rickety....Feedback is welcome, of course!

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Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:43 pm
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I like the first one, it had a steady beat to it. The second one was, as you put it, rickety. The poem makes sense but it's a bit wordy too.

Overall, Great Job! I love it!

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Wed Jan 02, 2008 11:34 pm
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Keep up the good work on making poems (even though it makes some of us sad).. I viewed some to my friends and they also like it (because they are also broken hearted.. :lol: ).

I like the first one. The second one is rickety as you said but I don't know what it means.. :?:

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Sun Jan 06, 2008 6:29 am
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