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 Ancient Legacy, a fanfic by DNA 
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Psychic Trainer
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I finally got to read your story too DNA. It's really great! :D
As have been mentioned already, it's really nice you give an explanation of how various things in the pokemon world work and your explanations are really imaginative; especially the one with the poke ball...

I don't understand something though; aren't Azelf and Mesprit a little TOO smart and mature for their age? Or is there something weird with them?


Fri Jan 11, 2008 4:34 pm
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The first one, actually, Sword.
Here's #7. This is where Dialga and Palkia each catch their first Pokemon. I think I've been writing this story biased toward liking Dialga, but I like him more, I guess.

Quote:
-----
7

Glancing at the map, Dialga noted that the first gym was not so far north of here. It was within Coconut Town, a small village where palm trees abound, not surprisingly.

“Even though we are confident with our Pokémon,” Dialga advised, “we should each try to look for a second to bolster our teams, and give it a bit of variety.”

“But I see no Pokémon nearby,” Palkia returned. “We may not find any before we get to the first gym.”

“You may have spoken too soon. Look!”

Dialga pointed ahead of him and saw two Pokémon walking in some tall grass on the side of the road. He whipped out his Pokédex and scanned the first, which appeared to be a floating metal ball donned with magnets.

“Magnemite, the Magnet Pokémon,” the Pokédex said, albeit in a slightly robotic voice. “Uses anti-gravity to stay suspended. Appears without warning and uses attacks like Thunder Wave.”

Then he turned his Pokédex scanner lens toward the other, which looked like a round pink ball with large green eyes.

“Jigglypuff, the Balloon Pokémon,” the machine said, with the same robotic tone. “When its huge eyes light up, it sings a mysteriously soothing
melody that lulls its enemies to sleep.”

“Well, sister,” Dialga noted, “we’re in luck, aren’t we?”

“I’ll say,” Palkia answered. “I’d like to have the pink cute one!”

“Very well, I will battle against the Magnemite.”

Dialga then faced his new opponent, ready for his first Pokémon battle. Gripping a Poké Ball from his belt, he released his partner, Dratini.

“Are you ready for battle, Dratini?” the trainer asked.

Dratini looked back at its trainer and nodded, then looked back at the Magnemite.

“Okay Dratini, let’s take the initiative and strike first. Use your Wrap attack!”

Dratini then slithered over to the round ball and wrapped itself around it, squeezing tightly. Magnemite, in an attempt to loose itself, shot a weak electric shock from one of its magnets and aimed it at Dratini, who shrunk back from the Thundershock attack.

“It’s okay, Dratini,” Dialga encouraged. “You’re not too hurt, are you?” He knelt down toward Dratini, who looked back at Dialga and nodded again, signifying that he was fine, and that he could go back to the battle.

“Okay Dratini. Let’s try a different tactic…Use your Leer.”

Dratini glared at Magnemite with an intimidating look, causing Magnemite to feel fear and lower its guard. Magnemite responded by scratching one of its magnets against its metal body, loosing a horrible Metal Sound. Both Dialga and Dratini clutched at their ears in pain.

“Now … try your Wrap again!” ordered Dialga.

Dratini, obeying the command of his trainer, slithered back over to Magnemite and constricted it with his long body. Magnemite tried to free itself again, this time with a different kind of electric attack. Dratini appeared to fall off of Magnemite and onto the ground. He felt like it was hard to move, and his muscles were tensing up.

“What?” questioned Dialga. “What manner of attack is this?” He pulled the Pokédex and analyzed Dratini. The Pokédex responded by identifying the move used on Dratini.

“Thunder Wave,” came the robotic answer. “The user creates a weak electric shock and paralyzes its opponent. Paralyzed Pokémon are slowed and may be rendered immobile.”

Dialga became worried about his Pokémon, so he searched through the Pokédex database for what moves Dratini would know at his current level. The list displayed revealed Wrap, Leer, and…what move? Dialga was surprised, yet content.

“Okay Dratini, counter with your own Thunder Wave!”

Dratini obeyed and shot a weak electric shock from its nose aimed for Magnemite, who suddenly felt heavy and slowed. It dipped slightly toward the ground. Then, much to Dialga’s surprise, Dratini’s skin started to pale in color. Dialga wondered what Dratini could possibly be doing at a time like this. The question was soon answered.

Dratini’s skin suddenly became as white as a sheet, and broke open suddenly at the head. Dialga was utterly shocked. Was Dratini dead? His fears were alleviated as Dratini wriggled out of its previous skin and revealed a new hide, full of color and vitality once more. Dratini also seemed to have returned to normal speed.

“Wow, Dratini,” Dialga exclaimed. “You’re amazing!” Dratini blushed.

“Now for the Magnemite. Dratini, Wrap it again!”

Dratini then constricted himself around the Magnemite, who felt too sluggish to even resist the attack. Dialga then took an empty Poké Ball from his belt, and flung it at the Magnemite, telling Dratini to step away as he did so. Magnemite was sucked into the Ball, and the Ball started to shake.

“What does that mean, I wonder?” Dialga asked. He consulted his Pokédex again.

“When a trainer attempts a capture against a wild Pokémon,” it began, “the trainer throws a Poké Ball at the target, who then attempts to escape from the ball, signified by the shaking of the ball back and forth. When the ball has stopped shaking, the Pokémon is considered caught. Weakened Pokémon put up less of a fight than those at full strength.”

Dialga nodded and turned his attention back to the Poké Ball again. It was still shaking, but after a few seconds it had stopped. Dialga picked up the ball triumphantly, smiled, and put it on his belt, glad that he’d caught his first Pokémon.

“Well done, Dratini!” Dialga exclaimed. “You were amazing!” Dratini blushed again. He felt really special.

“But, you shed your skin, and the paralysis wore off. How did you do
that?”

Dratini, noting that the Pokédex was in Dialga’s hand, knocked it out of his trainer’s hand with his tail, and began pushing buttons, like he knew exactly what he was doing. Then he showed his trainer the screen.

“Each Pokémon has a special ability, which will help it throughout the battle. Dratini’s ability is called Shed Skin, which allows him to shed his skin and remove status afflictions, such as paralysis.”

Dratini pressed a few more buttons.

“Some Pokémon may have two possible abilities, giving them two times the assistance. Magnemite is one of these. Its first ability is Magnet Pull, which prevents any opposing Steel-type Pokémon from leaving the battleground while Magnemite is on the field; and its second is Sturdy, negating certain moves that would knock it out in one blow.”

“This thing is amazing,” Dialga stated. “It’s an indispensable tool for the trainer. Thank you once again, Dratini. Now, let’s go check on my sister.”

Palkia, however, was not having a very good battle. Jigglypuff had lulled Piplup to sleep almost immediately, and then began pounding the poor sleeping penguin.

“Come on, Piplup,” Palkia cajoled, “wake up! Can’t you see you’re in danger?”

But Piplup could not hear her. She was sleeping, dreaming pleasant dreams.

“Looks like Palkia’s having some trouble, Dratini,” Dialga said to his Pokémon. “Should we help her?”

Dratini nodded again, with a look that said ‘Of course; after all, she is your sister.’

“All right, then,” Dialga replied, understanding his Pokémon’s meaning. “So, do you want to help her, or should we try out Magnemite?”

Dratini reached up and touched Dialga’s belt.

“Magnemite it is.”

Palkia was rubbing her Piplup, trying to get it to wake up, while Jigglypuff was repetitively slapping the penguin, chanting “Puff!” each time.

“Don’t worry, sister! I’ll help you!” Dialga chimed in. He threw his Poké Ball forward, loosing Magnemite.

“Magnemite, let’s lead with Thunder Wave!”

Magnemite obeyed and shot an electric jolt at Jigglypuff, paralyzing it. At this point Piplup woke up, feeling rather hurt from the constant pounding.

“Piplup! You’re awake!” Palkia exclaimed. “Let’s Pound that Jigglypuff back!”

Piplup ran up to the pink ball and began slapping it multiple times. Jigglypuff was fully paralyzed and unable to counter.

“I think it’s weak enough. Poké Ball, go!” she yelled.

The Poké Ball flew through the air, and landed on Jigglypuff, who was sucked inside the ball via the red energy light. The ball wiggled for a few seconds and then ceased.

“Brother,” she asked Dialga, “is that a bad thing?”

“No, you’ve caught the Jigglypuff.”

She shouted with joy and held the Poké Ball high in the air, spinning around repetitively.

“Thank you for your help, brother. I tried by throwing a Poké Ball right away, but Jigglypuff escaped from it and used some kind of Lullaby and Piplup fell asleep, and well…you know the rest.”

Dialga nodded. “You should try throwing the Poké Ball when the target is weakened. Pokémon at full vitality will most likely break right out. But at least we both have our first Pokémon, so everything is fine, right?”

“Right.”

“All right, let’s keep walking toward Coconut Town.”

Dialga and Palkia each recalled their Pokémon, who both required much-needed rests, and walked in unison toward Coconut Town, where the first gym battle would await.

A smart Dratini, and instrumental status-damaging moves. Watch me implement them like crazy :lol: . (Okay, mostly the damaging moves.)

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Fri Jan 11, 2008 4:55 pm
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Yes! Finally, we got action in here!

And to be the first action-packed chap of yours, it was a good one, good writing skills and spot-on descriptions made the picture in my mind to flow descently! Well done.

Though, with an ambience like this one, I actually expected other kinds of pokémon to show up, like Buneary/Ekans/Caterpie/Aipom and others. But, meh, I think you got me this time with that Magnemite.

Also, what do I look here? Are you being biased? Alas, Dratini did it pretty good, are you going to make a following chapter more Palkia-starring? Will this Gym battle be a double-battle? I guess I'll have to wait, no? :D

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Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:10 pm
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Most of the action-packed chapters are like this. As for the gym battle, you'll have to wait and see.

As for the wild Pokemon choices, I picked Magnemite because Normal types like Zigzagoon are so booooooooring!! Plus, I like Magnemite. In a way, Dialga is somewhat like an old RP character I made up way back, and his team had a Magnemite on it. Yet the Pokemon similarity ends there.

For the rest, I expect you to keep reading.
- DNA

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Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:16 pm
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Cool, I liked that chapter. It shows that your skill regarding informative description is extended to action scenes too. I particularly liked the description of Shed Skin, and the way you physically did it. Personally, I would have gone with the whole 'Dratini started glowing and could suddenly move again," but that emphasises your physical way of doing stuff and my...special? We'll settle with different. :P

I'm looking forward to how they take on a Gym Battle, and I rather like Dialga and Palkia's relationship. I just feel sorry for the poor girl, she's going to look so ugly when she grows up. ;.;

Keep up the writing!

~Obs.

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Sat Jan 12, 2008 4:34 am
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The Obsidian Wolf wrote:
Cool, I liked that chapter. It shows that your skill regarding informative description is extended to action scenes too. I particularly liked the description of Shed Skin, and the way you physically did it. Personally, I would have gone with the whole 'Dratini started glowing and could suddenly move again," but that emphasises your physical way of doing stuff and my...special? We'll settle with different. :P
"Dratini started glowing and could suddenly move again"? That sounds rather lame and flat...There's no detail in that at all...It makes it sound too farfetched.

I'm looking forward to how they take on a Gym Battle, and I rather like Dialga and Palkia's relationship. I just feel sorry for the poor girl, she's going to look so ugly when she grows up. ;.; Heeheeheeheeheeheehee...Yep. Although "grows up" is slightly inaccurate. You'll see for yourself eventually.

Keep up the writing! Your wish is my lunch. - DNA

~Obs.

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Sat Jan 12, 2008 12:20 pm
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Pretty cool chapter DNA... Really great!

BTW is it just a coincidence that dialga has a dragon pokemon and a steel pokemon? With those two being the two types of dialga
But on the other hand palkia doesn't have a dragon and a water pokemon... Oh well...

Anyway, keep writing!


Sat Jan 12, 2008 5:13 pm
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For the most part it's just coincidence. I tend to match the trainer with a Pokemon that best suits his/her personality, hence why Dialga has a Magnemite, and Palkia has a Jigglypuff, because they go well together.
I'm trying not to repeat the same type on a team twice, so the Pokemon types will most likely be varied.
However, I did ponder the idea of Dialga having a bunch of Steel types, and Palkia having a bunch of Water types, but I then discarded it, thinking that I wouldn't really get a lot of exciting battles out of just one type of Pokemon.

- DNA

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Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:26 pm
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DNA wrote:
For the most part it's just coincidence. I tend to match the trainer with a Pokemon that best suits his/her personality, hence why Dialga has a Magnemite, and Palkia has a Jigglypuff, because they go well together.
I'm trying not to repeat the same type on a team twice, so the Pokemon types will most likely be varied.
However, I did ponder the idea of Dialga having a bunch of Steel types, and Palkia having a bunch of Water types, but I then discarded it, thinking that I wouldn't really get a lot of exciting battles out of just one type of Pokemon.

- DNA


Good choice, my first ever fanfic consisted of a psychic trainer and he had:

Alakazam / Gardevoir / Solrock / Lunatone / Golduck / Grumpig

In the end, I was doing the same thing with each of them, and it was pretty much 'which shall I chose, Psychic Type X or Golduck?' and even then I still was writing the same sort of thing.

Although Palkia could have a Horsea, seeing as Kingdra is the same typage...:X

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Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:25 am
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You're right, Obs, why the heck didn't I think of Horsea? It's cute and...well, you know the rest.
And since this chapter has a gym battle (the first of many), I'm going overboard with detail again, if only for a little while.

Quote:
-----
8

As they entered the small town…well technically it was more of a village. Just about all the buildings there were straw-and-bamboo huts, with one exception: the village’s Pokémon gym. One of the man villagers approached the two trainers.

“I suppose you’re here to challenge our leader, too?” he asked them.

“Yes, that’s right,” answered Dialga.

“That’s just about what all strangers come here for. If not for the leader Jurto and our profitable trade with the outside world involving coconuts, no outsiders would come here.”

“Do you view that as a good thing or a bad thing?” Dialga inquired.

“Well at first it was a good thing. After Jurto was chosen by the Pokémon League, he felt honored and a new energy rushed into him. He was already a peppy boy. If anything, he became twice as invigorated. He’s the sole reason for our village’s livelihood, and we have our gratitude to him for that.”

“Wait,” Palkia interjected. “you said ‘at first’ it was a good thing. Is it no longer a good thing?”

“Well, yes and no. Since Jurto was selected to be a Gym Leader, we’ve had all kinds of people rush through here – the strong, the intelligent, but mostly, unfortunately, the incompetent. Jurto hasn’t had a decent match in ages…until today, that is. Two youngsters came in and gave Jurto the go-around. Now Jurto’s become as peppy as ever. Simply stated, the more strong trainers Jurto gets a chance to fight, win or lose, he becomes stronger.”

“Where is this Jurto?” Dialga asked.

“Oh, he’s out getting more coconuts. He should be back shortly. In the meantime, the Pokémon Center is inside the gym. You would do well to go there.”

“Thank you, sir.”

As they walked in, Dialga and Palkia conversed among themselves.

“‘Mostly incompetent trainers’, the man said,” Palkia remarked.

“Yes,” Dialga answered. “After our talk with Guardian and what we saw in Globe City, it’s not hard to believe.”

“Still, I bet this Jurto will be a good match. And better yet, after we defeat him we’ll have our first badge!”

They entered the gym through an automatic door. A nurse greeted the two children.

“Hello, young trainers,” she said. “How can I help you?”

“We want to get our Pokémon healed up,” answered Palkia. “Is this the Pokémon Center?”

“Indeed it is,” replied the nurse. She clapped her hands twice, and from a back room a large round pink Pokémon came out. It had an egg in a pouch on its belly, it was wearing a nurse’s cap, and it had two short arms, with which it was holding a tray with six spherical slots in it.

“This is Chansey,” the nurse stated. “Place your Poké Balls on the tray and she will take your Pokémon to be healed.”

Dialga and Palkia silently obeyed, and each placed two Poké Balls on the tray. Chansey then rushed into the back room and placed the Poké Balls on a special machine. She turned the machine on, and a pale blue light shone on the balls for roughly five seconds. Chansey turned the machine off again, took the tray back to the front, and held the tray up to the trainers again.

“All done,” remarked the nurse.

“That was fast,” answered Dialga.

“The healing machine is amazing, yes,” the nurse said. “It was invented by a high-ranking member of the Pokémon League.”

“What was his…or her…name?” Palkia inquired.

“We were never told, but at least we know it works.”

“Let’s see…” pondered Dialga. He opened both his Poké Balls, and Dratini and Magnemite were released, both looking and feeling fit as fiddles. Palkia did the same, and Piplup and Jigglypuff appeared quite chipper.

“It does work…” murmured Dialga.

Just then, from behind Dialga, the automatic door had opened. A dark-skinned boy of around seventeen years walked into the gym. He was wearing sandals and carrying a bag of something.

“Hey Joy,” said the boy. “I’m back from coconut hunting.”

“That’s great, Jurto,” Joy, the nurse, answered.

“Jurto??” exclaimed Dialga. “That would make you the town’s Gym Leader?”

“Yes, that’s right,” Jurto returned cheerfully. “And I assume you’re here for the badge, then.”

“Yep,” answered Palkia.

“Sure thing. Just let me distribute these coconuts around and I’ll be right with you.”

Jurto left the building and began passing coconuts evenly to all the villagers, who greeted the young boy warmly. After that, he came back into the gym with what coconuts were left in his bag and placed them in a room off to one side.

“I store the extra coconuts in there because they’ll need to be stockpiled for winter,” Jurto remarked. “Even in summer, we have to think about the future.” He put a lock on the storeroom and turned back to them.

“Okay, I’m available now. Who wants to battle me first?”

“I’ll go first,” Palkia answered.

“All right, now let’s go over to the arena. Follow me.”

Palkia, with Dialga close behind, followed Jurto into another room. The arena was little more than a large board of wood with a Poké Ball symbol painted on it, but it was quite sturdy and smooth.

“Now, here are the rules of how Gym Battles here work,” Jurto began. “Each of us will use our Pokémon to defeat our opponent. You may switch out or use healing items whenever you wish. The first to defeat two of the opponent’s Pokémon will be declared the victor. Do you understand these rules, and do you have any questions?”

“Yes, I do understand,” Palkia answered, “and no, I do not have any questions.”

“Joy will act as referee. Let the battle begin! Go forth, Seedot!”

Jurto threw forth his first Poké Ball, summoning a Seedot. Palkia took up her Pokédex and examined it.

“Seedot, the Acorn Pokémon,” the machine stated. “When it dangles from a tree branch, it looks just like an acorn. It enjoys scaring other Pokémon.”

Palkia noticed that Seedot looked almost exactly like an acorn…but with feet. She sent out her Piplup to fight it.

“Piplup, use your Bubble!” Palkia ordered. The penguin responded by opening its beak and sending a stream of bubbles forward. Each bubble popped forcefully on impact with Seedot, who was barely affected by the attack.

“Water attacks don’t work well on Grass Pokémon,” Jurto told Palkia. “Guess you didn’t know that yet. Seedot, bide your time!”

Seedot then crouched down on the ground, doing nothing, as if it was focusing an attack. Palkia took this as her chance to strike, and ordered Piplup to use Pound. Still the Seedot did nothing as it was being hit, so Piplup used Pound again. The acorn sat there like a rock until Jurto shouted his next command.

“That’s enough, Seedot! Release your energy!”

Instantly Seedot ran headlong into Piplup, almost driving the poor penguin into defeat. Piplup tumbled over itself twice before landing face-up on the ground.

“Oh Piplup!” Palkia sobbed, running over to the penguin. Then turning to Jurto, she exclaimed “What did you do?”

“It’s an attack called Bide,” Jurto answered. “Seedot will sit still taking damage, and then when he’s done, he pays it back double. But Seedot has taken quite a lot of beating from the Piplup of yours, which, by the looks of it, it’s not quite done battling.”

Indeed this was true. Piplup rose to her feet, covered in bruises, ready to fight if only for a little longer.

“Alright Piplup! Finish the Seedot with Bubble!”

Piplup launched out another Bubble attack, but this one appeared to be significantly stronger than the one used previously. Seedot, unable to take anymore, fainted.

“How come that attack was stronger?” Palkia wondered.

“I am also wondering that myself,” Jurto replied.

Dialga settled the matter by examining his Pokédex’s data on Piplup.

“Let’s see…Ah! Here it is,” he proclaimed. “Piplup’s ability is Torrent. If Piplup’s HP falls below one-third of its maximum, Water-type moves that it uses have their attack power increased by 50%. That would explain why the Bubble is stronger.”

“Excellently done, Palkia,” Jurto remarked. “But I still have one more Pokémon. Come forth, Treecko!”

Jurto’s flung Poké Ball released a small green gecko-like creature. Palkia pulled out her Pokédex to examine it.

“Treecko, the Gecko Pokémon,” the Pokédex stated. “If a foe glares at it, it glares right back without flinching. It is calm, cool, and collected at all times.”

Palkia knew that her Piplup was weak, but still she ordered it to keep fighting.

“Piplup, use Pound!”

“Treecko, counter with Absorb!” Jurto exclaimed.

Much to Palkia’s surprise and horror, Jurto’s Pokémon moved before Piplup could react. It dashed up to the penguin and began to squeeze her chest, draining the last of her energy. Piplup fell to the ground and fainted.

“Grass-types have an advantage over Water-types, in both type and moves,” Jurto stated. “I assume you have another Pokémon to battle me with.”

“Indeed I do,” the young girl replied, smiling. Dialga, knowing what it was, also smiled contently. Recalling her Piplup, Palkia threw her second Poké Ball, releasing Jigglypuff.

“Jigglypuff, use Sing!” Palkia shouted.

Instantly Jigglypuff began to sing a soothing lullaby. It was so soothing, in fact, that even the trainers felt like sleeping, if only a little. But the song did the trick – Treecko was sleeping like a rock!

“Now follow up with Pound!”

Jigglypuff then ran up to the sleeping reptile and slapped it hard. Still Treecko was sleeping, despite being slapped hard.

“Keep at it, Jigglypuff! Don’t stop slapping!”

Jigglypuff obeyed and slapped the Treecko repetitively. Over and over and over again, the balloon slapped the green lizard, who was too fast asleep to react at all. Suddenly Treecko woke up, only to be hit by a hard slap across the face. The battle was a total wipeout, and everyone knew it. Jurto recalled his Treecko and faced his opponent.

“Well, you’ve certainly bested me!” he exclaimed. “That was wonderful. As proof of your victory, please take this Leaf Badge.”

Jurto produced a small green pin in the shape of a leaf.

“This Leaf Badge is proof you’ve defeated me. Wear it with pride and continue your journey. Now let me heal my Pokémon up, and I’ll get to you…Oh right, I don’t believe I got either of your names.”

“I’m Palkia,” Palkia replied.

“I’m Dialga,” Dialga answered.

“Sweet. Let me just access the League Database…”

Jurto went over to a computer and began rapidly pressing keys on the keyboard. He called back to the two trainers.

“Your trainer IDs?”

“Huh?” Palkia asked.

“I believe those are on our trainer cards,” Dialga noted. “Mine is 1729B.”

“Mine’s 1729A,” Palkia continued.

“1729?” Jurto asked. “There’s an old legend that there is something incredibly special and magical about that number. For you both to get that number may mean something fabulous may happen in the very near future.”

“What do you think it is?”

“For that, no one can say. Coincidentally, 1729 is also the Guardian’s favorite number.”

“The Guardian? Is he the same Guardian that took us on our first day of training?”

“According to the database, yes.”

“How odd,” Dialga stated.

Jurto continued to work feverishly at the computer. After around fifteen seconds, he got up from the computer and faced his next opponent.

Yeah, Joy. I just can't think up good names for anything. And the Chanseys shall repeat themselves often.
However, the perk from choosing Treecko as one of the leader's Pokemon actually prevented this battle from becoming an easy win. (See, boys and girls? This is why most Grass gym leaders are horrible, because they don't use a relative of Sceptile.)

- DNA

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Tue Jan 15, 2008 8:44 pm
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The first gym battle in the whole story, and I don't get one comment? I know I saw you people online at some point.
Normally I'd wait for a reply, but it's getting a bit too long. Palkia battled the Gym Leader in the last chapter, and now it's Dialga's turn.

Quote:
-----
9

“Alright, I’m ready to fight you next, Dialga,” Jurto shouted across the arena. Dialga took his space on the opposite end of the fighting space.

“That’s excellent,” Dialga returned.

“I can see by your air that you are not one to be discouraged.”

“You’re quite observant. Shall we begin?”

“But of course! I shall use the same Pokémon. Let’s go Seedot!”

Jurto threw his first Ball, releasing the all-too-familiar acorn. Dialga was staring at the acorn, thinking of which Pokémon he would send to fight.

“What are you waiting for, Dialga?” Jurto exclaimed.

“I am thinking of whom to use. Ah yes. I shall select Magnemite.”

Dialga calmly through his Poké Ball forward and the electric magnet came forth, floating in midair.

“You have acquired a Steel typed Pokémon?” Jurto asked. “I commend you. Few ever manage to catch a Steel type that early, as they are rare in these parts.”

“Fortunately for me, I managed to befriend one,” Dialga returned. “Magnemite, use your favorite Thunderwave!”

Magnemite loosed a small jolt of electricity from one of its magnets and it caught the Seedot dead-on. Jurto ordered his Seedot to use Bide, but the acorn’s muscles were too tensed up to be able to do much of anything.

“Paralysis is invaluable,” Dialga said. “Since Electric is not exactly favorable against Grass, I’ll weaken you first…Magnemite, Metal Sound.”

Dialga’s Pokémon scratched its magnet against its own steel body, letting out a horrible screeching grating noise. Seedot was affected the most, as it had no hands to cover its ears. This was the effect Dialga had aimed for, so he told Magnemite to follow up with Thundershock. Seedot was down, but not quite out.

“Don’t give up Seedot; use Bide!” Jurto exclaimed.

“Not this time,” Dialga replied. “Magnemite, finish with Thundershock!”

With that attack Seedot was knocked out. Jurto recalled his Seedot and sent out his Treecko. Dialga knew this would be a tricky fight, as Magnemite was slow while Treecko was fast.

“Let’s begin with Thunderwave!” Dialga shouted.

“Treecko, rush the Magnemite and use Absorb!” Jurto ordered.

Magnemite shot a jolt toward Treecko, but the reptile was too agile and avoided it easily. Treecko then rushed up to Magnemite and began squeezing out its energy with its fist. Magnemite was getting weaker, but not by much due to its Steel nature, so Dialga ordered another Thunderwave. The attack succeeded, but not before Magnemite had been severely weakened.

“This situation is tense. I can’t let Magnemite fight like this…Magnemite, come back. Dratini, come forth!”

Dialga recalled his Magnemite and sent out his Dratini, ready for battle.

“Wrap the Treecko, Dratini,” said Dialga.

Dratini rushed up to the Treecko, not fast enough to evade Dratini, and began constricting it. Treecko tried to wriggle out, but Dratini always caught up to the lizard and squeezed tighter. In a few short moments the serpentine dragon made short work of Jurto’s second Pokémon.

“You too,” remarked Jurto. “The both of you would be unstoppable together. Now here is your Leaf Badge. Wear it with pride. Let me enter your records here…Done!”

“Thank you Jurto; you have given us both an excellent match,” Dialga replied.

“My pleasure. Now, let me tell you a little secret. We will talk after you heal your Pokémon.”

Dialga and Palkia both handed their Poké Balls to the Chansey, who quickly returned after healing the Pokémon.

“Now, as I was saying,” Jurto continued. “In this world, there are Pokémon, yes? But there are some Pokémon in this world that are incredibly rare. They are very rarely seen, but a trophy attesting to the persistence of a trainer who owns one. What is special about these Pokémon is that they have different colorings. They don’t have an official name, but their surface glistens with the special color of theirs, so they have been called ‘shiny Pokémon’.”

“Have you ever seen a shiny Pokémon, Jurto?” Palkia asked.

“Unfortunately not. It may just be a superstition, but I doubt it. I think there are shiny Pokémon out there. Who knows, you may be lucky enough to receive one each for yourselves.”

“Thank you Jurto,” Dialga replied. “We shall be leaving.”

“Take care. Next you should be heading east, out of the jungle.”

Calm, cool, and collected. Note that although I have an obsession with shiny Pokemon, you won't see 50% of the Pokemon in the story being shiny. (Just a few of them. So far, I've counted five. ... No, I mean later in the story.)

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Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:53 am
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Psychic Trainer
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Sorry for not commenting DNA but i was too busy... Anyway, both chapters are really great; however the last one is too short. I WANT MORE!! :P
Also, it's good that you make both Dialga and Palkia think strategic instead of going all out offense. Keep it up!!


Wed Jan 23, 2008 12:21 pm
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The last two were a good read, particularly the former.

I do have a question about Chapter 8, however. The first sentence to be more exact.

"As they entered the small town…well technically it was more of a village."

This sentence doesn't exactly make sense to me....First break it up into two parts: before and after the eplipsis. To me the part after the elipsis, "well technically it was more of a village.", just describes the word "town", so it is neither the subject nor the predicate, and it isn't needed, so I'll disregard it. That leaves us with "As they entered the small town".... That's not much of a sentence is it? I assume that the word "as" was just a typo. Or maybe it is correct altogether. I'm not a pro at the english language, so if it does make sense, please clarify it for me. Thanks.

PS - I suspect a shiny before the tale's end >.>

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Wed Jan 23, 2008 2:33 pm
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Hey there, my friend! I see you've been working hard enough on your story to turn theese past chaps as Action-packed, yay!

I can say I liked them whole, but some tips can be regarded as important. I won't say the battle scene was lacking, because it wasn't quite as so; but rather, your Gym battle was quite simple/(if I may say) dull somewhat, I'd liked it more if you hadn't skipped too many details.

I mean, you could describe how did the bubbles look, how did it feel like getting your energy sucked out of your body, how was your pokémon breathing/feeling/getting as a heavy serpentine creature coils around it, theese are just some things you could have included to polish your scenes up, and I am skipping that you should have described (at least what were them wearing) those trainers from the Gym AND/OR Jurto himself (other than just saying he was wearing sandals).

Anyways, I guess those aren't such interesting issues for many people, not including me.

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· Say, Orange looks better than gray, doesn't it?


Wed Jan 23, 2008 2:43 pm
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Trivia Champion
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@ Cherrygrove: You are right; the word "as" isn't supposed to be there. And you're right, you'll see one eventually.
@ Sword: Short chapters in this story I try to avoid. I admit it was rather lacking in detail, but that's probably because Jurto uses the same Pokemon again, and I just write the same actions out senselessly. I don't think the other chapters are like this, last time I checked.
@ AABM: It's always been hard for me to see something from another's point of view. I can't understand why, but I always put myself in the trainer's shoes instead of the Pokemon's. I do think of how their Pokemon feel about them, though, i.e. Dialga won't force his Pokemon to fight to the point of being completely exhausted.
Sometimes Palkia shows a more interesting battle, and sometimes Dialga does. For the most part, I arbitrarily pick Pokemon (well, not completely arbitrarily), and using movesets, I go from there, trying to make a surprise outcome.
Maybe it's because the attacks were so simplistic (I mean, how can you describe Pound in great detail?) that I was lacking here. I've tried to include more detail as the story goes on, so don't bail out on me just yet.
@ Obs: Hey, wait, he didn't post. Where is he? I saw him earlier...

- DNA

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Wed Jan 23, 2008 2:57 pm
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Well, it's almost a good thing that I didn't see your first update, because when I saw that your topic was active, I was blessed with TWO updates! Hoorayz.

I liked the Battle scene, and it's something that I've not been able to do in TDWH; simplistic battles. I started the fic with Red with a team of fully evolved Pokemon; big mistake. You have done it in such a way that you can make your Pokemon grow with their trainers, and they won't already have the experience that Red did. It's pretty damn cool, and I'll have to take that into consideration when writing the sequel, so thanks for that. ;)

One part I found a bit odd was this:

Quote:
“Mine’s 1729A,” Palkia continued.

“1729?” Jurto asked. “There’s an old legend that there is something incredibly special and magical about that number. For you both to get that number may mean something fabulous may happen in the very near future.”

“What do you think it is?”

“For that, no one can say. Coincidentally, 1729 is also the Guardian’s favorite number.”

“The Guardian? Is he the same Guardian that took us on our first day of training?”


That whole section felt a bit...thrown in? I mean, if the number has got some special significance and you wanted to draw your reader's attention to it, it needs to be a bit more subtle rather than just explicitly told. Don't ask me how, but a Gym Leader just randomly having a bit of odd knowledge and saying it like he is commenting on the weather sort of takes the mysticism away from it.

Would it be too much to hope that you've put a hell of a load of though into that number? Or was it a random one? If it's part of the story, I'll understand if you don't tell. :P

Keep it up, you're giving me the itch to write!

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Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:54 am
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Actually, I find your battles with fully evolved Pokemon to be more inspiring. From my point of view, the only move even mildly interesting was Thunder Wave...
As for the 1729 bit, it serves a few purposes:
1) For future identification when they hand their trainer IDs to the Gym Leaders.
2) A premonition of the future.
3) 1729 is just the first number that comes to mind, as it's also my favorite number.

It's not going to play a fully important part in the story, no. 1729 is just more of a one-off thing. Jurto just finds out things through the grapevine, mostly. That's basically it.
I'm happy to answer any questions; after all, that's what I need to improve my story!

- DNA

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Thu Jan 24, 2008 2:01 pm
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