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 Poems by Roar Of Time 
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Pokemon Ranger
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Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 5:25 am
Posts: 691
Sorry 'bout my last topic, hopefully this'll be better


OK...............

Large, strong and Powerful
Almost Indestructable
Heavy as a stone
Smaller than a dinosaur's bone
Is a short little boy
Who brings joy

But under that little boy
Is something so evil
That is eviler than the Devil
Comes out of the boy at night
Comes to everyone's one's houses to bite and bite
He eats all the children than he has a great big smile
Then he walks a mile

After dawn, he turned into a innocent little boy again
With lots of things to gain
He set off to do his homework with his ballpoint pen
His small brother whose name was Ken
Asked where would the monster strike next

Then a journalist found out who was the monster on his bike
He found him, it was a short liittle boy
With a face of a monster, the boy saw him, the man step up a decoy
After hours and hours, the monster gobbled him up
That just shows you have to be careful of real nice people
You nevr know they may have a dark side...

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<Derek> is anyone here ??
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Thu Nov 22, 2007 12:39 pm
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Pokemon Master
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Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:24 am
Posts: 1152
Location: IN THE EMOTIONLESS TRAWLING FERVOR'S OF MY INSANE MIND.
Roar Of Time wrote:
Sorry 'bout my last topic, hopefully this'll be better


OK...............

Large, strong and Powerful
Almost Indestructable
---------------------Indestructible
Heavy as a stone
Smaller than a dinosaur's bone
Is a short little boy
Who brings joy

But under that little boy
Is something so evil
That is eviler than the Devil
-------------Eviler isn't really a word, and a better one should be found.
Comes out of the boy at night
Comes to everyone's one's houses to bite and bite
He eats all the children than he has a great big smile
-----------should be thEn, not thAn
Then he walks a mile

After dawn, he turned into a innocent little boy again
With lots of things to gain
He set off to do his homework with his ballpoint pen
His small brother whose name was Ken
Asked where would the monster strike next

Then a journalist found out who was the monster on his bike
He found him, it was a short liittle boy
--------little, not liitle
With a face of a monster, the boy saw him, the man step up a decoy
After hours and hours, the monster gobbled him up
That just shows you have to be careful of real nice people
You nevr know they may have a dark side...
-------never


You had a lot of mistakes, I noted them in orange. Also the entire structure of the poem is wrong, it seems kind of off, no real flow. Also it seems at times that your going to do rhyming, and then you have a bunch of stanzas that don't. If your going to rhyme it than have the same rhyme pattern in every stanza. If you are not going to rhyme than try not to have few, if only a few verses rhyme, it throws the flow waaaaaay off.

You have a good idea, with a bit of improvment I can see this being a really good poem.

P.S. Yay! Yet another person trying poetry :D.

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Thu Nov 22, 2007 1:09 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 5:25 am
Posts: 691
dunsparce wrote:
Roar Of Time wrote:
Sorry 'bout my last topic, hopefully this'll be better


OK...............

Large, strong and Powerful
Almost Indestructable
---------------------Indestructible
Heavy as a stone
Smaller than a dinosaur's bone
Is a short little boy
Who brings joy

But under that little boy
Is something so evil
That is eviler than the Devil
-------------Eviler isn't really a word, and a better one should be found.
Comes out of the boy at night
Comes to everyone's one's houses to bite and bite
He eats all the children than he has a great big smile
-----------should be thEn, not thAn
Then he walks a mile

After dawn, he turned into a innocent little boy again
With lots of things to gain
He set off to do his homework with his ballpoint pen
His small brother whose name was Ken
Asked where would the monster strike next

Then a journalist found out who was the monster on his bike
He found him, it was a short liittle boy
--------little, not liitle
With a face of a monster, the boy saw him, the man step up a decoy
After hours and hours, the monster gobbled him up
That just shows you have to be careful of real nice people
You nevr know they may have a dark side...
-------never


You had a lot of mistakes, I noted them in orange. Also the entire structure of the poem is wrong, it seems kind of off, no real flow. Also it seems at times that your going to do rhyming, and then you have a bunch of stanzas that don't. If your going to rhyme it than have the same rhyme pattern in every stanza. If you are not going to rhyme than try not to have few, if only a few verses rhyme, it throws the flow waaaaaay off.

You have a good idea, with a bit of improvment I can see this being a really good poem.

P.S. Yay! Yet another person trying poetry :D.


Thx. I made a lot of mistakes coz this is from Y6 and I was really dumb then, and it just copyed it straight off :oops:

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<Derek> is anyone here ??
<AngrySparrow> No
<Derek> im gonna leave because no one is here
*** Derek has quit (Exit: Psypoke Forever!)


Thu Nov 22, 2007 1:25 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
Pokemon Ranger
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Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 5:25 am
Posts: 691
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Another Poem...

Why, Oh why
Must the sun set
The day is ending
It will be dark soon
Darkness over light
The end of a beautiful day
The animals chattering, the birds singing
People socialising
People talking
Children with peppiness
But darkness can be full of wonders too…
The crickets crying
The owls hooting
Dawn to Dusk
It is a strange thing
Which we must all endure

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<Derek> is anyone here ??
<AngrySparrow> No
<Derek> im gonna leave because no one is here
*** Derek has quit (Exit: Psypoke Forever!)


Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:48 am
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