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 Just Beyond The Horizon **PG_13** 
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Pokemon Master
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Ghett0, she's a girl.

And really, just put more content in your posts, it's not that hard. Acknowledging our advice is good to.

Your recent chapter have a bit too much dialog, use other ways to explain what's happening.

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Sun Nov 25, 2007 11:09 am
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Pokemon Ranger
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Galar wrote:
Do that again and I'm locking your thread, and any other you open until you prove you've learned.


She didn't listen. Therefore, Galar will lock this when (s)he sees it.
(Sorry, I don't know if you are a boy or a girl)

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Sun Nov 25, 2007 1:07 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Its gonna be an invitable lockage, that COULd have been avoided.

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<Derek> is anyone here ??
<AngrySparrow> No
<Derek> im gonna leave because no one is here
*** Derek has quit (Exit: Psypoke Forever!)


Sun Nov 25, 2007 1:18 pm
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Guys, it's okay. Shiny_Rapidash told me she didn't see my post when she posted. And she's going to post whole chapters from now on.

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Sun Nov 25, 2007 1:33 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Whole chapters? Wow. YAY FOR HER!!!

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Sun Nov 25, 2007 7:20 pm
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Psychic Trainer
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I hope this is long enough. I'm not quite sure. Tell me if it isn't and the next chapter will be longer. EDIT: It looked longer when I first typed it, so it may stll be a little short. Sorry in advance if it is stll too short.
_____________________________________________________________

CHAPTER THREE
Mewtwo recovered quickly, and Rabbit let it go on its way after a season or so, which she thought was a reasonable amount of time. By the time it was let loose, much had changed. Soulwalker had vanished, the meeting place had lain unused for the intervening time, and also looked like it had. It could not find the others, and decided to leave.
**************************************************

Soulwalker had been captured. It sat, miserable and dejected, in a cage that was much too small, in a room full of other cages, full of other kinds of Pokemon.
"What is wrong with that one? It won't do anything, it just sits there," muttered one lab technician to another.
"It's too wild, that's what's wrong with it. Get rid of it," the other one answered.
Soulwalker was listening. Someone else was, also. It heard a small, feminine voice in the depths of its mind. "Just hold on a minute, little one. You will be free soon enough," the voice said gently. Another voice joined the psychic conversation, this one a bit more masculine, but just as soothing. "All will be made better in a moment. Watch."
An Espeon appeared in the doorway of the room. It yapped and snarled at thin air, trying its best to appear rabid. The whole act was very convincing, even though it was just an act. The lab technicians tried to call for help over their two-way radios, which now didn't work. Then the owners of those telepathic voices showed themselves. They were a boy and a girl, whom Soulwalker thought it had never met before, yet they seemed vaguely like the woman who ran the rest stop near where it had once lived. The Espeon continued the show, easily distracting the technicians, one of whom had made it out the door and had run down the hall, screaming something in panic. The girl unlocked and opened the windows, while the second technician watched the Espeon in terror-stricken silence. The boy opened the cages with his psychic powers. The Pokemon within darted out of the cages and out the windows. Soulwalker followed with joy in its heart. The Espeon promptly dropped the rabid act, and fled with its trainer, the girl, out one of the windows.
The boy paused for a second, then shouted, "She is Weasel, I am Photon, he is Espbro, and I hope you enjoyed our wonderful performance. Good day to you all." He gave a theatrical bow before following his companions out the same window.


Mon Nov 26, 2007 7:57 pm
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Pokemon Master
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that's far from being long enough.


it's only long enough when you spend time in school writing it, and it takes an hour to type up.

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Mon Nov 26, 2007 8:02 pm
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Pokemon Master
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It's better, but still not long enough; and you didn't go into any detail on how the mew (who's name escapes me) got captured.

You don't have to write in school, but it should take time. I would say that a full page in Microsoft word at least.

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Mon Nov 26, 2007 8:30 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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dunsparce wrote:
You don't have to write in school, but it should take time. I would say that a full page in Microsoft word at least.

Assuming you mean single-spaced, Times New 12pt font...>->
When I write, I usually double-space it, and put it in a font that's easy on my eyes, then I write for a while, and usually it does the trick; I have one nice, proofread, clean chapter, awaiting your eyes. :]

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Tue Nov 27, 2007 3:10 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Depending on your classes you really can't write during school (I know I can't). As for the length, it has to be enough. I realize that's horrendously vague, but it's the only way to describe it. After a while you'll know when a chapter should end, granted you may cut it short if you lose interest in it (like me). It can be good and still be short just like it can be bad and be long. But, for now, work on writing it as long as you can. Add more details to it and you'll get some length right there.

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Tue Nov 27, 2007 4:45 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Also, check out the "Writing tips" section where I have posted a guide on making chapters longer. Obs made another comment, which you should read as well.

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Tue Nov 27, 2007 5:47 pm
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Okay, this was a page long in my word processor, and it took two days to type this at my typing speed. Oh, and by the way, the reason that the Mews only use gender-neutral pronouns when they speak is because they are genderless, and thus, words like 'he', 'she', etc. are simply not in their vocabulary.
_____________________________________________________________

Soulwalker was headed toward what it had been told was to be the new home of the KnifeRidge Colony, its friends and blood kin. Even the other Colony Elders had made the trip earlier. The sea was smooth as glass as it set out toward the island barely visible on the horizon. It saw a tiny light on the beach as it neared the island, which had no name. It landed on the sand without a sound, and crept cautiously toward the source of the light, which turned out to be a single red taper candle wedged upright in a crack in a large flat rock. It gave a soft sigh of relief. This was the sign that it was safe to seek out the others. The only human inhabitant of the island was at home and asleep, and so were his assortment of Pokemon. Ergot was trustworthy, for a human at least. He had said he would set the candle out and light it when he went home for the night, and thus when the Colony could safely come out of hiding. Soulwalker waited there for Moonlistener, who promptly appeared out of the darkness and bowed to the elder Mew.
Soulwalker noticed that Moonlistener was now missing the tip of its tail.
"I see why we had to make our peace with that human. Tell me the story, young one," Soulwalker muttered, wondering if this place was really safe.
Moonlistener told the sordid story of how it ran into a group of Ergot's Pokemon, two Floatzel, three Mightyena, and a Vaporeon, one night on the beach. They had surrounded it, and the Vaporeon somehow got behind it and bit off the end of its tail before the group ran away, with the Vaporeon clutching the tail tip in its teeth. Soulwalker shuddered at the thought of Pokemon strong enough to do that. Moonlistener continued, saying, "...Ergot is strong, stronger than us. It gives some of that strength to its Pokemon, and they do anything it tells them to do in return. The ones younger than I, Nighteye in particular, are saying that the human who ran the rest stop in the forest is its kin, and they are saying also that the half-grown Lugia in the bay answers to it."
"Rumors, nothing more! I shall believe if I see such things myself, and only then!" Soulwalker interrupted, obviously agitated by Moonlistener's narrative.
Moonlistener looked up at the starlit sky, and then flitted away into the patchy forest that covered most of the island. Soulwalker began to follow.
"Off to punish that gossip Nighteye, are you?" Soulwalker wheeled around, to see Mewtwo coming along the forest edge, obviously looking for something, but what, was anybody's guess. Soulwalker answered, "No, but now that the subject has come up..." Soulwalker winked, turned, and followed Moonlistener into the forest depths. Mewtwo continued to search, heading for no real reason to the bay near the island's southern end. There it saw the Lugia, sitting, half asleep, on a very large rock projecting from the surf about fifty feet from the beach. It looked up at it, took a flying leap from the rock, and disappeared under the water, which was now starting to churn as a storm moved in from the southwest. Mewtwo kept searching.


Wed Nov 28, 2007 9:25 pm
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Fails at life
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There it is again. Answering questions outside of the story. And....

IMPROVEMENT ALERT

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Thu Nov 29, 2007 6:36 am
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Pokemon Ranger
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Much better! But you need to answer questions in the story.

You also need to remember that you have to make a new paragraph when somebody speaks. other then that, this is very good.

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Thu Nov 29, 2007 3:31 pm
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Sorry but I figured the story has to end sometime, and I was having trouble keeping this one going.
_____________________________________________________________

"I assure you, the job will get done."
"Good. Now go and do it, child."
"Call me that again and I won't do anything for you."
"I know you are strong, Hyaena, but you still should watch your tongue."
The skinny girl called Hyaena bowed politely and vanished with a small popping sound.
*************************************************************
Two months had passed since the KnifeRidge Colony took up residence on the island. Early one evening,
Ergot sent a messenger to tell Soulwalker to come to the house.

"I must tell you something. My dear sister, Hyaena, is a professional assassin, who also collects specimens for private clients.
I received a warning last night from her. She told me that she has been hired to bring you back to the mainland,
and not only you. Her client wants the whole Colony, and as preserved specimens at that. I will try my best to stop her,
but I may not be able to do much in that regard. You are dismissed, but keep your wits about you. May the Good Lord help us all."

Three weeks passed without incident, before Hyaena showed up, bearing traps, vials of poison, a shotgun, and a crossbow. She was setting the first trap when she noticed it. Something quite large, delicately balanced in the branches of a tree. It stared back, and the trap she was setting moved, before it snapped shut on her left hand. She screeched in agony, and by the time she had opened it and freed herself, the creature in the tree had taken off, vaulting through the canopy to tell its kin of her arrival.

"This is horrible news, horrible." Soulwalker had nothing more to say.
Mewtwo shrugged, unable to think of a solution, like all of them.
*************************************************************
"Sure, anything for you, little brother. Be there quicklike," Starfish promised, never one to rebuff family.
He put down the phone receiver, reached up above his head with one hand, and casually ripped a hole in thin air.
He stepped in the hole and it closed behind him.
*************************************************************
Hyaena was trying to set her traps, again, when she noticed something out of the corner of her eye.
It was on her before she could react. She found herself bound up with incredible speed. Then a voice snarled in her ear,
"You are quite foolish, letting your guard down like that, little sister."
She blacked out, and then found herself in a small prison cell in a dark room.
She knew that she was stuck there indefinitely, in Starfish's basement.
*************************************************************
The whole Colony was rejoicing.

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"The moss is soaked in bile," Spottedleaf explained. "Don't get any in your mouth, or you'll have a foul taste for days. Press it onto the ticks and then wash your paws-in a stream, not with your tongue!"


Thu Dec 13, 2007 8:26 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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...What just happened?

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Fri Dec 14, 2007 4:52 am
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