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 [PG-13] *New Title* Pokemon Myth: Beyond the Stars 
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Dragon Tamer
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Pokemon Myth: Beyond the Stars

Introduction
========

Pokemon Myth: Beyond the Stars is an adventure/fiction story partially based on the Pokémon factor, while it has its own plot, characters, environment and even its own theories about certain topics.
This story makes judgment of social values, so it's most likely to be considered T rated ([PG-13]).

Hope you all enjoy. Constructive critique is always welcome =)


Quote:
Prologue

One, two,
Darkness from within.
So many souls,
So far, so close.
Devastating light,
So bright, aspirating might,
Essence of the night.
Eternal sin, everlasting spin:
Destiny’s grin.
One, two.



Quote:
Chapter 1 – Alpha

The conditions were pleasant outside. The sun was shining, delivering rays of light and soft heat to the surface. A gentle morning breeze was casually playing with the wild petals of the flowers which were easily influenced by the lightest of the winds.
Spring had taken over Eldranza.

In the meanwhile, a boy was at his humble home, inside his bedroom, laid down on his made bed. In fact, the whole room was very neat and organized.
The cold, ornamented marble floor could reflect an image of the whole ceiling panorama, in which a lamp in the center of it clearly stands out of the rest. The lamp supported three ‘arms’, each of them holding a small lamp shaped to look like certain kind of living beings, creatures widely known for their extraordinary abilities, admired for their continuous collaboration with the human specie, carefully gazed by all the intriguing, mysterious legends around their existence: Pokémon.

The young boy Dixon’s room was actually full of content regarding these creatures: books about all kinds of subjects involving Pokémon (from Pokémon battling guides to wild Pokémon behaviour), photography albums with the rarest of the creatures, plush’s, games and even a tennis racket with Pokémon designs.

Dixon Clark had taken a deep and serious interest in Pokémon since he was conscious of their existence, and has always dreamt about becoming an important personality in the world of Pokémon, aspired being someone who played an important and meaningful role in their world, like they currently do by constantly helping the humans in the most various and relevant moments.

Nevertheless, despite all the ambitions and demanding goals he had in mind, he knew that doing something around that matter definitely wouldn’t be an easy task. He knew it well, because he had read a biography of the legendary Hall Of Famer Shadon, in the official website of the Dinorth Region Pokémon League. The way they described the champion could dazzle even the most skilled Pokémon trainers.

Shadon started off his journey when he got his very first Pokémon, Eevee, at the age of twelve. The two built a strong and inseparable friendship over the time, as they kept advancing on the thrilling adventure typically lived by committed and strong-willed trainers, while getting new partners in their team, all triumphing above the many challenges in a trainer’s way to the ultimate goal: the Hall Of Fame.
However, Shadon had the chance to live a moment that not any trainer ever lived (besides having its name registered for the eternity in the magnificent Hall Of Fame), whether they’ve lived a long, busy and rewarding journey or just couldn’t be bold enough to get trough the complementary mishaps of the demanding course until their goals. In fact, he was the only one known to date that could brag about having met the archaic Pokémon. It, who the elderly claim to be the god of the Pokémon. It, who allowed time to start mildly start flowing trough space, and made it bloom with the wonderful phenomenon of life, graceful, and yet complex, as only it can be. It, whose existence refers to the beginning of everything, Arceus.

Often changing positions anxiously around his bed, Dixon was precisely thinking about this. He was often calm and patient, but now was confused with his own thoughts, on whether to dedicate his life to Pokémon or follow any other subject, since Dixon was already old enough to have an abstract conception of what to do in the future and what decisions to make, as far as he concerned.

Dixon really wanted to follow a career in the Pokémon branch, whether it was breeding or training for battles or contests because he already knew a lot about it, and Pokémon was definitely his passion. However, he knew that having success in any kind of those matters was really difficult and impossible to some: it was really demanding and it wasn’t safe.

Lost in his mind (like he had been for a long time by then), Dixon realized that a voice was calling from downstairs, from the kitchen.

“Dixon! Go wash your hands and come to the table, the lunch is ready!” Dixon’s mother called.

“Right mom, I am going…” He grumbled, quite stressed out from been thinking all the morning about his future and once again, leading to no conclusions.

Dixon jumped off his bed and ran to the bathroom, from where he went straight to the sink to wash his hands. While the water drained by his hands coming from the tap, he looked at himself in a mirror placed right above the sink, repeating time and time again to the reflection of his face to stop tormenting himself with the reason that he’s been thinking about for the last days.

After drying his hands, Dixon walked downstairs and sat on one of the silver, metallic-like coloured chairs around the table, arranged himself on the white pad in which he was sitting on, and started eating. Her mother was already on the table when he arrived, and carefully handed the flavourings to him to spice the food, that was, surprisingly, his favourite meal, which her mother usually kept for special occasions.

Curious about the fact that took his mother to cook that meal, he directed the word towards her with an intrigued expression on his face:

“Oh, I’m loving this meal!” Said Dixon while chewing a french fry. “It’s been a decade since I ate this, because you always keep it for any special occasions. However, I wonder what’s happening today which got you to prepare this wonderful food, like only you can do it.

“It’s magnificent, isn’t it? Aria’s famous recipes never fail to impress!” Replied Dixon’s mom Aria, clearly with a proud grin on her face.

“Okay mom, the merit is all yours!” He laughed at Aria’s reaction. “But can you now answer my real question?” Insisted Dixon, quite expectant.

“Dixon, you’re always so absent-minded! Don’t you remember that tonight, our city will celebrate the annual Arceus worship at the Holy Plaza?” Exclaimed Aria, somehow angry. “And you won’t miss it this year! If you want to become a Pokémon trainer one day, you’d better pray to get Arceus’s protection on your journey.”


I'll be updating once I finish writting new chapters.
I'm sorry if there are really bad grammar mistakes, my native language isn't even english *is portuguese* so... ^^'

EDIT: Now added prologue and corrected some mistakes.
EDIT2: Added introduction and set age parameters.

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Last edited by gonboo on Fri Dec 14, 2007 12:52 am, edited 9 times in total.



Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:15 am
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Pokemon Ranger
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What? What!? What is this?! This is one definitely good story!

I liked the way religion is put as a main matter of fact, as well as how reflexive and cautious Dixon is, everything sounds pretty nice and I want you to keep the good work.

Albeit, I may suggent you to be consistent, you are writing in both, American and British english, for example: you said "Organized" with a Z (american) and then "in the centre" with -re (british). However, this is not a big deal at all, just keep that it in mind. My mother language is not english either, but consistence is important.

Wonder what´s gonna happen next?!


Fri Oct 19, 2007 11:19 am
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I'm sorry for letting this topic die, but I had to leave for some time and now that I'm back, I have new content to add.

Firstly, I added a Prologue to the story, don't let it confuse you, it'll make sense as the story goes on.

I've also added a whole new chapter too. I'm sorry for the size, I did my best not to make it a lot long.

Finally, I've edited the first chapter slightly and corrected small mistakes.

Quote:
Prologue

One, two,
Darkness from within.
So many souls,
So far, so close.
Devastating light,
So bright, aspirating might,
Essence of the night.
Eternal sin, everlasting spin:
Destiny’s grin.
One, two.




Quote:
Chapter 2 – One Timely Encounter


The calmness and subtleness of how the low plants were climbing the long, rotten wooden park bench until the backrest teemed to the outside, providing a pleasant natural environment, alongside with the green bushes and the cool shadow provided by the tall trees, replete of active life by the young Tailows and Pidgeys, provided with the most health and safety cares their parents could get, such as Caterpies or Wurmples (which was the primordial diet for bird Pokémon in their initial physical development), and a cosy nest, to keep the cold away when the night would fall over the park, drawing a wonderful portrait of nature.

The two friends were sitting side by side on this same old bench.
The tall, slim, dark-haired boy Dixon was sitting on the left of it, his body reclined to the front looking at the flat dirt floor, this way suggesting a pose of abstraction of the beautiful nature scene around him and taking shelter in his own thoughts.

Nonetheless, contrast could be easily spotted just at the right of Dixon. Haylie Marlowe, Dixon’s long time friend, had an underlined playful, relaxed and, perhaps, a somehow careless personality towards him, which would clash with Dixon’s serious and careful temper now and then, making the two have the typical, innocent argue of close friends.
Haylie was resting on the backrest of the bench, staring at the clouds high above and drawing imaginary silhouettes of Pokémon with her fingers, using the shape of the clouds. In that season of the year, the sky emitted a limpid, refreshing mix of blue and orange caused by the sunset, slightly covered by the white, wild, fleece-like clouds, just like a serene lake adorned at the surface with the light, soft water lilies.

Haylie and Dixon were sitting there since it was four o’clock pm. The two often went there on a walk to spend their free time talking about all type of subjects, primordially about the common and special interest between them which was Pokemon.

However, unlike Dixon, Haylie didn’t want to follow Pokémon for a living. Despite being naturally distracted and clumsy, she was a very responsible person with her decisions and already had defined her way, fact which didn’t let her risk her future due to the instability of having a job linked directly to Pokémon.
Her passion for Pokémon didn’t leave her immune of the will of becoming a Beauty Contester, though. She dreamt about owning grass Pokémon, shine like stars in the stage, with their graceful and gentle moves, and could look inner and outterly gorgeous, respecting their most natural and wild state. However, she didn’t like to think deeply about that since her personality didn’t favour it and the paradox was always unavoidable.

After being aware of the event that would occur later that night, Dixon immediately thought about calling his friend Haylie to meet in the park. He was curious about what Haylie thought about the ceremony, but the two never openly talked about that, for some reason. This’d be a good opportunity to have a debate about it, he thought.

After meeting each other in the park, immediately after greeting each other, Haylie, who knew Dixon better than anyone, noticed something somehow awkward about him, which automatically sent a climate of insecurity and expectation in not only Haylie, but also Dixon, who was intrigued with Haylie’s strange behaviour since they encountered each other, by consequence.
The situation didn’t change for sensibly ten minutes, until they sat down on an old bench and Haylie decided to break the mutual, mysterious silence between them.

“Dixon?...” Asked Haylie, reluctant about her silent friend. “ It’s been ten minutes and you haven’t said a thing about, uhm… anything? You just kept walking like I’ve suddenly vanished and I get this feeling that I’m being literally ignored… Unless of course you suddenly decided to play zombie, at which you are succeeding quite well, maybe try lifting your arms more and-“

“Haylie…” Interrupted Dixon.

“Keep your head straight.” Insisted Haylie, still unaware of Dixon’s real mood. “Zombies can’t bend their neck. Look, I can show you how to do it, you just need to walk like-“

“HAYLIE!” Shouted Dixon, frustrated with the lack of sense in the conversation.

“Zombies don’t shout…” Frowned Haylie innocently.

“Listen to me Haylie.” Said Dixon, looking directly to Haylie’s eyes. “I need no explanation of how to mimic a zombie. I have not invited you here to play dead man or whatever. Ok?” Explained Dixon gently, used to have these kind of misunderstandings with her every once in a while.

“Oh… I’m sorry, but then, why were you so absent-minded just some seconds ago?”

“I apologize to have you worried, but it’s just, tonight’s ceremony is kind of stressing me out.” Opened up Dixon.

“I guess I know what you mean… You’re talking about the annual Arceus worship at the Holy Plaza, right?” Deducted Haylie. “I was there last year. It’s such a remarkable moment… You know, they do huge offerings and spend hours and hours making the preparations for the effect, Arceus is really relevant in the eyes of everyone in the country and beyond. But what’s the most fantastic about it is that Arceus is adored since the ancient times, years and years have passed and the flame of tradition always remains alive.”

“Yes, all you said is right. Arceus is a God, like none other ever adored. He brings great hope for the lives of all the people who pray for It, and according to the ancient writings, it’s morally the best example of Good for everyone of every age. Though, something got me thinking about the true essence of Arceus.” Revealed Dixon.

After a purposely moment of silence by Dixon, who seemed to be looking for Haylie to ask something, she asked:

“What is that which got you thinking about Arceus in a different way?”

“Well ,” Emphasized him. “when I started thinking about the sacrifices that the faithful people do, I arrived to this personal conclusion: Arceus is a tool.”

“A tool? What do you mean by that?” Asked an intrigued Haylie.

“You see, a tool is something that you use for a purpose, right? For instance, you use Poké Balls to catch Pokémon, shoes to protect and keep your feet clean, or even a glass to put lemonade in it, and consequently drink it. So now I ask you, what does Arceus mean in the eyes of all the people who worship It?” Asked Dixon, expectant about Haylie.

“As far as I can tell, Arceus means fortune, love, wealth, or even Someone who is always there to listen to you, to help you in the most difficult moments and open you the path to get through, and that’s why-… Wow!” Exclaimed Haylie, after finally understanding what Dixon was trying to tell her.

“That’s right, “ Said Dixon, logically guessing what Haylie was thinking. “people worship Arceus because they expect something from him. In the ancient times, if someone had stated that Arceus was some four legged Pokémon standing high up there, didn’t give fortune and had the need of sacrifices and prays to live, everyone would just ignore it. Though, since great God Arceus offers luck and a bright future for those who are on Its side, It has many faithful people around the world. In the end, everyone is nothing but self-interested creatures, who only sacrifice themselves if they get something in return. I can’t go much farther from here; it must be our essence, if that makes any sense.”

“I understand your point now.” Concluded Haylie. “You think that, like the wise elderly say, if life was morally made from the image of God, and the essence of life isn’t morally right, than Arceus can’t be Good Ol’ God. Am I right?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. If you notice, there is already more than enough evidence to prove this. Have you heard of the Team Rocket organization and their attempt to capture the sacred Red Gyarados from the sacred Lake of Rage? How about Team Aqua and Team Magma, and their long rivalry that enraged the legendaries Kyogre and Groundon, which caused cataclysmic atmosphere changes around the world? How would an Omni benevolent God allow such calamities to fall on the world, and expose all of us to such frightening danger?” Grumbled Dixon.

“I hadn’t thought about that this way before, you’ve got a point in all you say… But then, it’s hard to suddenly believe in something that’s a complete paradox, comparing with everything that you’ve been taught before.” Confessed Haylie.

“Well, that’s mainly why I think that most of the Arceus's followers don’t listen to other opinions, other points of view, because they are afraid of what others will think of them if they don’t follow the same principle of living. I’m sure it will be necessary much more time until other opinions get considered, as people start realizing what they truly think that is right, without preconceptions.” Concluded Dixon. “But anyways, I’m not trying to convince or force you to share the same opinions with me, I just really wanted to open myself up to someone I know I could trust, and my choice was obviously the best considered.” Smiled Dixon.

Haylie smiled back, with a soft blush.
The conversation kept going from there, while the sun was setting. They had got really drawn into the conversation, fact which, belonging to the two inseparable friends, didn’t surprise at all.

The clock tower at the middle of the park echoed a dense, low-pitched sound in all directions, indicating six o’clock pm in Eldranza. The sun was already vanishing in far horizon, scratching the top of the tall, green trees on the Kapit mountain range, made brown by the wild color mix of orange and green, with some random white spots here and there, stating the presence of snow, usual characteristic of that scenario.

“Six o’clock already?! It feels like we’ve only been talking for some minutes…” Sighed Haylie.

“True, but it’s already getting dark, maybe it would be a wise decision to go home, unless you feel like turning Mightyena meal.” Joked Dixon. “Seriously, we need to go inside. Feel like coming for dinner at my home Haylie?”

“Now we’re talking! I was expecting for you to ask that all the afternoon. You see, I had already told my parents that I’d go spend the afternoon and have dinner with you, so if you didn’t ask me, I’m afraid I’d need to force myself in your home.” Declared Haylie.

Dixon laughed for a moment and then slowly stood up, helding out his hand at Haylie:

“Ok 'Mrs. Power', let us go then.”



Hope you enjoy =)

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Last edited by gonboo on Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:52 am, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:38 am
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Pokemon Master
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This is a really nice change from the, uh, 'stuff' I've been reading around here. It's got a really nice shift from the conventional 'and then Pokemon Trainer X got up and went to Professor Oaks and chose a Bulbasaur and it veolved and...'

One point, and I'm not sure if it's valid, but check this out:

Quote:
“Oh, I’m loving this meal!” Said Dixon while chewing a french fry. “It’s been a decade since I ate this, because you always keep it for any special occasions. However, I wonder what’s happening today which got you to prepare this wonderful food, like only you can do it.

“It’s magnificent, isn’t it? Aria’s famous recipes never fail to impress!” Replied Dixon’s mom Aria, clearly with a proud grin on her face.

“Okay mom, the merit is all yours!” He laughed at Aria’s reaction. “But can you now answer my real question?” Insisted Dixon, quite expectant.

“Dixon, you’re always so absent-minded! Don’t you remember that tonight, our city will celebrate the annual Arceus worship at the Holy Plaza?”


Re-read that section, and ask yourself 'Would this conversation really take place?" The bits of highlighted in blue, read them outloud and imagine them really saying it; it seems far too contrived, and more than a little creepy.

I mean, I wondered to myself 'is it to emphasise the all encompassing nature of the religion, and how it shapes society to be so...chilling (and the marble floor of his bedroom supports this idea, it being cold and all) but I think I might have been looking into it a bit too much.

Your descriptions are really good, I like those a hell of a lot, and the plot is excellent, but I do think that the dialogue needs working on. Other times, it seems really natural, like this part:

Quote:
“Seriously, we need to go inside. Feel like coming for dinner at my home Haylie?”


But it's the other parts of dialogue. If someone spoke to me like that, I'd feel...unnerved, to say the least.

Do carry on, I rather like this. :)

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Fri Nov 23, 2007 11:33 am
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Yay constructive critique!

The Obsidian Wolf wrote:
One point, and I'm not sure if it's valid, but check this out:

Quote:
“Oh, I’m loving this meal!” Said Dixon while chewing a french fry. “It’s been a decade since I ate this, because you always keep it for any special occasions. However, I wonder what’s happening today which got you to prepare this wonderful food, like only you can do it.

“It’s magnificent, isn’t it? Aria’s famous recipes never fail to impress!” Replied Dixon’s mom Aria, clearly with a proud grin on her face.

“Okay mom, the merit is all yours!” He laughed at Aria’s reaction. “But can you now answer my real question?” Insisted Dixon, quite expectant.

“Dixon, you’re always so absent-minded! Don’t you remember that tonight, our city will celebrate the annual Arceus worship at the Holy Plaza?”


Re-read that section, and ask yourself 'Would this conversation really take place?" The bits of highlighted in blue, read them outloud and imagine them really saying it; it seems far too contrived, and more than a little creepy.

But it's the other parts of dialogue. If someone spoke to me like that, I'd feel...unnerved, to say the least.


Now that you said it, you're right. It looks all cheesy, actually >.<
I am not used to write, in fact, this is the first time I do something in english, actually, this is my very first story ever. I kinda forgot about the direct speech and indirect speech diferences, that's why the vocabulary seems all weird in the dialogues of the first chapter.

I'll try changing that, and will edit the post for you to check once I do it.

Quote:
I mean, I wondered to myself 'is it to emphasise the all encompassing nature of the religion, and how it shapes society to be so...chilling (and the marble floor of his bedroom supports this idea, it being cold and all) but I think I might have been looking into it a bit too much.


Actually, the whole idea of the ceiling/floor connection description is supposed to transmit the idea of abstraction when you enter his room. I'll explain: You enter his room, and you get immediately the feeling of the content, not the physical structure of it. It's something pretty close to what you said.

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Fri Nov 23, 2007 11:48 am
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gonboo wrote:
Yay constructive critique!

The Obsidian Wolf wrote:
Words


Now that you said it, you're right. It looks all cheesy, actually >.<
I am not used to write, in fact, this is the first time I do something in english, actually, this is my very first story ever. I kinda forgot about the direct speech and indirect speech diferences, that's why the vocabulary seems all weird in the dialogues of the first chapter.


Now that, my friend, is amazing. I'm gathering that your first language is not English, and yet you've written a piece that is far better than the majority of English people here. And this is your first story?! Man, it took me ages to get where I was, and I still have far to go. You should take pride in your writing skill, because that's a true talent you've got, in my opinion.

Quote:
I mean, I wondered to myself 'is it to emphasise the all encompassing nature of the religion, and how it shapes society to be so...chilling (and the marble floor of his bedroom supports this idea, it being cold and all) but I think I might have been looking into it a bit too much.


Actually, the whole idea of the ceiling/floor connection description is supposed to transmit the idea of abstraction when you enter his room. I'll explain: You enter his room, and you get immediately the feeling of the content, not the physical structure of it. It's something pretty close to what you said.[/quote]

I think that's also because I'm doing A2 Level English, and I've learnt to constantly look out for what things represent or what literary devices emphasise what, etc. It's a bad habit, really. :P

I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, get writing! :P

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Sat Nov 24, 2007 3:59 am
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Hey everyone, another chapter ready!

Yea I know I usually take some time writting them, but I check and read it many times to ensure everything is good and neat.

Obs, thank you so much for being my only and precious reader x). I took your advise and I've worked and focused more on the dialogue much more this time. I hope it looks less scary this time ^^'

I've also edited chapter 2, and corrected the previous mistakes.

I would go right now and write a lot more on this chapter but I think it's better to just make 2 parts for the chapter, so it doesn't get the feeling of being so long.

Enjoy ^^

Quote:
Chapter 3, Part 1 - The Price of Judgment


Darkness fell over the busy, festive town of Eldranza on a night at which a sparkling, waxing crescent moon enlightened by the star king, already sheltered away of the presence of the hundreds of creatures and their senses, floating on the vast and serene cosmic ocean, gracefully adorned the sky.

Fiery torches marking the edge of the town’s routes, aimed their unceasing flames towards the stars. At their sides, countless market stalls and stands, stocked with newspapers, souvenirs, handicrafts and other opportune goods, kept the city’s economy flowing, as the carefree citizens and the impressed tourists gave an active, somehow stressful climate to the town center, the Holy Plaza.

In its center, a semi-circular, tall altar made itself notable from all the other buildings around. The most obvious characteristic was the strong combination of its diameter and height, making it the first impression of the whole town to the foreigners, since one could spot the ancient, stone building from outside the borders of the city, standing high above from the other structures and the sight obstructive forest trees.

The ancient statues and inscriptions dating from thousands of years ago heavily trimmed the place where they were set. These showed silhouettes, body contours and time contexts allusive to the human race, with Pokémon. The way they were represented suggested a deep emotional connection between the two beings, stating the existence of one relationship which the experts believed to refer to the very first moments of intelligent life.
However, most of the content was barely legible, the text completely faded at some points, giving the place a mysterious and maybe ominous sensation to the curious observers.

A deep sound resounded nine times from far behind the altar broadcasting nine o’clock pm, instantly triggering an anxious behavior in the population, which started gathering around the altar.

“Come on Dixon, it’s starting in fifteen minutes! Hurry up or we won’t be able to see anything!” Exclaimed Haylie, jumping off the bench while holding Dixon by his hand and running towards the altar.

Dixon was still very reflective. The sole fact that he was present in that event made him feel a bit discomforted, nonetheless, he was still curious about what was about to happen.

The two opened way through the large crowd already gathered around the holy structure until they reached the front line. There, the two sat on the floor and watched the elderly light up the huge torches on the altar and making the final preparations.

“Why are you so nervous?” Asked Haylie, admired with Dixon’s mood. “It’s just a boring ceremony, what the heck is so special about it?”

“Well I’m not really nervous, it’s like, I’ve never been here for this and I’m just a bit eager. Yea that’s it.” Avoided Dixon.

“Don’t be expecting a huge night party; you’ll be just listening to some rotten old monks reading that ancient holy crap for sensibly half an hour and then watch people burn vegetables. No great fun in there.” Said Haylie, trying to calm down Dixon by underestimating her real opinion.

“That’s not what I mean...” Insisted Dixon. “This “ancient holy crap” means a lot, not only for me, but for most of the other people here too. I think it’s unfair that they use the hard work of our citizens to do this useless ceremony to pay tribute to something that’s not even real... You see, in the end, the only ones who get something good out of this are the monks themselves, who get the money from all the merchandise and make everybody donate their stuff to “get Arceus’s divine protection”. I wish I could just scream out my personal view and make everyone think about what they’re actually into…”

“Do you know what is your problem?” Sighed Haylie. “You think. Too much, actually. Just turn off that philosophical catastrophic mind of yours for a moment and relax. It’s not like you can change anything, anyways.” Concluded Haylie. “And I should warn you; you shouldn’t even try to question what the monks say, that’s the most offensive behavior you can have towards any religious authority, especially at this occasion… Believe me, the consequences are everything but nice.”

Dixon resigned himself to Haylie’s arguments. Even though he didn’t agree with everything that was happening around him, he knew he couldn’t do anything but wait, and watch.

Suddenly, all the lights vanished, as the whisper from the surprised crowd. Only the moonlight and the flames coming from the torches on the infamous altar remained, which now looked even brighter than before.

Haylie looked at Dixon and made a gesture with her head, indicating him to stand up.
Dixon had a look around him, impressed. The little group of tourists around the altar thirty minutes ago had turned into an enormous, dense crowd, consisting of people and Pokémon. He saw his mother emerging from the thick crowd and waving from behind, at which he replied in the same way.

The tense mood in the air made him shudder. Everyone was staring at the holy altar, expectant about something. The ceremony was about to start.

A man wearing a dress of a white, yellow and green color combination, grey-haired and sensibly old went to the top of a projecting platform on the center of the altar, from where he walked straight to the edge of it. The eyes of the population followed all his steps.

Once again, silence was made. The old man looked at the sky and took a pose of meditation, while the attentive crowd waited.
After some moments of abstraction, the monk took a glance at everyone around the altar. It then looked again at the sky and, lifting his arms, with his strong, low-pitched voice, slowly pronounced:

“In the beginning, there was only a churning turmoil of chaos. At the heart of chaos, where all things became one, appeared an Egg. Having tumbled from the vortex, the Egg gave rise to the Original One.”

He paused for a short instant.

“From itself, two beings the Original One did make. Time started to spin. Space began to expand.”

Another pause was made, this time shorter.

“From itself again, three living things the Original One did make. The two beings wished, and from them, matter came to be. The three living things wished, and from them, spirit came to be.
The world created, the Original One took to unyielding sleep…” Emphasized the old man, extending the pronunciation of the last words.

He directed his glance at the crowd before him, contemplating the whole circular square, his facial expression suggesting a soft grin. Then, replaced his voice again, preparing to continue the speech.

“The universe had been created, the eternal laws set. Life bloomed upon the dullness of the darkness, and rejoiced the phenomenon of existence. Time and space, reciprocally represented, divided the spirit, expanding the reason.” He paused. Then, raising the tone of his voice, declaimed: “Now, us too, shall rejoice the spiritual reason today present, and sublimely thank the saviour, the Original One, the Pokémon God Arceus!”

The entire plaza reacted. The elderly, moved by the words uttered from above, applauded emotionally. The tourists, amazed by the unique event, photographed the divine altar.

The grey-haired man returned from the long platform. He went close to five priests, all of them similarly old, who were waiting for him at the entrance of the altar, each one holding large, ample bags, and the six came down the short, marble stairs. Following a hasty rhythm, the population got closer to the stairway, preparing the offerings destined to the Pokémon God.

“Now’s the part where everyone gives something valuable of their own to the priests, which later on will be burned in that round, concave bonfire up there, on the top of the altar.” Haylie said, while pointing to the altar.

“I still can’t believe people submit themselves to this kind of rituals… I mean, isn’t our town facing enough setbacks already? Burning everyone’s goods is like burning pure wealth with no reason at all, which is plain and simply stupid…” Grumbled Dixon.

“Well, “Interrupted Haylie. “like I said, there’s really nothing you can do about this, at the moment, at least. It’s been like this for years and years, and it’s not going to change anytime soon, so please, don’t struggle yourself more with that; tomorrow everything will be as usual again.” Reinforced Haylie, trying to get the feeling of indignation out of Dixon.

Dixon resigned himself, once again. Even being totally against the whole ritual, he had no choice but to accept the facts.

An overwhelming roar and a violent crash suddenly spread across the courtyard. A distressed gasp went through the surprised population, which quickly went straight to where the sound came from.

“What the heck was that?” Asked Dixon, intrigued.

“I don’t know, but it’s coming from near the stairs!” Observed Haylie. “Hurry, let’s go watch what’s happening!”

They went running to see what was happening. Getting across the crowd already settled around, the two finally got to see what the reason of all that uproar was.
Dixon took a quick glance at the scene before him. Two silhouettes, apparently robust and defined, moved nimble and aggressively inside the small elliptical surface, surrounded by the onlooker population.

Dixon was now sure of what was happening right there. He recognized it since he was a little boy, and such event was hardly ever unknown to him.

“What is this?...” Said Haylie, perplexed.

“Looks like the oh so pacific and respectful ceremony has come to an end.”

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^ Pokemon Myth: Beyond the Stars, by Gonboo. ^
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Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:49 am
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Pokemon Master
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Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 12:03 am
Posts: 1559
Location: Dragon's Den
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Excellent! This really is good, I'm glad I'm following it!

Quote:
You see, in the end, the only ones who get something good out of this are the monks themselves, who get the money from all the merchandise and make everybody donate their stuff to “get Arceus’s divine protection”. I wish I could just scream out my personal view and make everyone think about what they’re actually into…”


^This part makes me think of the current church, actually. Or at least, the idea of the corrupt church, intent on power with God as the secondary idea. This is quite contraversial, and it's an enjoyment to read this.

May I ask, have your ead 'His Dark Materials' by Phillip Pullman? This has aspects of it in it, notably a vandetta against God. :P

Quote:
Obs, thank you so much for being my only and precious reader x). I took your advise and I've worked and focused more on the dialogue much more this time. I hope it looks less scary this time ^^'


It's a pleasure, more than. And the dialogue was smooth and worked well. I can't find anything to fault. Not that I was looking, but there are just certain things (like the dialogue) that stick out of a piece of good work and drag it down, but this last chapter didn't seem to have anything wrong with it, save for a few typos/letters missed out, that really are nothing to worry about.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter, and how this will all pan out...

Good work! You have a fan in me. :)

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"Play with fire and expect to be burned."


Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:49 pm
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Dragon Tamer
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Joined: Mon Aug 27, 2007 5:21 am
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I've got some new updates on this!

Firstly, Obs, answering to your question, no I didn't, but I read a book called Die Gottesformmel (which translated into english means God's Formula), and it has loads of aspects on this, it's really good and I reccommend it =)


Anyways, I've decided to change the title. I've got some reasons:

- It wasn't much descriptive
- Kinda confusing
- Not really appealing

So I've realized that the title "Pokémon Myth: Beyond the Stars" works better.

Now for the real thing, a new chapter (or shall I say, the continuation of the previous chapter).

It's a lot more packed with action and some mystery, hope that makes somebody else read the story x)

Chappie:

Quote:
Chapter 3 – The Price of Judgment: Part 2


“Lunatone, Psywave!”

“Quick! Tumble to the side and head for the rear, then use your Fury Cutter!”

Both Pokémon confronted mutually, ferociously, seeming little signals of rest. Their trainers overflew feelings of anger and hate affecting the respective Pokémon. One environment of peace apparently determined from the beginning of the ceremony, had turned into a show of mess and chaos, aiming to reach uncontrollable proportions. Curious whispers pierced through the crowd, as the attentive tried to understand the true reason behind what made break out the conflict between the elder monk and the teenager boy.

Contrasting with the rest of the population, Dixon kept his usual temper and stood still, calm and focused, evaluating the situation.
Obviously, the two were serious about their acts, and didn’t hold any marks of kindness. It now remained the question of what was all the buzz around the event.

Unlike him, Haylie was perfectly synchronized with the overall mood of the population. She joined the crowd in the fast-growing murmur, also intending to get any bit of information regarding the intriguing situation.

While the big majority of the people gathered around the improvised battling arena occupied themselves searching for information on it, undervaluing the actual scene, a sudden violent blow caught everyone’s attention back again.
The teenager boy’s Zangoose was now leaned over the hard, dirt ground, its arms shaking of fatigue and pain which crossed its numb glance and inspired devoutness to the surrounding crowd. The elder monk’s Lunatone had just applied the fatal blow.
Everyone remained silent for instants, while the helpless Zangoose fought against his own body to rise in protection of his trainer. The elder monk smiled of satisfaction towards the expression of impotence from the teenager boy.

“Is that all you’ve got?…” The boy tried to sketch a grin of provocation.

“You have offended the holy spirit of the Great One, insolent thief!” Responded the elder monk, now hyperventilating of anger. ”Hand that bag over immediately before I lose my temper!”

The thief laughed.

“Well, you know what? I don't give a thing about that God crap. What are you going to do now?”

“Sacrilege, sacrilege!” Shouted the elder monk, losing control over his mood. “You have gone too far! Justice must be made!”

As he yelled hatred and revenge, other five priests emerged from the crowd, surrounding the thief from every perspective, leaving him almost no room to move.

“We will make you pay in the name of Arceus for your impudence, you’ll regret this moment of your life forever…” Grumbled the monk, drawing a vindictive grin on his face.

As soon as he finished pronouncing these words, the five priests grabbed their poke balls and sent out the respective Pokémon. These were all similar in species to the elder monk's Lunatone and held the same aggressive aspect. They looked at each others for a short moment, gesticulating indicatively their heads. The crowd, influenced by the monks, yelled words of insult and shame towards the thief and his Zangoose, who remained quiet and focused like they were expectant about something.
Dixon and Haylie, along with the surrounding people, were both with their eyes on the arena.

Six dense voices sounded the attacking command to the Lunatones:

“Lunatone, use Tackle!”

Reaction was triggered. Almost like acting instinctively, the thief told to his pokémon:

“It’s now! Scarheart, Detec-- What the--“

A dark figure suddenly jumped from the crowd with arms wide open, putting itself in front of the Zangoose at the moment of the attack impact, unleashing an unexpected gasp throughout the plaza, shocking everyone. The thief, impressed by what had just happen before him, stood still; staring at the figure lay down on the floor, while the monks took the bag, clutched his hands behind his back, arrested both him, and the figure; which now reflected numbness, suffering, guilt. The crowd opened a path of dirt and insults out of the elliptical enclosure, while the monks headed away with their prisoners, no direction defined.

“Don’t worry kid, we’ll handle ourselves out of this mess, trust me.” The thief murmured to him, serene and tranquil, not seeming worried about the whole situation.

He kept silent. Mute of desperation and regret. All he could think was of how importunate and careless he was for not listening to everyone’s advises and acted spontaneously, irresponsibly. At that moment, he thought about the most important person to him. How would she react to what he made? Would she accept him back, even against the whole town? Would he at least be in town? Thoughts like these haunted his mind, as he walked the path of his destiny.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


“You are officially exiled off the town, and therefore, forbidden to walk on this territory and ten miles from here. This town will no longer be home for your existence and won’t assume any responsibility for your actions in the society. You have exactly one day and twelve hours to evacuate this land and, if you still decide to remain within the town, you will be severely punished. Erase this place off your map; you won't be capable of returning when you're allowed to.
You’re on your own from now on. So long.”

The guards left the area, leaving both boys on the ground, helplessly in the dark, ominous wild.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


“Are you sure this is the one?”

“Yes of course.”

“Good. We don’t want to make any mistakes.”

“I’m actually more concerned about how he’ll make it through this…”

“Worry no more. I’m sure we can trust him.”

“I hope so.”

Silence.

“Are we done yet?”

“Wait; just let me do one thing.”

Fire was lit.

“Now we are.”

“Fine, let’s get moving.”



Enjoyish =)
Oh btw, I'm sorry but I only proofread once (I don't have much more time 'cause my father's yelling with me to leave the computer), so sorry if there are any typos.

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^ Pokemon Myth: Beyond the Stars, by Gonboo. ^
Click on the banner and come read it, every comment is appreciated =)


Tue Dec 11, 2007 3:16 pm
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