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 THE ADEVNTURES OF TOTODILE! Psyches teaches how not to write 
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Oh boy...Here we go...

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Sun Dec 09, 2007 8:46 am
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*AHEM* Right.

So was there any point in this fic besides making me and some other person feel bad for trying our best?

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Sun Dec 09, 2007 9:01 am
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Trying your best? *coughwrongcough* How much time did you spend on each chapter, 2 minutes? There were numerous grammatical errors, you used smilies, overwhelming amounts of exclamation points (Which are always bad except in dialouge), and it was overall quite pathetic. Trying your best? I think not.

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Sun Dec 09, 2007 11:41 am
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Well, I was, and that's that.

And it's not like anybody helped me until it got locked.




So, now what?

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Sun Dec 09, 2007 2:05 pm
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elite42 wrote:
*AHEM* Right.

So was there any point in this fic besides making me and some other person feel bad for trying our best?


The whole point of this fan fic was to show writers what NOT to do in a fan fic. It was the whole point (although I'm sure your fic was the stimulation/ final straw that started this)

Your problem is that your "fans" actually said it was good, when it really wasn't. It still needed a lot more work. I'm just sad that I never really bothered to read it until after you got a swelled head (sorry, but it's kinda true...)

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Sun Dec 09, 2007 2:36 pm
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OK, I semi-agree with that.

I don't know how to explain my disagreement, so I'll just stick with that.

So, umm, as usual, now what?

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The Meadow's End
A new revived fanfic by me :D Come on and read its recent chapters! I'm motivated to continue if others are to read it~ :D

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The Rating Centre CAN'T be dead... can it??


Sun Dec 09, 2007 2:54 pm
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Simply...we move on.

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Sun Dec 09, 2007 4:55 pm
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Yay! We move on!

So, umm... (:lol:), DOES anything happens after it ends? I guess this could've been a lasting fic (After all that arguing and criticism I can't believe I'm saying that). But then again I'm not the "really-good writer" here :P

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The Meadow's End
A new revived fanfic by me :D Come on and read its recent chapters! I'm motivated to continue if others are to read it~ :D

Pokemon Diamond:
Name: Quincy
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The Rating Centre CAN'T be dead... can it??


Mon Dec 10, 2007 7:28 pm
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I think it was meant to be a one-shot. So, I'm nearly positive there won't be more.

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Mon Dec 10, 2007 7:36 pm
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OK,I must admit...this cute little kind of utter nonsense is hilarious!In other words,I love it! Funny, cute, and very creative in its own special way.lol :lol: I wish you would sort of continue it, but the way it ends...it does not look like there is room to make a sequel.

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Tue Dec 11, 2007 7:01 pm
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Totodile and Torchic were asleep in their little beds made of straw underneath the rickety barnyard that held the countless other pokemon sleeping peacefully on Old PokeDonald's farm... Overhead there stirred a great sight though...

"Yay!" Screamed the little boy as Santa flew through the sky. Santa Clause roleld his eyes and sighed.
"I can't believe I'm being used in another stupid fan fiction... Yesterday I had to go and give a little girl a magical unicorn, today i'm delivering this stupid red and white ball shaped THING,"

Sure enough, Santa landed at the little house covered in little snow piles and delivered the red and white ball to the little boy.

"Oh boy, my first Pokemon! Christmas wishes really do come true!" He cried, throwing the ball in the sky.

"Yeah, isn't it just dandy," Santa groaned with sarcasm as he made a quick getaway from the euphoric boy.

"What did Santa bring you?" The mother asked he little boy.
"It's a Mewtwo!"

"WHAT?!?" Cried Mewtwo as he realized he was standing in front of a little boy on chrstmas day, the unwilling christmas gift of a snivelling child.

"Hell no, I did not get created for this," He scorned, conjuring an energy ball. He threw it at the little boy who vanished in the explosion.

"No! Not my baby!" The mother wailed. Mewtwo sent a shimmering wave at her and she froze on the spot beofre dissolving.

"I have had enough of this stupid crap! If Pokemon were real and I were real then I would not be given to a ten year old on christmas day by santa clause. And no ten year old would be able to capture me. This is ridiculous, I'm over it, humankind are dumb. Really really dumb. I'm gonna kill them. All of them. I'm sick of being dragged out of my cosy bed in make-believe-land and used in stories that are improbable and pointless. God, if only people wrote like Crimson and Psyches... Now I'd be honoured ot be used in one of their stories. But all I get are the little weirdos. Humanity has gone too far,"

And with that Mewtwo flew into space, picked up the moon, and threw it Earth. The collission sent Earth spinning into the sun and humanity was gone.

MORAL OF THIS STORY, DON'T POST ANY STUPID CHRISTMAS STORIES WERE YOU GET A MEWTWO OR SOMETHING FOR CHRISTMAS. AND IF YOU'RE GONNA WRITE ABOUT MEWTWO, MAKE IT REALISTIC. HE'S NOT A CUTE PUSSYCAT PEOPLE, HE'S A PSYCHIC MONSTER THAT WAS CREATED GENETICALLY.

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Sun Dec 23, 2007 6:23 am
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Mewtwo for Christmas. Haha. hahaha.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Nice one. But I wonder... who DOES write about getting a Mewtwo from Santa Claus for Christmas???

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The Meadow's End
A new revived fanfic by me :D Come on and read its recent chapters! I'm motivated to continue if others are to read it~ :D

Pokemon Diamond:
Name: Quincy
FC: 4553-8854-9459

The Rating Centre CAN'T be dead... can it??


Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:50 am
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The Persian was curled up gingerely next to the huge armchair where the little fat kid sat, visiting psypokes on his laptop. Persian felt a tingling sensation in her stomach and knew some psychic pokemon was trying to get her attention.

Persian could hear a faint buzzing in her ears, but no more than that. She stood up and paced the room, her master, the fat kid, didn't notice. She leapt onto the back of the armchair and looked down at the fat kid's laptop. He was posting nasty comments on other people's stories without justifying his critique.

The fat kid had little or no good material posted on psypokes, yet still felt as though he could make fun of other people's stories. Persian rolled her eyes.

She prowled around the room, still trying to make out the voice in her head, and at the same time trying not to look at her master. The fat kid was a real loser. She couldn't stand him. He was the kind of kid, the kind of FAT kid, who got picked on at school all day so went on the internet and picked on other people. Of course, he deserved to be picked on in Persian's eyes. He WAS fat. Unlike her, she was divine.

Persian had sleek fur and a glistening jewel on her forehead. Her teeth were sparkling white and sharp enough to kill an Onix. Just ask her, she'd swear by it. Persian was perfect, in every aspect of the word. Her master was scum.

"KILL HIM" the voice in her head screamed.

Öh,"Persian thought, "I was wondering what you were trying to say... hold on,'

Persian leapt onto the couch and slashed the boy's throat. Blood spilled all over the laptop keyboard and onto the armchair. He spasmed for awhile on the chair then fell to the floor, spraying blood all over the lougne. The parents weren't home, otherwise they would've screamed and panicked. Persan however just sat and yawned.

"Why...'' the boy managed to gargle. Persian rolled her eyes and yawned again.

"I don't know," Persian scowled.

"You can talk," the boy gargled further.

"Yes, because you're an idiot and your fan fic has talking pokemon in it. God, you're SO original," Persian scathed.

"Why?" the boy repeated, much weaker now. He was so very near death. Persian smiled.

Ï had Persian kill you because you are, in short, an idiot and you don't deserve to be alive." A voice said.

"Mewtwo," the boy whispered. Indeed it was Mewtwo, glaring down at the boy with a sickened look.

"Why are you here?" Persian asked.

"I don't bloody know, it's his story. Well it was, he's dead now. You shouldn't post criticism on people's stories unless you can back it up with facts. He'll know better for next time... well... at least he WOULD know better if he wasn't DEAD."

And with that Mewtwo and Persian laughed and laughed, walking hand in hand off into the sunset with smiles as wide as the sea...

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Wed Jan 02, 2008 2:07 am
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All of them are hilarious, Psyches, in the first one I was laughing so hard I cried! The stories were great! If you can write stuff that funny, I'd love to have you direct me to all the good writers in the place. Hopefully I could join that list. That is, if I stopped writing about Power Rangers and started taking up more fanfictions. Which wouldn't be too hard to do.

Nice job, and I do hate how all of the people insult good writers' intelligence when they spoof without trying on stories that were perfectly good.

However, the only thing we can, and should, do is to make sure they see sense. In the case of a bad writer who tried hard, push them in the right direction. Pass the knowledge on from "generation to generation".

Thanks for the laughs, Psyches, you just made my day.

AEPMT :D :) :lol: 8-) :wink: :mrgreen:

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Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:58 pm
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The Adventures of Totodile- PlayBoy Edition.

"I don't want to do this!" She pleaded, but it was too late, Misty was standing at the alter, the priest before her, a pimply, twenty-something-year-old high school dropout smiling out at her behind his buck teeth and glasses.

"Corsola..." A little moan wailed, and as Misty's Corsola stepped toward the Groom he took Misty's wedding ring from one of Corsola's coral limbs.

"Screw this, I'm a freaking Gym Leader," Misty roared, reefing her hand away from the man as he tried to slide the ring on her finger.
"Starmie, Water Pulse!" She bellowed, tearing her Wedding Dress off and lobbing a Pokeball into the air. With a blaze of light and a great roar like thunder, Gyarados appeared above them, its huge snake-like form coiled around the high ceiling of the church. With the loudest crash it slammed to the ground, crushing the organ (And organist) and creating a wall around Misty and the man who intended to marry her by fan fiction.

"Here's how it's gonna go, you're gonna change your mind, I don't care why, I don't care how, but we are not getting married," Misty barked, waving her hand like she was one of the pointer sisters, "Why don't you go catch Mewtwo or some-""

"Leave me the HELL out of it!" Mewtwo roared, flying seamlessly through the wall of the church and then out the other side after saying his piece.

"Do you see how little sense this story makes?" Misty sighed, folding her arms across her chest.

"Nah, yeh mate, she's onter a ripper thought there mate, ya wanna keep yer ears peeled and give it a squiz, aye mate," Gyarados added in his nasal, Australian accent.

"This is my story!" Tony said, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Oh so you're name's Tony is it?" Misty snapped, "Well Tony, I'm IN the story, so believe it or not, I have a say on what I do, because that's part of my already pre-defined character. I would never marry you!"

"This is my story and I control what happens here!" Tony screamed, stamping his foot on the ground. With a smirk, Tony reached into his tuxedo jacket pocket and slowly took out a Masterball.

"Gyarados, Hyper Beam!" Misty called, and Gyarados lifted his mighty head.

"Full Power, m'laydee?" He asked, suddenly with the accent of a common British housemaid, circa 1800's.

"Just end the damn story, for the love of Manaphy..." Misty begged, turning away from Tony as Gyarados charged the attack, a blinding orange light building all around them.

"Manaphy, go!" Tony yelled, throwing his Masterball.

"Oh how damn original!" Misty spat, storming toward Gyarados' tail which was blocking the doorway.

Manaphy appeared in a blaze of light and, with a mighty explosion of psychic energy and conjured water, Manaphy blocked the Hyper Beam attack.

"ahem... excuse me?" A timid voice asked from the back of the church, "I'm sorry, but if Manaphy was going to be owned by anyone,"

And suddenly a dozen spotlights burst to light, flooding the beautiful May with a dazzling glow. She was wearing a swimsuit, her vibrant brown hair cascading around her slender form.

"Manaphy would be owned by me," May finished, and then suddenly, "OMG WHAT AM I WEARING!!!!!!11111111!!"

"Look, this has really gone too far," Misty sighed, standing beside May in the spotlight.

"You're right," Tony nodded, and he took his Poketch/Pokegear/Pokephone/Pokesomething out and held it to his ear, "Babe, I need you and Togekiss to pick me up pronto!"

"&%$@#&%&$#@$#!!!" Screamed Dawn as she flew upon Togekiss down through the stained glass roof, shattering the glass with Togekiss' safeguard. She circled Tony in the sky and then Togekiss summoned an ancient power to tear huge chunks of the stone church walls from their place and hurl them at Tony.

"Maeloelaotta, protect me!!" Tony wailed, throwing another Masterball into the air. Sure enough Maloealeoaetta appeared and shielded him from the attack.

"CAN YOU EVEN SPELL ITS NAME?!?" Dawn shrieked as she and Togekiss flew away through the hole they had made in the ceiling.

"Gyarados, finish him off," Misty casually said, waving her hand toward Tony as she turned to head for the door with May.

"I am berry, sorry but dee moof you are tryink to youse is not abailable at dis time dyoo to Peepa Peepa bristrickshyuns. Please try your moof between 8am and 5pm Eastern Standard Time, tank yoo for choosin Gyarados, hab a nice day," Gyarados informed them in an Indian Telemarketers voice, and with a flash he was gone, returning to his Pokeball, or perhaps to the nearest McDonald's, for who really knows what is happening anymore?

"I don't," Misty sighed,"

"And so it came to be that the story gained a narrator, not just any narrator, but the kind of narrator that could interact with the characters and story, and help them to progress the plot," The Narrator told the audience, sitting in an armchair wearing a Hugh Heffner Dressing Gown and smoking a bubble pipe. Misty's Corsola was for some reason there now and making googly eyes at the bubbles, but this is completely irrelevant to the story. Also irrelevant, but hilariously somewhat related, I've actually just come to the realization that for like ten chapters in my other fan fic "Getting Stronger (Alone)" I've been spelling Chili's name wrong, that's not actually related to THIS point per-say, but related to my earlier jab at mispelling names. But I digress...

"Can you just end this damn thing, it's 3:30am, and you really need to sleep," Misty yelled to the author, "AND NONE OF US WANT TO MARRY HIM!" She finished in a scream.

"And so," The Narrator began, "Tony would eventually come to learn that he couldn't control the characters he invited to his story, merely channel their predefined characteristics, but that didn't stop him from being eaten by May's Beautifly which, starved from fighting with Norman's Slaking and Vigoroth for food at the Petalburg Gym and often coming up empty-handed, had grown so ravenously hungry it came to lust for the taste of human flesh. She would particularly enjoy watching the red blood swirl through her long, spiral proboscus. Misty would come to learn that her Gyarados has a Multiple Personality Disorder OR has been invaded by a thousand damned souls ala Spiritomb. May learned that she looks senSAAAAAAAAAAAYtional in a swimsuit, and Dawn and Togekiss never really do learn anything do they? But for today, let's say they learned Math. Math and, oh, why not Kantonese..."

"...But the true winner of this story was yet to be seen..." The narrator trailed off ominously.

"Wonder what happened over there?" Iris pondered out loud, walking past a decimated church, the remnants of a mighty battle still evident, "Oh well, come on Axew, not far now to the village of the dragons!"




NECROMANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!! MY FAV CHAPTER YET!!!!!!!!!!!! YEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......

Sleeps.

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Sat Sep 28, 2013 10:48 am
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...

I am going to admit, I'm not great at critique, or interpretation. This story is mildly funny, since I have perhaps a different sense of humour and don't take to thing like that most of the time. What I really want to say is, this doesn't pertain to my story, does it? Forest of Secrets is innocent of... etc, the points you try to make here? Just want to check.
P.S. If you do decide to make a spoof of Forest of Secrets... don't have any of characters curse. Hope I'm not a party pooper or anything.


{EDIT: Forget this! It's called acute paranoia!}

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Tue Oct 01, 2013 6:42 pm
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Oh heavens CuteKirlia!! No, no, for the love of Evita, No! I should type a disclaimer on each chapter from now on, these stories aren't about anyone or their work. The first chapter was, and it got pretty instense afterward, but the whole premise of these stories is that it's just a bunch of bad cliches gone horribly wrong because of a reluctantly aware cast of characters. I like your stories! You're a good writer, everyone here are good writers, we haven't had any real bad stories hang around like bad smells in a long time.

When I wrote this particular chapter I was actually parodising myself a little. I've been using the characters from Unova in my fan fiction and I've been pretty outrageous with their personalities, so in this case I took if to the extreme and tried to make it funny, which I thought it was... But I have an odd sense of humour...

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Sat Oct 05, 2013 3:34 pm
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PHEW. Glad I got that cleared up. I did say I was paranoid. Glad you like my story, no one really comments on it, and I get underconfident at times.
I find your story amusing. 'Cept I dislike looking at swear words and and the part about Beautifly and the blood was mildly disturbing... I liked the part about Mewtwo, how it pertained to your previous stories.
"Leave me the (censored) out of it!" Mewtwo roared, flying seamlessly through the wall of the church and then out the other side after saying his piece.
I was cracking up through the whole thing. Then I got the idea for no reason about it pertaining to my story... which makes no sense now, since my story has no cannon characters exsisting in it at this point. Then again, the whole "blowing personalities out of proportion" thing reminds me of Dasher... I wonder if I made him as too sarcastic and a terrible jerk, without himself realizing it. Everyone else notices in the story, except him. But this isn't about ym story...
So yeah. Funny story. I (mostly) liked it. Mildly disturbing, but funny.
I've said too much as it is...

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Sat Oct 05, 2013 6:16 pm
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