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 Lycanthrope Rebel 
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Dragon Tamer
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Joined: Thu Nov 02, 2006 11:57 pm
Posts: 131
Location: at the moon trying to catch a jirrachi
incase you are wondering what the word Lycanthrope means it means werewolf and this fic, I hope will turn int a book some day but by my name not anyone elses. This fic has nothing to do with pokemon or anyhting pokemon related and this is going to be a bloody war fic .
Enjoy.

Chapter 1
Blood Moon Island.



"Howwwllllllll!!"
Screaming everywhre. pentagrams flashing black and red as we transformedfor the 3 years of Blood moon night. The uncontaminated people fled but few remained trying to protect their people. It was pitiable and pathetic, but you have to admit their courage. the only way to kill a pure werewolf was to shoot us with silver bullets. unfortunately they had these but they wont work unless we were pure werewolfs and for centuries we found this weakness of ours and we changed our parentage to none so that the child was to be contaminated only after birth and if if it wasnt a lycan before its life began.
"Black Shuck, Werewolf! Retreat they are too powerfull!"
ok now the movie is getting old. it isnt 1977 anymore. three guesses on why I was watching that movie. Yes we are real. Me too. Its quitefun except that ihave to get chained to some thing made of sterling silver that wont break under my struggles when I transform. Anyway, im pretty sure that I can smell chicken macaroni and vagetable lasagne.Right on cue....
"Ryan, Zyro, food is ready."Called mum from the kitchen. My name is Ryan Eclipse. People know what I am so no damage when I dont deny that i'm a werewolf. I am one of the few who are proud of what I am.
"Ryan, we know that you need to be with others of your kind, but could you skip the three years thing for this onece"she pleaded hopefully.
"sure as long you wont mind having my corpse in your living room', 'cause the others are going to kill me if I don't show up."I say loudly because I saw my brother peeking from behind the door.
"I thought you were aldready dead once you got bitten?"he asked with a frightened look on his face.
"No, the dead bite thing only happens when a vampire bites you not werewolf bites and as an added bonus to that holy water doesn't affect me nor does the stake and hammer thing and we actually like the silver cross because it shines like the moon."I reply to his non-stupid question. Personally I think that that is a miracle.
"so....you aren't an undead?"he asks
"Earth to non contaminated person. Listen to what I have to say you idiot. see above message if you want that question awnsered." I qrowl baring my canine teeth.
"Get away from me werewolf!"Zyro says with a cheesy smile. Man I seriously wish I could bite this guy.
"you had better calling me that or i will make you one of us and trust me because you are so old the transformations are going to be more painful. So you choose."I nearly yell at him.
"BITE ME!!!" He screams as he tries to run away.
"With pleasure."
"STOP" Both our parents shout from the kitchen.
"You know that you will easily catch up to him because of your unnatural speed and supersensory ability because of that bite. I personally don't think that your brother will like to get bitten!"says Dad angrilly, "As for you. you know very well that you should never say 'bite me' even as a joke in front of Ryan! Now without killing eachother please come to the table and eat your food. And remember I said NO KILLING EACH OTHER." He added looking at the look I was giving my brother.



to be continued fed back is appreciated.

new chapter comming soon

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Last edited by xchaos on Sat Aug 25, 2007 3:18 am, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Aug 24, 2007 1:27 am
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Pokemon Master
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Location: IN THE EMOTIONLESS TRAWLING FERVOR'S OF MY INSANE MIND.
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The punctuation and sentence structure is off.

Things like this:
Quote:
the only way to kill a pure werewolf was to shoot us with silver bullets. unfortunately they had these but they wont work unless we were pure werewolfs and for centuries we found this weakness of ours and we changed our parentage to none so that the child was to be contaminated only after birth and if if it wasnt a lycan before its life began.


Are waaaay too long sentences, you might want to put a period or two in there. I also didn't like how you combined some words and left out the capitalization,
Quote:
quitefun
. You have a good creative story and I think it would make a great book, but if you decide to publish it you might want to get a good editor. Don't get me wrong, it's an excellent, excellent, beginning of a story but you might want to copy/paste it into a word document with spell check before posting here. Other than that I am impressed at how you opened the story, few people can begin a book that well.

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Fri Aug 24, 2007 5:00 am
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Dragon Tamer
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Joined: Thu Nov 02, 2006 11:57 pm
Posts: 131
Location: at the moon trying to catch a jirrachi
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thanks dunsparce and thanks for the spellcheck thing i didnt even notice it before. and if anyone has read my previous unfinished fanfic then you will see that i snuck something in there. :D

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Fri Aug 24, 2007 3:17 pm
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