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 Pokemon: The Midnight Prophecy 
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Dragon Tamer
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Welcome to my new story. I've been writing this for a bit now, and so I think it's ready to be posted for all you psypokians to see.

This story follows the adventures of a boy called Spike. There is a big back-story to this, but it will be revealed as the story goes on.

This chapter introduces you to Spike, and the world in which he lives. Any feedback, good or bad, would be appreciated.

Enjoy!

Quote:
Chapter One: Spike

It was a deceptively sunny day when Spike ran towards the caves. Anyone who looked at him would have seen a determined young boy running across the fields of Sinnoh, his unkempt brown hair flying in the wind. However, if you looked closer, you could see his face contorted in anger, and tears seeping from his blue eyes, resting for a moment on his cheek, then being flung to the wind as he kept going. Of course, there was nobody there to see it.

He kept running, as if he could run away from the bullies at school, and leave them floundering in his wake. They were calculating boys, always making snide remarks, but never caught by the teachers at Spike’s school. When he had started, he loved the school. Within weeks he had learned to hate it. It had all started on the Day of Awakening, the festival in Celestic town when the whole town celebrated the creation of Sinnoh and the world. Every year, all the new students were given a Pokemon by Professor Rowan, who would bring each child into a room, and a Pokemon would choose them to be their partner. Spike had watched all his classmates enter the room, to all emerge smiling carrying a Chimchar, Turtwig or Piplup. But when he had entered, all the Pokemon had shivered and fled to the corners of the room, frightened of him. The Celestic Town elder had announced that Spike would not receive a Pokemon. Rowan had disagreed, but no matter how much he argued that all young people should experience the life of a trainer, the elder said the Spike should remain without a partner.

Almost immediately the bullying began. The boys in Spike’s class would make a point of playing with their Pokemon at break times, and were forever making Spike’s life hard, for not having a partner of his own.

This lunch time it had gotten out of hand. Spike was sitting in the corner of the playground, not able to talk or play with the other children from Celestic Town, and unable to even play with a pokemon. He was just going to get up and get to his class earlier, when a shadow had crossed his path. Three boys approached him, each holding a Chimchar.

“Where are you going loser?” asked the biggest one, his Chimchar leering angrily, “You shouldn’t be here. This place is reserved for people who have Pokemon!”

Spike ignored them and tried to walk past, but the boys spread out around him, blocking his way.

“Freaks like you don’t have a right to be here!” chimed in one of the boys, and a Chimchar giggled manically.

“Just leave me alone”, said Spike weakly

Leave me alone” whinnied the leader in a parody of spike’s voice. “Haha! I don’t think so!” His Chimchar dropped off his shoulder and aimed a false scratch at Spike. Spike angrily threw a fist at his attacker, never intending to actually do any damage. But somehow the punch connected, throwing the Chimchar back. The Chimchar fell to the floor, and let out a squeal as it hit the floor. Ben looked at his own hand, wondering what he had done. The other Chimchar started howling, and launched themselves at Spike, who turned and ran as fast as he could. At once, the other monkeys were chasing him, throwing embers at him from their tails. The bullies ran behind them with startled looks on their faces, unable to control their pokemon. They tried to call them off, but the Chimchar were not listening.

Spike ran and ran. He chanced a look behind him, and saw a Chimchar gaining on him. He felt a flash of pain on his back, and realised that one of the embers had connected. He screamed loudly, but kept his pace. He vaulted the school fence, and ran through the fields of Celestic Town, as the Chimchar stood behind the fence, growling angrily. Spike didn’t stop, and tears ran down his face as he ran through the grass…


Preview of Chapter 2:

Why does it always happen to me? He asked himself.
As if in reply, he heard a slow booming sound, like a pulse. He swivelled around to see the source of the sound. There was a red light glowing through the fog, fading and glowing, as if it had a heartbeat. Spike looked at it for a second, then stood up, and started to walk towards the strange light…


Last edited by Darkstrike_11 on Sun Oct 14, 2007 1:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.



Mon Aug 20, 2007 3:32 am
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i think the plot is nice but wayyyyyyyyyyyy to many details u just get lost in all the other words


Mon Aug 20, 2007 4:50 pm
Pokemon Ranger
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I don't there are too many details, in fact I think it's a nice amount. A lot of stories in the forum lack details, so this is a very welcome change of pace. Koopa, might I suggest reading actual books on a more regular basis?

I do have some suggestions...

Quote:
However, if you looked closer, you could see his face contorted in anger, and tears seeping from his blue eyes, resting for a moment on his cheek, then being flung to the wind as he kept going.

It isn't recommended that 'you' be used in writing. I'll admit I've done it before, and one day I'll remember to go edit it. Here's something I thought would work just as well without the 'you.'

    However, a closer look would reveal his face contorted in anger and tears escaping from his eyes. The tears would rest on his cheeks for a moment before they were blown to the wind as he continued his head long sprint.

Quote:
Of course, there was nobody there to see it.

I think it'd sound better if 'but' came before 'of course,' but I that's just a stylistic choice.

Quote:
“Where are you going loser?” asked the biggest one, his Chimchar leering angrily, “You shouldn’t be here. This place is reserved for people who have Pokemon!”

I'm not sure if this is right or not, but I'll point it out anyway. I think there should be a coma after 'loser' instead of a question mark, and that the question mark should be after 'angrily' instead of a coma. But, I'm not positive on that. I do know you could keep the question mark where it is and just change the coma to a period. I think it would be best to break the sentence there.

Quote:
“Just leave me alone,” said Spike weakly.

You forgot some puncuation, I've added it in cyan.

Quote:
He screamed loudly, but kept his pace.

I think it's good except for the 'loudly,' it's unnecessary and makes the sentence a little wordy. After all, a scream is loud, why say it twice?

Quote:
Ben didn’t stop, and tears ran down his face as he ran through the grass…

Who's Ben? I thought our protagonist's name was Spike.

Over all I don't think it's too bad, I'm not going to say anything about the preview because I'd rather just critique Chapter 2 in its entirity. I really like the idea of all the Pokemon hating him for some reason. I'm begging you, because I'm sure he'll get a Pokemon at some point, don't have a legendary or extremely rare Pokemon be the only one[s] that like him. That'd ruin it for me, it'd just be horribly cliche to me. I'm sure there are others who would disagree with me though.

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Mon Aug 20, 2007 6:59 pm
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Ok thanks for the feedback guys! Ive used what you have said, and so hopefully this chapter is a lot better in that regard. Keep up the feedback, 'tis really good.

And Sorry...Ben is another character who turns up later...I sometimes get mixed up :oops:

Here's the second chapter.

Quote:
Chapter 2: Fear

Spike ran on and on. He pad little attention to the surroundings, the long grass just a blur as he ran. He came to the wall surrounding Celestic Town, with the guards patrolling it. Spike was used to the green uniforms of Team Synthesis, as they had been there since he was little. Many of the guards were walking alongside their pokémon. Looking at them again, Spike felt the familiar pang of loneliness. Even the guards had partners. It seemed so unfair to him.
Spike stood still, breathing heavily after his run, and looked up at the walls. Since the gang warfare between the teams had escalated into territorial violence, all the teams were putting up extra defences around the towns they controlled. Synthesis was one of the smaller teams, and their territory was diminishing. Now, they only controlled Celestic town, and Fortree City in Hoenn. Celestic town was a small village, but Synthesis still wanted to defend it.

“There must be something here worth protecting” thought Spike.

Spike felt his heartbeat slow down. He ran his fingers through the long grass, and for a moment forgot that he had just ran out of school, chased by angry pokémon. He could feel they wind gently caressing his face, and could hear in the distance, the long cry of a flock of Pidgeotto as they made their way across the sky. He sat down, letting the long grass come above his head, hiding even the taller spikes of his sweat-slicked hair. For the first time in a while, he felt truly calm. He sat still for a long time. Here, surrounded by nature, he felt he could do anything. With new found energy, he jumped up from the grass, and his eyes widened with astonishment.

The whole field was covered in a dense grey fog. Where Spike had seen tall trees just before, he could only see dark mist surrounding the grass. Even the twin peaks of Mount Coronet were cloaked by the fog. He couldn’t even see where he had entered the grass from. Spike let his mouth hang open for a second. He walked to where he had seen the Celestic walls, but no barbed-wire materialised from the mist. In astonishment, he lifted up his hands, and looked at them. The fog seemed to swirl around his fingers, surrounding his hands in a foamy veil and slipping through the gaps between his fingers. Spike could only see around a metre in front of him. He ran through the mist, hoping, wishing for it to part and let him see some glimpse of his village, of his home. But he could only see the fog, engulfing his surroundings.

Spike started to panic. His heart beat faster, and he ran through the grass, tripping once or twice in his haste. He yelled at the fog, begging it to lift. But he couldn’t escape. He sat down, his whole body shaking with fear.

What is happening to me? He thought, as his teeth started to chatter. He gave over to desperation, and he began to feel tears from in his eyes. He grabbed a piece of grass, and ripped it from the stem, his fingers trembling as it grasped the stalk. His breaths came faster and faster, and he saw his breath form before his eyes, lingering for a second before being enveloped in the fog.

Spike shut his eyes tight, trying to ignore his terror.

“Why does it always happen to me?” He asked himself.

As if in reply, he heard a slow booming sound, like a pulse. He swivelled around to see the source of the sound. There was a red light glowing through the fog, fading and glowing, as if it had a heartbeat. Spike gasped, his shuddering limbs pushing him to his feet. As he felt his heartbeat racing and his breaths come faster and faster, the light seemed to glow harder, growing in size, as if it was feeding on Spike’s fear. The red light pulsed quicker and quicker, and Spike seemed to find his fear ebbing away. He began to calm down, and he walked calmly towards the light, his terror sucked away. The light, pulsing warmly, started to drift through the fog, and Spike followed it, letting it guide him through the dense mist.

As Spike kept walking, he felt more and more confident. The red light pulsed in front of him, and the mist started to flow away, allowing him to see more carefully. The mist seemed to flow into the pokémon, and as the mist finally disappeared, Spike saw he was looking at a dark purple pokémon, the red glow revealed to be orbs around the pokemon’s neck.

“Misdreavus…how do I know that?”

The name had suddenly come to him, as if someone had whispered it into his mind.
He walked calmly up to the ghost pokémon, and stared into its eyes. He saw the determination and strength inside it. He broke off his gaze, and looked around to see where he was. He was standing by the ancient cave of Celestic town, famous for its cave paintings of mythological pokémon. In the mist, he had travelled almost a kilometre. The Misdreavus stood aside, as if to ask Spike to go in. Spike felt a sudden fear and apprehension, but as soon as he felt it the feeling was whisked away, sucked out of him, and replaced with a thought: Go In.

“This is the only pokémon I've met that isn’t scared of me…I guess I have to trust it” Spike thought.

He walked inside the cave mouth, letting the shadows engulf him, with only the warm pulse of the Misdreavus’ pearls to guide him in the dark. Looking back at the bright sunlight outside for a moment, he turned and walked deeper into the cave.


Wed Aug 22, 2007 5:56 am
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wow... that's nice. i'm liking this story...

(me having played the games can't help thinking why didn't he just nip to the pokemart, grab a pokeball, then go to twinleaf town, and get some wild pokemon from over there...)

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Wed Aug 22, 2007 11:37 am
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Jon, it's not based on the games at all. So, why would he?

Dark, I'll come back and give a critique when I have a chance, I'll edit this post when I do.

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Wed Aug 22, 2007 5:49 pm
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Sorry for the gap, I gave this third chapter a huge overhaul, so it took a bit longer to produce.

In reply to Jonatron, the idea is that the whole pokemon world is locked in a war, and so safe passage all the way to littleroot couldnt necessarily be guaranteed.

So here's the third chapter.

Quote:
Chapter 3: Mean Time

Spike walked into the cave, the glow from Misdreavus’s pearls casting long red shadows on the walls. Any time he started to feel anxiety creep into his mind, it was immediately washed away. It took a while walking to realise that Misdreavus was feeding off of his fear, becoming stronger, and in turn, making him stronger. He strode forward, letting the winding path of the cave lead him through.

After walking through for a short while, he heard voices, and a light started to appear from a bend in the tunnel. Spike hid behind a small stalagmite, and watched as two men in green uniforms walked into the tunnel. He turned to Misdreavus, with the intention of keeping it quiet, but with a shock he saw that it was drifting into the tunnel, in clear vision of the guards.

The guards caught sight of it, and started reaching for their pokeballs. But Misdreavus let out a cackle and released a dark beam at the guards, who crumpled and fell to the floor. Spike stood up, his face wide with shock.

They were innocent” thought Spike.

Misdreavus turned to look at him, and Spike heard a whisper in his mind: “they would have done the same to you

“We don’t know that!” said Spike aloud, almost shouting at the Misdreavus, who remained floating silently.

We have to continue” was the thought that came into Spike’s mind

“Are you saying that?” Spike asked Misdreavus quizzically. The Misdreavus bowed its head silently.

“Then why do you want me to go here?” Spike asked

Because there is something in here that you must see. Something you need,” Was the reply. Spike looked at the floor. He was anxious, and worried, but in the back of his mind, he was excited. He wanted to see this through, whatever it was.

Spike stepped over the knocked out guards, and walked through the tunnel they were guarding. The walls were rough, and they had obviously been cut recently. In the distance, the tunnel started to widen into a large chamber, and Spike could see a light coming from this. He looked at Misdreavus for a second, before walking on into the chamber. Just as he was about to enter, a hand clapped down on his shoulder, and he was spun round to see a Synthesis grunt.

“Well well,” he said. “What have we here?”

******
The guards on the walls surrounding Celestic town were restless. The protection around Celestic town had been doubled in the last week, and almost nobody knew why. There were rumours of huge armies massing near Celestic, and of new weapons being developed by rival teams. All the Synthesis grunts were more nervous than usual. One grunt walked along the east wall, looking over the barricades out to the silent route. Fog had been a problem around Celestic for a while, and visibility was low. However, the grunt could see enough of the route to see that there was nothing there. He continued on his path.
As soon as he had turned his back, a shape came out of the mist. The large shape was joined by more, forming a line of shadows through the mist, all steadily advancing. The Synthesis grunt heard the snap of a twig. He turned around sharply, and his hands went to his waist at once as he saw the line of water type pokémon stalk out of the deep fog. He released his pokémon, his Dustox growling as it appeared. For a second, the grunt surveyed the line of pokémon. There were swampert, quagsire, and most worrying for the grunt, mightyena. The signature pokémon of Team Aqua. There was a second of silence. Then the shouting started.

******

Spike was frog marched into the chamber, and he was finally able to see it in detail. All around there were computers and lab equipment, barrels and tunnelling machines. At the back of the chamber there was a large stage surrounded by pillars. Spike was taken towards it, always with the tough arm of his capturer guiding him. He looked around for Misdreavus, but it had disappeared, and couldn’t be seen. There were many grunts in the chamber, along with men in lab coats bearing the Team Synthesis insignia. None of them paid much attention; all of them were feverishly checking their equipment, or glancing at one of the many clocks around the chamber.

Spike was finally brought to the stage, and he finally saw what was on it. A man wearing the green uniform of Synthesis, but with wings of gold on his shoulders, and a long sword at his waist, was standing in front of a sleeping pokemon. It towered above them all, its silver armour and blue skin giving off a faint heat. It had four legs, covered with inscriptions, and a long neck, upon which rested a head, protected by metal wings, and with a black, hidden face.

The man turned to face Spike.

“You are the one who has been snooping around these caves. You have no right to do this, Spike”

Spike frowned. “How do you know my name,” he asked?

I know you, because you are a strange boy. You were not chosen by a pokemon, and you seem to always be alone. Pokemon must fear you for a reason. You must be something of importance. But now you are here, to see why Team Synthesis has remained here for so long. My name is Carlos, the leader of Team Synthesis. It took me years to find where Dialga disappeared to after it was awoken by team Galactic at the Spear Pillar. But now, the power of time is at my disposal. You may wonder why I wish this. It is not out of selfish desires as Cyrus had. It is out of pity that I awaken this pokemon. This war which we live in is terrible. It is destroying homes, ripping families apart. With the power of Dialga, I can go back. I can change things so that the war never happened! Don’t you see Spike? I can…”

But Spike never heard what Carlos could do. For at that moment, every radio in the chamber started squawking with static, and almost every grunt in the chamber ran for the exits, abandoning their guard posts in the chamber and reaching for their pokeballs.

“What is happening?” asked Carlos to a grunt.

“Team Aqua, Boss! We’re under attack!”


Thu Aug 30, 2007 1:33 am
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I think it's brilliant! Much better than mine and it has inspired me to put more detail into mine. Oh yeah mine is Road to destiny. Not the one with no stories in it that went wrong as Crimson would know... But the other one!

But anyway, good story keep it up!


Thu Aug 30, 2007 3:20 am
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Ha, no, don't advertise in other people's story Dragon, it's unnecessarily rude.

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Thu Aug 30, 2007 3:45 am
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Oh rite sorry yeah.


Thu Aug 30, 2007 3:47 am
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magikoopa wrote:
i think the plot is nice but wayyyyyyyyyyyy to many details u just get lost in all the other words



i kinda havta agree wit magikoopa

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Sat Sep 01, 2007 9:19 am
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Considering your inability to use the shift key, spell simple words correctly, and lack of punctuation it's no surprise that you feel that way to me. After all, if you read more, you wouldn't have trouble spelling 'with' or 'have to'.

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Sat Sep 01, 2007 9:58 am
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Did I comment here yet? Anyway, it has a nice plot, and the punctiouation seems to be in order. If you use word, then copy and paste here, good for you.


Sun Sep 02, 2007 5:26 am
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Ok....here's Chapter 4 of my story. I'm starting to get a bit peeved off at some of the spam thats coming here. I mean, why waste a post to say: "oh yeh rite sorry"...its just spam. Also, although I am glad that you have read my story, could you maybe write a bit more than just one line? It just suggests that you cant be bothered to read the whole thing becaue it's too long, and so just say something like "iz too detailed"

I'm in danger of getting into one of my "bring back the teams" rants, so I'll stop here. :)

also, I'm thinking of producing some appendices with the next chapters, to fill you guys in on the back story. good idea or bad idea? please tell me! Thanks

ok here's chapter four, a BIG BATTLE SCENCE! ZOMG MUST BE GOOD!!!!11!11!!1!!!1twominusone!!!

sorry :D

Quote:
Chapter 4: Time to Kill

“ATTACK! TEAM AQUA IS HERE!”

Outside, the call was brought up by other grunts along the walls, along with the sounds of pokémon being released from pokéballs. An alarm sounded from a bunkhouse, and team Synthesis grunts poured from the doors, their hastily donned uniforms glistening in the half moonlight.

Out of the mist, the shapes of humans could now be seen. The striped shirts and headbands of Team Aqua were clearly visible. The grunt who had first seen the approaching army heard a voice from the mist. It was a whisper, but could be clearly heard across the plain.

“Open fire”

Then all hell let loose. The Team Aqua grunts, safe behind the line of pokémon, mouthed orders to their pokémon, as the Synthesis guards also mumbled nervously to their own pokémon upon the walls. As one, the water pokémon poured gallon upon gallon of water at the wall. The water reared up in a huge wave, blocking out all sound as it flew towards the wall.

“BRACE FOR IMPACT!” shouted the grunts.

The pokémon dived for cover or put up barriers, one Wobbufett setting up a mirror coat. The wave hit the wall with huge force; enough to send knock some of the grunts over as they stood on top. The synthesis pokémon countered, sending razor leaves at the aqua pokémon, or flinging air slashes at the pokémon on the route below. The Aqua pokémon responded in kind, firing volleys of water or heaps of mud at the pokémon on top of the wall as they steadily advanced upon the towering walls.

The grunt who had first seen the army stood on the wall, ordering his Dustox to fire sludge bombs at the oncoming pokémon. He looked to the side, and saw a grunt get hit full on the face by a torrent of water. He staggered off the wall, and fell to the floor with a sickening crunch. Below him Aqua pokémon were falling down, being hit by razor leaves. Sometimes a projectile would go further and hit a trainer, who would fall to the floor. Nobody got up.

Suddenly a cheer rose amongst the Synthesis grunts. Above the walls flew a squadron of pokémon, each with a trainer lying flat on its back, steering it. This was Synthesis’ trump card: the air squadron. The squadron flew as blurs, diving and soaring across the battlefield, attacking pokémon and trainers alike. The pidgeot and swellow dived gracefully, their sharp beaks hitting their targets. Tropius and staraptor dived and twisted in mid air, firing ranged attacks as they flew above the army of pokémon.

On the walls, the grunts were happy for the let up. The Aqua forces had to attack the flying pokémon, and so less attack was coming upon the walls. From his spot on the ramparts, the lone grunt could suddenly see the Aqua army split to let a group of trainers run through. They were dressed in black, and seemed to bear no insignia or badge. It was as if they had no allegiance. There was a flash of light, and their leader sent out a bright yellow pokémon. It appeared to be a large bird, with wings like thunder. It opened its mouth, and let out a scream. It pierced the ears of all the soldiers, forcing them to put their hands to their ears. It was a long scream of pain, a captured creature’s cry of anger. Then, a huge bolt of lightning flew into the sky. It chained and split, hitting all the flying pokémon of the Synthesis squadron. The air was full of screams as the pokémon plummeted to the earth, both pokémon and riders killed before they hit the ground. The sky was lit up by the beautiful and deadly voltage which ripped the attack apart.

The grunt let his mouth hang open. This pokémon had taken out the whole squadron on its own. The huge bird rose slowly into the air, as synthesis pokémon fell to the floor around it, and let out another scream. This time, the lightning hit the wall, carving a huge gap in the steel, and flinging soldiers away like flies. The black clothed men ran forward, followed by the Aqua grunts, to enter the breach.

From his spot on the wall, the synthesis grunt could see the army pouring through the all. With the squadron destroyed, there was no resistance. All the other guards lay on the floor, surrounded by their pokémon, unmoving. One Aqua grunt ran through the gap and ordered his Mightyena up the wall, and the Synthesis grunt was aware of the huge wolf bounding towards him. With his last breath, he noticed that the men in black were splitting off from the rest of the force, and running towards the Celestic caves. Then the wolf was on him, and he saw no more.


Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:20 pm
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Whoa, dude, that's some intense stuff! Poor Synthesis Grunt...

Anyway, I give the current plot a 7/10 rating. I won't give it full because I think your leading away from the main plot of Spike being bullied. Unless, though, the current storyline will link with the bullying at school? Only time will tell...


Mon Sep 03, 2007 7:19 am
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You know:

A) Otherwise why would he run away.

B) People use other stuff than just the main storyline, to fill in blank spots. I used a whole chapter!


Mon Sep 03, 2007 7:29 am
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Thanks for the feedback everyone!

In reply, the bullying plot was more a tool to introduce Spike's character, and a reason for him to enter the caves, not really a main plot line.

However, this feedback has made me think, and after some consideration, I think that the last few chapters have been a little...rushed. I'm going to put some serious detail into the next few chapters, and take a lot more time to make sure that they are as good as I can make them.

So, the upshot of this is that there may be a slight gap before the next installment, but the resulting chapter will probably be pretty good!

Also, since I go back to school tomorrow(ARG), My fanficcing will take a slight back seat. Just a heads up guys, but keep the feedback coming, it's becoming really helpful for writing the story :-)

laterzz


Mon Sep 03, 2007 12:58 pm
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ok I'm sorry to double post, but otherwise noone would read my new chapter, so a bump is needed

I'm back!

A levels have taken their toll...but i have a weekend full of writing to do!

so here's the next chapter!

Quote:
Chapter 5: The Fall of Synthesis

Inside the chamber, it was chaos. Carlos was shouting orders at various grunts, and almost all the guards had run out of the cave, heading for the surface. The scientists started fiddling with machines, and attaching various wires to the sleeping Dialga. Spike was kept on the plinth by two grunts, as Carlos paced up and down giving orders into his radio.

“Give it all! The defences have to hold! Hold them back for five minutes, or I will make sure that you will not survive this!”

Spike stood, silently watching all that was transpiring. Amongst the many scientists rushing about, the huge figure of Dialga stood, watchful yet unmoving. The chamber was filled with the sounds of frantic footsteps and mechanical noises, and every once in a while, there was a huge tremor from the ground above.

Spike felt a sense of quiet desperation. He was trapped in a tunnel, held captive. I seemed like he would never leave alive. But somehow he wasn’t scared. Just disappointed.

Suddenly, there was a huge shake from the ground above, and a squawk of static from Carlos’ radio.

“the wall is down! The wall is d…..”

Carlos swore, and turned to look at the sleeping pokémon of time.

“They knew, Spike. They knew what I was doing. It seems that I have no choice. I have to save this world before it crumbles. You can see that can’t you?”

Spike didn’t answer. There was a shouting from the tunnel, and a synthesis grunt came flying into the chamber, blasted away. He fell to the floor, and lay there unmoving, as bolts of lightning played across his chest. Through the tunnel ran five men, wearing black. One of them strode forward, and sent out a pokémon. A huge yellow bird erupted from the ball, it’s piercing cry filling the chamber. It flew into the chamber, screaming with pain as it glided around the tunnel.

The men ran forward, making straight for the plinth, as instruments exploded around them. They ran directly at the stage, and at Spike and Carlos.

Carlos stood on the plinth, and closed his eyes. His hand found his sword, and he unsheathed it, the green blade glinting in the light of the pokémon of thunder. Spike fell back against a pillar as the ground began to shake uncontrollably. Carlos screamed a word, one short syllable, and as the black clothed men kept running at the plinth, the cry was answered by a noise from behind Spike. Dialga was moving. It’s huge head was swaying, and two red eyes stared from it’s face. Spike found it hard to keep still, as the whole chamber was shaking now, the pillars of the plinth crumbling and falling.

The electric bird flew around, and at it’s trainer’s call flew headlong at Carlos, who was holding his sword above his head. He turned and saw Dialga rear behind him. The Zapdos, for that was what it was, dived at Carlos, and as he saw the pokémon he had worked to resurrect stare down at him, he was cleaved in two by the razor sharp beak of the pokémon of thunder. Carlos’s slashed body was flung across the plinth, and bolts of electricity sparked from his dead fingertips.

The men in black watched as their leader’s Zapdos flew up to the Dialga, and let out a scream. Dialga reared it’s head back, and Spike could hear nothing but silence for a second, then Dialga released a huge roar, which smashed through the chamber, crippling machinery and sending rocks flying to the ground. Spike could see a column fall towards him, but it fell in slow motion, and he was able to easily dodge it. Spike realised that the roar of Dialga was distorting time, bending the very laws of Physics. The Zapdos was flung to the far wall, where it slumped to the ground. Dialga thrashing around, ripping columns and walls to pieces, it’s roar piercing the ears of all in the room. The men crouched as the chamber began to collapse, and Spike dived in front of the rearing pokémon. As he looked up at the slowly flailing leviathan, he heard a voice in his head: “touch the crystal”


Spike looked to his right, and saw Misdreavus floating above his shoulder. Instinctively, Spike ran forward, dodging falling rocks, and jumped up at Dialga. His hand reached up, his whole body urging to touch the diamond on Dialga’s front.

“I have to stop it” thought Spike as he jumped, thinking of his home town. “I can’t let it destroy Celestic”.

Spike’s hand brushed against the diamond on Dialga’s front, and he felt his consciousness slip away as he fell into oblivion.


Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:39 pm
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Dude, this is great! I am really loving how you're carrying the whole death-but-in-Pokemon off so well. I mean, it's not like you're doing it for the sake of it, it really does look to me like it is a necessary part of the plot, to emphasise the gravity of the situation. I've done it once in my fanfic (and plan to do it again ;D) but I don't know if it was pulled off well. I can easily say you do it excellently.

Carlos' death was magnificent, I thought that was cool, if not a little disgusting (in a good way :P)

And I sort of get little memories of Team Midnight with the whole Zapdos thing. Is it reminiscent of the old team, or is it just because I'm not letting it die? :P

Anyway, this is excellent, and I'll follow this religiously. Congrats on writing such a great fanfic. *favourites.*

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Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:15 pm
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Gee thanks obs...Zapdos' appearance was kinda influenced by the Midnight RPs, but then again it was ironic seeing my old hatred of using legendaries ;)

If you want a better reference to team Midnight, you should see what Ive got planned ;)

anyhoo...here's the next chapter. Short, yet kinda important!

Quote:
Chapter 6: Prophecy

Spike opened his eyes. He was still in the chamber, lying on the smooth marble of the plinth. Looking up, he could see rocks falling from the ceiling. There was something odd about that, Spike thought. The rocks were floating. Stuck in time. Spike closed his eyes. He was hallucinating, he thought. Rocks can’t float. He opened his eyes again.

There it was again. Floating rocks.

He got up, staring at one of the columns on the plinth. It was slanting, toppling, yet without any motion. Spike felt a throbbing pain in his head.

“The monster!”

Spike looked around, and yet the huge pokémon was not there. The pain in his head throbbed as he continued to inspect the chamber. The instruments were still there, and so were the black suited men, stuck in a terrible tableau of chaos.

The pain kept coming. Spike felt his vision blur, and the scene contorted. Now he saw pictures, images flashing through his mind for seconds before being ripped away. A girl on her knees by a lake. Four shadows. A withered tree bursting into fruit. A hand reaching for the sky. A bolt of lightning, and then the figure of a man. He was standing alone, his face in shadow. On his chest was a red M.
The pictures faded, and Spike was in the chamber again. In amazement, he saw that Dialga was back on the podium. It lifted its head, the red eyes glistening with the power of time, and Spike could hear a deep voice flowing through his consciousness.

You must find the three. Stop this falling world. All time must be made in balance to stop the shadow. This dimension must be kept stable. Find the three, watchmaker.”

With a flash of intense blue light, Dialga disappeared, and there was silence in the chamber once more. Spike felt a presence behind him, and he saw Misdreavus floating towards him. Then he realised his situation.

Fly you fool!” shouted the familiar cackling voice of Misdreavus in his head. Spike looked up, and suddenly the chamber was filled with noise, as the rocks continued to collapse. Pillars smashed as they hit the ground, and Spike saw that the men had already gone. Somehow finding the strength to lift his feet, he started running towards the exit of the chamber, Misdreavus floating with him. He dodged a pile of boulders, and shielded his eyes as a machine burst into flames. All around him the chamber was imploding, covering the dead bodies of Carlos and his grunts.

Spike kept running, inching for the doorway. A huge stone dislodged itself from the roof, and fell, but Spike easily sidestepped it and dived for the opening to the tunnel. With one last look at the collapsing chamber, he ran into the tunnel, Misdreavus floating alongside.


Sun Oct 07, 2007 6:19 am
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RITE MOAR.

Dude, this is great! And I'm sort of annoyed, I had an idea that I would use Team Midnight in my fic...but this is much cooler. I'll let you do it, and you can pull it off better than I.

I'm looking forward to seeing who this dude is that represents Team Midnight, and who the girl at the lake is. Yay, fanfics!

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Sun Oct 07, 2007 7:41 am
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thanks for the feedback Obs!

Here's the next chapter, the penultimate chapter in the first part of the saga. Here I tried to develop Spike's character a bit, as well as move the plot on...

here ya go! enjoy!

Quote:
Chapter 7: House of Wolves

Spike kept going. His pace quickened as he began to hear the noises from outside the tunnel. Screams. Explosions. He felt himself running, his exhausted legs carrying him further and further along the craggy path. He turned a corner, and light flooded his vision as the mouth of the cave came into view.

“What’s happened?” He asked rhetorically, his voice barely concealing his exhaustion.

The he remembered. The attack from Team Aqua. He quickened his pace. Surely he could stop it, help in defence of the city.

He ran out, crossing the line from the rough path of the cave, and the soft grass of the Celestic fields. It felt odd to feel the cool breeze on his face. He had tasted nothing but stale air for hours, and so the new air felt delicious. The day had turned to night, and the pale moon shone down upon Celestic.

Spike looked out, and a scene of chaos came to meet him. Noise hit him like a splash of mud. The walls had been ripped down, and everywhere people were running. Women were leading children frantically out of their houses. Everywhere Team Aqua grunts were ordering pokémon, to attack or destroy. Plumes of fire lit the night as they were directed onto houses. Mightyena and Weavile ran through the streets, ripping up any Synthesis grunts or their pokémon. Whole houses were alight; even the Celestic elder’s house was blazing. Spike took a second to survey the carnage, to take in the unbearable sight of his home town burning.

How can this be? Spike thought. He saw a man being thrown to the ground by a pokémon. He didn’t get up.

A feeling of complete anger burst through Spike’s veins. He felt it roaring through his body, flowing to his very fingertips.

“Is this what I saved Dialga for?” He screamed, his face contorted in anger. The hate was emanating through his body, and Misdreavus drew level to him, a grin spreading across it’s features, it’s eyes lit by the flares cascading into the darkness.

Spike saw the image of Carlos being killed in his mind. His final moments etched irreversibly in his imagination. A man who had wanted to stop this violence. They did this to him.

A woman struggled across the fields, her hands laden with a few possessions, the only things she could salvage. Her old frame was moving as fast as she could, but Spike could see an Aqua grunt running up to her. He released a pokémon, and a Golduck appeared, its claws glinting in the moonlight as it made for the woman. Spike was barely in control of his actions, the anger muting his perception. His hand raised, and his mouth barked a single order at Misdreavus.

“save her!"

Misdreavus swung forward, knocking the Golduck over just as it was about to strike. The woman fell over, and Spike rushed to her, helping her up and holding her in his arms as Misdreavus took on the Golduck one on one.

“Why are they doing this?” the old woman asked weakly, coughing as she spoke.

“I don’t know…I just don’t know” Spike replied, feeling a tear run down his face. These people were innocent! Why all of this violence?

Misdreavus cackled, as it flung Golduck to the floor telekinetically. The blue pokémon rose and fell to the ground, a sickening thump heard every time it fell.

Spike held the woman, covering her body as an explosion smashed a nearby house. He looked into her eyes, and as he heard her cough, he knew she was dying.

“M-make it stop…” coughed the woman, then her eyes glazed over and her hand fell to the ground. Spike yelled, tears running down his face. Among the chaos of a falling town, he wept for the death of the innocent people, the loss of his hometown, and for all the death he had witnessed. Carlos. The woman. All the grunts he had seen. None of those people had deserved to die. As he cradled the woman’s limp form, Spike wept, screaming at he night, bawling at the void. He had come too far in one day. It was too much.

A Mightyena made for the two embracing bodies, but Misdreavus caught it, flinging it away, as it witnessed the scene.

“Let her be” came the voice in Spike’s head

“No! I can save her! I have to save her!” Bawled Spike, his voice hoarse.

“She’s gone. We have to go”

“I can’t leave them all to die!”

“We have to go. We have to stop this from happening again”

“I won’t let these innocent people be killed!”

“Come, Spike”

Spike felt his grasp being wrenched form the limp form of the woman, and being dragged away, his vision blurred by the tears of anger, terror and grief. He grabbed at the woman’s hand, and his fingers wrapped around an old charm in her cold hand. It was a wooden circle, with a thin band of leather around it. He held on to it, as Misdreavus pulled him away from the corpse.

He fought the telekinetic hold that Misdreavus had, and flailed wildly, inching to get back to the body of the woman, to try to save her. The noise all around him came flooding back to him as he heard the yells of citizens and the howling of wolves.

“Spike…” said Misdreavus

Spike took a look at his town burning around him, his childhood evaporating in a wisp of smoke. He turned, and went with Misdreavus. He was running, helped by Misdreavus, towards the gap in the wall. Two Aqua grunts ran at him, but Misdreavus’ pearls glinted in the dark, and they fell, writhing on the floor as if in some terrible forced nightmare.

Spike ran through, and paced into the mist, tears streaming off of him as he kept running.

“I couldn’t save them,” he whispered as he ran. “I was too weak”

“We will return,” whispered Misdreavus into his mind.

Spike ran on and on into the mist, away from the carnage of his town. Soon, the explosions faded away, and he could no longer see the plumes of fire. But he kept running, and didn’t stop until the mist enveloped him, with only Misdreavus beside him.

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Mon Oct 08, 2007 1:17 pm
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sorry for the double post...but nobody wanted to rate or comment :evil:

anyhoo here is chapter 8, a glimpse into what Spike is going up against.

Quote:
Chapter 8: Enemy Lines

Amid the chaos of the burning town stood five men. They wore jackets of black, and they bore no insignia. There was no emotion on their faces. It seemed as if they were oblivious to the destruction around them. Still the Aqua army pillaged, but they only stood still, taking in the chaos, sucking it in.

One man picked a small device from inside his jacket. He lifted up the radio, and spoke into it. The voice that greeted him was harsh, cracking, as if every word was a strain.

“How goes the mission?”

The man turned to look at his companions. They were all standing still, no feelings shown on any of their faces.

“It was…not a total success” Said the man, allowing a brief hesitation creep into his voice.

“How?” The single word was spat, fired through the device

“We found Dialga. Indeed Carlos had found it’s resting place. However he somehow managed to wake the beast. I don’t know how. Even the titan of lightning fell beneath it’s power. It then disappeared into the void.”

“Was there anyone there? A child?”

A frown crossed the man’s face. How could he have known?

“yes,” he said, “a boy was on the podium when Dialga was awakened. He disappeared along with Dialga”

The line was silent for a while. It sounded as if there was a sharp intake of breath.

“Surely Carlos cannot have known of the prophecy. It must have been luck. Fortunately it shall work in our favour. It may not matter. Dialga is easy to track. We lose the lock, but we find the key! It is imperative that you bring in this child. He is vital to the plan.”

“Yes master”

“Do this, and I may rethink punishing you for your loss of the pokémon of time.”

“yes master. Thank you master. What of the rumour that there may have been a sighting of Palkia at the spear pillar?”

“That is not your mission, Upsilon. I advise you not to pry into my operations. I shall give you more orders when you have found the child. Over and out.”

The man put away the device. He turned to the men, and spoke.

“We must find the child. You shall go east, to search the routes. I will remain and find information from the survivors.”

Immediately all of the men turned and walked towards the wall. One remained. His hair was jet black, and he had a long scar across his face, ripping through one eye completely, and curving around his mouth.

“Did the master forgive our mistake?” he said, the scar hiding any emotion he might be feeling.

“It was not our mistake to make. But we must find the boy. Go now.” Was the reply.

The man ran to his companions, leaving Upsilon on his own. Standing alone in the city for a second, the man dressed in black thanked the heavens silently for his luck. He then walked towards the centre of the town. By now, many of the Aqua guards were in the town square, watching a group of bound Celestic town citizens. Upsilon walked to the group, and let a smile curve onto his handsome features.

“You are survivors of war. You home town is destroyed, and you serve no purpose to the men of Team Aqua. However I can offer you a chance to go free. I just need some…information.”

The crowd shuffled on their knees. Their hands and feet were bound. There was mostly women, though some older men as well. There were also a group of children, huddled and weeping amongst the darkness of the night. The only light was from the red flickers of the flames.

“I am searching for a child. He is of grave importance to me. He has brown hair, and was wearing a yellow shirt.” At the time of the attack, he was inside the caves.”

The crowd shifted, unwilling to speak. One man spoke up.

“That was the school uniform. He could be any of the children in this town. But he was probably killed by your cruelty! You murderers killed all of these innocent people! We will never betray one of our citizens to you dogs!”

“I was worried that this would be the case,” spoke Upsilon, a sneer creeping into his voice, “So you may need some…persuading.”

He reached into his jacket, and his hand found a pokéball. A Gallade stood in front of the crowd of chained people, it’s green blades glinting in the night.

“I don’t want to harm you. But if you tell me anything about the child, you will be set free. No questions asked.”

There was absolute silence among the villagers. The man who had spoken before stood up, holding his manacled hands.

“I will tell you nothing”

“No,” said Upsilon, “you won’t”

Gallade made a movement forward, and it’s blade glinted in the moonlight. There was a thud, and the man’s body slumped to the floor.

The crowd were still silent. At last, one man spoke up. He was breathing quickly, gasping.

“Please…His name is Spike. He left school early today. I was his teacher. I saw him running towards the wall before the attack. Please… just don’t hurt any more people”

Upsilon smiled. He recalled Gallade, and turned to the guard.

“That will do. Kill them”

Upsilon walked away from the square, and towards the wall. Behind him, he barely heard the screams of the innocent villagers. He had a mission. And he couldn’t fail this time.

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Thu Oct 18, 2007 12:48 pm
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Wow, I am loving this, DS_11! Woo, Midnight resurrection! I wonder...will Spike join Team Midnight, or will he be hunted down by them?

I found the bit with the woman a little cliche, but I realise that cliche works well, and you pulled it off with aplomb [/prof.Birchimpersonation] so there's no harm done there. I felt sorry for the woman, and I kept on noticing all these little dark references to the night of the moonlight when he was filled with rage, sort of symbolising that he was angry at those that had done this...

I'm loving Misdreavus too. I can never get a Pokemon's personality off well, and you've done it excellently.

Keep writing, sir, else I will be peeved! I go on holiday soon, which will be a nuisance, because I won't be able to track this for the week that I'm away.

So it's something to look forward to returning to. :)

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Thu Oct 18, 2007 1:01 pm
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