Wow, guess what? Another n00b thinks they're really cute and creative by posting this sort of rubbish! Guess what else? You're the n00b! Now, don't you feel special?
One, while there are no rules against collaborative works they aren't encouraged in the forum. This forum is more for critiquing each other's works which is more difficult with this kind of story. If you want to do something like this, start an RP.
Two, use proper spelling and grammar [or at least a solid attempt at it]. What you've written is slapshod work, all of the errors are out of pure laziness.
Three, do not
use chatspeak in a story unless its because they're using something akin to instant messaging.
Four, a new paragragh begins every
time a different character speaks. This is true no matter how short the dialogue is.
Five, you've used a script formatting for the dialogue, don't do that. It should be formatted similarly to this...
Rowan said, "Hello fellow Pokemon fans. Today you turned twelve, which is when you're finally old enough to have your first Pokemon."
Six, use one exclamation point, not three.
Seven, don't get lazy on your author notes, if you're going to be here you might as well practice your grammar and spelling in casual speech as well. You'll be surprised by how much you'll improve just by doing that.
Last but not least, don't advertise your story on another story. It's rude, and no one wants to deal with it. People will look at your story if they want to or not regardless of your attempts to 'advertise.' To be honest...I find that shameless kind of display repulsive. A person's thread is supposed to be focused on their story, or any mild distraction, not someone elses. It's also rather pathetic that you didn't take the time to make sure you knew your own title. You wrote this bloody thing, don't waste our time with it if you're not going to take the time to even know the title of your story. If you can't remember the title, change it. It's as simple as that.
Link changed to my library.