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 Pokemon: The End 
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Pokemon Ranger
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Pokemon: The End
Introduction
Billions of years after a Meteorite brought pokemon to earth, they continue to live on. Humans have pushed Pokemon habitats far away. It is rare to find a pokemon in cities. Now they all live in remote areas. But everything that lives will die. Every species will die. And my dear freinds, pokemon shall not last forever, for this very moment, a meteor twice, no, ten times the size of the one that brought them earth will end them. When it hits, every single thing on the earth will be whiped out. Humans have advanced much. They have tried shooting the meteor with lasers, but it is too tough. There is nothing humans can do to stop it. The end is near. This is a tail of love, evil and sadness. How long until it hits, you ask? Only time will tell...[/i]

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Mon Jul 30, 2007 1:53 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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It's not that bad, glad to see you join us again 'Luv. I do have some suggestions.

Quote:
And my dear freinds, pokemon shall not last forever, for this very moment, a meteor twice, no, ten times the size of the one that brought them earth will end them.

I think this sentence is worded a little oddly, I believe you forgot the word 'at' after the word 'for'. It sounds a bit off. I think there is supposed to be a comma after 'earth' but I'm not postive. Then I have an issue with the logic bit...It's theorized that a large meteorite wiped out the dinosaurs, very few species survived and most of them were aquatic or could go to the water to survive such as crocodiles, sharks, turtles, and dolphins. Here's a quote from one of my books on this matter...

The Complete Guide to Prehistoric Life by Tim Haines and Paul Chambers, page 146 wrote:
The mass extinction event of 65 million years ago marks the start of the Cenozoic or 'recent' era, sometimes referred to as the Tertiary (third) era. The extinction event killed any animal that was larger than a crocodile, including all the dinosaurs.

In this mass extinction, known as the K/T event, 40% of the known animal families on earth were destroyed. I could go on but I'll save you that torture, my point is, that if another metorite were to strike the planet, especially one 10 times as large, more than the pokemon would die. Not only from the initial impact, but the debris would kill more than just pokemon. So, I'm not quite sure how it's supposed to only kill pokemon...

Quote:
This is a tail of love, evil and sadness.

It should be 'tale' not 'tail.' Although, I'd be curious to see an animal with a tail of love, evil, and sadness. Which brings me to my next comment, there should be a comma after 'evil.'

You have an extra ending tag at the end. I suspect you started by clicking on the button for italicized formatting, then typed out the end tag and forgot that you had ever clicked the button. 'Tis fine, I've done it myself multiple times.

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Mon Jul 30, 2007 2:38 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Location: In your kitchen, holding a knife. And it's not for the vegetables...
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Crimson wrote:
The Complete Guide to Prehistoric Life by Tim Haines and Paul Chambers, page 146 wrote:
The mass extinction event of 65 million years ago marks the start of the Cenozoic or 'recent' era, sometimes referred to as the Tertiary (third) era. The extinction event killed any animal that was larger than a crocodile, including all the dinosaurs.

In this mass extinction, known as the K/T event, 40% of the known animal families on earth were destroyed. I could go on but I'll save you that torture, my point is, that if another metorite were to strike the planet, especially one 10 times as large, more than the pokemon would die. Not only from the initial impact, but the debris would kill more than just pokemon. So, I'm not quite sure how it's supposed to only kill pokemon...

Err, I'm pretty sure you forgot something.
The introduction wrote:
When it hits, every single thing on the earth will be whiped out.

I think you forgot that part, but we all make mistakes. Thanks for the suggestions.
Crimson wrote:
It should be 'tale' not 'tail.' Although, I'd be curious to see an animal with a tail of love, evil, and sadness. Which brings me to my next comment, there should be a comma after 'evil.'

That mistake was actually a little bit funny. I originly thought it was "tale" but then I also thought it was "tail" after thinking for like two seconds, I dicided to go with "tail". I'll keep that in mind.

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Mon Jul 30, 2007 2:49 pm
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Fails at life
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Treeckoluv wrote:
I dicided to go with "tail". I'll keep that in mind.


It's DECIDED! And I was waiting for you to start this. I wish someone would read my first (long) chapter :roll:


Tue Jul 31, 2007 6:16 am
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Bug Catcher
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good job!...

hope it doesn't hit any time soon lol... :lol:

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Fri Aug 24, 2007 11:44 am
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Psychic Trainer
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The story sounds a little... dark?


Fri Aug 31, 2007 3:08 am
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Well, what do you expect? The worlds going to be destroyed. Think of it as a sequel to my story.


Fri Aug 31, 2007 5:42 am
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