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 A Nobody's Adventure [Chapter 7 Added] Characters Needed! 
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Ace Trainer
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Some of you may know this as "A Dawn of Hope" or whatever, but I decided to change it....It WILL be long, just saying....

A Nobody's Adventure
Chapter 1

Surrounded by mountains, a small patch of trees can be seen. There are very few clouds in the sky. The wind is blowing softly, making the leaves in the trees dance in the wind. There is a young man sitting near one of the trees with a Raticate with him. He is eating with the Raticate, who looks very happy. From where the man is sitting, a small town can be seen in the distance.
“Boring day today, isn’t it Raticate?” Said the young man.

“Ratta!” Said the Raticate, it’s voice muffled because of the food in it’s mouth.

“Do you like living here, Raticate?” Said the man.

“Ratta! Raticate!” Said the Raticate, finished with it’s food. The man didn’t look to happy. He looked worried about something.

“Ratta?” Said the Raticate with a puzzled look.

“Hmm? Oh, sorry Raticate. I was just thinking about June.” Said the man. He sighed.

“Ratta. Raticate!” The Raticate said. It started tugging on the man’s leg.

“What is it, Raticate?” Said the man, now having a puzzled look just like the Raticate had. The Raticate then ran off towards the town.

“Hey, wait up Raticate!” Said the man, who got up and chased the Raticate. ‘What is Raticate doing? It usually doesn’t act like this. I better catch up with it.’ Thought the man, still chasing after it...


The man chased the Raticate all the way to the square of distant town. When he finally caught up, he was breathing heavily.

“Huff huff…Why did…you run…off Raticate?” Said the man when he caught his breath.

“Raticate! Ratta, Raticate!” Then Raticate started to run again, but this time it didn’t pass up houses. It ran straight into a alleyway.

“No! Not again Raticate!” Said the man, still tired from chasing Raticate to the square. The Raticate didn’t listen.

“Darn it! Come back Raticate!” Said the man, who couldn’t keep up this time. After half an hour, he gave up on finding Raticate. ‘Raticate knows the way around town, so he will come home sooner or later.’ Thought the man. ‘This is very unusual of Raticate. He has never done this before. Maybe he already went home?’

“George? Is that you?” Said a woman’s voice. The man turned around.

“June! Why are you out so late?” Asked George, who was surprised to see her.

“Well, I was about to eat dinner when your I heard something outside. Can you guess what it was, George?” Asked June, with a smile on her face.

“No. What was it?” George asked, thinking about what it was that could be outside June’s house.

“It was your Raticate! He was scratching on my door. When I opened my door, he started pulling on my dress. I then decided to follow him here.” When June finished this sentence, Raticate suddenly appeared behind her.

“Raticate! Ratta!” Said Raticate, who was happy that he brought June to George.

“Oh, hey Raticate. Why did you run off like that? You had me worried all afternoon. It’s ok though. You were trying to make me happy, and I thank you.” Said George, who then started to pet Raticate.

“Would you like to have dinner with me George? I have already made it back at my house.” Asked June.

“Sure. Why not?” Answered George. They then headed toward June’s house. They didn't talk on the way there for several minutes. George broke the silence by saying,

“You know I have never been to your house before. You always came to mine when we were younger.”

“Well, I think it will surprise you.” Said June, who started to giggle.


"Well, here we are!" Said June, when they reached a giant house that was as big as a Wailord.

"THIS is your house, June?! How come you never invited me here instead of going to my house?" Said George, who was very shocked at the size of June's house.

"Well, I would rather go out than stay at my house. And my parents are so nervous around others..." Said June, who looked embarrassed.

"Well...even though it was a bit shocking, I guess I'll just have to get used to it.." Said George, "Let's go inside. It's getting a bit dark." They went inside June's house. The main hall was fairly big, with a piano and several doors.

"Which way is the bathroom? I would like to nice if I'm eating with your family." Asked George. June looked embarrassed again.

"Oh...its down that hall, the 2nd door on the right. I'll wait here for you, ok?" Said June.

"Ok. Stay here with June, ok Raticate?" George told Raticate.

"Ratta! Ratticate!" Said Raticate, who then nodded.


When George got back to the main hall, he noticed that June was gone. Instead, he saw a man in a suit at the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm guessing you are Master George, are you not?" Said the man.

"Yes. Who are you?" Asked George, looking very puzzled.

"I am Sir Leon. I am Miss June's butler." Said Leon.

"Well, hello Leon. Where is June? She said she would stay here." Asked George.

"Miss June had to go to the dining room early. She told me that I need to take you there." Replied Leon.

"Ok then. Lead the way." Said George. They walked up the stairs and towards a door at the end of the hall. The dining room was as big as the main hall, but instead there were several windows and tables instead of doors in the room.


"Hello George. Come sit here!" Said June, who was sitting at the table in the middle of the room. There was a dark haired man and beautiful woman sitting with her.

"So, is this the George you talk about, June? He is so handsome!" Said the woman.

"Now, now, honey, we don't want to embarrass her. Come sit down, George!" Said the man. George walked nervously over to the table.

"So, I'm guessing these are your parents?" Guessed George.

"Yea. You guessed right. What do you want to eat?" Asked June.

"I don't really mind what you give me." Answered George.

"So...are you a pokemon trainer, George? You have this Raticate following you all the time, or at least that is what June tells me." Said June's mother.

"That's right! Where is Raticate, June?" Asked George, who was worried that it ran off again.

"Oh, we took it to our pokemon room on the third floor. We will take you there after dinner." Said June, who almost forgot.

"Oh, ok. Anyway, yes I am a pokemon trainer, but I won't leave town until next week." Said George.

"Well, I hope to see you out when you leave. By the way, June, have you ever thought of being a pokemon coordinator? I would love to see you on television!" June's mother said with joy.

"Mom, you know I am not the kind of person to travel. I was thinking of getting one, but I sometimes do think of what it would be like to be one." Said June, who looked like she started to daydream, but as quickly as she started to, she snapped out of it.

"Oh, but I would be so proud to see you on television!" Said June's father.

"Dinner is served." Said Leon, who came out of nowhere. Then, a door on the other end of the hall opened up to show 4 servants with plates. When they put the plates on the table, it was ham and turkey, with mash potatoes and gravy.

"First a quick prayer. Would you do the honors June?" Said June's mother.

"I would be honored." When June finished her prayer everyone began to eat.

"That was the most delicious food I've ever had! Thanks for inviting me June!" Said George, with a very happy expression on his face.

"Oh! What about Raticate, June? We need to get him!" Said George, who had he shocked expression on his face again.

"Just follow me, George! May we be exused, mother?" Asked June.

"Go ahead and have fun, honey! Just try not to make the other pokemon mad again!" Said June's mother. They went back to the main hall and up the stairs again. When they got to the Pokemon room, it was filled with several trees.

"So where is Raticate? Wait, it's over there with that Zigzagoon!" Said George, who pointed to them. Raticate appeared to be playing tag with a Zigzagoon.

"Hey! Raticate!" Yelled George as he ran over to where they were.

"You had fun? I'm sorry to say, but it's time to go now." Said George. Raticate nodded.

"Thanks for inviting me over, I have a great time. Maybe you should have told me before we got here that you lived in a mansion. I wouldn't have freaked out." Said George, rubbing his head in embarrassment at what he did when they arrived.

"No problem. I knew you were the kind of person to freak out like that. That's why I did it!" Said June, who giggled.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow!" Said George, who waved bye.

"Let me go with you to the door." Said June. They got to the main hall and hugged each other bye.
~~~~~~~~~~~
More will be added as you guys comment!


Last edited by Tragar on Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:57 am, edited 5 times in total.



Wed Jun 27, 2007 3:50 pm
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Yes, I do like it. You have quite the writing ability. I really think Crimson would like to see this.


Wed Jun 27, 2007 4:44 pm
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:shock: Really? *jumps giddily* :roll: You know I kind of like to do poems too. Maybe in the Fan Art Section I should start a Pokemon Poem section. I mean, poetry is a type of art, right?


Wed Jun 27, 2007 4:46 pm
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I remember this, you lengthened it. Try to put a blank line between paragraphs, for scene changes just have two blank lines. It makes it easier to read online. Other wise pretty good.

Poetry and writing are both different kinds of art. But, poetry would go in this forum rather than the Fan Art forum.

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Wed Jun 27, 2007 5:43 pm
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:D I am so happy that I will post a kind of short section! This was justed edited, ok?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 2
George woke up the next morning. He still had something on his mind. He had a dream last night that he was holding the Naiot Cup. ‘Weird dream…It’s just a dream.’ He said, and he hit his head.

“Raticate?”

“Ahh!” Said George. He didn’t notice Raticate in his lap.

“Raticate! You scared me!” Said George. Raticate started to laugh.

“….Hey Raticate? Have you ever thought about going on a journey?” Asked George.

“Raticate?” Said Raticate, with a confused look.

“Well…I was thinking…Maybe we can go on a Pokemon Journey?” He asked. Raticate jumped.

“I knew you would be shocked. I just had a dream that I won the Naiot Cup. You know…the cup that the Pokemon champion gets?” He pointed to a poster of it on the wall.

“Ratta…Raticate…Rat?” Said Raticate, as if to say “But…what about…June?”

“June? I don’t know if she will come…She doesn’t really have a partner…maybe we can ask Kai if he can give her one if she wants to come.” Said George. Kai was the neighborhood professor. Not as nearly as famous as Professor Oak, Elm, or Rowan, Professor Kai is still decent at Pokemon research.

“Let’s go back to June’s house and ask her about it…” Said George.


When George and Raticate got to June’s house, he jumped again. He is such a forgetful person. He rang the doorbell. After a few minutes, he heard a voice.

“Who is there? Say your name.” It was the voice of Leon.

“It’s George.” Said George.

“Ratta!” Said Raticate.

“Oh…and Raticate too! We want to talk to June.” Said George.

“Come in, Sir George.” Said Leon, and the door swung open.

“Ms. June is up in the Pokemon Room again. Do you want me to guide you, sir?” Asked Leon.

“No thank you, Leon. I remember from last time.” Said George.

“Very well…I bid you adieu…” Said Leon, who left.


“June! Are you here?” Shouted George in the Pokemon Room. Several Starly flew out of their trees, making him jump.

“Geez, George! Could you be any louder?” Said June who stood up from under the trees.

“What were you doing?” Asked George.

“Oh, I was feeding this here Zigzagoon. Remember it from last night?” June replied. George had a flashback to last night when he saw Raticate playing tag with the Zigzagoon.

“Zigzagoon!” Said the little Zigzagoon. It then ran off into the bushes.

“So what made you come down here today, George?” Said June.

“Oh…well…see…I was actually wondering if you wanted to go on a journey…I have a feeling that it’s the right time, and I mean, we are both old enough…Do you want to?” George asked, half embarrassed.

“Why, George, I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that for years! You know how my mother mentioned me on television? I had a dream last night that I would be in the Grand Contest in Celestial City!” Said June, who giggled. George jumped.

“Really?!? I had a dream last night too! I dreamed that I won the Naiot Cup! Maybe it is some coincidence. Well, anyway, you need a Pokemon, don’t you? Unless…” George said, staring at the Zigzagoon.

“Can’t you take that Zigzagoon? It is cute, and it looks strong!” Said George, and as soon as he said that, the Zigzagoon came out of the bushes.

“You have been spying again, haven’t you Zigzagoon?” June said giggling.

“Well, we do need to get Pokedexes…so let’s go meet with Professor Kai…” Said George.

“I guess your right! Let’s go!” Said June.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Obvious turn, but whatever.... :roll:


Last edited by Tragar on Wed Jun 27, 2007 6:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.



Wed Jun 27, 2007 5:47 pm
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I think Pokedex is like sheep and moose, their plural form is the same as their singular form; don't take my word for granted on that, I may be incorrect.

Once again, just the double spacing but you said you hadn't edited this chapter so that's fine.

I think it would be nice if you described the characters' appearance, I know you gave a description in the Discussion thread. But, it would be nice for you to eventually describe the way they look in the story itself.

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Wed Jun 27, 2007 5:59 pm
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Mmk..I am sure that it is Pokedexes....Doesn't it say that on the show?
I will put the third chapter here too! Once again, I haven't edited it, but I will edit this one and Chapter Two after I post this!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 3

George and June walked down the path. They saw Professor Kai’s Lab in the distance.

“Well, we are almost there, June. Wonder what it will be like?” Said George.

“I don’t know…but you do know we will have to tell our parents….” Said June.

“Oh yea…that’s right. Well, I know my parents will say yes…” Said George.

“I know…but mine will be so overjoyed they will want to control me.” Said June.

“Well, anyway, we are here.” Said George. He knocked on the door.

“Hello? Professor Kai? It’s George, June, and Raticate! We came to ask you something!” Shouted George. They could here someone shouting in the distance something that was muffled. Then someone opened the door.

“Why hello George, June, Raticate.” Professor Kai said as he looked at each of them.

“What are you doing here? Need more Pokechow? I have plenty.” He said.

“Actually, Kai, we wanted to talk about…becoming trainers.” Said George. This made Kai jump.

“Po-Pokemon trainers? What made you want to be that so suddenly?” Said Kai in a startled voice.

"Come in and tell me why you want to all of a sudden!" Said Kai. They entered his Pokemon lab. It was partly messy. Kai was known to be a messy person.

“Well…me and June both had these dreams. I was holding the Naiot Cup…and June dreamed she was in Celestial City Grand Contest. We both had these dreams last night. I think it‘s more than” Said George in a serious tone.

“Might as well as be Pokemon trainers…It is strange though to have those dreams. I wonder how it happened. Well, anyway, I will go get some of my spare Pokedexes and register your names into them.” Said Kai.

“Wait here while I go get them.” Said Kai.

“Ok.” Said George and June in unison.


As they waited, they felt nervous. How will they eat, sleep, and do other things? They just had to find out along the way.

“Ok! I’m back!” Said Kai. He had a pink Pokedex and a blue Pokedex.

“Just press these buttons,” Said Kai, who gave them the Pokedexes, “and it will automatically tell you your ID to anyone who asks.” He finished.

“If I was you guys, I would head straight home and start to pack. You have a big journey ahead of you. Try to literally make those dreams come true, ok?” Said Kai, who then chuckled at the joke.

“Thanks Professor!” Said George and June in unison again.

“See you guys!” Said Kai as they left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woo hoo.... :roll: This was my last one, so after I edit these I'm gonna be "afk" and will be writing the fourth chapter. I think that chapter two and three should be put together...oh and I'll say what they look like later!


Wed Jun 27, 2007 6:05 pm
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So, what? No comments? Whatever, sorry for the double post, but here is Chapter Four. There are two points of view here: June's POV and George's POV.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Four: George's Point of View

"Mom? Are you there?" Yelled George as he entered his house. It was rather clean, unlike most of the neighbor's houses.

"Yes, honey?" Said George's mother as she appeared from the kitchen. She was scrubbing a plate with an overused wash cloth.

“Well, you know how I have always wished to be a trainer, but I was too nervous to do it?” Said George, still rather nervous.

“Why, yes, honey! You bring it up every time at dinner! You say that you are going to leave soon but you never have.” She said, partially laughing.

“Well, I mean it this time. Look,” He said, reaching into his pocket and taking out his Pokèdex, “I can prove it by showing you this!” He finished saying. George then pressed the info button.

“Hello. I am the Pokèdex Version 5.0. I have been given to George from Normanda Town to help him with his Pokèmon journey. I am able to keep phone numbers, as well as tell George about each and every Pokèmon seen his journey. If this Pokèdex is stolen, another one shall not be supplied.” The Pokèdex finished its explanation.

“Well, I guess that is proof! You know I approve of this! I am fine with any decision that you make!” George’s mother said, but her face said that she didn’t agree. She was very sad about this.

“What’s wrong, Mom? Do you really agree with me going on this journey?” Asked George. He was always concerned about how his family was doing.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I just will be here all alone since your father had to go away on business.” She said, starting to get teary-eyed.

“Oh, Mom…You know that I will always be with you…in your heart!” George said.

“Oh, honey!” She said and hugged George.

“You know exactly what to say!” She said, crying. They stood there for a minute, as if frozen in place. George’s mother was the one to move.

Chapter Four: June's Point of View

After separating with George and Raticate, June headed off towards her house. On the way, she pondered on what to say to her parents. ‘Hi Mom and Dad! Hey, I’m a trainer now! Gotta go start packing! Bye!’ She thought. Nothing that she thought of was easy enough for her to do. She might as well as go with the slow approach.

When she got home, she opened the door. It was slightly dark, making the main hall seem eerie. June was used to it, though.

“Hello? Leon! Are you there?” Said June, as she closed the door. Her voice echoed.

“Yes, Madam June?” Said Leon, mysteriously showing up behind her. She didn’t jump like George usually did, though.

“Can you show me to where my parents are right now?” Asked June.

“It shall be my pleasure.” Politely said Leon, bowing.


Leon knocked on the door.

“Master and Lady, Madam June needs a word with you.” Said Leon.

“Ahh, yes! Come in, June!” Said June’s father, opening the door.

“What is it that you want, June?” Said June’s mother as they sat down at a table in the room.

“Well…umm.. Mom… Dad… I’m…” Said June, almost too nervous to speak.

“You’re what, honey?” Asked her father.

“I’m… I’m a Pokèmon trainer now!” She finally blurted out. She felt now like something got off her back.

“Oh, honey! You don’t know how long we have been waiting for you to say that!” Said her mother. June looked rather confused and complacent at the same time.

“Don’t you want me to stay here?” Asked June.

“Oh, yes honey, but you’re 17! You will have to leave some time, and we were waiting to see if you were brave enough to tell us!” Said June’s father with joy.

“Well…ok then! I guess I might as well as start packing!” Said June, now partly surprised to see how easy it was.

“Oh, let us dear. Leon!” Shouted June’s mother.

“Yes, my Lady?” Said Leon at the door.

“Please pack a bag of June’s finest dresses, her ideal items she wants to take, and some food for the road!” Said June’s mother.

“As you wish, my Lady. Madam June, please follow me if you will.” Said Leon.

“I would be delighted.” Responded June.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It took me an hour and a half to write these...I finished at 11:30pm...I am so tired now!


Thu Jun 28, 2007 10:27 am
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Well, since it stormed, I got off the computer and wrote Chapter 5. Here it is..in general, this is where June and George talk about if their parents let them go or not on the phone. Sorry for the TRIPLE post!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Five

George decided to call June. He left hs mother, who was still packing, and went into his bedroom across the hall. His room was the only room in the house that was messy because he didn't allow his mother to clean it. He picked up his phone by his bedside and called June's number.

"Hello?" Said a voice. It was Leon.

"Hello, Leon? Can you get June for me?" Asked George.

"Why, yes. She is right here, actually." Said Leon. George heard Leon say "Phone for you, Madam June," and heard him pass it to her.

"Hello? This is June." Said June.

"Hey June! How are you? Did you get permission from your parents?" Asked George.

"Yes, I did George! They took it better than I thought, actually. How about you?" June asked.

"Mine took it kind of well. Mom cried about it, though. She will be here all alone since Dad is on business in Pandama Cty." Said George in a slightly sad tone. "I just wish that he was here to see me leave."

"I'm sorry, George. Anyways, are you going to the Pokèmart tomorrow? I need some stuff for our journey." Asked June.

"Yea. I don't really know how much everything is there, though." Replied George.

"Well, we will find out. I have to finish packing, George, so I have to go." Said June.

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow outside the Pokèmart then?" Asked George.

"Sure. Bye, George." Said June.

"Bye." Said George, hanging up the phone. He sat there a minute on his bed, lookng at Raticate, who was asleep, thinking about his life now that he is a trainer. He snapped out of it, and left his room to help his mother again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyways, I have a journal that I use to write this. So yea...There might not be anymore chapters since I will be leaving either tomorrow or Saturday. I'll try to get Chapter Six where they leave in by tomorrow.


Thu Jun 28, 2007 1:32 pm
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You have a knack for writing and every now aand then you make toypos.

9.910


Last edited by Treeckomaster on Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:31 am, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Jun 29, 2007 2:27 am
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good story, tragar.
9,5/10


Fri Jun 29, 2007 5:42 am
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You streched the page a bit there Treeckomaster...and thanks Miss michalv!

Chapter 6 is ready! It is very long though. (Almost 5 pages in my journal, which is half the size of a normal piece of paper. So maybe 2 1/2 pages long on real pages...) :twisted:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Six

The sun was shining. It was another beautiful day. George was walking to the Pokèmart with his Raticate. He looked excited.

"Well, Raticate. I guess we are going to be on the road from now, aren't we? I'm gonna miss my bed." Said George, laughing.

"Raticate!" Said Raticate.

"Well, I hope that nothing too bad will happen!" Said George.

"Ratta! Raticate!" Said Raticate.


George and Raticate arrived at the Pokèmart to find June no where to be found.

"Lat again is...Oh, wait! There she is!" Said George. June was running towards the Pokèmart.

"Hey...guys..." Said June, catching her breath. "Sorry that I'm a little late." She said, still tired. She was kneeling over catching her breath.

"It's ok! We just got here too!" Said George.

"Oh..ok then." Said June. When she finally stood upright from catching her breath, George saw that she was wearing a blue dress that matched her eyes.

"Wow, what a beautiful dress!" Said George in amazement. "You are going to wear that on your journey? It will get messed up, you know!" George said.

"Oh, this isn't my best one." June said, giggling. They entered.


All around them George and June could see people shopping. On the shelves George and June saw Potions, Pokèballs, and other things. It didn't seem fully stocked, so there must have been good business lately.

"Hey Ralph!" Said George to the man behind the counter. The man turned around.

"Hey! It's George, my best buddy from Normanda Town! How ya doin'? Need some more Pokèchow already? That Raticate of yours must chow down on that stuff!" Said Ralph. Raticate gave him a half-mean look. Ralph was a balding, white-haired man in his 60's, who was the owner of all the Pokèmarts in Naiot. George's father works for Ralph. Ralph also likes to work for the Pokèmart in his home town.

"No thanks, Ralph. We actually need some supplies for our...um...journey." Said George. Ralph jumped.

"Journey? You going on a journey now? Well, I guess it hat to happen some time." Said Ralph, who sighed. "Anyway, I suggest buying some Pokèballs and, as you should know, some Pokèchow for you chubby buddy there." Explained Ralph. Raticate gave him another evil look. Ralph chuckled after seeing it.

"Thanks. Just choose the amount of how much we might need. "Said George.


"Got'cha." Said Ralph.

"What kind of Pokèball is this?" Asked June, picking up a strange white Pokèball on the counter.

"Don't mess with that!" Ralph said fiercely. This made June drop the Pokèball. Ralphed dashed all the way around the counter, picked it up, and put it back where it was before.

"Sorry," Said June. "but what is it?" She asked again.

"This here, missy, is a Lunar Pokèball. It's a special kind of ball recently developed to capture certain Pokèmon at night." Ralph finished explaining.

"Wow. It sounds rare." Said June, looking at it with sparkles in her eyes.

"You bet it is! The company that made it stopped since the Pokèmon that is supposed to catch it was only seen once. But they did get the DNA of it from a...I can't say that. It's classified. Sorry." Said Ralph, catching himself. He then picked up a bag. "Here are your things." Said Ralph. George and June payed him.

"Thanks, Ralph. Keep that pokèball safe, ok?" Said George as they started to leave.

"Yea, yea, George. You know I will. See ya!" Ralph said. He then turned to the next customers.


"Man, I want a Lunar ball now." Said June as they left. They stood outside putting the new things in their back packs.

"Yea, well, you can't get everything you wa-" Suddenly, a man knocked into George.

"Hey, watch where you're going, mister!" Said George, picking up some of the Pokèballs that fell out of his bag. He checked is pockets as well. Everything was still there. The man just grunted and entered the shop.

"I guess I'll just have to get used to that." Said George.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, my mom is going crazy. She is screaming because..well I don't know...but every time she does, the bird shakes it's head, and my mom gets a kick out of it.... :roll: Have fun reading this, because I won't be back for a week!


Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:04 am
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Fails at life
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Here's a nice welcome back present:
Finally! A story that isn't written by SorcererDNA and Crimson that I like.

9.910


Last edited by Treeckomaster on Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:30 am, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Jun 29, 2007 11:28 am
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Dragon Tamer
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Hmmmm........it's good,not great but still good.I suggest you make your sentences longer and add more description to them.Your characters could use some more work too,make them seem more human and give them more emotions,they felt robotic in some parts.
7/10,work on description and emotions, but I liked it so far and I'll read again. 8-)

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Mon Jul 23, 2007 3:44 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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Treecko, stop stretching the page.

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Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:40 pm
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Ace Trainer
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Lol...I don't know why he did it either..

I might not even post here for a while...I've beeen grounded, so it will be a while before I post another one...I will have quite a bit of it done though when I do post again.


Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:50 pm
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Pokemon Ranger
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It's against the rules to stretch a page, and it's annoying.

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Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:55 pm
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Well I was bored last night so I wrote the rest of chapter 7. The only thing is that I need George and June to have a old friend, and I don't know what I want to call him/her...I also need names for the gym leaders and a few of the towns...I have actually drawn a map in my journal! So yes...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 7

Having just said good bye to thier family, George and June set off on their journey. Now on the outskirts of town, they walked along together down the path. They could hear the sounds of Pokèmon all around them.

I wonder what my first wild Pokèmon will be?" Said George. George never really caught his Raticate. He was playing on the edge of town when he was young when he found a Rattata injured. He took care of it, and trained it. When George turned 16 is when it evolved.

"Same here, George! I might as well as let Zigzagoon out to let it get used to walking." Said June. She thew out Zigzagoon's pokèball.

"Zigzagoon!" Siad Zigzagoon. It shook it's fur and yawned.

"Good day, Zigzagoon. I guess your still tired. Walking will wake you up, though!" Said June, smiling and giggling. Zigzagoon smiled back.

"You and Zigzagoon are obviously close together. I mean, you did say it was your favorite..." George said.

"Well, it was the first one I ever got..." June said, petting Zigzagoon.

"Let's keep going, ok?" George said.


Later that day, the trail turned and was now going by a river. Pokèmon cries could be heard in the distant Lotad Swamp.

"Well, up ahead is Lotad Swamp. My dad told me that there are supposed to be a bunch of Lotad, Lombre, and Ludicolo there." Said George, wanting a Lombre.

"I heard there are Croagunk there. I hope not, because I hate those things!" June said, making a wierd face. "They are just plain....creepy!" She said again. George noticed that there was fog showing up.

"I hope this fog doesn't get too bad. I don't want to stop before we get to Civoule City." Said George. The closer they got to Lotad Swamp, the deeper the fog got.

"Man. I knew we are gonna have to stop!" Said George, kicking the dirt. He was obviouly mad because the fog was too deep to see the path.

"Don't worry George. I bet it will clear up by tomorrow." Said June. "We should just make camp here tonight."


It was almost sunset. George and June were making their tents. George was used to staying outside, so he made his tent easily. June, on the other hand....

"Darn tent! Why won't it stay up?!" June shouted loudly, kicking the tent.

"Calm down June! Sheesh..." Said George. "Let me show you how to make it." He said, walking towards her. He knew how badly June's temper could get, and he didn't want it to start now.

"Thanks George." Said June, calmly. The tent was fixed, thanks to George. "I'll try to use those tips next time. Now I'm getting tired, so I'll see you tomorrow." She said. She climbed in her tent.

"Well, ok then..night June..." Said George. He sighed and got in his tent.


June was unable to sleep. She lied to George about being tired. She got up and went outside. She dusted off the ground a bit, then sat down. She gently tossed Zigzagoon's pokèball so it would come out. Zigzagoon yawned and shook it's fur again. It gave June a puzzled look.

"Sorry for waking you Zigzagoon. I just had to ask you something." Said June.

"Zagoon?" Said Zigzagoon, still with the puzzled look.

"Do you think it was right for me to go on this journey?" She asked. Zigzagoon stood there a minute, slightly alarmed. It then just nodded it's head and jumped into her arms.

"Zigzagoon!" Said Zigzagoon. June giggled slightly.

"I guess your right, Zigzagoon. I don't know what I was thinking." She said. She looked up at the sky.

"It's been a while since I have seen so many stars." She said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I'm getting a little worse at this..I dunno...


Last edited by Tragar on Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:52 am, edited 1 time in total.



Wed Jul 25, 2007 8:13 am
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Pokemon Ranger
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When I need names and can't think of any I grab the nearest phone book.

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Wed Jul 25, 2007 10:22 am
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I've actually started using this (I'm horrible at picking out names :D )

http://www.babynamesworld.com/

It also gives you the meaning of them, so it's pretty useful.

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Wed Jul 25, 2007 12:43 pm
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So yes, I added Chapter 7 into the post before. I have already wrote chapter 8, but I can't write chapter 9 until I have a name for the gym leader. If someone will pm me what they might like as the gym leader, I would gladly accept it. It must be in this format. I am also looking for a rival/old friend for them as well.

Code:
[b]Name[/b]:
[b]Age[/b]:
[b]Gender[/b]:
[b]Appearance[/b]:
[b]Childhood History[/b]:
[b]Pokèmon[/b]:


Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:56 am
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