The Sign of Hope
Rating: PG

Surrounded by mountains, we see a small patch of trees. There are very few clouds in the sky. The wind is blowing softly, making the leaves in the trees blow back and forth. You see a young man sitting near one of the trees with a Raticate with him. He is eating with the Raticate, who looks very happy. From where the man is sitting, you can see a small town in the distance.
“Boring day today, isn’t it Raticate?” Said the young man.
“Ratta!” Said the Raticate, it’s voice muffled because of the food in it’s mouth.
“Do you like living here, Raticate?” Said the man.
“Ratta! Raticate!” Said the Raticate, finished with it’s food.
The man didn’t look to happy. He looked worried about something.
“Ratta?” Said the Raticate with a puzzled look.
“Hmm? Oh, sorry Raticate. I was just thinking about June.” Said the man. He sighed.
“Ratta. Raticate!” The Raticate said. It started tugging on the man’s leg.
“What is it, Raticate?” Said the man, now having a puzzled look just like the Raticate had. The Raticate then ran off towards the town. “Hey, wait up Raticate!” Said the man, who got up and chased the Raticate. ‘What is Raticate doing? It usually doesn’t act like this. I better catch up with it.’ Thought the man.
The man chased the Raticate all the way to the square of distant town. When he finally caught up, he was breathing heavily.
“Huff huff…Why did…you run…off Raticate?” Said the man when he caught his breath. “Raticate! Ratta, Raticate!” Then Raticate started to run again, but this time it didn’t pass up houses. It ran straight into a alleyway.
“No! Not again Raticate!” Said the man, still tired from chasing Raticate to the square. The Raticate didn’t listen.
“Darn it! Come back Raticate!” Said the man, who couldn’t keep up this time. After half an hour, he gave up on finding Raticate. ‘Raticate knows the way around town, so he will come home sooner or later.’ Thought the man. ‘This is very unusual of Raticate. He has never done this before. Maybe he already went home?’
“George? Is that you?” Said a woman’s voice. The man turned around.
“June! Why are you out so late?” Asked George, who was surprised to see her.
“Well, I was about to eat dinner when your I heard something outside. Can you guess what it was, George?” Asked June, with a smile on her face.
“No. What was it?” George asked, thinking about what it was that could be outside June’s house.
“It was your Raticate! He was scratching on my door. When I opened my door, he started pulling on my dress. I then decided to follow him here.” When June finished this sentence, Raticate suddenly appeared behind her.
“Raticate! Ratta!” Said Raticate, who was happy that he brought June to George.
“Oh, hey Raticate. Why did you run off like that? You had me worried all afternoon. It’s ok though. You were trying to make me happy, and I thank you.” Said George, who then started to pet Raticate.
“Would you like to have dinner with me George? I have already made it back at my house.” Asked June.
“Sure. Why not?” Answered George. They then headed toward June’s house. They didn't talk on the way there for several minutes. George broke the silence by saying,
“You know I have never been to your house before. You always came to mine when we were younger.”
“Well, I think it will surprise you.” Said June, who started to giggle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There will be more soon. This will acually be pretty long...I just typed this a few minutes ago on Microsoft Word...If anyone wants, they can request character names. It is hard for me to think of some, but it can't be anything strange or cliche or whatever. It also be a normal name because I'm not going to name anyone Darklord98. This is a story, not a strange blog.

EDIT #1: Ok I made each sentence when someone talked seperate. It doesn't look better to me, but if that is how it is supposed to be made, I guess I'll keep it that way.

Yea I kind of found out about using Paragraph Seperating in the Tips Thread. I just used it for all the dialogue, but doesn't look better to me, in my opinion. I really do want to see what Crimson says about this. I'm going to put edits into the story at the bottom so I'm going to bump the thread saying when they are edited. i.e. I have added (number of chapters), edited chapter (number), and fixed my grammar. Check first post real quick.

Not much to say, really. I'm happy that this doesn't seem to be the typical adventure Pokemon story. I may actually stick this one out, I get too bored in the others XD.

What I can say is don't use 'you' or 'we' in your story. There are some stories that have that, not on here, but it's typically discouraged. They're for self insertion, an attempt to really 'drag' the reader into the story.

I think the beginning could be a little bit better, there are a ton of other ways to start. I'll give an example; but, you should make up your own, use those creative juices.

Yes...once again Crimson comes to say something that is always helpful...but wait...not much to say? I think something is wrong! I was very surprised that you were only going to talk about just one thing, seeing how far you go to say things. This is very simple, and it is so short. I guess I must have done good this time, or at least good enough.

Also, if you have ever seen it, I use a narrator-point of view. I make it kind of like I have an audience, and techically, I do. I'm trying to make you look at in your mind. Just picture it in your mind.

Once itchy twitchy stuff like grammar is out of the way, there's really only things that can be truly learned by the writer. You do still have to double space your paragraphs though.

*shrugs* I know I'm long winded, it's a bad habit I'm too lazy to break.

That narrator point of view is called third-person omnicient. Basically everything is written in normal third person, except more details are added. Normal third-person is written with the 'he/she' but it's centralized around one character and the reader only knows what that character's thinking instead of knowing all of the characters like the ominicient version. 'You' and 'We' is still discouraged unless it's in the dialogue itself.

Trust me I understand the desire for the reader to customize how they want it to look in their mind. I hate adding unnecessary detail, it's really annoying. What I meant to get across, but failed miserably because I didn't explain this, was that it felt choppy. And the ideas didn't flow together well.