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 Deoxys, the true story. 
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Pokemon Ranger
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Rating: K 7+
CHAPTER 1: LIFE CORUPTION

Deoxys could barely feel himself, one moment he was floating in space with no form, the next he felt a huge pain and now he lie there, he felt, weight, he had taken a physicle form. He did not know how to move, but then, he got used to having weight and began to get up, and then, for the first time ever, he found out what it was like to see. As he looked around him, he saw a huge ocean around him.
"What is this place?"
He thought to himself.
"I'm unfimiliar with these soroundings, and.... why? Why have I suddenly gained a form? I... I need to find out."
Suddenly he felt coruption inside of him.
"Whats this? Apparently I can change my shape! So, now I can get off this island. ACTIVATE SPEED!"
After saying that, he began to change shape. He felt himself sheding weight, becoming more agile.
"I, I feel like, the wind."
With his aquired speed, he could get fast enough to rum over the water, as he did. While speeding over the ocean he noticed that there were other lifeforms jumping out of the water.
"Others... I guess, I'm not the only lifeform on this planet."
He began to see land arising from the horizon.
" Maybe I can find out more about myself over there."
He felt relaxed to have his feet touch ground again, but he new that this was no time to relax. He had to find out WHO he was.

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Mon Apr 09, 2007 3:38 pm
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I like your story but try to make the chapters long because it's a good story. :wink:

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Tue Apr 10, 2007 12:42 pm
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CHAPTER 2: The Thunder Factory

Deoxys slowed his pace to get a look at his soroundings.
"Nothing here, just a few pokemon here and there.... NO!" He saw a huge thunder cloud forming, and the cloud was coming from the factory!
"What in the world is generating that cloud?!? Maybe, just maybe its a clue to finding out who i am. Well, I'm not going to find out just standing here. Here I come!" After saying that, he dashed towards the factory. At the entrance, he noticed several electrick pokemon wandering around.
"I wonder, could they be causing the storm? Looks like I'll have to go to the heart of the factory to find the sorce of the storm." So he walked in to the factory. In the first room, nothing seemed to be in here, but he soon found out the point, the hard way. In the middle of the room, was a small motion sensor that detected his movement, but he had not found out until he activated it, lightning shot out of the walls and electrefide him.
"AAAAHHHHGGGGG!!!" Deoxys fell to the floor.
"Huff, Huff. How am I going to get past if that sensor's still there? Wait, I remember, I have the ability to transform, so maybe I can transform and shift all this agility to defense, yes, that's it! ACTIVATE DEFENSE!" He began regaining his weight, but he was also gaining armor, his slyness was fading, but in return his body was hardening. He thought
"Lets just just see how good this will work." He wasn't used to being this slow, but he could still go fast enough. Now to put his plan into action. He began charging as fast as he could toward the sensor. Just as he planned, it detected him and electricity was sent flying out of the walls at him. But luckly with his defense, he could barely feel it.
"Yes! Its working! But if I stay in this to long It will pierce my armor." Deoxys dasned out of the lightning as fast as he could.
"Good, now I have to get to the the heart of the fact.... Oh no!" He had noticed a small camera hidden on the ceilling. He tried to get out of the way, but it was to late.

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Last edited by Blazikendude on Sat Apr 14, 2007 11:30 am, edited 1 time in total.



Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:51 pm
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Yes, I like this one as well. Shows the potential past of Deoxys and (fortunately) has nothing to do with the movie "Destiny Deoxys". I give you a thumbs-up and 8.4/10. :)
Could do with better spelling though.

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Wed Apr 11, 2007 12:42 pm
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Sorry but I don't have time to write another chapter today. But thanks for the critisizem, meeps helped me make them longer, and socererDNA is going to help me watch my spelling! Thanks everybody! Also, if you liked this be sure to check this to:Riolu's adventure!

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Wed Apr 11, 2007 1:33 pm
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CHAPTER3: Deeper Into The Factory

"DRING! DRING! DRING! DRING!" Deoxys thought to himself
"Great, an alarm in case of intruder, just what I wanted!" Suddenly the entrance door slowly began to close and pokemon began storming the whole factory.
"I have to get to the heart of this mess before its to late."
"INTRUDER! INTRUDER! MUST DESTROY!" Suddenly 9 magnemite appeared into the hall.
"Magnemite? This should be easy!" He thought. The magnemite began making a circle around him, and then they started zaping themselfs while advancing towards him.
"Gotta time this just right......NOW!" All the magnemite jumped on top of him, at first all hope seemed lost for Deoxys, but the he unleashed a ray of light and the magnemite went flying towards the walls. Deoxys quickly advanced throught the hall before more magnemite came. On his way throught the factory he fought many more electrick pokemon, but eventually he came across a 3 magneton.
"Great, more trouble than those magnemite way back at the entrance. But wait, what are they guarding so heavely? Maybe it will help me fing out who I am." The magneton started blasting at him with thunder shock, but with his armor it felt surprisingly weak. It made him shout
"Ha! This is actually suposed to hurt? This feels like pin missile!" But before he could see, one of them quickly replied that it could beat him in its own words:
"ATTACK! ZAP CANNON!" The Magneton unleashed a huge lump of electricity.
"AGGGGG! Okay, huff huff, that hurt." The magneton laughed
"HA HA! WHO'S THE STRONG ONE NOW? HA HA!" Deoxys replied
"ME! EXTREEM SPEED!" He quickly charged at them all using ultra fast speed. The magneton all went flying off the edge of the room.
"What could await my power past here, but I sure know something, they're definitly guarding something!"

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Last edited by Blazikendude on Sat Apr 14, 2007 11:28 am, edited 1 time in total.



Thu Apr 12, 2007 2:04 pm
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Nice going. Electric security system and all that jazz, with Deoxys using his various capabilities to win.

8.8/10. :wink:

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Thu Apr 12, 2007 2:22 pm
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You know, I really like this story! I felt that Deoxy's past deserved a little more delving into, and this is a way to do it.

My only crticism is that its really too short. Maybe you should slow down a little bit and really enjoy writing this story. A good way to improve this story would be to describe the surroundings a little bit. I can't wait to read more, though.

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Thu Apr 12, 2007 10:02 pm
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Hi everybody! There won't be a new chapter today because I'm having a writers block, but if I do think of anything I'll post it/edit this message.
Another role play, but this is MY role play: Unforceen havoc!

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Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:54 am
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I think i should give up my Fan Fic-no one likes mine whereas they adore yours... :cry:

whatever 710 WHAT HAPPENED TO SPELL CHECK,AND WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN TELL ME OFF FOR HAVING SHORT CHAPTERS!!!


Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:20 pm
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Treecko, stop acting like an immature little baby. It's obnoxious to everyone. I agree with your spell check statement. But, the telling you off statement that you accused Blaziken of is completely off base. I just read his post and he merely asked you to write longer chapters. There was nothing offensive about that. Your chapters are practically the same length, so stop acting as if you rule the world of writing. In my opinion you're both at the same skill level.

And you're going to stop writing because no one's reading your story or they don't like it? That has got to be the most idiotic and pathetic thing I've ever heard. Writing is supposed to be for your own pleasure, how other people feel comes second. The only person who reads my stories, and actually bothers to leave a comment, has been AAMB for a while now but my lack of 'fans' hasn't stopped me. I love to write, and improve almost as much as I love to see others improve.

Regardless, Blaziken, a new paragraph begins every time a different person [character] speaks or the subject changes. Spell check and proofreading are always good things in this forum. Other than that I can't really say it's bad.

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Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:34 pm
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Everybody, I just fixed my paragraph problem from chapters 2 and 3, review them if you want. And now for chapter 4:
CHAPTER4: The Factory's Core
Deoxys felt that he was getting close to the core of the factory.
"I can just feel it, the electricity coming from that room over there, it must meen I'm close to the core." He slowly walked towards the room while being wary of the security lasers coming from the blue patches on the wall.As he entered the room, he thought to himself
"Here I am, who knows what challenges await me in here? I better stay on guard." Hee then noted a small elevator in the center of the room.
"I guess its not in here, it must be on the roof" Without thinking he walked onto the elevator, forgetting about the security that the factory had. And with is forgetfulness he paid a serious price, a camera was hidden on the wall for authorizing pokemon that go on the elevator, and like it should, it set off.
"WHRRR! WHRRR!"
"Great, I completly forgot about the cameras this place had!" The door slowly began closing and the room was flashing red, and from another hatch in the wall, a Magnezone came out.
"THE INTRUDER HAS ADVANCED TO FAR, MUST BE ELMINATED HERE AND NOW! ACTIVATE ATTACK POSITION! I REPEAT! ACTIVATE ATTACK POSITION!" And before he could react, it used thunder, but it missed by far.
"What was that suposed to do? You have the worst aim ever!"
"IT WASN'T SUPOSED TO HIT YOU!"
"Huh? What is that suposed to mean?"
But his question was already anwsered, it was aiming at a generator that Deoxys had not noticed because the lights were dimmed. Powering the generator, the whole room flashed with bright light and all the defence machines such as a small crane draging a mallet began to work, and were trying to attack him!
"Great, now the whole rooms again'st me! I have think of a plan.... AH!" He wached in horror as the mallet was swinging towards him!
"UGH!" Deoxys was thrown to the wall from the force of the mallet.
"One more hit like that and I'm done for! But wait!" He noticed that the generator was being overpowered.
"Hm... Maybe if I can somehow slam that magnezone into the generator I can defeat it, it looks to sturdy to defeat normally. EXTREME SPEED!" Deoxys quickly lunged at the Magnezone, he hit it so hard he had to regain consciousnous. He expected to hear the sound of electrifide metal but instead he heard
"WEAKLING, I COULD BARELY FEEL THAT!"
"Okay, so that didn't work, maybe I can get that mallet to do it for me, but to do it I need to get faster, ACTIVATE SPEED!" Like before, he felt himself becoming more agile.
"Now to do this!" Deoxys quickly dashed in front of the Magnezone, and when the mallet was flying at him he used his speed to get out of the way.
"WHAT THE?" The mallet flew at the Magnezone and sent it flying at the generator.
"BZZZZZ! WHAT ARE YO...BZZZZ! AGH! BZZZ!" The generator was releasing all of its watts at the Magnezone.
"POWER OVERLOADING! POWER OVE......BZZZZZZ! POOOWWWWERRRR OVVVVEEEEE....." The Magnezone had taken to much damage and shut down, and the now pure metal released all the electricity in several huge bolts around it, one destroyed the camera and the rest destroyed the generator, witch went out in an explosion.
"KABAM!" The disfunksional Magnezone went flying at the wall from the explosion and fell with a thonk.
"Yes! With that camera gone I can get to the roof!" thought Deoxys while stepping onto the elevator. As it went up, he thought
"What challenge will await be up there, whatever it is, I'll be ready!" As the elevator arived at the top he heard
"GYOOOOOOO!"

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Sat Apr 14, 2007 12:04 pm
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It's doing exelent, although it could've been better if the magnezone tried to attck him a bit more, and lemme guess, the next enemy's zapdos? I'll give it a 8 and a half/10

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Mon Apr 16, 2007 1:47 pm
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under what ever condition must you stop writing. this is seriously good

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Tue Apr 17, 2007 12:35 am
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I'm not stopping, I'm just having a writers block thinking of ideas for the battle versus Zapdos...

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Tue Apr 17, 2007 1:24 pm
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true you shouled make a book it would be a good one :twisted:


Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:45 pm
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You don't 'make' a book you write a book.

Anyway, I can't say, there are some gramatical errors but there don't seem to be too many of those. And, let's see, more detail would be good idea. Even if it feels like you're already writing a lot you need to write more, detail is a pain in the neck but being able to write a decent amount of detail well is a necessary skill.

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Fri Apr 20, 2007 9:11 pm
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all i have to say is..... KEEP ON WRITiNG! i enjoy your stories


Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:07 pm
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~Crimson~ wrote:
You don't 'make' a book you write a book.

Anyway, I can't say, there are some gramatical errors but there don't seem to be too many of those. And, let's see, more detail would be good idea. Even if it feels like you're already writing a lot you need to write more, detail is a pain in the neck but being able to write a decent amount of detail well is a necessary skill.


You can make a book, and you can write a book. They are two separate things. But i'm sure hoothoot did mean write one.

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Tue Apr 24, 2007 4:08 pm
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Once again 'make' is not the correct term, there's 'bind a book' and 'write a book.' I was, and I am still, well aware of what he meant I was correcting his statement to be more accurate.

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Tue Apr 24, 2007 7:04 pm
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~Crimson~ wrote:
Once again 'make' is not the correct term, there's 'bind a book' and 'write a book.' I was, and I am still, well aware of what he meant I was correcting his statement to be more accurate.

I believe there's some confusion over the terms "make" and "write". I believe those two, along with "bind", are three separate words:

make a book: think the idea up in your head; brainstorming.
write a book: putting your ideas in print, or on a word processor (or a fanfic forum).
bind a book: compile the materials for making a physical book (i.e. binding, paper, etc.)
This is just my interpretation of these words.

But also Blazikendude keep on writing. I'd hate to see another story go to waste after just one or two chapters.

- DNA

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Well, I finaly thought up the [or a part of the] battle, so here it is!

CHAPTER5: An Electrifying Battle

"What is that sreeching sound?" Thought Deoxys. But he soon found out.
"I am Zapdos, what are you doing invading our home?" it said.
"I'm Deoxys, and I'm trying to find out who I am." he replied.
"Deoxys? I have never heard of it! Theirfore you are hiding your true identity so you can steal this power plant and strip us electric pokeon from our home!" scretched Zapdos while having one thought in mind, war.
"NO! Listen Zapdos, you're making thunder clouds that are disturbing the life of the other pokemon in the area!" quickly said Deoxys. But it was to late, Zapdos already had taken an attack position.
"GYOOOOOOOOO! This shall be your last few minutes, ALIVE! Thunder!" Zadpdos unleashed a storm of energy into the air, witch came back down on Deoxys.
"GAHHHHHHHH!" He had forgot he lost all his armor in return for his speed.
"You want to play like that? Well you got it! EXTREEMSPEED!" Just as before, Deoxys dashed at Zapdos with extreem speed, but this time after he finished the attack, he swepped back for another attack.
"Was that suposed to faint me? That merly weakened me! Now feel this DRILL PECK!" Zapdos lunged at him while making a drilling motion with its beak, and Zapdos aimed right at Deoxys's head!
"UNGH!" The blow had thrown Deoxys across the roof,and this time nothing was their to prevent him from falling of the edge.
"Owch! At least maybe Zapdos won't be attacking me anymore." But Deoxys was wrong, Zapdos followed him of the edge of the factory.
"You actually thought a mear falling of a building would make me think you were dead? Well think again! ZAP CANNON!" Zapdos unleashed a huge storm of electricity towards Deoxys, but luckly he dodged it and Zapdos had a punishment, it flew into a few Jumpluff that were enjoying theirselfs in a field of flowers. The attack practically rosted the jumpluff, sending the dandilion fluff on them floating all over the place. But Deoxys dodged it with his speed, but Zapdos wasn't so lucky and was being blinded by all the fluff in the air.
"GYOOO! What is this, fluff? I can't destroy you when I can't see you!"
"All the better for me!" replied Deoxys.
"ACTIVATE ATTACK!" Deoxys began losing his speed, but it was shifted into raw power. And before Zapdos could regain its sight, Deoxys attacked with hyper beam.
"GYOOOOOO!" Zapdos was sent spiraling down to the ground from all the power in hyper beam.
"And guess what Zapdos? Thats not it! MEGA KICK!" Deoxys put all of his overwelming power into his foot, and then unleashed the kick sending Zapdos back into the dizzingly.
"Had enough yet?" taunted Deoxys.
"I never give up! WING ATTACK!" Zapdos wipped up a whilwind with its wings and sent them flying towards Deoxys.
"WHARGGH!!!!!" Deoxys went flying into the whilwinds, and when he reached the top it flung him into the ocean, sinking into the abyss.....

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Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:47 pm
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SPWEE!!! its good. a couple of grammer errors, but its still a 8.5/10 ^^

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Thu May 03, 2007 5:59 pm
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....

i didn't watch destiny deoxys. i don't know if deoxys can even swim...

he better not turn into defense mode underwater!!! XD

*repeats other people's messages

4 Star (out of 5) story


Sun May 06, 2007 12:55 pm
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Sorry to keep you waiting! I just got a boatload of ideas today, so future chapters will come in a blink of the eye!

CHAPTER6: The Revealation Of Time

"Could... this be the end?" Thought Deoxys as he sunk.
But before he could think any longer a pulse of water came from deep down in the ocean blasting Deoxys out of the ocean and made him fly high up in the air.
"Maybe I can finish off Zapdos if I... Yes! That's it!" Deoxys Mega Kicked the ground on the way down, causing rocks to fly upwards towards Zapdos. Zapdos was sent towards the ground.
"GYOOOOOOO! How could you defeat me? This is not th....." Zapdos stopped speaking.
Deoxys quickly ran up to Zapdos and stared at him.
"How? Could he be... dead?" Utered Deoxys in fear.
"No, you have a lot to learn!"
"Huh? Who said that?"
"Me, Celebi!" It said while flying down from a nearby tree.
"Once a lengendary pokemon; in this case Zapdos, gets weakened to a life threatening state, fall into a very deep sleep, and as a reward drop a special sphere." Said Celebi while picking up the sphere Zapdos dropped.
"This sphere here is Zapdos's Lightning sphere, the sphere that controls thunder. Every Legendary pokemon has a sphere, even you."
"What? I'm... a legendary pokemon?" said Deoxys, doughting what Celebi said.
"Believe it or not, you are. You are the poccesor of the Transformation sphere. I contain the Sphere of time." Answered Celebi.
"If you have the sphere of time can't you just show me who I am?" Asked Deoxys.
Celebi sudenly seemed depressed.
"I... I can't. I have no idea were you cam from." She said depressed.
"That's okay. Why arre you depressed?" Asked Deoxys.
"The thought of time just... reminds me." Anwsered Celebi.
"Reminds you of what?"
"This." Celebi brang Deoxys back in time to when the land and the sea were in war.
Deoxys saw countless land and sea pokemon battling in war, and he saw several, die. But just then he noticed two pokemon bigger than the rest.
"See those two giants Deoxys? Those are Groudon and Kyogre, the legendary pokemon that have waged war for melleniums. Some think of them as pokemon that represent war, endless war. But you will need to face them to get the land sphere and the sea sphere." She told him.
"But what do I need the spheres for?" Asked Deoxys.
"I forgot to tell you, we need every sphere to uncover your past. Once you have them all except my time sphere, Mew's ancient sphere and Jirachi's wish sphere, you come to The tower of joy. Now look!" Replied celebi.
Deoxys watched in horror as he saw the pokemon waging war against eachother. But then, a huge green dragon flew into view.
"That is Rayquaza, pocessor of the sky sphere." Celebi remarked.
Rayquaza began charging up a beam in its mouth, and when it was ready Rayquaza unleashed the most powerful hyper beam Deoxys had ever seen.
It hit the ground creating an enormous explosion engulfing the area in fire.
They were transported back into the present. Celebi seemed even more depressed after seing the distruction again.
"Everything was destroyed, the biggest loss was, our forest."

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