it's pretty good.
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| halo: the almost begining http://www.psypokes.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=4157 |
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| Author: | dark_latias181 [ Sun Aug 07, 2005 1:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | halo: the almost begining |
characters: Christina, master cheif, sargent johnson and anyone else i say. CHAPTER 1 Christina opened her eyes. " 12:00, good." She got out of bed and got dressed. then she headed down stairs. " mom? u there?" she yelled. her mom wasn't there. She went back up stairs and grabed her bag with all her sketching supplies and jumped out the window onto to the the small roof in front of her window. She sat down and pulled out her sketch book and pencil. Christina looked up at the afternoon sky, a perfect sketch. Doing the finishing tuchess on her sketch she looked up one last time. " How did that get there? it lookes like some kinda ship or somethin'. But i doesn't look like on of earths ships." then she thought of the speech that sargent Johnson told. She recited it in her head. One day the covanant will one day find earth and distroy it like they did to reach. "OMG!!!!!!" she packed up her stuff and jumped down from the roof, got into her new hog and drove down to the beach 'cause she wanted to warn the people down there. But when Christina got there nobody was there. All uf a suden plasma bullets came shooting down right at her. She doged one then one more. Then SMASH!!!!! |
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| Author: | Psychic Master [ Fri Aug 12, 2005 10:02 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
dark latias,could u include some pokemon characters as this is a pokemon fan fiction?Your story sound more like about war and lots of shooting. |
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| Author: | Truestar [ Sat Aug 13, 2005 12:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Fanficton is not solely for Pokemon. PLEASE read the rule and guidelines. You'll understand then. |
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| Author: | angela [ Wed Aug 24, 2005 11:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
it's pretty good.
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| Author: | dark_latias181 [ Fri Aug 26, 2005 6:59 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Chapter 2 Master Chief looked down from the pelican.He saw smoke and a yellow hog. "Hmmm.....i'm gonna check this out." "ok. but don't be toooo long we still need u too kill the covanants RAGIDY ASS fleet!" Said Srgt. Johnson. The master chief jump from the pelican and landed on the soft beach sand. He ran too the hog and saw that the person who crashed was a young 17 year old girl. He picked her up from the wreckage and brang her back too the pelican. They flew off back too Cirio Station. The master chief knew this was the first real person he has ever saved. As in he had only saved marines,Johnson and fellow spartans. When they landed he took he too the medical attension center and left too go to the so called "PARTY". " don't u worry 'bout her she's in good hands while u go too that "PARTY" Said the doctor. "Don't worry i'm not." |
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| Author: | Truestar [ Sat Sep 03, 2005 7:44 am ] |
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I say this a a Story Rater...... Wow, it has potential but some work should be be done. Your use of the English Language is absurd, I can't understand half of the dialect. Your storyline is great, Covenant coming to Earth. But the spelling, grammar, and terrible use of language really brings it down. Someone isn't going to scream, "OMG!", they will say, "Oh my God/Oh my Gosh!", one prime example of why my rate for it is going down. Swearing? Did you think you could get away with it?  Really, creating a story that doesn't even abide by the forum rules is just weird.
<center>~RATING~ 1/5</center> |
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