kinda nice..
I'd give it a 7.5/10
(Hope Jeremy picks Ralts)
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| what?it looked fun....my fanfic http://www.psypokes.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=2517 |
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| Author: | darkmagician2523 [ Sun May 15, 2005 9:10 pm ] |
| Post subject: | what?it looked fun....my fanfic |
((here goes.this story takes place 40 years after pokemon ruby&saphire,and there are pokemon and gym leaders and towns from all generations,and PM me with any suggestions on making it better,and please rate them.hope you like)) in the land of hoenn,it starts out like any other story about any other 10 year old boy named jeremy denver,from littleroot town. jeremy was sleeping soundly as the noise of his mother's voice awoke him."jeremy,your going to be late to meet professor landon,you better come down and and eat some breakfast"said mrs. denver.as jeremy crawled out of bed,he noticed what time it was."holy crap,its 9:50,im supposed to be at professor landon's lad to get my pokemon in ten minutes!!oh,man,he's gonna kill me!".he quickly changed out of his pajamas and hurried down stairs."mom,why didnt you tell me it was this late?"he said as he choked down his toast and eggs."sorry dear,mrs.welsh asked me next door to her house for breakfast this morning,and i forgot all about it untill just now"said mrs.denver."okay,well i better get going,before prof.landon gets mad at me,so....bye mom,im gonna miss you a lot"said jeremy."bye hunny,be careful,stay away from strangers,take good care of your pokemon,and come see me when you can....oh,you grew up so fast"sobbed mrs.denver. jeremy knocked on the lab door marked"prof.landons lab".a voice from inside yelled "who is it?"."its jeremy denver"said jeremy."oh,come in,come in"said the voice.jeremy opened the door to see prof.landon standing there with a smile on his face."you might want to comb your hair,you know"he said."anyway,your here to get your new pokemon,right?"said landon."yes,i am"he said."okay,the pokemon you can choose from are:ralts:the psychic pokemon,machop:the fighting pokemon,or houndour:the dark pokemon,whick one would you like?"ummm..i think i want... (sorry to leave u hanging on the edge,but thats the end of episode 1) |
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| Author: | Aquarius [ Mon May 16, 2005 1:11 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
kinda nice..
I'd give it a 7.5/10 (Hope Jeremy picks Ralts) |
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| Author: | dragonfan149 [ Mon May 16, 2005 6:40 am ] |
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Quote: houndour:the dark pokemon Anyway it's a nice start 7.9/10 |
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| Author: | 2x4b [ Mon May 16, 2005 12:46 pm ] |
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why isn't there a water pokemon  anyway i'll give it: 7.7/10
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| Author: | Galar [ Mon May 16, 2005 3:34 pm ] |
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Galar's advice to Jeremy: "Jeremy, my friend, psychic pok |
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| Author: | darkmagician2523 [ Mon May 16, 2005 4:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
((awwww,your gonna make me cry!btw,id already written these but you still got your wish:).recap:jeremy goes to get his new pokemon at prof.landon's lab)) "umm...i think i want ralts,the psychic one"said jeremy happily."ah,ralts,what a good pokemon,but first i must give it a rare candy because its at level 5 now and it doesnt learn attack moves untill level six"said landon.(prof.landon gives ralts a rare candy)ralts grew to level six!....ralts learned confusion!"here you go,jeremy!"said landon."wow,i cant beleive it!i have my own pokemon!"said jeremy excitedly."oh,by the way,my grandson has just gotten his fist pokemon too,it was a pichu,you can battle him if you like,he's training on route 101 right now"said landon."okay,thank you,i gotta go now,bye bye"said jeremy."ok,take good care of ralts". as jeremy stepped onto route 101,a boy about his height was staring at a peice of paper in his hands.when he saw jeremy,he said "hi,jeremy!did granpa give you a pokemon too?"ya he did,jeff. cool,a ralts!hey,do you want to try out our new pokemon in a battle?"."sure" said jeremy."okay,go pichu!"said jeff."go ralts"."pichu,use thundershock".pichu shot a bolt of lightning at ralts."raaalts"ralts fell backwards."ok ralts,use confusion".pichu began glowing blue,and then was picked up and thrown to the ground."chuuuuu"said pichu in pain."pichu,use thundershock again!".still not too much damage."ralts finish it off with another confusion!".pichu was hurled to the ground again,and then feinted."pichu,return.wow,your ralts is really strong!!"said jeff."thanks,your pichu is too"."ok well i have to get going,bye!"said jeff."ok,im going to stay here and catch some more pokemon"said jeremy. (the end of this chapter:D) |
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| Author: | dragonfan149 [ Mon May 16, 2005 8:01 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Good8.0/10 but he didn't pick Houndor 
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| Author: | darkmagician2523 [ Tue May 17, 2005 4:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
haha,sorry!!heres the next 'un ((here we go,episode 3,recap:jeremy and jeff battle)) "where are all the pokemon???"said jeremy in frustration"ive been looking for three hours!!".suddlenly,a wild wurmple appeard."finnaly,ok,go ralts!"said jeremy ecxitedly.in a flash of light ralts appeared."ok ralts use confusion",ralts slammed wurmple into a rock."ok,that should do it,pokeball go!".wiggle.....wiggle....pop! "oh man,so close"said jeremy."ralts,dodge the tackle and use growl."raaaaalt","ok pokeball go!"wiggle.....wiggle....wiggle....ya wurmple was caught!"wow,a wurmple,ok ralts return.well,lets go to the pokemon center in oldale town" "hi,can i help you?"said nurse joy cheerfully."yeah,can you heal my pokemon for me?"asked jeremy."sure,let me take your pokemon for second"said joy.jeremy ploped himself down in the waiting room as his pokemon were being healed."hi,my names bobby,do you have pokemon?"asked a kid in the chair next to him."ya,i have a ralts and a wurmple"replied jeremy."cool,do you want to have a battle when your pokemon are healed?"said bobby."sure,why not"."okay here are your pokemon,thank you for coming"said nurse joy."okay lets go have a battle"said bobby. they stepped outside and got ready."ok,lets have a battle with 2 pokemon each"said jeremy."sounds good to me,ok go whismur!"said bobby."go wurmple"."wurmple poisen sting"said jeremy."whismur,pound!".wurmple shot poisen darts at whismur.whismur pounded on jeremy's wurmple."wurmple,tackle"."whismur,finish it with pound!".whismur,pounded wurmple hard.wurmple fainted!."ok,wurmple,return.go ralts!"."return whismur,go poochyena!,ok poochy,use tackle".ralts,confusion!"ralts picked up poochyand slammed it to the ground"pooch"did hardly any damage."poochy,finish it with tackle!"pooch smacked into ralts."raaallt"ralts fainted."ralts,return....good battle bobby!!"thanx,jeremy.well me and poochy have to get goin so bye bye!""ok bye,bobby!".after healing his pokemon,jeremy headed off to carullean city,unaware that he was being watched from the bushes. ((okay,heres jeremy pokemon  lv.5
tackle string shot poisen sting  lv.7
growl confusion |
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| Author: | dragonfan149 [ Tue May 17, 2005 8:11 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Sounds good. 7.6/10 |
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| Author: | Aquarius [ Wed May 18, 2005 4:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I like the way you keep readers informed about the pkmn stats ! Very, gameboy-like...I like it though..it's pretty hard to make a working story that way ! 8/10 ! keep it up ! |
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| Author: | darkmagician2523 [ Wed May 18, 2005 8:34 pm ] |
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mmm,ok i need to do htis slower cuz im posted faster than im writing them :roll: ..its gonna be a little slower but still fast-ish....btw would you guys rather have me do it this way?like: jeremy:blah blah other person:blahness jermy:flwf or how i do it now? |
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| Author: | Aquarius [ Thu May 19, 2005 5:53 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
that would work... |
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| Author: | darkmagician2523 [ Thu May 19, 2005 7:28 pm ] |
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(gonna start gettin slow cuz i dont have a lot a time....btw,i'll start writing them like that) ((ep.4!!recap:battle with bobby)) "how long have i been walking??"thought jeremy"seems like forever,ahh,finnally i see carullean city!just through this next patch of grass and....argggggghhhhh...another wurmple,thats the fourth one yet"."go wurmple,use tackle!"said jeremy.wurmple slamed into the wild wurmple.wild wurmple fainted!!suddenly wurmple began glowing."wha.....o wow wurmple's evolving!"said jeremy."wurm"......pop,wurmple evolved into silcoon!!!"wow,sicoon!silcoon,return"siad jeremy."ok,now to go to carulean city". jeremy was lost.he didnt know just how big carulean was."oh,look there's the pokemon center!!"he said as he walked in."can i help you"said nurse joy."yes i'm looking for the pokemon gym,do you know were it is?"said jeremy."its just down the street and to the left"."ok thank you"said jeremy. as jeremy approached the gym,a girl of about his age jumped out from behind the bushes."dont think your gonna get away from me,not while you still have your pokemon anyway."said the girl."uhhh,who are you?"said jeremy."im jennifer,daughter of maxie the second,son of the great team magma leader maxie!and dad wants your pokemon!!"said jennifer."why doesnt he just go get his own?"asked jeremy."what would be the fun in that?besides yours are already trained,so prepare for a battle."said jeniffer."ok,goooo,ralts"."go,numel"."ok,ralts use confusion"ralts hurled numel into the air."numel,tackle attack"numel slammed into ralts."ralts,finish it with another confusion"thump.numel fainted."arrrrgh ok gooooo,poochyena!"said jennifer."go silcoon"said jeremy."pooch,tackle"poochyena tackled ralts."silcoon,poisen sting"silcoon shot barbs at poochyena,critical hit!."pooch,another tackle"slam."silcoon,another poisen sting.thump,pooch fainted....."arrrrggghhh,thats my last pokemon,but dont worry,you havent seen the last of me!"said jennifer as she ran off back into the bushes."ok,now to challange the gym......... (jeremy's poke's)  lv.9
harden tackle string shot poisen sting lv.8
growl confusion yay...end of ep. |
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| Author: | Aquarius [ Fri May 20, 2005 1:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
nice !
8/10 |
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