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This Little Piggy Will Never See Market.
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Author:  Prof. Dom [ Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:33 am ]
Post subject:  This Little Piggy Will Never See Market.
On friday my English teacher told me to write a poem for a presentation or something.
This is what I came up with. Please post your views.

This Little Piggy Will Never See Market

Cold leaves rustled past Nutham Farm daily.
The Sun beat down upon it, tractors roared
And trees swayed into submission from the heavy wind.
Hazy eyes met this scene with lack lustre appreciation.
The pigs would arise from their nestled state,
A little girl would sit on the hay and caress them.

She would listen to the wind stir around the paddocks
Like a clumsy ghost.
She would often wonder why her piglets seemed
To have more humanity than anyone she knew.

On the way to school she thought of fate,
She often thought, but never decided,
Like a car without wheels.
Never reaching any further.
She never really thought that fate was little more
Than the howling wind or the gushing river.
But it was.

Her cheeks and nose turned pink.
Her scarf fluttered past her eyes
And she woke from her thoughts.

The children disliked her.
No, humanity disliked her.
Her life was based around luck,
Tripping her up or punching her in the face.

She thought of conserving her thoughts.
Live fast, Die young.
It was decidedly hard to ‘live fast’ in the countryside.
She didn’t want to become one of her parents,
Giving either little or negative influence on her life.
They were ignorant at best.

There was an abandoned scaffolding site nearby,
Once she had tied a rope to a cinder block,
But then decided she was late for tea.
She wasn’t.

On the way home that night she thought;
Who would miss her?
Her parents would try to, of course they would.
Her pigs might.
But they were just pigs.
“Pigs is Pigs!” her dad would say.

We have forced humanity into their nature.
They are freaks of nature.
Abnormal from the beings that stride on instinct.
The once standard.

Day at school trundled past.
Like a cow looking for it’s pen.
She struggled to find interest in school.
She kept thinking of the life she left
And the cinderblock.

In her dreams she would stare at the cinderblock.
Her eyes glazed over.
As if it were a portal to the world she dreamed of.
She shook out of it’s mesmerizing grip
And embraced the continuous wind.

At home she caught her dad feeding the pigs,
It was the first sign of affection she’d seen.
She smiled approvingly with heavy eyes.

On the way to school the next day
She strayed from her usual path,
Slung the cinder block over a solitary and cold pole.
She slid down to the very bottom onto the bleak tarmac.
Life was not worth living if death preyed on her mind,
Like a Rottweiler with it’s deathly grip on a slab of steak.

Her hand froze, twisted bitterly around the rope,
Like a snake of ice,
Her face turned blank with realisation.
Her dad was fattening the pigs up.
She would be alone.
She would be solitary.
She let go, blinded by rage.
If only she got away with blindness.
This Little Piggy Never Saw Market.

T'END.
Author:  dunsparce [ Sat Oct 04, 2008 7:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This Little Piggy Will Never See Market.
Well, I wouldn't say it's entirely a poem, more of a short story. At any rate it is a very good story, nice structure, great transition from stanza to stanza and good simile usage. A problem though, is when you start the last stanza; she just realizes that her father is fattening the pigs up, a whole day later? That also creates a irregularity in the tempo, it goes from strolling along to running, without the jogging in between. You might want to try building up to it a bit, have some event start her realization, in order to smooth it out.
Author:  Prof. Dom [ Sat Oct 04, 2008 8:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This Little Piggy Will Never See Market.
Yeah, it was originally a short story because I can't really write poetry.
and heavy eyes meant tired so she didn't really think about it, plus she's meant to be like 5-8, but thanks for your post. [:
Author:  comedianmasta [ Sat Oct 04, 2008 10:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This Little Piggy Will Never See Market.
It's pretty good and scarey at the same time. I hope you got a good grade, dude! It's an interesting pun on a children's chant. You're one weird dude. LOL, JK!!
Author:  Valentine [ Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: This Little Piggy Will Never See Market.
if she's 5-8 years old, how does she lift a cinder block? my sister is turning 9 in less than a week and constantly asks me for help moving things.

then again, this girl has an impossibly advanced mind and thought pattern for someone her age, perhaps it's not unusual for her kind to have some kind of ungodly strength that enables them to kill themselves with a 29 pound block of concrete.
Author:  Prof. Dom [ Mon Oct 06, 2008 9:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This Little Piggy Will Never See Market.
Hmmm. That's true. I hadn't really thought of that.
It says 'like a snake of ice' so she could have been frozen to it?
lolno. I don't know. :/

Btw can anyone read 'lwb9074y's post?
Author:  Cellblock [ Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: This Little Piggy Will Never See Market.
Prof. Dom wrote:
... because I can't really write poetry.


I know how you feel.

I got told off in my old school because when we were told to write a short story, I ended up writing a full novel. I just can't write without a lot of characters, a storyline, and etcetera!

Oh, and the scambot said 'bump up then lurk'.
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