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 Renegade Ranger. 
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Bug Catcher
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Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:35 pm
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My new fan fiction

Renegade Ranger

Rangers protect, serve, and help people and pokemon alike. They use pokemon in their quest by capturing them using a device called a stylus. It’s like a spinning top that encircles the pokemon, communicating the ranger’s feelings to it. Once you get a pokemon, you can either use them to catch other pokemon or to clear obstacles, but once you use them, they must be released.

Rangers are unlike trainers who actually keep their pokemon, unless it is a partner. They don’t believe in actually taking pokemon from their natural habitat.

My name is Mickey. I was a trainer once then I became a ranger to further train my Typhlosion. After I learned that I could not capture pokemon and keep them because of taking pokemon from their habitat is wrong, I had to hide the fact that Typhlosion is my pokemon that I caught with a pokeball.

Unfortunately, a ranger from Ringtown, Fiore named Lunick found the pokeball in my room in a ranger base. Now I’m here in the Ranger leader of Ringtown, Spencer’s, office.

Chapter 1: How a card can change one’s life

“You know you can’t own pokemon. It’s out of its habitat,” Spenser stated firmly.

Feeling myself grow even more defensive, I protested, “I’ve had this pokemon since I was eleven!”

“So you’ll have to release it!” he reinforced

“NO!” I was outraged at the prospect of giving up my first pokemon.

“Then you’re fired!”

“WHAT!” I shouted. But it was too late. Spenser left the room and there was nothing more I could say.

I stormed around the outskirts of Fall City, muttering to myself. “I can’t believe this. First my stylus breaks, then I get fired. Lunick always messes things up. What am I to do now? I still have this stupid Ringtown Ranger uniform on. Maybe I’ll rent me a hotel in Summerland. Whatever it is, I’ll figure it out. I do need to fix my hair to look at Jin from that fighting game, and this headband is cutting off my circulation.”

“Mickey is that you?” a voice says behind me.

I turned around suddenly, surprised at who I saw. “Kindra, how have you been?”

“Fine?” says the five feet 14 year old. She always wears a blue skirt and a white jacket with a blue tank top. Her hair was brown and always in a ponytail.

We talked about all of the good times we had on our journeys together and how she was about to vacation here in Fiore. I told her that I was fired from being a ranger. She was surprised as much as I was when Spencer told me that I was fired. We waved good-bye to each other and I departed to Summerland…

“Room E11 and here is your card key.” the hotel receptionist said to me.

I took the card and went up into my room, gazing out the window when I got there. Summerland was a tropical paradise. Trees, beaches, the goods... I was going to call room service until I saw some shady characters walking around the hotel. It was the Go-Rock Squad, a band of wannabe rangers who used super styluses to capture pokemon. They were always wearing red black and white jumpsuits with a yellow wig on.

Wondering what they were up to, I grabbed Typhlosion’s pokeball and headed out of the hotel.

“Okay, the ranger with the Typhlosion is in this hotel!” one of the Go-Rock members said.

“What does he look like?” the other member asked, fixing his wig.

“He has the Ringtown uniform on,” the member replies.

I overheard them talking about me. They’re not exactly what you’d call smart. I readied my pokeball, thinking to myself that they had probably never seen a pokemon battle before.

Suddenly, they spotted me. One of the members ordered, “It’s him—use the super stylus!”

“Okay, shut your yap!” the other member answered, launching the super stylus towards me. The stylus started to make a blue ring around my Typhlosion. If the ring got too tight, they could take my Typhlosion from me!

“They must not know… Typhlosion go and use flame wheel!” I yelled as the volcano pokemon was released.

“Typhlooooo!” Typhlosion yelled, turning into a fiery missile while charging towards the stylus.

The stylus broke easily from the rushing flames. The men were shocked to find a pokemon so strong! I of course, knew they were no threat, but why did they want Typhlosion or even me? The other member showed me a Poliwrath that seemed to be controlled by the stylus. A water pokemon teamed with a stylus meant trouble for Typhlosion. The Poliwrath spouted some pretty bubbles but not the ones you would want to be in. Suddenly, one of the bubbles trapped my Typhlosion. Now the stylus spun into rings around my Typhlosion.

“Typhlosion, use a Thunderpunch on Poliwrath then break the stylus with a flame wheel!” I yelled, feeling the exhilaration from the battle. Typhlosion charged up his electrified fist. The sparks broke the bubble and Typhlosion punched the spiral center of the tadpole pokemon. Then Typhlosion turned into a flaming missile and charged into the stylus. “This is too easy,” I muttered.

“Hmm your skill might be useful to our cause,” a man said. He was in a Black Wintown Ranger outfit and standing next to the hotel.

“Who the heck are you?” I demanded, recalling my Typhlosion into its red and white sphere.

“I’m what you call a renegade ranger,” he replied.

“What do you want?” I ask, still apprehensive.

“I want you to join us. See, we renegade rangers used to be rangers. We mostly got fired or quit,” the man explained. “The name is Neil.”

“Why do you dress in black, and still wearing your old uniform?” I asked. I really needed to stop asking him questions.

“All of your questions can be answered if you join us. Here’s a card,” Neil said, giving me a black card with the picture of a Lucario. The man walked toward a blue dinosaur looking pokemon with a shell on its back. He boarded the Lapras and rode off on the ocean.

I returned to the hotel and pondered on the decision. The fact that I could get my revenge was great. Moreover, I would be protecting pokemon. Finally, I decided to go. I spray-painted my Ringtown uniform black to look the part. I called Kindra telling her about what I’m doing. She didn’t seem to like the idea but she was glad I was doing something.

The next day I woke up and ate my morning breakfast. I gathered my pokeball and grabbed the card. I read the card’s directions and headed to Sekra Range.

I made it to Wintown, the northernmost city in Fiore. This place was colder than most others but I could deal. As I headed down the path that led to the Sekra Range, I saw a wanted poster of Neil. I could see his dark but calm eyes. He had a black long perm. I ignored the picture and headed further out of the city limits.

“Welcome to our secret base!” Neil said upon my arrival. “This is where you will be briefed and debriefed on your missions.”

“Hi, umm…where do I sign up?” I asked.

“Here How old are you?” he asked me while booting up his computer.

“16.” I said, waiting to get my official ID.

“Mickey Brown, age 16, Rank 5,” the computer said, processing the ID.

“Why rank 5 so early?” I asked while receiving my ID.

“You are more experienced than most of the renegade rangers. Now let me show you around,” Neil said, starting to showing me around the base.

“You never answered my question of why do we wear black,” I told Neil.

“It’s just to show that we’re outcasts,” he answered, still showing me the base. I never did like the word outcast.

The base wasn’t large. In fact, it looked a lot like the other ranger bases. Everyone was wearing black ranger uniform, mostly of the Fall City design.

“You’ll be going on your first mission now. You’ll investigate The Go-Rock squad in the Olive jungle,” Neil briefed me. “You’ll have a partner to accompany you.” I liked the fact that I wouldn’t be alone.

“Okay!” I said excited for my first mission.

“Hi, I’m Donny I’ll be your partner,” a boy who looked around 15 wearing a black Ringtown ranger uniform with a black headband and has a red ponytail said. “So you’re the ranger. Well, let’s go.”

Donny and I walked out of the base. We talked about how we got to be in the renegade rangers. He was fired from being a ranger for catching pokemon permanently. His pokemon, Donphan, was at Fiore Temple and had followed him after the Gordor incident so he caught it. Spencer saw him and fired him on the spot.

“Well, we’re here!” I said pointing at the entrance. It was raining hard—typical in Olive Jungle. I was glad that my hotel was just a few miles away because as soon as I was done I could go straight to sleep. As we entered the deepest part of the lush green jungle with pokemon and exotic plants, I spotted a Grovyle family being tortured by the Go-Rock squad. We hid in the bushes and tried to think of a plan.

“I’ll get Grovyle; you just save the rest of the family,” I instructed quietly.

“Hello!” I said, punching the first goon I could see. Afterward, I kneed him in the stomach to knock him out. As a renegade, I can do that. His little friend came from behind and I just elbowed him in the nose. I turned around and grabbed Grovyle before the other Go-Rocks noticed. I put the green gecko pokemon somewhere safe before running back and bringing out Typhlosion.

“Ty!” Typhlosion screamed. I nodded my head and he went on to help Donny. All of a sudden, a blue streak came across my face. When I looked down, I saw a Stylus. Next I heard a familiar voice.

“So, Mickey long time no see.” a voice says up in the trees. It was a boy with a Ringtown ranger outfit with a red headband with blue shaggy hair. “Who would have thought that Mickey would be the enemy?”

“Lunick. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kick your ***!” I spat. I usually don’t swear but this guy gets me mad.

“Why do I have to be the enemy? Just because—” I started before he cut me off.

“Give me the Grovyle and nobody gets hurt,” he said while his Minun came for the rear. I looked back at the battle between Donny and Go-Rock Squad. Donny released his Donphan.

“Typhlosion, come here we have a score to settle,” I told Typhlosion, and he immediately came to me. “I know you do not know how to battle, but try to capture my Typhlosion,” I challenged

“Okay!” Lunick said, getting his stylus and putting it in the launcher. “Minun, let’s go!” he exclaimed while the blue, rabbit-looking pokemon stands by his side.

He launches his stylus and it starts to circle Typhlosion but it’s not enough. It breaks the line. Typhlosion tries to shoot a flamethrower at the stylus but it moved just a little bit too fast.

“Typhlosion wait until it starts to feel tight then use flame wheel!” I tell my fire pokemon. It started to make rings around Typhlosion. While this was going on, I looked a Minun that whole time until…

“Minun discharge NOW!” Lunick said while clenching his fist and giving a slight grin. Typhlosion was shocked at full power that left him paralyzed. Typhlosion could have been caught just then if it weren’t for a little green surprise.

“Grovyle!” the little green gecko cried. Grovyle had used a leaf blade, cutting the stylus line and knocking Minun out. It had a favor it had to return. I returned the volcano pokemon, deciding to let Grovyle finish the bout. Grovyle was quick, but Lunick’s stylus was quick too. All of a sudden, his stylus got a speed boost, ensnaring Grovyle in a tight bind. Now I couldn’t think of anything to do but wait.

“Grooooo!” the gecko yelled. The leaves on its arm began to grow thanks to its special ability, overgrow. Lunick’s stylus had broken, creating a mini explosion. In shock, he exited the jungle saying words that would stick to me for probably a long time.

“Mickey, a ranger’s values makes him strong. Knowing what you fight for and why is almost important as fighting itself,” Lunick said, walking away. “I don’t know why I told you that but hopefully it’ll help you.” I didn’t understand it. Somehow, I knew that it would help in my days as a renegade. I turn around and see the Grovyle at my feet. I guess it wanted to stay with me to repay its debt. I threw the pokeball at it. It sealed itself as soon as I threw the ball. I felt overjoyed. My eyes brightened as went to go find my partner.

“Mickey, they’re gone!” Donny said from behind. “They left after Donphan and I broke their styluses.”

“Let’s go back to base and debrief.” I said heroically. “No, I’ll go to my hotel and you’ll debrief us,” I corrected while slightly laughing. I started to walk back to my Summerland Hotel

“Did you capture the Venusaur?” a man with grey hair a purple suit and white beady eyes said.

“Yes Sir Rock!” a grunt said in the shadows of an office.

Upon hearing this news, the man laughed maniacally.

I undressed and took a long shower, getting all of the dirt and grime off my body from the mission I did earlier. I checked my pokégear for any messages to find one from Kindra. It said that she was in Fall City checking out some factory. I assumed she was talking about Dusk Factory. She also said that she had seen some mysterious figures there. I sent her a message back, saying meet me there tomorrow at 12:00. I also sent a message to Neil saying that I would be investigating Dusk factory. I decided to watch a pokemon reality show, but I nodded off.

I yawned, waking up ready and alert. I put on my uniform and headed out the door. It was 11:00am. I took the ferry to Fall City. When I arrived, a festival had started. I had to keep cover because renegade rangers were wanted here. I don’t know why we were wanted in Wintown and Fall City. I walked to Dusk Factory quietly, trying not to catch any attention. By then it was 11:59. Kindra was supposed to be here. I waited thirty more minutes before going inside the since dismantled factory.

The factory was surprisingly lit and functional. It had scientists, machines, henchmen, you name it, even though it looked run down from the outside. I started to snoop around the factory, trying not to be caught or it would be a one-way ticket to graveville. There weren’t many cameras in there, so I had a chance to snoop and get out. There were many pokemon in cages. Mostly fire, water, grass types. If it were up to me, I would at least put some psychics or something in there.

“Mickey, Mickey over here!” I heard someone say to me.

“Kindra, what are you doing in here?” I asked her.

“I was checking out the area until some of the scientists saw me,” Kindra explained to me. “They locked me up and put me in this cage.”

“Well let me get you out of here,” I said quietly, reaching for Grovyle’s pokeball.

“Here they come!” Kindra warned me. I quickly found a corner to hide in so nobody would see me. I waited there for a couple of minutes. I got back up and grabbed Grovyle’s pokeball once again. Next thing I knew, I felt a sharp pain in my neck. The room got fuzzy and I started to feel faint. I was out like a light

Review and Tell me what you think.

Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:57 pm
Bug Catcher
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Joined: Tue Feb 05, 2008 2:07 pm
Posts: 14
I thought that it was alright. This is one of the few fanfics that I have seen or have read in first person. It's interesting, detailed, and you portray the main character nicely from first person. A little shaky at the start, I'd put more detail into it, if you can. More of an argument, I don't know. It just seems to....unrealistic. The rest is fine in my oppinion...keep up the good work.


Sun Feb 10, 2008 11:21 am
Bug Catcher
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Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:35 pm
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Thank you for your review. Chapter 2 in now up.

Chapter 2:
Renaissance Toni

“Where am I?” I asked dazed and confused. I find myself in a cage. The only thing I can remember is seeing a guy in a purple suit when I turned around before I fainted. “Now what am I going to do?” I whispered to myself.

“You can help me get out of here!” Kindra said behind me.

“What can I do? They took my pokeballs!” I said touching my belt.

“You are all ways getting us caught! You remember the time Team Rocket took over radio tower two years ago?” Kindra yelled.

“Yeah so what?” I said remembering the incident.

“You got us caught and that pokemon trainer with the Typhlosion had to help us!” Kindra screamed.

“Well, you two make a cute couple.” A woman said out in the distance. She was wearing a black Wintown out fit with a yellow ponytail.

“Who are you?” Kindra asked the woman who came from the shadows.

“I’m Toni, Neil sent me to rescue you!” She said giving me my pokeballs. “Neil had put a tracking device in your I.D.”

“I was wondering how you knew to rescue Mickey.” Kindra said getting out of the cage. I tell her to get out so I could do a little exploring. Toni disappeared in a cloud of smoke. I sneaked around but did not see anything that I did not already know. I did see a Venusaur being poked by needles. My spine shivered like I was being struck by a Ice Beam. I hate needles. Then all of a sudden, a Solarbeam almost grazed me. If needles were sticking me, I would be shooting Solarbeams too. I ran out of the building while at the same time my poke’gear rang.

“Mickey, we have a Blaziken family being captured by Team Go-Rock!” Donny said with extreme urgency.

“Okay, okay just pick me up via Flygon Bus!” I commanded Donny. I was glad that we had some type of transportation or I would be exiled from Fiore. Twenty minutes later Donny comes and picks me up.

“Just to let you know Toni is on East Road where the Blaziken family is located so we have some help not like we need any.” Donny said while laughing. I laughed too and I thought to myself. I like this job. I felt like a Feebas, I could never be captured by anyone. Unless the people change the phrase in Dewford town. Hold on that’s on a game! Let’s get back to the story.

“Let’s drop off right here so we can plan our next move.” I said while Flygon landed behind in a forest with cliffs.

“Well long time no see!” Toni said walking from I don’t know where. “One Blaziken had ran from the seen but the others are safe.”

“So in other words you completed the mission?” Donny asked looking at the surroundings. “Well you can go debrief to Neil.”

“I don’t know about that.” A 15 something girl with a Ringtown uniform with a blue ponytail with two bangs in the front said with a Plusle by her. I knew who it was. It was Solana, Lunick’s partner. “I’m turning you renegades in to the Ranger Union!”

“You always wanted to be the angel.” Toni commented. “You had a caught a Pidgeot but released it after almost getting in trouble with Spencer.” Solana launched at Toni with her fist clenched but Toni dodged at the last minute. Then Toni kicked her in the stomach. Solana grasped her stomach as if she was in extreme pain. This didn’t last long. Solana then did an uppercut that could have a broken anyone’s neck. Toni then pulled out a pokeball.

“Use Steel Wing.” Toni screamed while launching the pokeball. A razor blade looking bird started to fly towards Solana. Plusle jumped in front of the bird pokemon and let out a burst of electricity.

“SKAR!” The bird pokemon screamed in agony. I cringed once I heard the scream. Donny closed his eyes.

“You see Pokemon Rangers are stronger!” Solana yelled pulling out the stylus. The stylus started to ensnare Skarmory. I had to interfere. I gripped Grovyle’s pokeball tightly. I made a split decision and threw the pokeball.

“Hit the line Leaf Blade then slash Plusle with a Fury Cutter.” I commanded my wood gecko pokemon. It dashes off in a blur and breaks the line. Then Grovyle switches targets and hits Plusle.

“Groo!” Grovyle screamed its battle cry. Solana didn’t know what to do. Plusle was sent flying, hitting a giant tree.

“Stop!” a voice boomed. “Stop the battle!” A man yelled with aqua green hair and a Ringtown Ranger outfit on. Spencer. I never thought I would see the person who kicked me out of the Ranger Union again. With his Fearow right behind him he began to speak.

“Don’t waste your time with these fools. They were fired for a reason. You shouldn’t encourage they’re barbaric ways.” Spencer said with extreme hate.

“Barbaric, What do you mean barbaric.” Donny questioned. I would have asked the same question but I was in awe.

“Pokemon battling is barbaric. I for one ban this terrible action.” Spencer responded and then added. “I will not stand for this action. I WILL NOT!”

“So you’re saying that pokemon battling is barbaric because?” I ask my former boss. I was shocked. Pokemon battling barbaric didn’t make any sense to me.

“Because pokemon were made just live with humans, not to battle together.” Spencer said.

“You think you know everything don’t you Spencer?” I saw Neil say on a cliff near by. “This is why I quit...”

“I think you mean this is why I was fired.” Spencer interrupts.

“You love to patronize me. I hated the Union. To many rules I couldn’t battle I couldn’t do anything that dealt with my Lucario training.” Neil said in the same hateful manner as Spencer. “I wanted to train with my pokemon together. You might just like to be there friends but they’re my life long partners.”

“That doesn’t make any sense to me. They are just here just to be here.” Spencer said angrily.

“So they’re just tools to be used to help people out with problems they can do themselves?” I asked trying to make sense of what Spencer was saying.

“Let’s go Solana.” Spencer commanded. “We’ll deal with you later.” Toni was just returning Skarmory to its pokeball while rubbing her neck. I on the other hand was returning Grovyle. I was told to come back to base.

Elsewhere in Fall City….

“ALL RANGERS PLEASE REPORT TO THE MAIN HALL” An intercom reported. Lunick grabbed his stylus and headed out of the healing room for partner pokemon. Lunick had a lot on his mind. He was beaten by Mickey yesterday and his stylus broke. He wonders want Spencer wants. He eagerly goes in the auditorium to hear the announcement.

“I bet you’re wondering why I brought you here.” Spencer said strongly. “We have had some problem with the renegades. They seem to be causing trouble. I say that we fight back against the traitors.” Crowds of “hoots!” filled the building. “Two Rangers were attacked by renegades. Lunick and Solana, whose partner pokemon are in intensive care, were attacked by this renegade Mickey.” A giant picture of Mickey shows on the mission screen. “He was misled by Neil, a former Ranger. Mickey is not the person you would want to attack if you see him on a mission. Neil is your target. We must wage war to get rid of the filth we call Renegade Rangers.” More crowds of “hoots!” filled the building. Lunick couldn’t believe what he just heard. War. War was almost non-existent in the six regions. There was the war between Team Aqua and Team Magma but other than that, few people had ever thought about war. All of a sudden, Lunick came up with a brilliant idea.


“Okay Renegades!” Neil said loudly. “As you know some Rangers were attacked by some Union Rangers. I know why we were attacked. They think that pokemon battling is barbaric. A whole bunch of “BOOS!” filled the auditorium. I didn’t say a word. I didn’t want to end up like past Rangers. Donny told me that if a Union Ranger attacked you, you shouldn’t say a word about it because if you did co-Leaders would put you in missions such as spy on the “whatever town” base just to get beaten again. He never did tell me why. Neil began to speak again. “I was shocked when I heard Spencer said that pokemon battling is barbaric. That’s why I say that we should show them what a real battle is.” The Renegades cheered when they heard those words. “War is needed to get rid of these pests. WE MUST TAKE DOWN THE UNION!” Renegades rejoiced again.

It was declared. Wartime. Renegades vs. The Union. I couldn’t believe what my eyes had seen and my ears had heard. I didn’t know I was joining the Renegades to go to war a day later. I should have just gone to Sinnoh. This was not good. Not good at all.

“Mickey, I’m putting you as executive for all missions including Team Go-Rock.” Neil informed me while I am still in shock after what just happened. “From what you told me it’s something big being planned.”

“GREAT, I mean, dang I wanted to get in some of the action.” I said with sarcasm. “So do I get a new partner or what?”

“Yeah, I was thinking of putting Donny as front line infantry.” Neil responded. “I was also considering about placing Toni as your partner.” I was a little excited at first but I still couldn’t shake the fact there was about to be a war. I went into the break room to get me a cup of coffee. This was going to be a long night.

“Is it necessary, I mean do we have to, it doesn’t seem right to have a war?” Toni went on whining.

“It’s okay.” I said with care while holding her in my arms. She went on. My shirt was getting drenched with tears.

“Why aren’t you depressed?” Toni asked me while whipping her face.

“Because really I don’t know why Toni.” I responded. “There does really seem to be a reason to fight.”

“It was just someone’s opinion right?” She asked me. I didn’t answer which made her cry event more. I shook my head and told her to take a seat and calm down. I sat down and pondered on what she had said. Opinion. That didn’t make sense at all. After this day, I didn’t think anything would make sense to me.

“Man, a war in Fiore region.” I overheard someone say. “I’d never thought I’d hear the day when that would happen.” I thought the same thing.

“Gross!” I said spiting out my coffee. I forgot the sugar. “What an idiot.” I said to myself. “RING!”

I answer the poke’gear to hear an unwelcome voice.

“Mickey, it’s me Lunick.” Lunick whispered. “Meet me in Fall City sewers. At 10:00AM” What does he want? My so-called enemy told me to meet him in the sewers. I would have thought a forest but hey what the heck.

“Toni, I’m going somewhere tomorrow morning.” I informed her. “Call me if we have a mission.”

“Sniff, Okay.” Toni says whipping her nose. I headed out of the Ranger Base but Donny caught me.

“Mickey, tomorrow would you mind if we had a pokemon battle.” Donny asked me.

“Sure, but I might get here a little late.” I answered.


“You know he won’t come.” Solana told Lunick while watching Plusle in a respirator.

“You just worry about getting your stylus fixed and making sure Plusle is okay.” Lunick responded in a deep, manly, monotone voice.

“So you’re big and bad just because you caught Suicune, Entei, and Raikou.” Solana said angrily.

“No, I don’t want you to get hurt.” Lunick said with extreme sincerity. You can’t defend yourself.”

“Hmph, you must like me or something.” Solana uttered under her breath.

“Huh?” Lunick said.

“Oh nothing.” Solana said still watching her Plusle.

“Well I’m going to the capture arena to work on my skills want to come.” Lunick asked Solana.

“Nah, I’d rather stay here with Plusle.” Solana sleepily said.

Outside the Renegade Ranger Base….

I took the Flygon Bus back to my hotel in Summerland. I quickly went into my room and took a shower. After I took the shower, I decided to call Kindra.

“Hey Kindra!” I greeted my best friend.

“What are you so happy about?” She asked me. “Aren’t you going to war later? I saw it on the T.V.”

“How would you know?” I queried.

“The Ranger Union is going to war with you as one of the main targets.” Kindra informed me.

“They want my head.” I said to myself. That’s probably why Lunick wanted me to go to the sewers. “Well I’m still investigating Go-Rock squad so I’m not going to be fighting.”

“Oh good.” Kindra said with relief. “Can I go with you on your next mission?”

“Sure you might be of some help.” I responded.

“Okay bye.” She said while hanging up. Today was not a very good day. I lay in bed wondering what lay ahead. I place Grovyle and Typhlosion’s pokeballs on the nightstand. I couldn’t stop thinking about the call. Did Lunick wanted to take me in or did he have a sincere reason to invite me. I looked at the TV. Kindra was right. The Union was declaring war. They showed Union Rangers talking about how the war would clean up the scum called the Renegades. I turned off the T.V. and started to nod off. The word war would haunt me all night.

Somewhere in Sekra Range…

A man walked into a tube. He pulled off his purple suit. He is dressed in only his underwear. Then with a deep, pounding, voice commanded his underling to flip a switch. The tube was filled with violet dark gas. Gordor then breathes deeply before the gas even grazes his aged face. After forty minutes inhaling gas, Gordor open the tube with his hardened body. His underling hands him his clothes and a towel. Gordor thanked him.

“Sir Rock, we have some interesting news from our mole in the renegades.” Joel informed his boss while taking his lab coat off showing his beret, black tank top, GR belt, black bell-bottom capris, and black puma shoes.

“You mean the top executive Nod?” Gordor asked.

“Yes, he says that there is going to be a war against the two sides.” Joel responded with his tough boy accent putting pokeballs on his belt.

“This is great. They’ve been on our asses these last couple of days.” Gordor said with a grin.

“I’ll continue my “training” with Giovanni so we discuss a future plan.” Joel told Gordor fixing his beret.

“Make an announcement to dusk factory that they need to hurry up the production of the serum.” Gordor commanded.

“That gas was to make your immune system not attack the serum wasn’t it?” Joel asked his boss.

“Yes, but it also allows the complete control over the transformation so I can completely control it without any interference from the personalities.” Gordor added starting to chuckle manically. “Now they’ll have to join me just in case your “persuasions” don’t work.” Then again, while his commander in chief Joel walks out of the lab, Gordor chuckles loudly.

Joel walks out of the lab and enters a dark lit room. He grabbed his pokeball and released a grayish- green pokemon. The pokemon had a rocky look and a long tail. The last feature was a blue spot on the stomach.

“ROAAARR!” Tyranitar screamed.

“So Giovanni have you considered our demands?” Joel asked Giovanni with one of his hands on his hips.

“My Mewtwo versus your puny Tyranitar.” Giovanni said grinning and laughing. “Mewtwo could wipe out Tyranitar in a millisecond.”

“If you’re so sure then let’s go!” Joel yelled turning on a light showing a gymnasium type setting. Joel fixed his beret and turned to Tyranitar. “Destroy him.”

Please review. Chapter 3 will be out on Wednesday.

Sun Feb 10, 2008 12:51 pm
Bug Catcher
Bug Catcher

Joined: Tue Feb 05, 2008 2:07 pm
Posts: 14
In the words of Paula Abdul on American Idol...."" Good problems here actually. Good with the rising action...some spots could ensnare a little more detail and less dialouge though...keep it up!


Sun Feb 10, 2008 2:19 pm
Ace Trainer
Ace Trainer

Joined: Thu Dec 14, 2006 10:53 pm
Posts: 386
Location: Confidential for specific reasons...
Check your spelling. There's a big difference between "whipping" and "wiping". Also, make sure that you know which character is which.

There was a time when Mickey was with Donny where you had both characters saying something, yet you used "I" both times. Check that you have the right characters speaking at the right time!

Other than that, I think it escalated into war a little bit quickly. It's only been 3 chapters! Also, there should have been more time before the Renegades came along. Makes for better character development of Mickey.

After all, a man who broods on what he lost will jump even higher at the chance to do it again, in the way he wants it.

Hopefully this helps!

AEPMT :D :) :P :wink: :mrgreen:

It's great to complete a Pokedex! So I'll need some help...

If you want to get better at writing in general, please visit my site!

Writers' Challenge

Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:27 am
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