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| Flames of Revenge and Waters of Forgiveness http://www.psypokes.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=21873 |
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| Author: | Thunder_dude7 [ Thu Mar 20, 2008 8:35 am ] |
| Post subject: | Flames of Revenge and Waters of Forgiveness |
I'm going to make it perfectly clear that this is a short story. This is it. There will be no more. It's a one-shot. Eh, you get it. Flames of Revenge and Waters of Forgiveness A dark figure rushed through the dark forest. Leaves crinkled beneath his horse’s feet as he made his way to the outskirts of a small village. Xaviar leapt off of the horse when they reached their location. As he gathered twigs and logs together, he recalled what had happened only a couple of nights before-the screams of his now dead wife and daughter, the flames, the smoke, the panic outside after he had escaped the building-nothing could stop him from doing what he was about to do. He would avenge his wife and daughter now. As the small fire began to burn, Xaviar pulled out a piece of parchment. He had been overjoyed when he received it. Whenever he read it, he escaped all negative feelings. From the clang of swords to the many bugs, war had never been so bad. But this letter from his family made him forget all of it for a split second. The anger returned with the thoughts of his dead family, and he threw the parchment into the flames. The fire grew for a second, then settled down. The words disappeared as he pulled out his torch, lit it from the fire, extinguished the flames, and made his way into the village. All of the people were asleep within their straw houses. Xaviar didn’t know where the fiends who had burned his house lived, but the entire village would be destroyed if he lit one house on fire. The villains would be dead. He could flee and make a living in another place. He made his way to a house, glancing in the window. Xaviar stopped. A man and woman slept peacefully, a baby across the room. The serenity of the scene calmed him. Something occurred to him. If he lit the house on fire, these people would die. So would the rest of the village, save anybody who escaped their houses. Xaviar reccaled that his house had burned down because a nearby house had been the target of revenge of some sort. By burning this house, he would become exactly what he hated. Xaviar pulled a small flask of water out of his leather sack, placed the torch on the dirt road, and poured the water over the fire. Smoke filled the air as the flames disappeared. When all signs of the flames had gone, he began walking to his home village, and to his friend’s house, where he was staying. As he passed the site of his original flames, he saw something in the center of the charred circle. Xaviar picked up the parchment, reading the writing. His eyes widened when he realized that this was the letter they had sent him. Another parchment was nearby. He picked it up and read this one as well. His eyes watered with tears as he finished reading it and went home. Xaviar, I am writing this note to tell you that I couldn’t have chosen a better husband. Every time we fought, you always set aside your opinion, and we never slept on a problem. I was given the privilege of writing this and returning the letter you burned because of the circumstances. I would also like to tell you that one of the two men who burned the other house died in the fire. The second was hung for his crime. This news is going to be delivered to you tomorrow morning, most likely. Try to act surprised. I’m going to let Sarah write now. Thanks again. Hi, daddy. Mommy and I are having fun here. There are other kids here, and it's great! I hope you can come here soon. I miss you. Love, Jill and Sarah |
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| Author: | WereWolf [ Sun Mar 30, 2008 4:57 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Flames of Revenge and Waters of Forgiveness |
Very nice short story! 10/10 |
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| Author: | The Obsidian Wolf [ Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Flames of Revenge and Waters of Forgiveness |
Hm, it was good, albeit a little cliched at the end with the cloud business. Overall, pretty nice, well written, no evident grammatical mistakes *thumbs up.* |
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| Author: | Thunder_dude7 [ Sun Mar 30, 2008 5:44 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Flames of Revenge and Waters of Forgiveness |
Thanks! I'll edit the cloud part now, thanks for that. |
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| Author: | AABM [ Sun Mar 30, 2008 8:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Flames of Revenge and Waters of Forgiveness |
For such a good One-Shot, I have to congratulate you. It is very well written, there aren't any typos to point out and the overall idea and abience are really well expressed throught the scenes and the character, I felt the same as him, so that's an accomplishment to recognise, I guess. 9.5/10 my friend, because a) Prefection is imposible and b) The part of the clouds was kinda cliche-ish. I suppose I didn't post here before because I overlooked this story, a shame. |
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| Author: | Thunder_dude7 [ Mon Mar 31, 2008 5:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Flames of Revenge and Waters of Forgiveness |
I edited the cloud part, thanks again! This is actually fir a contest at Young Writer's Society, I may just win those critiques! |
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| Author: | Typhon [ Sat May 10, 2008 10:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Flames of Revenge and Waters of Forgiveness |
wow that was great, very short and concise, but with a lot of emotion. you could be a great writer some day man. |
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