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All I Want
http://www.psypokes.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=20983		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Crimson [ Wed Dec 19, 2007 6:57 pm ]
Post subject:  All I Want
My Corner: Whew, it's been forever since I last posted an one-shot. So, I've had this story in my head for a little while. I'm not sure what to say about it. I don't think it's horrible, but it's certainly one of my shortest...It fits the season so enjoy (hopefully)! Oh, before I forget again, keep the tune to the chorus of "All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth" in mind. If you don't know the song...I'm sure you can find it on YouTube or somewhere else.

<p align="center">All I Want</p>
<p align="center">All I want for Christmas
is my two front teeth,
my two front teeth,
see my two front teeth</p>
I hummed to the song playing over the mall's speakers. It was annoying, but so were most Christmas carols. My heels clacked on the linoleum floor as I walked. The Christmas spirit finally began to fill me as I stepped onto a down escalator. My lips pulled back into a grin. I began to whisper the words.

<p align="center">Gee, if I could only
have my two front teeth,
then I could wish you
"Merry Christmas."</p>
I stepped off the escalator and walked to the mall's exit. I took my purse off of my shoulder and began rummaging through it for something. My grin broadened once I found it. I could finally get rid of the trash. I carelessly tossed it into the garbage, slung my purse back onto my shoulder and left. I never stopped humming.

The next verse began as I exited the mall; I pulled up my coat sleeve to look at my watch. I was expecting a call in a few seconds. The song's chorus began. My grin became a smile; I tucked my gloved hands into my coat pockets.

Suddenly, there was a huge explosion from the second floor of the mall! People on the streets stopped and looked on in horror as glass fell to the ground, and the building began to collapse. I never paused; I simply continued to walk away from the scene.

"All I want for Christmas," I sang quietly, "is some anarchy." My mood was merry. After all, the tissue clad call had been right on time.
Author:  Thunder_dude7 [ Wed Dec 19, 2007 7:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
...*breaths in as if about to speak* no, no....Ok, I don't know what to say. It was written well, but...wha...This is just like the one where the girl blows up the bridge with her doll! What's the point?
Author:  Crimson [ Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
What do you mean "Never mind, I won't even bother?" I hate "never mind" but adding that onto the end doesn't give me a cozy feeling.

You haven't figured out what I love to write yet. No worries, I'm sure you will soon enough.

Whoops, I better go edit my Library...*scurries off*
Author:  Thunder_dude7 [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 4:52 am ]
Post subject: 
Sorry, edited.
Author:  pokemon_otaku [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 6:24 am ]
Post subject: 
OMG! That was so freaky, and I actually had "All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth" stuck in my head. Awesome story Crimson!
Author:  The Obsidian Wolf [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 8:03 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
It was written well, but...wha...This is just like the one where the girl blows up the bridge with her doll! What's the point?


'It's candy. It doesn't have to have a point.'

[/shameless Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ripoff]

Man, that bit made me feel sick. I wanted to smash his great glass elevator and watch as they all crashed and burned. :P

That was pretty good and while it doesn't appear to have a point, it seems to be staring you in the face; Crimson likes to write in such a fashion that lulls the reader into a sense of security, before writing the next section with largely the same language to bring about a sudden, but flowing sense of shock. It's excellently done.

To be honest, I thought it was going to be 'And then I went over to Jimmy Choo's and immersed myself in their fantastic 20% discount! I was in heaven! <3 '

Needless to say, what came was far better than what I expected. ;)
Author:  dunsparce [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
Very amusing, "All I want for Christmas...is some anarchy." very nice. I love the way it flows in with the rest of the story. A bit more description could have been useful though, like including a phrase telling the reader that she went down an elevator/staircase. And I also enjoy it when your stories are longer. But I like this, it has a sort of cheer to it that makes it a bit more enjoyable (vs. the melancholy of Marionette). Good job.

P.S. @Thunder_dude7: Point? Why does it need a point?
Author:  Crimson [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 3:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
I love Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. After I watch them I always want to learn how to make chocolate and candy...Then I remember that I make a huge mess when I cook and things go everywhere (even if it does taste okay in the end). I can cook some things without making a mess...but if there's powder of some sort you can be assured that it'll get all over things. Anywho, you forgot to say that I love insane/mentally disturbed characters. <3

Thunder, stories are driven by different things (you should know this from one of the books I recommended). You, and a lot of other people, like plot driven stories/books. This means that you don't like it whenever there's no siginificant point to something. There are setting driven stories that focus on the details of the world and people but care less about character depth or the plot. I like character driven stories which, obviously, focus on the characters and less on everything else. What this means is that I tend to get bored with most plot driven stories.

Quote:
'And then I went over to Jimmy Choo's and immersed myself in their fantastic 20% discount! I was in heaven!<3'

What? XD

Dunsparce, I tried to make it ironic so that would explain the "cheery" mood. It was actually pretty awkward to write. I felt like it didn't flow at all.
Author:  Thunder_dude7 [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 4:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Thunder, stories are driven by different things (you should know this from one of the books I recommended). You, and a lot of other people, like plot driven stories/books. This means that you don't like it whenever there's no siginificant point to something. There are setting driven stories that focus on the details of the world and people but care less about character depth or the plot. I like character driven stories which, obviously, focus on the characters and less on everything else. What this means is that I tend to get bored with most plot driven stories.


If there's anything I hate more then anything else, it's being told about what things I like. I do like hearing about the characters more then anything else, and I'm usually very leinent with the actual plot (Unless it's an actual book, in which case I would put it back on the shelf). However, this was just to...how do I put this...for lack of a nice way to say this, weird. It IS catchy to lure somebody into security, the BAM, but you'd think the woman would have been at least a little concerned for her own safety when the explosion happened directly above her. The floor would be falling around her and it overall was a very unrealistic response, despite her strange character. Other then that, this was pretty good.
Author:  dunsparce [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 4:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Crimson wrote:
Dunsparce, I tried to make it ironic so that would explain the "cheery" mood. It was actually pretty awkward to write. I felt like it didn't flow at all.


I think the story flows fairly well, but that's not what I meant to say. I meant that that phrase flows in well.

I like irony. But this didn't seem all that ironic. It may be just because I've read your work before but I felt like there was something bad coming, the writing just seemed a bit ominous.

I think I got the sense of cheer from the happy disposition of the main character.
Author:  Roar Of Time [ Fri Dec 21, 2007 6:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: All I Want
Crimson wrote:

I stepped off the escalator and walked to the mall's exit. I took my purse off of my shoulder and began rummaging through it for something. My grin broadened once I found it. I could finally get rid of the trash. I carelessly tossed it into the garbage, slung my purst back onto my shoulder and left. I never stopped humming.


Isn't it meant to be purse?

Anyway this story is a short one but its a good one. I can see that the main character is feeling happy or "merry" as you say. The character seems weird, but that does add to the plot. Will you be contining this or not?
Author:  Crimson [ Fri Dec 21, 2007 10:57 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Whew, it's been forever since I last posted an one-shot.

Thus implying that this is a one-shot and I won't be continuing...
Author:  Roar Of Time [ Fri Dec 21, 2007 11:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Hehe.....didn't see that :oops:
Author:  AABM [ Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Once I came to see the fic's title and who was its writer I automatically went down to it.

This One-shot really demonstrates how do Crimson's fics look like; it immerses you in a plot-scarce scene that drives you into a calm world when suddenly something terrible and unexpected happens and everyone in the story suffers from it, charming!

As many other stories of yours, Crimson, this one is just fantastic. Keep up with your 'charming' style.
Author:  Crimson [ Thu Dec 27, 2007 2:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
LOL, you're so charming AAMBy. :lol: Aren't I witty? No not really, don't answer that. XD
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