Theme Exercise Versions 1 and 2
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Author:  Crimson [ Tue Nov 13, 2007 6:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Theme Exercise Versions 1 and 2

My Corner: I've been avoiding posting the same thing on both PsyPoke and HyperPokes, but I'm too bored to care right now. So, during my last tutoring session I had to do a creative writing exercise. I had eight minutes to write a short narrative. I of course suffered temporary writer's block and didn't finish, but I was close. I later finished it and this is the out come...It's completely rough, I didn't edit it this time.

<p align="center">Version 1</p>
"London bridge is falling down, falling down." The little girl sang the famous nursery rhyme in the backseat of her family's car. The window was open, blowing her hair wildly, but she was too enthralled y her doll to care. She raised her doll unitl it stood, with her help, on the window ledge.

"London bridge is falling down," She continued to sing quietly to herself. The little girl let go of her doll and it flew out the window. The girl quickly unbuckled her seat belt and twisted around in her seat to watch her doll.

"My fair lady." She sang with a wide grin on her face. Her favorite doll collided with the road and it suddenly exploded. The doll's explosion took the bridge it had lain on with it.

Content, the little girl turned back around and began to sing the nursery rhyme again.

"London bridge is falling down, falling down."

My corner: After the first eight minutes I was asked if my story's theme was even remotely similar to "it was a dark and stormy night." As you've read, it clearly wasn't. I was then told to use some of what was in my first story in a second one. For the second narrative, I was given another eight minutes and instructed to start with "it was a dark and stormy night." I somehow managed to finish in time and this is how it turned out. Again, this is raw and unedited.

<p align="center">Version 2</p>
It was a dark and stormy night. But, in a world that never sleeps, it didn't stop a family from travelling. Their little girl, unable to sleep during the storm, sat in the backseat. She quietly sang "London Bridge is Falling Down" and played with the doll in her lap. A flash of lightning made her jump; she looked out the window, expecting to see more, there weren't.

Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of light out of the corner of her eye. She turned to it as teh world slowed down. A lightning bolt hit the hood of her family's car and the vehicle ignited into an inferno. And so, the dark and stormy night was lit up until the rain extinguished the fire. There's some good news, by the time the fire department got to the scene the fire was out. What about the family? Well, that's that bad news, and you don't want to know...

My Corner: Final My Corner I promise! My tutor when she read the second one (the only one of the two that was complete at the time) just looked at me and shook her head. She told me she expected me to write about the little girl being afraid of the storm not about the car getting blown up. I had to see her expression. Anyway, I'm not overly fond of either of them. I was kinda curious to see what people thought of my eight minute creations.

Author:  Thunder_dude7 [ Wed Nov 14, 2007 4:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Theme Exercise Versions 1 and 2

Crimson wrote:
but she was too enthralled with her doll to care
She turned to it as the world slowed down.

How I wish I could have seen that teacher. Both were funny, but I couldn't help but think of people dying in both, which makes me sad(duh). The family... not so good... Hilarious!

Author:  dunsparce [ Sun Nov 18, 2007 7:11 pm ]
Post subject: 

Your tutor...She looked at you then shook her head? And she said she was expecting you to write something specific? Not a very broad minded tutor if by telling us she shook her head you mean she was disappointed.

I like the first one better, somehow it seemed to have more purpose. V2 seemed incomplete.

Author:  Crimson [ Sun Nov 18, 2007 8:08 pm ]
Post subject: 

She's only had me twice (including that time). I don't always get the same tutor. She didn't make the assignment, the directions said to keep the student in the dark for a bit. It's supposed to help emphasize how a theme can change the atmosphere of a story. It wasn't that she was disappointed, rather surprised. I can't blame her, it's not like I write things other kids might.

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