I think it's ok but a little hard to understand. What's a genious? I give it a 6-7/10 until I know what that word means.
P.S. Glad to see someone else is doing poetry
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| Author: | manuel_suplico2 [ Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:02 pm ] |
| Post subject: | manuel_suplico2's poems |
Well this is one of the poems that I created for my up-coming fan fic: The Dragon Tales: High above the grass …….. And further from the sea Years have to pass………. To find me……………….. Not a single genius ……………….. Is one of the needs................ Or a single word………. Is to be spoken………. But a rare and small flute Is to be heard……. Then I shall………. Be seen.…………. Edit:I took off two lines, it's not about a genius (sorry wrong spelling), i'm just not sure if I could post my Dragon Tales fanfic too scared to put it up. But anyways thanks. |
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| Author: | dunsparce [ Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:05 pm ] |
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I think it's ok but a little hard to understand. What's a genious? I give it a 6-7/10 until I know what that word means. P.S. Glad to see someone else is doing poetry .
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| Author: | Crimson [ Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:35 pm ] |
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I don't really get it...but then again I'm not that good at poetry. I think he's trying to say 'genius.' |
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| Author: | manuel_suplico2 [ Sat Aug 18, 2007 12:09 am ] |
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This is one about the legendary battle of Rayquaza and Deoxys: A crater has come And arrives with no harm The sky attacks With an immense flash Into a city The battle continues The Sky keeps on returning Never to give up The other continuously hits With it’s psychic blasts Searching for a copy Of itself One that’s real And not a fake The egg hatches And the other aware Looking for the egg So did the other one The fate now a truth For the two have united And the search over But the battle continues The Sky has stopped And returned to it’s home And the other two Now happy In a special place They now call home It's quite long sorry about that. But anyways happy reading |
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| Author: | dunsparce [ Sat Aug 18, 2007 5:32 am ] |
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I think it's kind of weird, and a bit sketchy. What I think you need to do is to start convaying a certain emotional image, like this one might be anger. This one was harder to understand then the first one, you have good word play but not too good flow. 5-6/10 for me. |
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| Author: | manuel_suplico2 [ Sun Aug 19, 2007 3:43 pm ] |
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thanks for the tip though. since you keep looking at my poems and rating them maybe I'll PM you the meaning of the first poem  . Ohh and here's my third poem ( I am expecting that dunsparce will rate this again):
Under the sea And right near a coral reef A hidden temple Can be seen A crown of glory Is it’s treasure Only the chosen may enter For it’s secrets must not be revealed But for those who were not chosen The only thing to do is wait For the prince may grant it to you That you may go to it’s underwater castle |
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| Author: | dunsparce [ Mon Aug 20, 2007 9:06 am ] |
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Better, easier to understand, better flow and you stopped rhymeing. But I'm still not feeling the emotion, the zeal. Try useing more dramatic words, what I do is try to feel the feelings of the person/thing/state of being I am writing about and the words come nauturally. 7/10. |
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| Author: | magikoopa [ Mon Aug 20, 2007 4:56 pm ] |
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its like has no point to it like hikyu |
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| Author: | manuel_suplico2 [ Wed Sep 05, 2007 5:16 am ] |
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thanks to all of you anyways here's my 4th poem:(hope this goes better, sorry for the very late reply had to review for our periodicals) Lucario It dwells with aura Can sense a lot Up to serve And to help It's trainers or His treasured friends |
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| Author: | Dragon Champion [ Wed Sep 05, 2007 8:13 am ] |
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These are good but they remind me of stuttering. It's like each sentence has a full stop after it and it makes it sound jumpy. It would be nicer if it was smoother and perhaps longer sentences? |
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| Author: | dunsparce [ Thu Sep 06, 2007 2:06 pm ] |
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This one's, ok.....It's haiku like, I don't especially like haikus. This is honestly not my field. But what from I can see it's, average. |
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| Author: | manuel_suplico2 [ Sun Sep 09, 2007 1:40 am ] |
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Anyhow. Thou shalt try again. One more has been created. And thee shall show these poems to the Lords and Mortals: Kingdra A mix of Water and Dragon has been created That dwells and goes around the sea It's objectives:To Seek and look for friends And a trainer that would love thee From A small but brave knight To a giant that is favored a lot From little and weak attacks To it's strong armored body It will be remembered forever For all it's brave trainers For the trainers strived to capture This Pokemon we call Kingdra |
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