Good Story But make the chapters longer.
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| The Ranger Chronicles: Rated 11+ http://www.psypokes.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=15345 |
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| Author: | Treeckomaster [ Tue May 22, 2007 3:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | The Ranger Chronicles: Rated 11+ |
The Ranger Chroncles are the adventures of Lunick and his quest to be the ultimate ranger ever. Chapter 1: They say that every single pokemon mades' egg was here.I doubted that.Allow me to intorduce myself.Name's Lunick and I am a newly certificated Ranger.And thats why I'm looking for an egg,the egg that'll hold my partner Pokemon.So I am looking over and through these eggs. There's Solana walking off with her newly hatched Solrock.That Solrock seems to match her,brings out the colour of her hair. Something has just caught my eye,a psychic pull.I turned around and found an egg needing one step to hatch."That's mine."I whispered. I grabbed it and stepped foreward and BAM! It exploded. And a Lunatone appeared. "The psychic assist is in my hand." Lunick said,feeling a connection inside,staring at the Lunatone. A sound woke him up. "URGENT ALL RANGERS WITH PARTNER POKEMON MUST HELP WITH THIS MISSION!!!" And that was how me and Lunatone met,not knowing about adventures ahead. |
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| Author: | InfernapeCrazed [ Thu May 24, 2007 9:02 pm ] |
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Good Story But make the chapters longer.
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| Author: | Treeckomaster [ Fri May 25, 2007 1:04 pm ] |
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Exactly what I was planning to do. Chapter 2: Lunick was cayght up in a frenzy.Everyone was rushing everywhere. "THE GO -ROCK SQUAD!" One person yelled. Lunick ran outside and the leader pushed him over to help Solana capture one Go-Rock Squads seviper and Ivysaur. But they were in perfect unison,and so were the two new Rangers as Solrock had flames engulf the Ivysaur while the pokemon were in the air from Lunatone. Lunatone and Solrock loved working together,but Solana evidently hated it. So after a while the Go-Rock Squad fled and went to talk to Solana to congratulate her as she walks right through you,head to the "cool" group leaving you alone,with Lunatone. That night you sipped some Hot Chocolate,with the rain making Thud-Thud-Thud noises and Lunatone breathing in sleep. "One day,I'll earn some respect,just today isn't that day." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes,now the story's as if YOU'RE Lunick. |
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| Author: | Blazikendude [ Fri May 25, 2007 1:31 pm ] |
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It's a little to rushed, consider slowing it down. Also your chapters are, um, WAY TO SHORT! Also don't use Bold text in Fics, it gets really anoying. |
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| Author: | poplers [ Fri May 25, 2007 3:08 pm ] |
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Lengthen Chapters, and also, add spaces in between punctuation. |
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| Author: | Treeckomaster [ Fri May 25, 2007 4:48 pm ] |
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I don't have time to write a new chapter but there's only one thing I don't get. How does the text I use really affect the story? |
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| Author: | InfernapeCrazed [ Mon May 28, 2007 8:27 pm ] |
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It doesnt....sorta. Different color text at times can make it look better. Also it sorta sets a mood. When you talk about Night-Time you use night time colors. But bold and un-bold HAS NO EFFECT! |
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| Author: | DatVu [ Mon May 28, 2007 11:56 pm ] |
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Treeckomaster wrote: How does the text I use really affect the story? Who said it had anything to do with that? It's just really irritating to read. |
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| Author: | Treeckomaster [ Tue May 29, 2007 3:15 pm ] |
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Okay,it makes much more sense now.Note:Chapter three will basicly just include Lunatone getting a bath,and a pleasent surprise... Chapter 3: "OK Lunatone,this is it. I've picked up some Rock Polish at the store to give you a bath." You say,paitience wearing thin. Lunatones' dirt covered eyes turn black at the smell. "Yes,I will spray you with non-liqued neutriliser after.Or we could just dump some water over you." Then at the new prospect Lunatone starts teleporting like crazy. "I thought not. So lets get moving." And you and Lunatone start rubbing the Rock Polish everywhere,and in a few hours you get to the final layer of dirt: hardened egg yolk (Someone screams). "That is one thick layer of egg yolk!" you cry.Lunatone's eyes turn blue in excitement. So you work,and work, and work.And in the next few hours,the yolk is gone. Lunatone doesen't look like the Lunatone in the index card. You think as you spray him with neutrilliser.His eyes were stilll blue and his skin was...yellow,not biege. "I should ask Prof.Hastings about this." You whisper. "Lunatone" is the reply you get back. |
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| Author: | Hreffie [ Wed May 30, 2007 12:53 am ] |
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This is an interesting story, Make the chapter longed
9/10 Make chapter long and the end exciting and people get curious, and you'll be getting tens from people 
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| Author: | Treeckomaster [ Wed May 30, 2007 2:33 pm ] |
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I'll write a chapter later. First of,I should have said that the chapter would be short cause it's just Lunatone getting a bath. Second of, Thank you for the critisisim Third of, I think NO ONE IN THE WOPRLD deserves 1010 because there'll never be perfect. |
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| Author: | Hreffie [ Wed May 30, 2007 3:07 pm ] |
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You gotta point, But though the person isn't exactly perfect, their stories can be, though
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| Author: | Crimson [ Wed May 30, 2007 5:23 pm ] |
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Hreffie wrote: You gotta point, But though the person isn't exactly perfect, their stories can be, though Cute, you're trying to act more knowledgeable about this than you really are. No story can be perfect because they're made by imperfect beings. A story may seem perfect to some but because everyone views stories differently no story is perfect to everyone. Simply put, no story can be perfect because everyone would have to agree on that, which is impossible by human nature. Treecko, your chapters are still short and you're still not double spacing. I haven't skimmed your story yet so that's all I'll comment on. You are correct in saying that no one deserves a '10/10.' Almost everyone knows how I feel about the rating thing so I won't comment on it again. |
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| Author: | Ghost Writer [ Wed May 30, 2007 5:34 pm ] |
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Looks good, but the chaps should be longer, and watch spaces it gets annoying when I'm trying to read. Other than that, looks good, but will probably get better as you get the hang of writing. And Crimson is correct, no story will ever be perfect. And Hreffie is correct in saying no person is perfect, either. Both good points. In my opinion, writers have to be a little... out there in order to churn out good stories. You basically live in your head, then make the story off of what your imagination does. That's how I write, anyways. In writing, your only limitation is your imagination. |
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| Author: | Treeckomaster [ Sat Jun 02, 2007 3:14 am ] |
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Chapter 4: Lunick noticed a reserved air over Fall City.Everyone was sad. Nothing was out-of-place. He walked into the lab to find a note. Dear Ranger who finds this, I have realised that the Go-Rock Squad are restarting their organization. The Union is in danger. I have assigned you a mission. The new Stylers they made really make Pokemon violent. You must save the world. IIII___= need you to sa__________/ Prof Hastings.......... Lunick realised that he was the first person to read the note and he had to take this mission. He turned to meet a Go-Rock Squad grunt. "Well, well, well. I do beleve Hastings sent rookie Ranger to save te world from Go-Rock Squad domination." Lunick couldn't speak. But a Muk came charging at him any way. "Lunatone! Use your assist! We've done this before.!" It worked well untill, the Muk managed to slime the floor then sludged his Styler. It's Styler somehow got poisened. It's energy was going lower and lower. Then a bright white flash appeared and Muk was down, confused and perfect for capture. Lunick did it, the Grunt fled, and he noticed a small bit of sludge, Muk blood, where it had gone crazy. |
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| Author: | Fire-Drake [ Thu Jun 14, 2007 10:07 pm ] |
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Hey, here is a good hint on making your chapters longer. You in actuality if you do this, have a pretty decent chapter as is. All you needto do is give more detail. Instead of saying stuff like, 'They battled and so-and-so won', give a nice description. Tell how the battle happened, or write out the battle. Explain how one conquered the other. It also makes it more thrilling to read. -YAY THIS POST PUT ME TO POKEFAN!!! I'M NOT A BUGCATHER ANYMORE HAHAHAHAHA!!- |
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| Author: | Treeckomaster [ Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:37 pm ] |
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I finnaly got inspiration. I should stick to Musical Theater. |
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| Author: | sparky the wonder monkey [ Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:24 pm ] |
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Since noone's gunna say it i will i really like the idea of put yourself as the main charicter and this is gunna sound like a broken record because everone says but you need to make your chapters longer man i really don't mind your grammer or your misspelling or anything ....splat. |
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| Author: | Treeckomaster [ Mon Jun 25, 2007 2:53 am ] |
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I found the story when YOU'RE Lunick ruinedd the overall plot. Chapter 4: Lunick was shocked. The Muk had done a violent attack on his Styler. As he walked out of the Lab everything seemed normal. “But where to start this mission?” he wondered. As he was wondering he bumped right into Tiffany, doing some shopping with the money from her latest concert. “Ouch! Watch where you’re going!” She shouted then turned around. “Oh, hi Lunick. She paused at his inquisitive look. “I know your name through my automated Styler.” She paid the money and played her violin and a Camrupt came along. She mounted it and asked, “So, what’s the problem?” Lunick started to tell her everything from Lunatone’s odd colour to the mission. Then he paused and said. “I have no idea to start this mission…unless YOU ARE HIS KIDNAPPER!” Lunick shouted. Tiffany sighed. “I wouldn’t join the Go-Rock Squad anyway. Being a musician is funer and has better pay. But I think I know exactly where to start. Follow the trail of the Great Ranger. His name is Bill.” She pointed to the Kroaka Tunnel. That’s the only way you can start.” “But I just came out of there.” Lunick complained. Tiffany looked surprised. “Well I guess you’ll need the Dragonite Bus to take you to Summerland.” “Thanks Tiffany!” Lunick yelled as he ran off. But he didn’t know how much about the adventure inside the tunnel. *** P.S : Blazikendude, Bill is placed off your character, Bull. |
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| Author: | Treeckomaster [ Tue Jul 10, 2007 8:44 am ] |
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Chapter 5: Bull was walking around with Minun. Well actually he wasn't doing nothing. He was headed to the Fiorre Temple, where Seshu and his Minun had ffixed Gordors Super Styler. So up the Sekra Range he went, letting all the pokemon live happy. Meanwhile, from a Tree-Top someone was holding a small bomb. No one was about to die, that would be later. He aimed and... an explosion was heard, and Bull had disappeared. *** Seshu was getting impatient. The Gengars had paid him and Minun a visit, painfully going through the sun and now were in the shade of his Platform and now he was playing them a haunting tuneon the organ. Yet, something must have happened to Bull. But all he could do was wait for the painfully long hours to come. *** Lunick was just bored now. He had went through the tunnel, right back to Ringtown when... "Someone get my Tailow back!" Larry cried. Spenser turned to Lunick. "Do something Ranger!" Now Lunick who had just got through the Lyra Forest already wasn't to happy but, resigned to his duties went in anyway. He looked and about thetime he should have went to the base to eat he saw Tailow. And he also noticed that it was in pain. And he zapped it with Lunatone and quickly did a capture. When he returned it to Larry, he went home and chowed down on some Pasta. He and Lunatone FINALLY had a good rest, and decided to stay in Ringtown for a little longer. |
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