The seven heros
Chapter 1: The beginning
A mother was tending her young as they squiled.
"Mommy, when are we going to explore the world?" asked one of the babies.
"Once you're old enough." said the mother. The seven babies were were playing together, being closly watched by the mother. The two happiest ones were chasing each other in circles. Sudenly the father came running into the shelter with scarlet blood trickling down his face.
"Save... yourself, Espeon..." said the father.
"What do you mean, Umbreon? And what happenned to your face?" asked the Espeon. But then Umbreon collapsed. Espeon rushed over to his side. She felt his chest. He had stopped breathing.
"No!" shouted Espeon.
"Daddy! What happened!?" yelled one of the babies. Espeon turned around.
"I'm sorry to tell you this, but he... died." said Espeon, depressed. Sudenly, Espeon heard the pounding of feet on the ground.
"Hurry! This way!" said Espeon, nudging them into a hole in the wall. The babies ran threw a hole and emerged outside. They heard vicious growling.
"Finish it off, Mightyena!" yelled a voice.
"Gaa!" yelled a familiar voice as something pounced on her.
"Mommy..." said one of the eevees.
"What are we going to do now?" said another one. They ran into a hole in the ground with various types of terrain. Each went into a seperate part, one with red walls, one with blue walls, one with yellow walls, one with a sun shaped rock, one with a moon shaped rock, one with an icy cold rock and one with a rock covered in moss. The siblings all fell asleep in a matter of minutes.


Eevee woke up and looked at himself in a crystal.
"What!?" he yelled. He had a yellow pelt and a white collar. "Didn't moomy call this a Jolreon?" he said. He rushed into the clearing and saw his brothers and sisters and his parents.
"Mommy! Daddy! You're all right?" said Jolteon.
"Mommy and Daddy? They're ok?" asked Espeon. A Sneasel came walking into the cave and saw the forms.
"Whoa! Looks like you guys have evolvved last night!" said the Sneasel, surprised.
"Evolved?" asked Flareon.
"Hmm, you guys are younger than I thought. Well, anyway, evolution is when a pokemon transforms from one state to another superior state." said the Sneasel.
"We... evolved?" asked Leafeon.
"Yeah! Acording to what I know, you guys evolved from your suroundings. Well, ciao!" said the sneasel, walking out of the cave.

Not bad, all I have to really say double space between paragraphs it makes it easier to read. Then for scene changes just triple space.

Speaking of scene change, I was horribly lost during it. I had no idea what was going on until Sneasle explained they had evolved. I thought I was dealing with different characters for part of it. It's like your rushing the story, slow down and make sure it's explained. Remember you know what's going on, we don't.

Um... I didin't have trouble. I understnaded it quite well. It's obvious than that you didn't read it right.

i can't wait for the next story!!

To avoid confusion, here is a graph of their genders:
Vaporeon: male
Flareon: male
Jolteon: male
Umbreon: male
Espeon: female
Glaceon: female
Leafeon: female
Chapter 2: Discussion with Alakazam
Glaceon stood where see was confused.
"What is this "evolution" that the pokemon told us about?" asked Glaceon. Leafeon shook her head.
"I don't know, but I feel different!" answered Leafeon. Sudenly Glaceon was knocked over and she turned her head and saw Jolteon on top of her.
"Er, sorry! But I feel as fast as lightning!" said Jolteon. Vaporeon stepped forward.
"Perhaps this evolution as made us stronger in different ways..." said Vaporeon. Glaceon caught a glimpse of Flareon walking out of the cave.
"Flareon! Where are you going?" asked Jolteon, following Flareon. soon every else exept Glaceon was out of the cave. The nerve to leave me here alone! thought Glaceon.
"Wait for me!" called Glaceon. She dashed out of the cave and almost hit Espeon.
"Whoa! Sorry Espeon!" said Glaceon. But Espeon took no notice as she looked into the horizon.
"What are you looking at?" asked Glaceon, trying to see though her head. She caught a glimpse of the breath-taking sight that was in front of her. A small pokemon village was there. A river flowed and young Tyrogue were dropping food into the river as Goldeen jumped out and grabbed the treats out of the air. Hoppip floated through the sky and pokemon shopping at the market. An Alakazam walked by and saw the siblings and walked towards them.
"You are all forms of eevee, correct?" asked the Alakazam.
"Yes. Who are you?" replied Umbreon.
"I am Alamazam. Sneasle told me you would come out soon. Come with me to my house." said Alakazam. The siblings folowed Alakazam into a small house. Alakazam pointed to a carpet and Glaceon made herself comfortable. The other also sat down. Alakazam sat on a fancy chair.
"Welcome, young ones." greeted Alakazam.
"Our parents died last night from something..." said Leafeon gloomly.
"I should of expected that. Grantus was attacking our village last night. Your father and I were very close freinds. I told him that he would be coming. We went to the entrance to our village to defend it, but..." said Alakazam, trailing off.
"But what?" asked Flareon.
"We...we weren't enough to stop him. Umbreon battled very hard, but was injured badly, and he... died..." continued Alakazam.
"We know. He managed to get back to our den before he died. But why aren't you injured, too?" asked Glaceon. Alakazam lifted his neck and revieled a big scar, still moist with crimson blood.
"... oh." said Glaceon. Sudenly a Hitmontop caming through the door.
"Give me all your money, or I'll kill you!" threatened the Hitmonchan. Alakazam picked up his spoons and they bent. The Hitmontop was lifted into the air.
"What the?!" said the Hitmonchan. Two Lucario came through the door and grabbed the Hitmonchan.
"Thank you, Alakazam. We've been after this one for a few years!" said the Lucario, heading to the jail.
"As much as our villages aura is peaceful, not everything is perfect." said Alakazam.
"Wow You're really powerful! With power like that, how did you lose to that trainer?" asked Jolteon. Alakazam made a frown.
"He knew about me. He knew my type so he sent out Mightyena. He knew psychic doesn't effect it. We have been serching for someone who might be able to stop him. Perhaps you might be able to?" asked Alakazam. Glaceon wa stunned.
"There is no way I could do that! said Leafeon. She left Alakazam's house. The other's looked at Alakazam and folowed Leafeon.

It is good except you rushed the story a bit. I am prsuming that Alakazam is very powerful or otherwise he couldn't lift it that fast. And how did the police get there so soon. Me lost.







In Cyan are the mistakes, though most of them are typos.