You should make your chapters a little longer, like the size of 2 and 3 mixed and other then that this is awsome!!!
Excessive smilies hurt eyes D:
~Galar
Two is Alot? Wow, oh well,
BAM
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| Deoxys, the true story. http://www.psypokes.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=13849 |
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| Author: | EXP [ Fri May 11, 2007 1:36 pm ] |
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You should make your chapters a little longer, like the size of 2 and 3 mixed and other then that this is awsome!!!
Excessive smilies hurt eyes D: ~Galar Two is Alot? Wow, oh well, BAM |
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| Author: | DNA [ Fri May 11, 2007 1:43 pm ] |
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No excessive smilies, you are going to tick the mods off. Blazikendude this next chapter is great. It's now going to show where this story will lead after all. Although I do not recall Rayquaza blasting the heck out of the earth. In Emerald version, he just swooped in, calming the combatants, who promptly disappeared. Still, who said things had to be accurate. If you have any ideas (or lack thereof) for spheres, I could help you with that; I'll PM you. - DNA |
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| Author: | Blazikendude [ Fri May 11, 2007 1:47 pm ] |
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SorcererDNA wrote: No excessive smilies, you are going to tick the mods off.
Blazikendude this next chapter is great. It's now going to show where this story will lead after all. Although I do not recall Rayquaza blasting the heck out of the earth. In Emerald version, he just swooped in, calming the combatants, who promptly disappeared. Still, who said things had to be accurate. If you have any ideas (or lack thereof) for spheres, I could help you with that; I'll PM you. - DNA |
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| Author: | DNA [ Fri May 11, 2007 2:06 pm ] |
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Blazikendude wrote: SorcererDNA wrote: No excessive smilies, you are going to tick the mods off.
Blazikendude this next chapter is great. It's now going to show where this story will lead after all. Although I do not recall Rayquaza blasting the heck out of the earth. In Emerald version, he just swooped in, calming the combatants, who promptly disappeared. Still, who said things had to be accurate. If you have any ideas (or lack thereof) for spheres, I could help you with that; I'll PM you. - DNA Sorry for double post, but: That happened in the past also. Why don't you go to the peak of Mount Pyre and talk to the old man. "A green Pokemon came out of the blue and calmed the combatants. The two Pokemon, having stopped fighting, vanished..." Please be warned this is a paraphrase. - DNA |
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| Author: | Blazikendude [ Fri May 11, 2007 3:01 pm ] |
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SorcererDNA wrote: Blazikendude wrote: SorcererDNA wrote: No excessive smilies, you are going to tick the mods off.
Blazikendude this next chapter is great. It's now going to show where this story will lead after all. Although I do not recall Rayquaza blasting the heck out of the earth. In Emerald version, he just swooped in, calming the combatants, who promptly disappeared. Still, who said things had to be accurate. If you have any ideas (or lack thereof) for spheres, I could help you with that; I'll PM you. - DNA Sorry for double post, but: That happened in the past also. Why don't you go to the peak of Mount Pyre and talk to the old man. "A green Pokemon came out of the blue and calmed the combatants. The two Pokemon, having stopped fighting, vanished..." Please be warned this is a paraphrase. - DNA |
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| Author: | Treeckoluv [ Fri May 11, 2007 3:49 pm ] |
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Nice. I like the idea of the spheres and celebi showing them the past. It's a great consept that makes your chapter great. The only flaws are the spelling of words and, as sorcererDNA [happy? I got your name right!] remarked, rayquaza doesn't like, blow up the battle field! |
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| Author: | DNA [ Fri May 11, 2007 5:10 pm ] |
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Yeah... I like my name spelled right. I've had my real last name misspelled all my life (guess what? They still do.), so I like it when my name is spelled correctly. Also, you can just call me DNA (that's what my real-life friends call me); you don't have to type my whole name out. (BTW Treeckoluv, you spelled 'concept' wrong) - DNA |
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| Author: | Treeckoluv [ Fri May 11, 2007 5:12 pm ] |
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SorcererDNA wrote: (BTW Treeckoluv, you spelled 'concept' wrong)
- DNA Lol. I guess it doesn't matter as long as I don't wright a chapter like that! |
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| Author: | Crimson [ Fri May 11, 2007 5:44 pm ] |
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It's 'write' not 'wright.' 'Wright' is a last name... |
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| Author: | DNA [ Fri May 11, 2007 5:56 pm ] |
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Crimson wrote: It's 'write' not 'wright.' 'Wright' is a last name... You didn't catch the joke. He spelled 'concept' wrong in his last post, now he's intentionally spelling 'write' wrong to make it funny. - DNA |
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| Author: | Crimson [ Fri May 11, 2007 6:00 pm ] |
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No I saw that...I'm just really bad at jokes so I thought he had not intentionally misspelled that word. |
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| Author: | Blazikendude [ Sat May 12, 2007 12:08 pm ] |
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I just wanted the past to be more explosive. And here it is in the blink of an eye! CHAPTER7: The castle of the gods "If the forest was destroyed, then why are you sad when the trees are back?" Questionned Deoxys. "They aren't, the hyper beam destroyed the eco-system. These Trees are, mirages." Answered Celebi. "What she says is true." Deoxys heard while the Trees were magicly faded. "who said that?" "He sure is saying that a lot Celebi. It's me, Mew, the mirage pokemon!" The voice said. "The nearest spheres are under the ocean next to us, and that hole over there." Mew said. "So shouldn't I go into the hole since I can't go under water?" Said Deoxys while walking towards the hole. "NO! Don't go in there, that is where the Devil sphere is, at the bottom of that seemingly endless tunel the Devil of pokemon, Giratina!" Yelled Mew and Celebi. "You need to go underwater and get the Sea sphere from Kyogre and also the newly hatched Manaphy's royal stone. But how do you get under there...... I know! Jirachi can wish that a path appears into the ocean, but I don't know where Jirachi went..." said Celebi. "Where Jirachi went? He wanted privacie so he went to the Castle of the Gods to be alone, and told me to make the castle Disapear. I'll bring it back for you!" said Mew while starting to glow. "MMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!" The castle came back and was no longer a mirage. "Thanks Mew!" Commented Deoxys while entering the castle. The castle had an ancient air, he knew that their would be a battle in here, he could sence it. Along the walls he saw portraits of Gods, from Greek mythology to unknown ones. But one portrait, resembled a pokemon. Deoxys ran up to the painting trying to read its name, but it was blurred. It wrote "Ar..e....s". "What could that mean?" Thought Deoxys. As he continued he noticed a writing on the walls that resembled letters, but they seemed, alive. As Deoxys aproached them he started to hear a faint hum. "UNOWN UNOWN" Before Deoxys could react the letters flew out of the wall and started charging at him. "What are these things and what are thay doing?!?" Screamed Deoxys as he dashed for the next room. "Oh no! Their catching up! I only have one option, ACTIVATE SPEED!" Now in his speed from, Deoxys could easily outrun the Unown. Ahead a gate was slowly closing to eliminate his escape, but with his speed he could make it through. Unluckly for him though, a handful of Unown had gotten in too, and they didn't want to play, they wanted busness. "So they want to do this the hard way? Well their getting it! ZAP CANNON!" Even though he was in his speed form, the attack would still finish off the Unown, like it did. The attack hit one of them and the extra electricity zapped the remaining Unown. As they fell to the floor Deoxys quickly ran incase any more Unown came from the walls. By now Deoxys had made quite a bit of progress on getting to Jirachi. But once he entered the last room, he sudenly felt like he was being watched. "What are you doing here? This castle was made for the gods, not some alien!" A white pokemon with a yellow ring on the left side of its body jumped down from the ceilling. "My name is Arceus, the first pokemon ever made the god of pokemon, I even came before Mew!" it stated. "Listen Arceus, I only came here to get Jirachi to help me get into the ocean!" "I wouldn't see why going under water would do you any good, Deoxys!" Arceus said. "How did you know my name?" Shudered Deoxys. "I knew your name before you even existed! But it does not mater, as I am about to Judge Rather live or not! JUDGEMENT!" Arceus fired a strange enrgy feild at Deoxys, sending him across the room. But Deoxys quickly got up and Dodged another Judgement and countered with extreem speed. Arceus was sent towards the wall causing the chandelier to fall on itself. Deoxys aproached the Chandelier preparing himself for a couter attack, but nothing happened. But right as Deoxys lowered his guard the chandelier burst open and arceus came flying out hitting Deoxys in the head. Deoxys was temporarly stunned btu got up quickly and attack Arceus with mega kick. Arceus sent sliding across the room and gave up. "This is not the end, I shall return!" Arceus disapeared from view, leaving a sphere, but it seemed to small. Deoxys rushed out onto a balcony where he saw Jirachi. She turned around. "So you have come to open a pasage into the ocean? Then I shall grant the wish." |
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| Author: | Treeckomaster [ Mon May 14, 2007 4:14 pm ] |
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Perfect in a not perfect way,you misspellt a few words,and forgot about the fact that they dropped spheres not stones(stones were the original) |
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| Author: | ninetales fire [ Wed May 16, 2007 8:09 am ] |
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Wow very good story 8.7/10 the sphere idea is very good but you do seem to misspell a few words. I sugest you write your chapters in Word, use the spell check and copy and paste them here. Anyway so far so good.
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| Author: | Dark Scyther127 [ Wed May 16, 2007 6:17 pm ] |
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i really like this story your writing! 8/10 also, i'd hate to nag, but, you do make some spelling mistakes. that doesn't stop us from reading though!
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| Author: | Blazikendude [ Sun May 27, 2007 11:40 am ] |
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Before any of you think the "Prince of the sea is anime, it's also mentionned in Ranger; so don't go crazy! CHAPTER8: An aquatic battle A strange power began flowing from Jirachi and Deoxys began feeling like he could breath underwater. "By the way Deoxys, that seemingly small sphere that Arceus dropped, that is an 18th of the god sphere. Every time you strike down Arceus he leaves behind another piece of the sphere." Noted Jirachi. "But keep in mind that every time he ancounters you he'll use an ancient item known as a plate; depending on which one he's using He'll gain abilitys and a different type. Now I shall sent you back to the entrance of the underwater city." Deoxys's vision went dark. "Were am I?" Deoxys awoke to find himself next to Zapdos. "Oh yeah, Jirachi warped me back here so.... I guess it's time to go underwater!" He took a step underwater, and then another, until his entire body was under water, and surprisingly he could breath. "Time to get that ocean sphere from Kyogre!" He dove deeper and deeper into the simingly bottomless ocean until he reached what appaered to be a city. He saw hordes of Phione wandering the city. "Amazing! Who could've known their was this much life here!" thought Deoxys. "How are you breathing in here?" Deoxys quickly spun around to see a stronger looking Phione. "Well, um... Jirachi granted me a wish that I could breath underwater..." He was becoming nervous. "Oh, well that explains it! My name is Manaphy; Prince of the sea! It's been very peaceful hear lately..." The creature said. "Well then, if you're the Prince of the sea then I need to see your father; Kyogre." Deoxys was releved of his stress. "You need to see dad? Sure!" Manaphy lead Deoxys though the city. All of the Phione looked at him nervously, but none of them spoke. A strange voice spoke. "Hmm... so we meet again!" "Huh? Who said that?" Manaphy was was looking everywheres to find the speaker. "Me; Arceus!" "WHAT?!?" Arceus jumped down from an altar. "Judgement!" Arceus targeted Manphy and sent him flying with an energy blast. "It's just you and me; deoxys! Come to me elemental powers!" A flashing blue light appeared above Arceus and took the form of a Blue rock. "Give me your power! Come forth Aqua powers!" The plate flew into Arceus, who was begining to change form. Arceus's yellow ring changee to blue, and so did his face. He began swimming all over the place and turned his gaze at Deoxys. Arceus rammed Deoxys in the face, but on the way down Deoxys Mega kicked him. As a result they were both sent in different direction. Arceus quickly recovered and was coming at Deoxys again, but this time Deoxys dashed behind a pillar and mega punched it. The pillar fell on top of Arceus and sent him under to the ground, under pillar. "So you think I'm approching you this time Arceus? Well no!" "Well guess what Deoxys? You don't have to! JUDGEMENT!" A huge wave of energy shattered the pillar and smacked Deoxys in the stomach. "Uh! EXTREEMSPEED!" Deoxys ran at the speed of light and hit arceus in the back, sending him into a wall. Arceus was suck there and couldn't move so Deoxys began charging electricity. "ZAP CANNON!" Deoxys sent a hord of electricity towards Arceus. Leftover of the attack were streaming all over his potential rival, who couldn't take it and fell the the sand. |
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| Author: | StevensNightmare [ Sun May 27, 2007 1:05 pm ] |
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Oh, this is awesome. But why are Deoxys and Arceus already arch-rivals? They've hardly known each other for a day, yet they collide like lifetime enemies. Do I get the sense that Deoxys, in trying to claim his full potential, is going have to usurp the power of the creator and take it as his own? |
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| Author: | Blazikendude [ Sun May 27, 2007 2:57 pm ] |
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StevensNightmare wrote: Oh, this is awesome. But why are Deoxys and Arceus already arch-rivals? They've hardly known each other for a day, yet they collide like lifetime enemies. Do I get the sense that Deoxys, in trying to claim his full potential, is going have to usurp the power of the creator and take it as his own? |
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| Author: | spiderweb78 [ Wed Jul 18, 2007 2:05 pm ] |
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the story is good so far but when are you going to start writing again? you left us in suspense 
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