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 The Search For Wisdom 

Should I redo/change Chapter 2?
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 The Search For Wisdom 
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Pokemon Master
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Okay, I won't be writing this too often, about one a week or so, but I have a couple of ideas for a good fanfic. Excuse my typos, they seem to crop up everywhere, so watch out for them. As suggested, I'll type this on word, so that I can check my spelling errors.

You must be over thirteen to read this Fanfic, just because it seems like the right sort of number to certify it as.

I want feedback, of course, but I don't want it to be just criticism. It must have a suggestion how to make it better, not just "lol it woz crap."


It is a story about a guy called Jake, and he is a Pokemon Trainer. I don’t want to say too much, I’d like to let it unfold in the story.

Okay, here goes.


Chapter One – The Fire and the Forest wrote:


The heat distorted Jake’s view; not that there was much of it, just wisps of fire, flicking in and out of existence. There was nothing here, but darkness and flame, the two complementing each other, conspiring to surround and choke Jake. He looked on, but could see very little; a man, turning. His back was to Jake, but his head was slowly rotating, so that it would eventually face him.
A sudden, overwhelming fear swept across him, and at that point, the man’s face became fully visible.

Jake woke up, sweating. The gripping fright that had held him in the dream now released its hold, and his breathing gradually fell back to its normal pace. He checked his belt, the feel of the Poke Balls giving him courage, and he lay back down. Jake was lying at the base of a large tree. Though it was Summer, leaves did not grow on it, and for a while, Jake just sat there, head back, looking up through the maze of twigs overhead, making strange shapes and objects from them.
It was only just turning dark. The sun was moving lower in the sky, and was throwing exaggerated shadows out of the trees, wiry and dark. Jake was sitting on the highest hill in all of the Emerald Forest, and it gave him the best of views at any time of the year. He would spend many hours just sitting there with his Pokemon, or just on his own, looking over that great distance, the expanse of trees, wide, open fields with the occasional herd of Tauros, and the sweep of clouds that took on the appearance of an artist’s stroke on a page.
He had grown up in and around this forest. His house lay on the outskirts of Amethyst Town where he had been brought up and his knowledge about the woods and the Pokemon in it had grown vast.
Jake was well known about the area; he was polite, and his skills at battling Pokemon had not resulted in him becoming arrogant. It had just been his sixteenth birthday, and his Grandmother had bought him a simple present – a Luxury Ball. “You’ll capture a fine Pokemon with that,” she had said as he had unwrapped the gift. It’s sleek black and gold exterior gave it the look of kingliness, of majesty. Jake had at that point given his grandmother a hug, and then tended to the Persian that wanted to be let in.
Jake suddenly stood up and pulled his coat about him. The sun had entirely vanished now, and though there was still a little light, a crisp breeze had sprung up, causing him to shiver. He remembered back to that day in March, six years ago, when his life had changed.
Jake had been out in the forest, sitting under that same tree, playing with his Pokemon. He had returned home because the weather had taken a turn for the worse, and was greeted by a worrying sight. The door of his small cottage was slightly ajar. This would not have bothered many people greatly, but for Jake, it put a frown on his face. His mother had always been very particular about things like making sure to close the door, or shutting cupboard doors.
He entered the house quietly, as if he was trespassing, not wanting to disturb the owner of the cottage. “Mum?” he had whispered. “Dad?” Jake tiptoed up the stairs, though the heavy rain that fell was loud enough to have muffled any foot fall. He went into their bedroom and had to step back out. His father lay face down on the bed. Red dripped from the cover on the bed, forming little puddles of blood that surrounded him, as if it was some kind of ancient ritual.
He had run from the place, out into the dirt track and all the way to his Grandmother’s house, tears streaming down his face.
He shuddered and pushed the memory to the back of his mind. His Mother was not found anywhere. It was as if she had never existed. Rumors had circulated the little village about how "she must have killed him so that she could run off with that man from Potters Lane,” but such rumors were soon dispersed when Jake’s Grandmother and her Kadabra would visit the gossips.
Jake left the cover of the forest and got to his Grandmother’s house. Her cottage was smaller than his old one, but it made it all the cozier. It seemed that a glow emanated from within the tiny house, that warmed whoever had the fortune of stepping inside. He removed his muddy shoes, shouted an “I’m back” and started to ascend the stairs. Jake took off his coat, draped it over his chair and then sat down at his desk. He took out a wad of paper and began to write the next part of his diary.
“I still owe you that trip to the Safari Zone,” came a voice. His Grandmother stood at the door, leaning heavily on her walking stick. Her back was bent, but it made it look like she was going to tell you something. That, coupled with her twinkling eyes and kindly smile, made you look forward to whatever it is she was going to say. “Do you remember that Christmas when I bought you that paper?” she asked softly. She would never raise her voice, for she did not deem it necessary. “I said to you that I would take you to the Safari Zone all the way in Fuchsia City if you would keep writing your diary for a month, and yet here you are, three years down the line, and still writing it everyday.”
Jake smiled. “It was a good idea,” he said simply.
His Grandmother smiled back and turned away, shuffling down the stairs, one at a time.
He sighed, content. His life was satisfactory. More than that, comfortable. He wished that nothing would change.
But nothing stays the same, and Jake’s life was no different.



I’m sorry for the lack of action, but I promise, it will get better. I can’t see the point in writing the person’s history outside of the story, otherwise it gets pretty boring if there’s nothing to separate the battles with.

I’ll write more soon, just tell me your thoughts.

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Last edited by The Obsidian Wolf on Mon Dec 25, 2006 2:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Dec 08, 2006 3:34 pm
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Ace Trainer
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It's a very good opening to the story. It tells you just the right amount about the character. I look forward to reading the future chapters. :) 10/10


Fri Dec 08, 2006 3:42 pm
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Pokemon Master
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Thank you very much! *Runs off to write the next chapter, before realising that one doesn't have legs while typing, nor does one need them in order to write.* :D

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Fri Dec 08, 2006 4:03 pm
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Umm is this story related to pokemon?

Dun mind but im checking my new sig..
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:21 am
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Pokemon Master
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The Obsidian Wolf wrote:


Jake had been out in the forest, sitting under that same tree, playing with his Pokemon.



The Obsidian Wolf wrote:


....and then tended to the Persian that wanted to be let in.




The Obsidian Wolf wrote:


...wide, open fields with the occasional herd of Tauros



The Obsidian Wolf wrote:


...I would take you to the Safari Zone all the way in Fuchsia City



No, these references to the game/anime are all completely coincidental, I'd put them down to typos if I were you.

There's a place for you to test signatures, aptly called "Testing and advertising," whereby the text underneath explains that you "test sigs here!" Bit of a giveaway, in my opinion.

Anyway, to those who read it, and are interested, the next chapter should be coming on Sunday I think, but I won't promise.

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Wed Dec 13, 2006 11:17 am
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Sorry, this one took me ages to write, and with school and such, took me even longer. Here we go, Chapter Two!

Chapter Two: The Shadow Prophecy wrote:


Jake awoke the next morning, a beam of sunlight illuminating his room. He got up and dressed quickly, but quietly, so as not to wake his Grandmother; she was getting older, and needed more sleep as each day passed.
Within half an hour of waking, Jake had managed to get into the heart of the forest. It had been such a long time since he had been there in the morning, and he missed the way the leaves looked alive on the floor, due to the shadows of the branches skittering across them.
Before long, he had arrived at the lake. Despite its size, hardly anyone knew of its existence; stories of colossal Pokemon had dissuaded even the villagers in traversing the inner most depths of the forest.
It was for this reason that shocked Jake when he discovered a man sitting at the shore of the Great Lake, deep in thought, his back to Jake. His skin was slightly tanned, and he wore a faded toga, accompanied by a blue, sleeveless shirt of some description.
“Hm…” the man said, apparently aware of Jake’s presence. “You must be the one then.” He stood up and turned around. His eyes were piercing, and alert. He steadied himself with a staff that in Jake’s opinion, he didn’t need, and surveyed Jake further. He nodded, as if convinced of something by what he saw.
“Yes, I’m almost certain now,” he said with finality. “My name is Spenser,” he said.
“I’m Jake, a Pokemon trainer,” said Jake.
Spenser nodded, “I know,” he said. “Would you like to battle?” he asked, releasing a fairly large Pokemon. Spenser didn’t seem to even think that Jake might have said no, and he was evidently right, for Jake responded by opening his own Pokeball, revealing his Lairon.
Spenser’s Pokemon was a green Pokemon, almost cylindrical, if it wasn’t for its tapered appearance. It shared Spenser’s glaring eyes, and it spread its wings, that Jake had not noticed at first, and let out a shrill note.
“Just the one Pokemon?” Jake asked.
Spenser nodded. “We shall begin,” he said. “Xatu, Calm Mind.”
The Pokemon became stiller than it already had been, a soft blue aura surrounding it.
Jake was a little unsure as to why he had chosen such an attack; his Pokemon largely dealt with Physical attacks, so why raise the Special Defence stat?
“Lairon, use Tackle!” The metal Pokemon bounded toward Xatu. Jake was hoping to fool Spenser into underestimating him, but it was to no avail.
“Teleport!” Spenser’s abrupt command was followed by another, as Xatu teleported to safety. “Psybeam, followed by a Surf attack!”
Though Jake had not seen this Pokemon before, he was fairly sure that it would not be able to learn that attack, even by a Hidden Machine! The green Pokemon fired a multitude of colourful beams toward Lairon, and Jake’s Pokemon skidded backwards. Then, Xatu was surrounded by the blue aura again, and a wave of water came out of the lake, and thundered down onto Jake’s Pokemon.
“That was a good battle,” said Spenser. Jake recalled Lairon, and shook his head.
“No, I don’t think it was,” he said. “You defeated me so easily, how do you have such power?” Jake was only sometimes defeated, and it was rare for him to lose without even inflicting damage on his opponent.
Spenser laughed. “Power is only a small aspect of the world of Pokemon.” He put Xatu back into the ball, and shook Jake’s hand.
They started to walk through the forest, back the way that Jake had come. “Your Pokemon is very powerful to have withstood a Psybeam, boosted by a Calm Mind,” he said.
“Psychic attacks are not effective against Steel types,” Jake replied.
Spenser’s smile grew wider. “You know your type advantages and disadvantages. Impressive for a trainer of your age.”
Jake thought it time to offer some advice back to the old man. “Age is not one of the aspects of Pokemon that you were talking of.” It had sounded ruder than he thought, and he blushed. Spenser, however, found this highly amusing, and laughed heartily.
“Who are you?” Jake asked. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I haven’t ever been defeated so easily before.”
”I’m from a far away region, a place called Hoenn,” he said. “I trained every day at a great battling place, where my Pokemon and knowledge became great. I was even the leader of one of the sections there.”
Jake was pleased; it was reassuring to know that he hadn’t been defeated by a random trainer, but by a professional. “So why did you come here, to Thiode?”
Spenser’s smile vanished. “My Xatu has the ability to look into the future and see what lies before us. Though the future that Xatu sees is not always the future that will be, there is a chance that ours is the one that he foretells.” He took a deep breath, and continued. “After much meditation, I learned to communicate with Psychic Pokemon. Xatu saw the future, and recounted it to me. It was…horrible.” He looked clearly shaken. Jake felt he should do something, or say something to comfort the man, but he did not. “I saw a future in which the entire world was in chaos,” he said. Spenser motioned to the trees. “All of this, the sky, the forest, everything was either gone, or in the process of being destroyed. I came to Thiode to look for answers, to find out how, or even if, I can avert this catastrophe.”
They had stopped in a clearing. Jake was half expecting Spenser to let out another laugh, telling him that it was all a joke, but he knew that he would not.
”After doing much research, I discovered that there was a prophecy of this a long time ago, foretold by Pokemon that now exist in legend. This was what it said;

It has been told that a massive imbalance in nature that will cause the Titans to wage war for supremacy, over seen by Darkness.”

Jake frowned. It was all very cryptic.

“It hasn’t ended there,” he said. “There’s a little more;

“The prophecy states that the four elements must join with one to stop the imbalance from taking place. That way, the Darkness will never fall.”

Jake was more than baffled. “Right…so you what does this have to do with me? Earlier at the lake, you said that “I was the one.” What did you mean?”
“The elements that are referred to in the legend, Fire, Earth, Water, and Air, are represented by four trainers of Pokemon. Xatu directed me to you.”
It was too much for Jake to take in. He shook his head. “I don’t know, are you sure your Xatu didn’t take one too many Carbos?” Spenser laughed.
“I’m perfectly sure, Xatu is my oldest Pokemon, you are the Guardian of one of the Elements. Only time will tell you which it is.”
A sudden, overwhelming feeling of terror swept across Jake, and he fell to the ground. Fire sprung up about him, and Spenser’s face transformed into his father’s, lifeless, and bloody. “Come to me, Jake. Come to me and rest for eternity.” Jake’s father’s voice was hollow, and terrifying. “Come to me. Jake, your time has come. Submit to the inevitable, and join with me…”
Jake opened his mouth to protest, but he couldn’t move. There was the sound of laughter, and Jake’s father leant closer, and he could see the dried blood on his face. “Jake. You must come with me. Do you accept?”
”No.” Jake said with defiance. At that, his Father’s face became shapeless, and burst into flame. There was a terrifying roar that made Jake want to scream out loud, but he was paralysed with fear. Then he woke up, Spenser leaning over him.
“Jake, are you okay?” he said. Spenser was sweating, and there was a clear note of panic in his voice. Jake saw his Xatu, the blue aura surrounding it once again.
Jake stood up. “What happened?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” Spenser said, “I think you were being possessed by something, a Ghost Pokemon of some sort.” He motioned to Xatu, that seemed to be concentrating with all its might, and said to Jake, “I had Xatu take on board the spirit that took hold of you, and get rid of it, but it seems to be having some trouble.” He was right, Jake could see Xatu shaking uncontrollably, wings spread out, the aura turning a darker colour as each second passed. Then there was an explosion of darkness, something that Jake was never able to describe accurately, and a great dark mist ascended into the sky, accompanied by hollow laughter that Jake had heard a couple of moments before.
Jake was terrified. The terror that he had felt had been unrivalled; Not even the dream of the turning man was as vivid as that. That’s because it wasn’t a dream, Jake thought. It was real.
“Xatu!!” Spenser’s cry broke Jake’s thoughts and he turned to see the Psychic Pokemon lying on the floor, exhausted. “Jake, how far is your house?” he demanded.
“A couple of minutes away, we have some medicine there.” Spenser nodded and recalled his Pokemon. Then the two of them ran through the forest, with a dark shadow following…


Sorry, I know its long. More will be explained in the next chapter... :)

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Wed Dec 20, 2006 11:07 am
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Another very intersesting and good chapter. I felt that something was missing though. I'm not quite sure what...

I also think Spenser had a change in personality through the chapter as well. At the beggining it seemed like he was a wise old man, that could do anything to help his pokémon. But during the end he asked Jake where his house was when his Xatu got injured. It came as a shock to me because I would think that a wise trainer would have his own medicines handy, and maybe a built hut somewhere.

Overall, this chapter was very good! It gave a whole new meaning to the story and made the reader want to go on. So another good chapter Obsidian, great job! 8.5/10 :)


Thu Dec 21, 2006 3:56 pm
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Dark_Yoshi wrote:
Another very intersesting and good chapter. I felt that something was missing though. I'm not quite sure what...


Agreed. I'm going to work harder on the next one, I was really writing that one to make sure I didn't fall behind... :oops:

Dark_Yoshi wrote:


I also think Spenser had a change in personality through the chapter as well. At the beggining it seemed like he was a wise old man, that could do anything to help his pokémon. But during the end he asked Jake where his house was when his Xatu got injured. It came as a shock to me because I would think that a wise trainer would have his own medicines handy, and maybe a built hut somewhere.


...good point. I'll develop Spenser's character further too. I was kind of trying to put forward the legend as opposed to character building.
Dark_Yoshi wrote:

Overall, this chapter was very good! It gave a whole new meaning to the story and made the reader want to go on. So another good chapter Obsidian, great job! 8.5/10 :)


Thanks for your pointers; I know what to do regarding the next chapter now. Thank you! The next chapter should be around the day after Boxing day, the 27th. But again, I'm not promising (I have a ton of homework that I should be getting on with... :wink: )



I've re read chapter two, and it's awful. I would like to redo it and make it much better. I won't change the story (too much :P ) I'll just add more to it and make it overall much better. Just vote in the little poll at the top and I'll change it if enough people say yes by a large enough margin. I'll probably change it anyway, but I want to see if anyone actually wants it changed. :wink:

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Fri Dec 22, 2006 4:03 pm
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<font color="999999">W00t! I didn´t know about the great potential of this story to become one of the best ones (pokemon-related ones, of course).

I guess it´s true the fact that this chapter made the story even more interesting, and I think u (Obsidian) have redo that 2nd one (while you don´t change mayor things, it´ll be okay) AND if u said that it was awful; ohhh, then I´ve got to read the 3rd one.

But... I don´t think your chapters are that long, y´know? well, probably because some chapters in my story are a way to go, but anyways, keep at this, boy!

One thing, when writting chapters, use the "Paragraphs" more separated, I got lost a few times when reading it because u didn´t separate the paragraphs so good, and also after a dialogue is best to paragraph the sentenses.

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Wed Dec 27, 2006 12:07 pm
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Okay, will do. So, put bigger spaces between dialogue, like;

"Hello, I am a Pokemon Trainer of sorts," said some random dude.

"Yes, as am I," said another random dude.

"Wow! Two of you, primed for battle, one of me, I make that Pimm's o clock!"

((Only funny if you live in England...even then, it isn't really all that funny...))

And I am currently re doing the second chapter anyway...(don't know why I keep the poll going...)

The plot will get better as it goes on. I promise. Also, I will be adding a couple of things that some may dislike, for example, the history of Giovanni, and other such things (though that is just a working progress.)
I won't go overboard, changing massive things, like putting that Pikachu evolved into Mew, but I will be rewriting the origins of some of the legendary Pokemon. It shouldn't be too grounbreaking though, (although the Deoxys one will be...odd...)

Yeah, the second chapter should be done within a week; we're moving rooms and such like, so access to the computer is limited.

Thanks for the feedback so far peeps, keep it coming!

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Wed Dec 27, 2006 1:33 pm
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Please excuse the double post.
I have decided that this fanfic should be temporarily locked; the plot is still only half formed in my mind, and I don't want to have to go back and edit bits in/out of chapters so it makes sense. For this reason, I am going to write the first ten chapters and sort out the plot before asking for this to be re opened.

Thanks for your feedback so far though, its certainly given me an idea for the next couple of chapters. :wink:

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Tue Jan 02, 2007 4:15 am
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