OK guys im making a fan fic called "The story of a great hero soon". Well here is the main character


his name is NAVE


this is Julia Naves crush


The rival Blake is really cocky and not that good at pokemon battles

The sprites are made by kizaraa

CHAPTER 1


Ding dong

"Nave can you get that honey" Naves mom yelled from up the stairs while doing the dishes. Nave ran down stairs ,opened the door and peeked one eye out. It was julia his crush. He was surprised to see her there because he was considered a loser in school. "Hi" said Julia in a happy high voice. Nave was speechless and didnt know what to say. " Huh huh hi" Nave said in his screechy voice "why are you here" he asked. "I just wanted to tell you that you are neede at Prof. Pine's lab" Julia said. "Mom i will be right back" Nave yelled. " Ok honey be back for lunch" his mom yelled back. While Nave and Julia were walking there hands touched but Nave pulled his hand back in a embaressed way. " So Nave ummmmmm you know why your coming to the lab right?" Julia said. " I have know. Clue do you?" Nave said shyly. " You are getting your first pokemon" julia said happily. Nave couldnt believe his ears. " Are you serious" Nave said in amazement. " I cant believe this is the day i get my first pokemon". " Who do i get to choose from?''. "Well you get to choose from every starter in all the regions" Julia said." There is also one shiny starter but I cant tell you which one". " I already picked mine out" Julia said. " Who did you pick" Nave said. " i picked " Julia said happily". " Who will I choose " Nave sid in his mind.

TO BE CONTINUED...[/i]

hmm! good jod man, but, don

ok, the idea is cool, but the whoel thing aint working. Read the rules and you'll see the story will get old REAL fast if you use instead of onix. People will hate it. try to change that, k? again, the idea is great. keep up the good work.

Alright...I'll be honest...I normally don't read things on the internet if it looks chaotic. WE do it paritally because it's hard to read and for some of us it hurts our eyes when it's all crammed together. And well, this looked chaotic but I read a little bit of it. So I'll give you some tips for when people like me show up.

Start a new paragraph EVERY time another character begins to speak. Gramatically that's correct and it makes reading a whole lot easier.

From what little I've read of it I can tell that 1] there isn't much description and 2] it's repetative. Who wants to read at the end of, or beginning, sentence 'he said,' or 'she said'? I don't, I'd get bored.I'll tell you this right now...work on your typing.

I believe what you meant was...And for crying out loud, don't use the emoticons. It's lazy and shoddy when a reader sees it in a written piece. It gives them the impression that the writer doesn't care about the appearce of the work, or its quality. This gives the reader a feeling of, 'why should I read this?'

______________________________________________

AAMB:



For the second way a good link to find loads of colors and their hexidecimal code is Visibone.

ok guys im working on it.

Awful grammar. Littered with spelling mistakes and nothing original.

As for embarrassed:

Eh
My
Bloody
Aunt
Rita
Runs
A
S e x
Shop

You'll never forget it now!

The descriptions were bland, not enough adjectives or participial phrases. Some emotions such as excitement or nerves would add to the story.

You aint going to be an author son.

I agree on everything but this. It's not fair to say that, it's obvious that if Heart is to become an author it will take LOADS of work, but you can't say that. This is one of those comments I absolutely loathe in critques for any kind of art. You might as well tell him bluntly to stop writing.

He may very well enjoy writing, and as long as he is willing to learn he has a chance of being published. Now, I know I'm not the best writer, and my writing probably used to be [as far as grammar and story line goes] worse than this. Of course back then I absolutely despised writing and I thought you were insane if you suggested I do it for fun. My point is, with time and practice he can greatly improve. Never say someone isn't capable of doing something just because they aren't skilled at something yet, unless you want to make yourself look like an ignorant prick.

yeah dude. besides, that's flaming. and flaming against the rules. another thing. mabye it's just a simple mistake. a few of them. When he cleanse them up who's to say he won't be a perfect writier? eh? what's next? You gonna call me a terrible person cuz I can't spell emensly?

*to author* don't listen to him dude. He's one of those people we call terrible critics. Just do what I do and learn from the things they say. Though I think you will be a writer. and a darn good one to.

Eeeek! Guess I'm not popular. Yeh maybe I went too far. What exactly is flaming? Saying something is of poor quality within reason is justified right? Or do we have to praise everything anyone says. You're flaming my comment. So there.

OK, about spelling. Posts are quick reads to answer questions etc. But a story could be put through a spell checker.

Plan your story beforehand. Develop the characters, setting and make it original. E. g. rather than just starting off to pick a starter pok

Flamming is the irrational and unnecessary comments that put a person down.

I can't tell you how many times I've told Heart to clean up his typing and grammar, which is essentially what you did. The difference is that I haven't told him to stop writing.

He should try to improve his writing, I whole heartidly agree but there are ways to do tell a person they have room to improve without wording it rudely.

Yes a story should be put through spell checker, and one should make it appear the best that one can but in this day and age with so many people using chatspeak constantly, proper spelling and attempted proper grammar is becoming rarer. You should recognize this.

The writing process depends on the writer. The only thing I've planned for most of my stories is the basic plot line and ending. You don't have to necessarily plan every detail before hand, if you do you may end up pigeon holeing yourself and your story suffers because of it.

Many good stories, novels included, start in a similar manner. People like the familiar, if things are too outlandish a writer is liable for pushing people away. And if you're talking about originality, none of the things you suggested aren't very original.

well the 2nd chapter should be up tomorrow

Alright guys i like writing but im not that good at grammer. I try really hard. DONT BE MEAN

<font color="00CC00">I hope you will ELABORATE your story, ELABORATING a good story is the way FanFics can reach a high popularity, say... Pokemon: The Last War, by Psyches. </font> <font color="990000"><----{ ! I did it! }</font>

Changed color?

Chapter 2: New Friends

"Here we are" Julia said. Nave walked into the lab with a grin on his face. Then suddenly at the corner of his eye sees his rival Blake. "So Nave you goona go say hi or what" Prof. pine siad. " Oh hi Prof. Pine". " Is it time for me to pick a pokemon". "Yes" Prof. Pine said. " Here you pick a pokemon at random". Nave closed his eyes and picked up a poke ball out of a machine. " Go POKEMON" Nave siad nerviously. " Bulba Bulba bulbasaur" Naves pokemon said. " WoW a bulbasaur" Julia said. Suddenly Blake rips a poke ball out of Prof. Pines hands. " Go Pokemon" Blake yelled. " char char charmander" Blakes pokemon yelled. Nave thought to his self " Something is really funny about this pokemon". Wow you got the shiny charmander" Prof. Pine said happily.
END OF CHAPTER 2

<font color="999999">And... then?...

Man! I thought u learned about our comments, is this really the WHOLE Chapter #2? I hope u r kidding with that "END OF CHAPTER 2" you wrote there... I must say u dissapointed me.
But do not feel bad, I hope a sudden, amazing improvement in your writting skills (Please, practice) and... BTW... did you read the FanFiction rules?

And btw, yeah Crimson, I did change the font color, Thankz to yo! </font>